THE  LINCOLN 

STORY-BOOK 


^'~u\  f  4 

. 'i  ry  d^  I 

o'RNIA 

SAN  DIEGO  J 


.. 


THE  LINCOLN 
STORY   BOOK 


A  Judicious  Collection  of  the  Best  Stories 

and  Anecdotes  of  the  Great  President, 

Many  Appearing  Here  for  the 

First  Time  in  Book  Form 


COMPILED  BY 

HENRY  L.  WILLIAMS 


O.  W.  DILLINGHAM  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 


Copyright,  1907 
By  G.  W.  Dfflingham  Co. 


(Issued  March,   1907) 
Net 


[The  Lincoln  Story  Book] 


PREFACE. 

The  Abraham  Lincoln  Statue  at  Chicago  is  accepted 
as  the  typical  Westerner  of  the  forum,  the  rostrum,  and 
the  tribune,  as  he  stood  to  be  inaugurated  under  the 
war-cloud  in  1861.  But  there  is  another  Lincoln  as 
dear  to  the  common  people — the  Lincoln  of  happy  quota- 
tions, the  speaker  of  household  words.  Instead  of  the 
erect,  impressive,  penetrative  platform  orator  we  see 
a  long,  gaunt  figure,  divided  between  two  chairs  for  com- 
fort, the  head  bent  forward,  smiling  broadly,  the  lips 
curved  in  laughter,  the  deep  eyes  irradiating  their  caves 
of  wisdom;  the  story-telling  Lincoln,  enjoying  the  en- 
joyment he  gave  to  others. 

This  talkativeness,  as  Lincoln  himself  realized,  was  a 
very  valuable  asset.  Leaving  home,  he  found,  in  a  ven- 
ture at  "Yankee  notion-pedling,"  that  glibness  meant 
three  hundred  per  cent,  in  disposing  of  flimsy  wares.  In 
the  camp  of  the  lumber-jacks  and  of  the  Indian  rangers 
he  was  regarded  as  the  pride  of  the  mess  and  the  in- 
spirator of  the  tent.  From  these  stages  he  rose  to  be  a 
graduate  of  the  "college"  of  the  yarn-spinner — the  vil- 
lage store,  where  he  became  clerk. 

The  store  we  know  is  the  township  vortex  where  all 
assemble  to  "swap  stories"  and  deal  out  the  news.  Lin- 
coln, from  behind  the  counter — his  pulpit — not  merely 
repeated  items  of  information  which  he  had  heard,  but 
also  recited  doggerel  satire  of  his  own  concoction,  pun- 
ning and  emitting  sparks  of  wit.  Lincoln  was  hailed  as 
the  "capper"  of  any  "good  things  on  the  rounds." 

Even  then  his  friends  saw  the  germs  of  the  statesman 
in  the  lank,  homely,  crack-voiced  hobbledehoy.  Their 
praise  emboldened  him  to  stand  forward  as  the  spokes- 
man at  schoolhouse  meetings,  lectures,  log-rollings,  husk- 
ing* auctions.,  fairs,  and  so  on — the  folk-meets  of  our 


ti  PREFACE. 

people.  One  watching  him  in  1830  said  foresightedly : 
"Lincoln  has  touched  land  at  last." 

In  commencing  electioneering,  he  cultivated  the  farm- 
ing population  and  their  ways  and  diction.  He  learned 
by  their  parlance  and  Bible  phrases  to  construct  "short 
sentences  of  small  words,"  but  he  had  all  along  the  idea 
that  "the  plain  people  are  more  easily  influenced  by  a 
broad  and  humorous  illustration  than  in  any  other  way." 
It  is  the  Anglo-Saxon  trait,  distinguishing  all  great 
preachers,  actors,  and  authors  of  that  breed. 

He  acknowledged  his  personal  defects  with  a  frank- 
ness unique  and  startling;  told  a  girl  whom  he  was 
courting  that  he  did  not  believe  any  woman  could  fancy 
him ;  publicly  said  that  he  could  not  be  in  looks  what  was 
rated  a  gentleman;  carried  the  knife  of  "the  homeliest 
man" ;  disparaged  himself  like  a  Brutus  or  a  Pope  Sixtus. 
But  the  mass  relished  this  "plain,  blunt  man  who  spoke 
right  on." 

He  talked  himself  into  being  the  local  "Eminence," 
but  did  not  succeed  in  winning  the  election  when  first 
presented  as  "the  humble"  candidate  for  the  State  Sen- 
ate. He  stood  upon  his  "imperfect  education,"  his  not 
belonging  "to  the  first  families,  but  the  seconds";  and 
his  shunning  society  as  debarring  him  from  the  study 
he  required. 

Repulsed  at  the  polls,  he  turned  to  the  law  as  another 
channel,  supplementing  forensic  failings  by  his  artful 
story-telling.  Judges  would  suspend  business  till  "that 
Lincoln  fellow  got  through  with  his  yarn-spinning"  or 
underhandedly  would  direct  the  usher  to  get  the  rich  bit 
Lincoln  told,  and  repeat  it  at  the  recess. 

Mrs.  Lincoln,  the  first  to  weigh  this  man  justly,  said 
proudly,  that  "Lincoln  was  the  great  favorite  every- 
where." 

Meanwhile  his  fellow  citizens  stupidly  tired  of  this 
Merry  Andrew — they  "sent  him  elsewhere  to  talk  other 
folks  to  death" — to  the  State  House,  where  he  served 
several  terms  creditably,  but  was  mainly  the  fund  of 
jollity  to  the  lobby  and  the  chartered  jester  of  the  law- 
makers. 


PREFACE.  m 

Such  loquacious  witchery  fitted  him  for  the  Congress. 
Elected  to  the  House,  he  was  immediately  greeted  by 
connoisseurs  of  the  best  stamp — President  Martin  van 
Buren,  "prince  of  good  fellows;"  Webster,  another  in- 
tellect, saturnine  in  repose  and  mercurial  in  activity;  the 
convivial  Senator  Douglas,  and  the  like.  These  formed 
the  rapt  ring  around  Lincoln  in  his  own  chair  in  the 
snug  corner  of  the  congressional  chat-room.  Here  he 
perceived  that  his  rusticity  and  shallow  skimmings  placed 
him  under  the  trained  politicians.  It  was  here,  too,  that 
his  stereotyped  prologue  to  his  digressions — "That  re- 
minds me" — became  popular,  and  even  reached  England, 
where  a  publisher  so  entitled  a  joke-book.  Lincoln  dis- 
placed "Sam  Slick,"  and  opened  the  way  to  Artemus 
Ward  and  Mark  Twain.  The  longing  for  elevation  was 
fanned  by  the  association  with  the  notables — Buchanan, 
to  be  his  predecessor  as  President;  Andrew  Johnson,  to 
be  his  vice  and  successor;  Jefferson  Davis  and  Alex.  H. 
Stephens,  President  and  Vice-President  of  the  C.  S.  A.; 
Adams,  Winthrop,  Sumner,  and  the  galaxy  over  whom 
his  solitary  star  was  to  shine  dazzlingly. 

A  sound  authority  who  knew  him  of  old  pronounced 
him  "as  good  at  telling  an  anecdote  as  in  the  '3o's."  But 
the  fluent  chatterer  reined  in  and  became  a  good  listener. 
He  imbibed  all  the  political  ruses,  and  returned  home 
with  his  quiver  full  of  new  and  victorious  arrows  for 
the  Presidential  campaign,  for  his  bosom  friends  urged 
him  to  try  to  gratify  that  ambition,  preposterous  when 
he  first  felt  it  attack  him.  He  had  grown  out  of  the 
sensitiveness  that  once  made  him  beg  the  critics  not  to 
put  him  out  by  laughing  at  his  appearance.  He  formed 
a  boundless  arsenal  of  images  and  similes ;  he  learned 
the  American  humorist's  art  not  to  parade  the  joke  with 
a  discounting  smile.  He  worked  out  Euclid  to  brace  his 
fantasies,  as  the  steel  bar  in  a  cement  fence-post  makes 
it  irresistibly  firm.  But  he  allowed  his  vehement  fervor 
to  carry  him  into  such  flights  as  left  the  reporters  un- 
able to  accompany  his  sentences  throughout.  - 

He  was  recognized  as  the  destined  national  mouth- 
piece. He  was  not  of  the  universities,  but  of  the  uni- 


iv  PREFACE. 

verse;  the  Mississippi  of  Eloquence,  uncultivated,  stu- 
pendous, enriched  by  sweeping  into  the  innumerable  side 
bayous  and  creeks. 

Elected  and  re-elected  President,  he  continued  to  be 
a  surprise  to  those  who  shrank  from  levity.  Lincoln 
was  their  puzzle;  for  he  had  a  sweet  sauce  for  every 
"roast,"  and  showed  the  smile  of  invigoration  to  every 
croaking  prophet.  His  state  papers  suited  the  war 
tragedies,  but  still  he  delighted  the  people  with  those 
tales,  tagging  all  the  events  of  what  may  be  called  the 
Lincoln  era.  The  camp  and  the  press  echoed  them 
though  the  Cabinet  frowned — secretaries  said  that  they 
exposed  the  illustrious  speaker  to  charges  of  "clownish- 
ness  and  buffoonery."  But  this  perennial  good-humor 
— perfectly  poised  by  the  people — alleviated  the  strain  of 
withstanding  that  terrible  avalanche  threatening  to  dis- 
member and  obliterate  the  States  and  bury  all  the  virtues 
and  principles  of  our  forefathers. 

Even  his  official  letters  were  in  the  same  vein.  Re- 
garding the  one  to  England  which  meant  war,  he  asked 
of  Secretary  Seward  if  its  language  would  be  compre- 
hended by  our  minister  at  the  Victorian  court,  and  added 
dryly:  "Will  James,  the  coachman  at  the  door — will  he 
understand  it  ?"  Receiving  the  answer,  he  nodded  grimly 
and  said:  "Then  it  goes!"  It  went,  and  there  was  no 
war  with  the  Bull. 

Time  has  refuted  the  purblind  purists,  the  chilly  "wet- 
blankets";  and  the  Lincoln  stories,  bright,  penetrative, 
piquant,  and  pertinent  are  our  classics.  Hand  in  hand 
with  "Father  Abraham,"  the  President  next  to  Washing- 
ton in  greatness,  walks  "Old  Abe,  the  Story-teller." 


CONTENTS. 


PACK 

"Abe,      A      Thundering      Old 
Glory!"    158 

Abutment     Was      Dubersome, 

The 75 

"Accuse   Not   a   Servant"....    210 

After    Votes    145 

"Agin'    The    Government" .  . .    283 
"Ain't   I    Glad  to   Git    Out   o' 

De    Wilderness  !" 231 

"All    a    Man    Wants — Twenty 

Thousand  Dollars  !"    48 

All     Mouth     and    No     Hands 

Class    205 

All   Staff   and  No  Army 166 

Angels     Swearing     Make     No 

Difference    214 

Apple    of    His    Eye,    The..  ..    127 
Argument      of      "The      Stub- 
tailed  Cow"   153 

Art    of    Being    Paid    to    Eat, 

The    87 

As    a    Light    Porter 143 

As    Clear    as    Moonshine..  ..      68 

Assassination     307 

Assisting    the     Inevitable.  ..  .    112 
Bail     the     Potomac     With      a 

Spoon    243 

Battle    of    Roses,    A 251 

Beginning   at   the   Head   With 

.Clothing     146 

Benevolence    is    Beautiful....    186 

Best     Car!      The 88 

Best   Let   An  Elephant   Go ...    298 

Beat  Thing  to  Take,   The 28 

Better     Looking      Than      Ex- 
pected          92 

Better  Sometimes  Right  Than 

All   Times   Wrong 99 

Beyond    the    Boon 56 

Blank    Biography,    The 90 

"Blind"     Fortune 255 

"Blondin"    Smile,    The 237 

Blood-shedding  Remits  Sins  . .    179 
Boating  on  Ground  "A  Leetle 

Damp"    21 

Bottling   That    Wasp 161 

"Bottom  Will  Fall  Out,"   The  234 
"Bounteous      President    —    If 

Anything  Is   Left!"     A....      87 
Bowing  to  the  Boy  of  Battles  263 
"Break     the     Critter     Where 
Slim!"    265 


FAGB 

Breaking  Up  the  Little  Game  23S 
Brigadiers  Cheap — Charges 

Costly    262 

"But  Aaroa  Got  His  Commis- 
sion !"     201 

"Cabinet"     Talk 158 

"Call    Me    'Lincoln'" 100 

Captain    Challenged    By    His 

Men,   A    61 

Carried    the    Post-matter    In 

His    Hat    138 

"Cheers    Not   Military — But    I 

Like   Them!"     240 

Chestnuts    Under   a    Sycamore  118 

Clear    Foresight,    The 303 

"Close    Your     Eyes" 301 

Coarse  Feed  First ! 231 

Come   One,    Come    All ! Ill 

Commander   Should   Obey   Or- 
ders, The    249 

Compliments  Is  All  They  Do 

Pay     243 

Concert  on  "Dred  Scott,"  The  108 

Connubial    Amity 106 

Conviction  Through  a  Thrash- 
ing          20 

Cream  of  the  Joke,  The....  81 
Curious  Combination,  A..  ..  149 
"Den  I  Takes  to  de  Woods!"  54 
Did  She  Take  the  Wink  To 

Herself?     288 

"Discontented — About       Pour 

Hundred ",   The    195 

Dismembered     "Yaller"     Dog, 

The    286 

Displace      the      Thistles      By 

Flowers     184 

Do    It    "Unbeknownst" 304 

Don't  Judge  By  Appearances  301 
Don't  Swap  Horses  Crossing 

a  Stream    248 

Don't    Waste    the    Plug,    But 

Use   It!    175 

"Down  To  the  Raisins !"....  115 
Drinking  and  Swallowing  Are 

Two  Things   29 

Eloquent    Hand,    The 101 

Encourage  Longing  For  Work  201 

Envy    of    »    Humorist 122 

Even  Rebels  Might   Be  Saved  189 


CONTENTS 


Facts  Are  Stubborn  Things..  83 
"Family    Man    Wants   To   See 

His    Family,"    A 188 

Fearlessness   of  the  God-fear- 
ing,  The    311 

Fight    Proves    Nothing,     A..  114 
Fighting  Out  of  One  Coat  In- 
to Another 107 

Figures      Will      Prove     Any- 
thing       297 

File    It    Away! 178 

Fizzle    Anyhow!       A 295 

"Fly    Away,    Jack!" 225 

Forget   Over  a  Grave ! 296 

For  Playing  a   Man  Alive.  . .  273 
Fox      Appointed      Paymaster, 

The      268 

Fruitful    Speech,    A 60 

"General   At   Last!"   A 294 

General     McClellan's    Opinion 

of  Lincoln  As  a  Lawyer ...  62 
Georgia      Colonel's      Costume, 

The    230 

Get  Their   Graves   Ready....  228 
Getting    the    Company    Colum 

Through  "Endwise"    58 

Giant    and    Giant-killer 116 

"Gi'e  Us   a  Good   Conceit!"..  196 
Going      Down      With      Colors 

Flying    290 

"Going    To    Canaan!" 268 

Gloves   Or   No  Gloves 87 

"Go,     Thou,     And     Do    Like- 
wise"      135 

Good  Boy  Gets  On,  The 203 

Good    Enough    For   the    Pres- 
ident      76 

Good    Listener,    A 137 

Grant   Brand   of  Whisky,   The  293 

Great  National   Job,    The 273 

Grounds   for  a   Financial    Es- 
timate      120 

Hand-to-hand  Encounter,   The  98 

"Hang     On — Not     Hang!"...  306 

Hard   To   Beat    84 

"Hardships    Strengthen    Mus- 
cles"       36 

He   Did   Not    Know   His   Own 

House    46 

He  Used  to  Be  "Good  On  the 

Chop"   37 

"He    Who    Fights    and    Runs 

Away "    236 

"Help   Me  Let  Go !" 251 

"Highest    Merit    to    the    Sol- 
dier," The    151 

Highwayman's    Non    Sequitur, 

The    145 

His  High  Mightiness 89 

His  "Leg  Cases" 180 

His     Pen     Wanted     to     Keep 

Their  Hogs  Safe 226 

History   Repeats    299 

Hitching  to  the  Moon 224 


»AG« 

"Hold  On  and  Chaw !" 272 

"Homeliest  Man  Under  Gov- 
ernment," The  91 

Hooking  Hens  Is  Low 66 

Horrors  For  the  Third  Time, 

The  24 

Hot  and  Cold  the  Same 

Breath  205 

"House  Divided  Cannot 

Stand,"  A  108 

How  Get  Him  Out? 265 

How  Long  Legs  Should  Be ...  35 
How  Many  Short  Breaths?..  31 
How  McCulloch  Was  Con- 
strained to  Serve 204 

"How  Sleep  the  Brave?"....  151 
How  the  Delinquent  Soldier 

Paid  His  Debt 181 

'How  to  Get  Men  to  Vote?".  146 

'Hurrah  For  You!" 227 

'I  Can  Bear  Censure,  But  Not 

Insult!"  250 

'I  Count  For  Something  !".  .  .  276 
'I  Don't  Believe  There  Is 

Any  Danger!"  309 

I  Don't  Want  To — But  That's 

It  If  I  Must  Die 298 

"I  Reckon  I  Took  More  Than 

My  Share" 85 

"I  Wanted  to  See  Them 

Spread"  120 

Idlers  Equaled  the  Effectives, 

The  249 

If  All  Failed,  He  Could  Go 

Back  To  the  Old  Trade..  ..  141 
"If  Good,  He's  Got  It !  If 

'Tain't  Good,   He  Ain't  Got 

It!"  170 

If  He  Felt  That  Way — Start!  296 
"If  I  Had  So  Much  Money 

and    Was   As    Badly    Skeer- 

ed "  259 

"If  I  Must  Go  Down,  Let  It 

Be  Linked  to  Truth" 110 

"If  It  Will  Do  the  President 

Good "  119 

"I  Jinks !  I  Can  Beat  You 

Both !"  220 

"I'll  Hit  the  Thing  Hard!"..  49 

In  the  Inca's  Position 254 

Initiator  Installed,  The 22 

"Is  the  World  Going  to  Fol- 
low That  Comet  Off?" 136 

"It  Is  a  Poor  Sermon  That 

Does  Not  Hit  Somewhere".  95 
It  Is  the  Deed,  Not  the  Doer.  26 
"It  Occurs  to  Me  That  I  Am 

Commander !"  242 

"It  Pleases  Her,  and  It  Don't 

Hurt  Me"  260 

"It  Rests  Me  to  Save  a  Life  !"  188 
"It  Was  the  Baby  That  Did 

It"  187 

Jumping  Jim  Crow 82 

Kenturkians  Are  Clanny 63 

Knowing  When  to  Give  In. . .  59 


CONTENTS 


iii 


Let  a  Good  Man  Alone ! 236 

Let  Down  the  Bars  a  Leetle. .  160 
"Let  Him  Squeal  If  He 

Works"  261 

"Let  the  Grass  Grow  Where 

It  May!"  221 

"Lex  Talionis"  Christianized, 

The  50 

"Life  Too  Precious  to  Be 

Lost"  191 

Ligbtning-rod  to  Protect  a 

Guilty  Conscience,  A 78 

"Like  a  Jug — The  Handle  All 

One  Side"  146 

Lincoln  and  Superstition 93 

Lincoln's  Book  Criticism 98 

Lincoln  Calendar  7 

Lincoln's  Cheese-box  On  a 

Raft  257 

Lincoln's  Dream  93 

Lincoln's  First  Dollar 18 

Lincoln's  First  Love-story....  39 
Lincoln's  First  Political 

Speech  77 

Lincoln  Guessed  the  First 

Time  171 

Lincoln's  Height 32 

Lincoln's  Last  Wish 307 

Lincoln's  Marriage 41 

Lincoln  Non  Sequitur,  The..  .  121 
Lincoln's  Opinion  at  Thirty..  90 
Lincoln  Plan  of  Campaign, 

The  248 

Lincoln's  Puns  On  Proper 

Names  131 

Lincoln's  "Sentiments"  on  a 

Mooted  Point 116 

Lincoln  the  Great  and  Lincoln 

the  Little 134 

Lincoln's  Vision  93 

Lincoln's  Vow .  .  53 

Lincoln  Was  Loaded  for  Bear  86 

Lincoln's  Wedding-song 11 

Little  David  and  the  Stone  for 

Goliath  256 

"Little  For  So  Big  a  Busi- 
ness"    244 

Little  Hatchet  Again  Turns 

Up,  The  10 

Little  Hatchet  Did  It,  The..  .  9 
"Little  More  Light  and  a  Lit- 
tle Less  Noise,"  A 212 

Log-rolling  to  Save  Lives..  . .  16 

Long  Meter  35 

"Luxury  to  See  One  Who 

Wants  Nothing,"  A 209 

Making  the  Dagger  Stab  the 

Holder  99 

Making  the  Wool,  Not  Feath- 
ers, Fly  15 

"Man  Down  South,"  The 285 

Man  Who  Can  Scratch  His 

Shins  Without  Stooping,  A  38 
Marrying  a  Man  Without  His 

Consent    209 


"Maryland    a    Good    State    to 

Move  From !"    245 

"Master  of  Them  Both" 235 

"Matching"  Stories    124 

Mayor    Is    the    Better    Horse, 

The   277 

Measures  and  Men   33 

Men       Have       Faults,       Like 

Horses    130 

Mercy    Has    Precedence    Over 

the  Rigid 192 

Meteorological  Omen,  The.  .  .  288 
Model  Whisky-barrel,  The. . .  106 
"Monarch  of  All  He  Surveyed, 

The"    130 

More    "Shinplasters"    to   Heal 

the   Sore    174 

More  Praying  and  Less  Swear- 
ing!    97 

Most    Afraid    of    a    Friendly 

Shot    313 

Mr.  Lincoln's  Opinion  of  Gen- 
eral  McClellan    228 

"My  Part  of  the  Ship  Is  An- 
chored ! "    213 

My   Question !    169 

"My  Speeches  Have  Original- 
ity as  Their  Merit" 163 

Negro     Home,     or    Agitation, 

The    51 

"Nice    Clothes    May    Make    a 
Handsome    Man  —  Even    of 

You!"    73 

No  Day  Without  a  Line 100 

"No  'Dutch'  Courage" 258 

"No  Heaping  Coals  of  Fire  On 

That  Head"   13 

No  Man   Is  Indispensable ....    167 
No     More     Invidious     Name- 
calling    305 

"No    Placing   Thorns    On    the 

Side  of  My  Worst  Enemy"  247 
No  Re-lie-ance  of  Them  ! .  . . .  125 
"No  Royalty  in  Our  Carriage"  103 

No  Sunday   Fighting 236 

No  Vices — Few  Virtues 126 

Not  Good  Offices,   But  a  Good 

Story    199 

"Not  Many  Such  Boys  Outside 

of  Sunday-school"    202 

"Not    Much    of    a    Head,    But 

His  Only  One !" 196 

Not     "Shoulder-straps,"     But 

Hardtack    245 

Not     So     Easy    to    Get     Into 

Prison     133 

"Not   the   President,   But  the 

Old  Friend"    299 

Not  the  Right  "Clay"   to  Ce- 
ment a  Union   285 

Not  to  Be  Thought  Of ! 64 

Not  to  Disappoint  the  People  314 
"Nothing  Can  Touch  Him 

Further"    302 

Nothing  Like  Getting  Used  to 
Things!    313 


CONTENTS 


PACK 

Notnlng     Like     Prayer     But 
Praise    315 

Numbering  the  Hairs    of  His 

Tail!     241 

Of   Twenty  Applicants,   Nine- 
teen Are  Made  Enemies...    197 
Old    Abe    Will     Look    Better 
When   His  Hair  Is  Combed  148 

On  the  Blister-bench 158 

On  the  Lord's   Side 267 

"One  and  a  Half  Times   Big- 
ger Than  Other  Men" 177 

One  Cannot  Die  Twice 305 

One  Happy  Day 147 

"One  On  'Em  Not  Dead  Yet!"  274 

One  War  at  a  Time 282 

One   Who    Dared    "Pull    Wool 

Over  Lincoln's  Eyes,"  The  47 
One  Word  He  Had  Learned, 

The    314 

Only   Discredit,  The 126 

Parallel   Courses    82 

Party  Gad,  The    83 

Passes    No    Good    for     Rich- 
mond         277 

Paying    for    Whisky    He    Did 

Not   Drink    150 

Peace  -  at  -  Any  -  Price    Party, 

The    222 

Pegged  or   Sewed?    184 

Perfect  Retaliation    159 

Phantom  Chase,  A    171 

Pile   For   the   Public    Printer. 

A    220 

Pills  to  Purge  Melancholy.  ..    115 

Pioneer's  Land-title,   The 238 

Playing   Cuttlefish    109 

"Pleasure     to      Preside,     At 

Last,"   A    266 

Plot    to    Waylay    the    Presi- 
dent   (1860),    The 308 

Plowing  Around  a  Log 284 

Poisoning  Plot,  The    312 

Practise    Before    and    Behind 

"The   Bar"    105 

President    Lincoln    Dubbed 

Them  the  "Wide-awakes"  . .  139 
President,  Not  an  Emperor,  A  308 
Prize  for  Homeliness,  The...  34 

Promising  Face,  The 107 

Put-up  Job — or  Chance?    A..      40 
•"Put    Your    Feet    Right    and 

Stand  Firm!"    227 

Real    Thing    Superior   to    the 

Sham  Battle,   The   278 

Red  Flag  to  Him,  A 224 

Religion  of  Feeling,  The 95 

Rest!     250 

Rest  Was  Vile,   The 12 

Rid  of  an  Office-seeker 198 

Righting    Wrong    Hurts,    But 

Does  Good    164 

"Risk   the    Hogs   and    I   Will 

Risk   Myself"    11 

Risking  the  Dictatorship 269 

"Root.  Hog,  or  Die!" 291 


Rule  Without  Exception,  A . .    189 

Running  Fever,  The 176 

Salt   Before    Pepper 123 

Scale  of  Rebels,  The 282 

Secret  of  the  Interior,   A....    166 

Self-made    89 

Self-sacrifice    113 

"Set  the  Trap  Again  !" 102 

"Ship  of  State"  Smile,  The..  219 
"Shooting  a  Man  Does  Him 

No  Good!" 186 

Shoveling  Fleas    230 

"Skeered  Virginian,"  The. . .  235 
"Skin  Wright  and  Close!"...  65 

Slave-dealer,  The    50 

Sleeping    On    Post    Cancels    a 

Commission    168 

Snake  Smile,  The 149 

So   Slow,  a  Hearse  Ran   Over 

Him!    178 

Soldiering   Apart    From    Poll- 
tics     155 

Something       Lincolnian       All 

Could  Take    202 

Somewhat  of  a  Newsman....    211 
"Sooner   the  Fowl   By  Hatch- 
ing  the   Egg   Than   Smash- 
ing It" 281 

South  Like  an   Ash-cake,  The  275 

Splitting   the    Difference 254 

Stage  in  the  Ceaseless  March 

Onward  to  Victory,  A 270 

Stanton's   Service  Was  Worth 

His  Sauce    165 

"State   Against   Mr.   Whisky," 

The    67 

"Stationary"  Engine,  A    229 

"Statute  Fixes  All  That,"  The     45 

Steel  and   Steal 215 

Stick  to  Your  Business 208 

Still  of  Little  Note 117 

Stokers  as  Brave  as  Any,  The  152 
Stopper  on  Journalistic 

"Gas,"   The    123 

Struck  By  the  Dead   Hand.  ..      38 
Stumping  the  Stump-speaker.      14 
"Such  a  Sucker  as  Me,  Presi- 
dent!"         147 

Suspension  Is  Not  Execution.  194 
"Swearing  Had  to  Be  Done 

Then,  or  Not  at  All!"..  ..    183 
Swearing     Like      a      Church- 
warden         162 

Tail  of  the  Kite,  The 100 

Taken     From     Rebellion     and 

Given    to    Loyalty 193 

Talker  With  Nothing  to   Say, 

A    207 

That  King  Lost  His  Head...  162 
"That's  What's  the  Matter"..  216 
"The  Administration  Can 

Stand  It  If  the  Times  Can"  160 
"Them  Three  Fellers  Ag'in  !"  133 
"There  Is  Much  in  an  'If 

and   a  'But'"    174 

They  Went  Away  Sicker  Still.   197 


CONTENTS 


Things      Were      Topsy-turvy 
Aloft,  Too    223 

This  Clinches  It 39 

Time  That  Tried  the  Soul,  A.  155 

Title  No  Hindrance,  A 207 

"To  Canaan"  267 

To  Cure  Singing  in  the  Head  262 
Too  Busy  to  Go  Into  Another 

Business  281 

To  Think  and  To  Do  Well .  .  .  102 
Tool  Turned  On  the  Handle, 

The  279 

Trap  to  Catch  a  Douglas,  The  104 
Tree-toad  and  "Timotheus," 

The  117 

Trust  to  the  Old  Blue  Sock..  140 

Truth  and  the  People 100 

Try  and  Go  As  Far  as  You 

Can!  152 

Turn  Out  or  Be  Turned  Out..  28 

Two  Prayers,  The 95 

Unconventional  Order,  An .  . .  241 
"United  States  of  America, 

the        Treasury        of        the 

World!"  The  306 

Unpardonable  Crime,  The....  55 

Use  of  Books,  The 98 

Vain  As  the  Pope's  Bull 

Against  the  Comet 57 

Vice  Not  to  Say  "No,"  A ...  88 
Voice  Prom  the  Dead,  A....  109 
Volunteer  Captaincy  Worth 

Two  Dollars,  A 57 

Wanted  the  Jail  Earnings...  206 
"Wanting  to  Dance  the  Worst 

Way"  45 

War-lord,  The  172 


Washington's  Difficult  Task. .  215 
"We  Shall  Beat  Them,  My 

Son!"  244 

"We  Shall  See  Our  Friends 

in  Heaven  !"  96 

"Went  and  Returned"  302 

"What  We  Have  We  Will 

Give  You"  173 

What's  in  a  Name? 150 

When  Washington  Was  All 

One  Tavern  264 

Whetstone  Story,  The 129 

Whipping  Around  the  Stump.  190 
Whiskered,  to  Please  the 

Ladies  and  Get  Votes 144 

Whistle  That  Stopped  the 

Boat,  The  25 

Why  So  Many  Common 

People  122 

"Win  the  Fight,  or  Die 

A-trying"  114 

With  Two  Guns,  Hold  Off  an 

Army  232 

Wolf  in  a  Trap  Must  Sacri- 
fice His  "Tail"  to  be  Free, 

A  211 

Woman  102 

Word  Flies,  But  the  Writ 

Remains,  The  172 

Working  for  a  Living  Makes 

One  Practical  271 

Worry  Till  You  Get  Rid  of 

Things  310 

Worsted  In  a  Horse-trade.  .  .  30 
"You  Have  One,  and  I  Have 

One — That  Is  Right!" 185 


LINCOLN  CALENDAR. 

Abraham  Lincoln,  born  February  12,  1809,  Hardin  County, 
Kentucky.  "Lincoln  Day." 

1817 — Settled  in  Perry  County,  Indiana;  father,  mother,  sister, 
and  self. 

1818 — October  5,  Mrs.  Thomas  Lincoln  (Nancy  Hanks)  died; 
buried  Spencer  County,  Indiana.  In  1901,  a  monument  erected 
to  her  memory,  the  base  being  the  former  Abraham  Lincoln 
vault.  Schooling,  a  few  months,  1819,  '20  and  '28,  about  six 
months'  school. 

1819 — Thomas  (father  of  A.  L.)  marries  again:  Mrs.  Johnson 
(Sally  Bush)  of  Kentucky. 

1830 — March,  Lincoln  family  remove  into  Illinois,  near  De- 
catur. 

1831 — Works  for  himself:  boatbuilding  and  sailing,  carpenter- 
ing, hog-sticking,  sawmilling,  blacksmithing,  river-pilot,  logger, 
etc.,  in  Menard  County,  Indiana. 

1831 — Election  clerk  at  New  Salem.  Captain  and  private  (re- 
enlisted)  in  Black  Hawk  War.  Store  clerk  and  merchant,  New 
Salem.  Studies  for  the  law. 

1832 — First  political  speech.  Henry  Clay,  Whig  platform.  De- 
feated through  strong  local  vote.  Deputy  surveyor,  at  three 
dollars  a  day,  Sangamon  County. 

1834 — Elected  to  State  legislature  as  Whig.  (Resides  in 
Springfield  till  1861.  Law  partner  with  John  L.  Stuart  till  1840.) 

1835 — Postmaster,  New  Salem;  appointed  by  President  Jack- 
son. 

1838  to  1840 — Reelected  to  State  legislature. 

1840 — Partner  in  law  with  S.  T.  Logan. 

1842 — Married  Miss  Mary  Todd,  of  Kentucky.  Of  the  four 
sons,  Edward  died  in  infancy;  William  ("Willie")  at  twelve  at 
Washington;  Thomas  ("Tad")  at  Springfield,  aged  twenty; 
Robert  M.  T.,  minister  to  Great  Britain,  presidential  candidate, 
secretary  of  war  to  President  Garfield.  His  only  grandson,  Abra- 
ham, died  in  London,  March,  1890. 

1844 — Proposed  for  Congress. 

1845 — Law  partner  with  W.  H.  Herndon,  for  life. 

1846 — Elected  to  Congress,  the  single  Whig  Illinois  member; 


viu  LINCOLN  CALENDAR. 

voted  antislavery;  sought  abolition  in  the  D.  C. ;  voted  Wilmot 
Proviso.  Declined  reelection. 

1848 — Electioneered  for  General  Taylor. 

1849 — Defeated  by  Shields  for  United  States  senator. 

1852 — Electioneered  for  General  Scott. 

1854 — Won  the  State  over  to  the  Republicans,  but  by  arrange- 
ment transferred  his  claim  to  the  senatorship  to  Trumbull.  Oc- 
tober, debated  with  Douglas.  Declined  the  governorship  in  favor 
of  Bissell. 

1856 — Organized  the  Republican  Party  and  became  its  chief; 
nominated  vice-president,  but  was  not  chosen  by  its  first  con- 
vention; worked  for  the  Fremont-Dayton  presidential  ticket. 

1858 — Lost  in  the  legislature  the  senatorship  to  Douglas. 

1859 — Placed  for  the  presidential  candidacy.  Made  Eastern 
tour  "to  get  acquainted." 

1860 — May  9,  nominated  for  President,  "shutting  out"  Seward, 
Chase,  Cameron,  Dayton,  Wade,  Bates,  and  McLean. 

1861 — March  4,  inaugurated  sixteenth  President;  succeeds 
Buchanan,  and  precedes  his  vice — Andrew  Johnson,  whom  Gen- 
eral Grant  succeeded.  Civil  War  began  by  firing  on  Fort  Sum- 
ter,  April  12. 

1862 — September  22,  emancipation  announced. 

1863 — January  i,  emancipation  proclaimed.  November  19, 
Gettysburg  Cemetery  address.  December  9,  pardon  to  rebels  pro- 
claimed. 

1864 — Unanimous  nomination  as  Republican  presidential  can- 
didate for  reelection,  June  7.  Reelected  November  8. 

1865 — March  4,  inaugurated  for  the  second  term.  April  14, 
assassinated  in  Ford's  Theater,  Washington,  by  a  mad  actor, 
Wilkes  Booth.  April  19,  body  lay  in  state  at  Washington. 
April  26,  Booth  slain  in  resisting  arrest,  by  Sergeant  Boston 
Corbett,  near  Port  Royal.  April  21  to  May  4,  funeral-train 
through  principal  cities  North,  to  Springfield,  Illinois. 

1871 — Temporarily  deposited    in  catacomb. 

1874 — In  catacomb,  in  sarcophagus.  The  completed  monument 
dedicated. 

1876 — To  frustrate  repetition  of  body-snatchers'  attempt,  re- 
interred  deeper. 

1900 — A  fifth  removal ;  the  whole  structure  solidly  rebuilt,  con- 
taining the  martyred  President,  his  wife,  and  their  three  chil- 
dren, as  well  as  the  grandson  bearing  Abraham's  name. 


THE  LINCOLN  STORY  BOOH. 


CHILDISH  RIME. 
In  a  copybook,  at  the  age  of  nine  or  ten : 

Abraham  Lincoln, 

his  hand  and  pen, 
he  will  be  good,  but 

god  knows  when. 

The  small  "g"  led  a  public  speaker  to  denounce  the 
sort  of  men — "sordid  and  ignorant" — who  write  "God 
with  a  small  g  and  gold  with  a  big  one."  This  was  a 
scrapbook  in  humble  imitation  of  the  albums  in  the  East. 

Another  copybook  motto.     (A  year  or  so  later.) 

Good  boys  who  to  their  books  apply 
Will  all  be  great  men  by  and  by. 


THE  LITTLE  HATCHET  DID  IT. 
In  1823  Abraham  Lincoln  went  briefly  to  Crawford's 
school,  a  log  house,  pleasing  the  teacher  by  his  attention 
to  the  simple  course.  The  boy  had  read  but  a  small 
library,  principally  "Weems'  Life  of  Washington,"  which 
had  impressed  him  deeply.  This  is  shown  by  the  follow- 
ing anecdote  told  by  Andrew  Crawford,  the  Spencer 
County  pedagogue:  The  latter  saw  that  a  buck's  head, 
nailed  on  the  schoolhouse,  was  broken  in  one  horn,  and 
asked  the  scholars  who  among  them  broke  it.  "I  did  it," 
answered  young  Lincoln  promptly.  "I  did  not  mean  to 


io  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

do  it,  but  I  hung  on  it" — he  was  very  tall  and  reached  it 
too  easily — "and  it  broke!"  Though  lean,  he  weighed 
fairly.  "I  wouldn't  have  done  it  if  I  had  'a'  thought  it 
would  break." 

Other  boys  of  that  "class"  would  have  tried  to  conceal 
what  they  did  and  not  own  up  until  obliged  to  do  so. 
His  immediate  friends  believed  that  the  hatchet  and 
cherry-tree  incident  in  Washington's  life  traced  this 
truthful  course. 


THE  LITTLE  HATCHET  AGAIN  TURNS  UP. 

In  his  teens  Abraham  Lincoln,  while  not  considered  a 
man,  was  able  to  swing  an  ax  with  full  power.  It  was 
the  borderer's  multifarious  tool  and  accompanied  him 
everywhere.  One  time,  while  sauntering  along  Gentry- 
ville,  his  stepsister  playfully  ran  at  him  of  a  sudden  and 
leaped  from  behind  upon  him.  Holding  on  to  his  shoul- 
ders, she  dug  her  knees  into  his  back — a  rough  trick 
called  fun  by  these  semi-savages — and  brought  him  to  the 
ground.  Unfortunately,  she  caused  him  to  release  the  ax 
in  his  surprise,  and  it  cut  her  ankle.  The  boy  stopped 
the  wound  and  bandaged  it,  while  she  moaned.  Through 
her  cries,  he  reproached  her,  and  concluded: 

"How  could  you  disobey  mother  so?"  for  she  had  been 
enjoined  not  to  follow  her  brother.  "What  are  you  going 
to  tell  her  about  getting  hurt?" 

"Tell  her  I  did  it  with  the  ax,"  she  replied.  "That 
will  be  the  truth  ?"  she  questioned,  with  the  prevarication 
of  her  sex  inborn. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  n 

"Yes,  that's  the  truth,  but  it  is  not  all  the  truth.  You 
tell  the  whole  truth." 

The  mother  was  forgiving,  and  nothing  more  came  of 
the  casualty. 


LINCOLN'S  WEDDING-SONG. 

Abraham  Lincoln's  own  sister  Sarah  married  one 
Aaron  Grigsby,  a  man  in  the  settlers'  line  of  life;  and 
Abraham,  a  youth  under  age,  composed  an  epithalamium 
on  the  occasion.  The  title  was  "Adam  and  Eve's  Wed- 
ding-Song," and  the  principal  verses  are  given  to  show 
what  roughness  pervaded  the  home  on  the  frontier: 

The  woman  was  not  taken  from  Adam's  feet,  we  see, 
So  we  must  not  abuse  her,  the  meaning  seems  to  be. 
The  woman  was  not  taken  from  Adam's  head,  we  know; 
To  show  she  must  not  rule  him — 'tis  evidently  so. 
The  woman,  she  was  taken  from  under  Adam's  arm, 
So  she  must  be  protected  from  injuries  and  harm. 


"RISK  THE  HOGS  AND  I  WILL  RISK  MYSELF  I" 
At  the  age  of  seventeen,  Lincoln,  the  strongest  and 
"longest"  younker  of  the  neighborhood,  was  let  out  by 
his  father  for  six  dollars  a  month  and  board  to  a  James 
Taylor,  ferryman  of  Anderson's  Creek  and  the  Ohio 
River.  He  was  also  expected  to  do  the  farmwork  and 
other  jobs,  as  well  as  the  chores  in  and  about  the  house. 
This  included  tending  to  the  baby — the  good  wives  uni- 
ting to  pronounce  Abe  the  best  of  helps  as  "so  handy," 
as  Mrs.Toodles  would  say. 


12  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

He  had  attained  his  fixed  height,  exactly  six  feet  three 
inches.  (This  is  his  own  record.)  He  really  did,  with 
his  unusual  strength,  more  than  any  man's  stint,  and 
failing  to  gain  full  man's  wages,  whether  it  was  his 
father  or  he  handled  it,  he  felt  the  injustice,  which  soured 
him  on  that  point.  He  enraged  his  employer's  son  by 
sitting  up  late  to  read,  so  that  the  young  man  struck  him 
to  silence.  But  the  young  giant  refused  from  retaliating 
in  kind,  whether  from  natural  magnanimity  belonging 
to  giants,  or  from  respect  for  the  "young  master,"  or 
from  self-acknowledgment  that  he  was  in  the  wrong. 
He  learned  the  craft  of  river  boatman  in  this  engage- 
ment. One  day,  on  being  asked  to  kill  a  hog,  he  replied 
like  the  Irishman  with  the  violin,  "that  he  had  never 
done  it,  but  he  would  try." 

"If  you  will  risk  the  hog,"  he  said,  "I  will  risk 
myself!" 

Becoming  hog-slaughterer  added  this  branch  occupa- 
tion to  the  many  of  "the  man  of  all  work."  Taylor  sub- 
let him  out  in  this  capacity  for  thirty  cents  a  day,  saying : 

"Abe  will  do  any  one  thing  about  as  well  as  another." 


THE  REST  WAS  VILE. 

The  Lincoln  homestead  in  Indiana,  in  1820-23,  had  at 
the  first  the  primitive  corn-mill  in  the  Indian  fashion — 
a  burnt-out  block  with  a  pounder  rigged  to  a  well-sweep. 
A  water-mill  being  set  up  ten  miles  off,  on  Anderson's 
Creek,  that  was  superseded,  as  improvement  marched,  by 
a  horse-power  one.  To  this  Lincoln,  as  a  lad  of  sixteen 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  13 

or  seventeen,  would  carry  the  corn  in  a  bag  upon  an 
old  flea-bitten  gray  mare.  One  day,  on  unhitching  the 
animal  and  loading  it,  and  running  his  arm  through  the 
head-gear  loop  to  lead,  he  had  no  sooner  struck  it  and  cried 

"Get  up,  you  de ,"  when  the  beast  whirled  around, 

and,  lashing  out,  kicked  him  in  the  forehead  so  that  he 
fell  to  the  ground  insensible.  The  miller,  Hoffman,  ran 
out  and  carried  the  youth  indoors,  sending  for  his  father, 
as  he  feared  the  victim  would  not  revive.  He  did  not  do 
so  until  hours  after  having  been  carried  home.  When 
conscious,  his  faculties,  as  psychologically  ordained,  re- 
sumed operations  from  the  instant  of  suspension,  and  he 
uttered  the  sequel  to  his  outcry : 

" vil!" 

Lincoln's  own  explanation  is  thus: 

"Just  before  I  struck  the  mare,  my  will,  through  the 
mind,  had  set  the  muscles  of  my  tongue  to  utter  the  ex- 
pression, and  when  her  heels  came  in  contact  with  my 
head,  the  whole  thing  stopped  half-cocked,  as  it  were, 
and  was  only  fired  off  when  mental  energy  or  force 
returned." 

His  friends  interpreted  the  occurrence  as  a  proof  of 
his  always  finishing  what  he  commenced. 


"NO  HEAPING  COALS  OF  FIRE  ON  THAT  HEAD." 

The  wantonly  cruel  experiment  of  testing  the  sen- 
sitiveness in  reptiles  armored,  passed  into  a  proverb  out 
West  in  pioneer  times.  Besides  carving  initials  and  dates 
on  the  shell  of  land  tortoises,  boys  would  fling  the  crea- 


14  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

tures  against  tree  or  rock  to  see  it  perish  with  its  ex- 
posed and  lacerated  body,  or  literally  place  burning  coals 
on  the  back.  In  such  cases  Lincoln,  a  boy  in  his  teens, 
but  a  redoubtable  young  giant,  would  not  only  interfere 
vocally,  but  with  his  arms,  if  needed. 

"Don't  terrapins  have  feelings?"  he  inquired. 

The  torturer  did  not  know  the  right  answer,  and,  per- 
sisting in  the  treatment,  had  the  shingle  wrenched  from 
his  hand  and  the  cinders  stamped  out,  while  the  sufferer 
was  allowed  to  go  away. 

"Well,  feelings  or  none,  he  won't  be  burned  any  more 
while  I  am  around !" 

He  did  not  always  have  to  resort  to  force  in  his  cor- 
rections, as  he  obtained  the  title  of  "Peacemaker"  by 
other  means,  and  the  spell  in  his  tongue,  at  that  age. 


STUMPING  THE  STUMP-SPEAKER. 
When  Lincoln  became  a  man  and,  divorced  from  his 
father's  grasping  tyranny,  set  up  as  a  field-hand,  he 
lightened  the  labor  in  Menard  County  by  orating  to  his 
mates,  and  they  gladly  suspended  their  tasks  to  listen 
to  him  recite  what  he  had  read  and  invented — or,  rather, 
adapted  to  their  circumscribed  understanding.  Besides 
mimicry  of  the  itinerant  preachers,  he  imitated  the  elec- 
tioneering advocates  of  all  parties  and  local  politics.  One 
day,  one  such  educator  collected  the  farmers  and  their 
help  around  him  to  eulogize  some  looming-up  candidate, 
when  a  cousin  and  admirer  of  young  Lincoln  cast  a 
damper  on  him,  crying  out,  with  general  approval,  that 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  15 

Abe  could  talk  him  dry!  Accepting  the  challenge,  the 
professional  spellbinder  allowed  his  place  on  the  stump  of 
the  cottonwood  to  be  held  by  the  raw  Demosthenes. 
To  his  astonishment  the  country  lad  did  display  much 
fluency,  intelligence,  and  talent  for  the  craft.  Frankly 
the  stranger  complimented  him  and  wished  him  well  in  a 
career  which  he  recommended  him  to  adopt.  From 
this  cheering,  Lincoln  proceeded  to  speak  in  public — his 
limited  public — "talking  on  all  subjects  till  the  questions 
were  worn  slick,  greasy,  and  threadbare." 


MAKING  THE  WOOL,  NOT  FEATHERS,  FLY. 

The  "export  trade"  of  the  Indiana  farmers  was  with 
New  Orleans,  the  goods  being  carried  on  flatboats. 
The  traffic  called  for  a  larger  number  of  resolute,  hardy, 
and  honest  men,  as,  besides  the  vicissitudes  of  fickle 
navigation,  was  the  peril  from  thieves.  Abraham  early 
made  acquaintance  with  this  course  as  he  accompa- 
nied his  father  in  such  a  venture  down  the  great  river. 
Then  passed  apprenticeship,  he  built  a  boat  for  Gentry — 
merchant  of  Gentryville — and  "sailed"  it,  with  the  store- 
keeper's son  Allen  as  bow-hand  or  first  officer.  He  and 
his  crew  of  one  started  from  the  Ohio  River  landing 
and  safely  reached  the  Crescent  City — safely  as  to  cargo 
and  bodies,  but  not  without  a  narrow  escape.  At  Baton 
Rouge,  a  little  ahead  of  the  haven,  the  boat  was  tied  up 
at  a  plantation,  and  the  two  were  asleep,  when  they 
became  objects  of  an  attack  from  a  river  pest — a  band  of 
refugee  negroes  and  similar  lawless  rogues. 


1 6  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Luckily  their  approach  was  heard  and  the  two  awoke. 
Having  been  warned  that  the  desperadoes  would  not 
stand  on  trifles,  the  young  men  armed  themselves  with 
clubs  and  leaped  ashore,  after  driving  the  pirates  off  the 
deck.  They  pursued  them,  too,  with  such  an  uproar 
that  their  number  was  multiplied  in  the  runaways'  mind. 
Both  returned  wounded — Abraham  retaining  a  mark 
over  the  right  eye,  noticeable  in  after  life,  and  not  to 
his  facial  improvement  They  immediately  unhitched  the 
boat  and  stood  out  in  the  channel. 

"I  wish  we  had  carried  weapons,"  sighed  Lincoln. 
"Going  to  war  without  shooting-irons  is  not  what  the 
Quakers  hold  it  to  be." 

"If  we  had  been  armed,"  returned  Allen,  as  regret- 
fully, "we  would  have  made  the  feathers  fly!" 

It  had  not  been  too  dark  for  the  shade  of  the  enemy 
to  be  perceived,  so  his  skipper  gave  one  of  his  earnest 
laughs,  and  replied : 

"You  mean  wool,  I  reckon !" 


LOG-ROLLING  TO  SAVE  LIVES. 

It  was  in  the  spring  after  the  deep  snow  of  1831,  that 
three  or  four  lumbermen,  who  had  built  a  large  flatboat 
for  carrying  a  cargo  to  New  Orleans,  were  on  the  San- 
gamon  River,  trying  the  rowboat,  or  scow,  to  accompany 
the  vessel.  The  river  was  very  high  and  on  the  run. 
Two  of  the  men  leaped  into  the  boat  to  get  the  drink 
for  being  the  first  in,  and  sent  her  out  into  the  current. 
They  were  unable  to  stem  it  and  row  back.  Lincoln 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  17 

shouted  for  them  to  head  up  and  try  the  sleeping,  or 
dead  water,  along  shore.  But  they  were  mastered,  and 
paddled  for  a  wrecked  boat,  which  had  a  pole  sticking 
up.  But  though  the  man  who  grabbed  for  it  secured  his 
hold,  the  boat  was  capsized  and  the  other  was  flung  into 
the  tide. 

Lincoln,  as  captain,  shouted  out  to  him: 

"Carman,  swim  for  that  elm-tree  down  there!  You 
can  catch  it!  Keep  calm.  Lay  hold  of  a  branch." 

The  tree  was  at  a  convenient  height,  and  Carman 
caught  on  and  swung  himself  out;  but  the  icy  water 
chilled  him  to  the  bone.  But  he  was  safe  for  the  present, 
seeing  which  the  captain  called  out  to  the  other  to  let  go 
his  pole  and  let  himself  be  carried  down  to  the  tree,  also. 
If  he  hung  on  in  the  open  there  much  longer,  he  would 
become  stiff  and  unable  to  swim.  The  man  managed  to 
reach  his  mate,  and  the  two  were  joined  at  the  tree. 

The  manager  of  the  rescue  found  a  log  and,  attaching 
a  rope,  rolled  it  into  the  stream,  with  the  help  of  others 
who  had  arrived  on  the  scene.  They  towed  it  up  some 
distance  to  get  a  good  send-off,  and  a  young  daredevil 
got  on  it  with  the  intention  of  being  floated  down  to  the 
tree,  where  all  three  would  become  passengers  and  be 
drawn  home.  But  in  his  haste  to  do  so,  Jim  Dorrell 
raised  himself  off  his  log  by  the  branch  he  grasped  and, 
along  with  the  other  unfortunates,  made  three  men  to  be 
saved. 

When  the  riderless  log  was  hauled  up  inshore,  Lincoln 
mounted  it  to  make  the  next  cast  in  person.  Having 
an  extra  rope  with  him,  he  lassoed  the  tree  and  soon 


l8  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

drew  the  log  up.  Cold  as  they  were,  the  three  men 
dropped  down  and  straddled  beside  him.  At  his  orders 
the  men  on  the  bank  held  the  rope  taut,  so  that  the  log, 
allowed  to  swing  off  freely,  slung  around  with  the  cur- 
rent to  the  side,  and  the  four  were  disembarked.  This 
made  Abraham  the  hero  of  the  Sangamon  River  among 
the  boatmen. 
k(Narrated  by  John  Rolls,  of  New  Salem,  a  witness.) 


LINCOLN'S  FIRST  DOLLAR, 

As  in  all  farming  communities,  where  the  only  move- 
ment of  currency  is  when  the  crop  comes  in  and  the 
debts  accumulating  during  the  growth  are  settled  and 
the  slight  surplus  spent,  the  Indiana  pioneers  little  knew 
"extra"  cash.  To  obtain  it,  the  men  used  their  off  hours 
in  guiding  intending  settlers,  assisting  surveyors  and 
prospectors,  felling  and  hewing  trees,  and  horse-trading. 
Another  source  of  income  out  of  bounds  was  to  send  a 
stock  of  produce  down  the  river  to  sell  or  barter  for 
the  Southern  plantation  produce.  As  there  was  talk  at 
home  of  furnishing  their  house,  Abraham  bethought  him 
of  this  resource.  His  father  consented  readily  to  any 
notion  that  might  result  in  gain,  and  his  mother,  though 
believing  nearly  two  thousand  miles  of  water  travel  oner- 
ous, allowed  her  "yes."  Besides,  the  young  man,  by 
excessive  work  on  their  place,  had  piled  up  a  goodly 
stock  of  salable  stuff.  Abraham  had  only  to  make  a 
boat.  It  was  small,  merely  to  hold  the  "venture"  and 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  19 

his  hand-bundle  of  "plunder"  for  the  trip  and  land  cruise 
at  New  Orleans.  Western  country  boys  who  had  seen 
the  Crescent  City  talked  of  the  exploit  as  the  Easterners 
of  seeing  Europe. 

Abe  was  maneuvering  his  boat  on  the  Ohio  River,  at 
Rockport,  when  he  heard  the  whistle  announcing  the 
approach  of  a  steamboat.  These  craft  were  not  enabled 
to  make  a  landing  anywhere,  even  with  a  run-out  gang- 
plank— but  took  passengers  and  parcels  aboard  by  light- 

• 

ers.     Lincoln's  small  boat  seemed  admirably  placed  to 
serve  as  a  transport  to  a  couple  of  gentlemen  who  came 
down  to  the  shore  to  ship  on  the  steamboat.     Their 
trunks  were  taken  out  of  their  carriages,  and  they  selected 
Lincoln's  new  boat  among  some  others.     In  his  home- 
spun, the  gawky  youth  looked  what  he  was — not  the 
owner  of  the  craft  and  about  to  try  a  speculation  on  the 
river,  but  one  of  the  "scrubs."    The  "scrubs,"  not  from 
any  relation  with  washing — quite  otherwise — were  those 
poor  families  on  the  outskirts  of  towns  who  lived  in  the 
scrub  or  dwarfed  pines.    Accordingly  one  of  them  asked, 
indicating  the  flatboat: 
"Who  owns  this?" 
The  hero  relates  the  story  thus : 
"  'I  answered,  somewhat  modestly :  'I  do !' 
"  'Will  you  take  us  and  our  trunks  out  to  the  steam- 
boat?' 

"  'Certainly/  glad  of  the  chance  of  earning  something. 
I  supposed  that  each  of  them  would  give  two  or  three 
bits — practically  the  dime  of  nowadays." 

Lincoln  carried  the  passengers  aboard  the  vessel  and 


2O  The  Lincolii  Story  Book. 

handed  up  their  trunks.  Each  of  the  gentlemen  drew 
out  a  piece  of  silver  and  threw  it  on  the  little  deck. 

"Gentlemen,  you  may  think  it  was  a  very  little  thing, 
and  in  these  days  it  seems  to  me  a  trifle ;  but  it  was  a  most 
important  incident  in  my  life.  I  could  scarcely  believe 
my  eyes  as  I  picked  up  the  two  silver  half-dollars.  I 
could  scarcely  credit  that  I,  a  poor  boy,  had  earned  a 
dollar  in  less  than  a  day — that  by  honest  work,  I  had 
earned  a  dollar!"  (Lincoln's  flatboatman  wage  was  $10 
a  month.) 

(Related  by  Frank  B.  Carpenter,  the  portrait-painter, 
as  given  out  by  President  Lincoln  to  a  party  of  friends 
in  the  White  House  executive  chamber,  Secretary  Sew- 
ard,  notably,  being  among  them.) 


CONVICTION  THROUGH  A  THRASHING. 

In  1831,  Abraham  Lincoln,  returning  from  a  voyage  to 
New  Orleans,  paid  the  usual  filial  visit  to  his  father, 
living  in  Coles  County.  A  famous  wrestler,  one  Need- 
ham,  hearing  of  the  newcomer's  prowess  in  wrestling, 
more  general  than  pugilism  on  the  border,  called  to  try 
their  strength.  As  the  professional  was  in  practise,  and 
as  the  other,  from  his  amiable  disposition  and  his  forbid- 
ding appearance  was  not  so,  the  latter  declined  the 
honor  of  a  hug  and  the  forced  repose  of  lying  on  the 
back.  Nevertheless,  taunted  into  the  trial,  he  met  the 
champion  and  defeated  him  in  two  goes.  The  beaten  one 
was  chagrined,  and  vented  his  vexation  in  this  defiance: 


The  Lincoln  Story  *Book.  21 

"You  have  thrown  me  twice,  Lincoln,  but  you  cannot 
whip  me !" 

"I  do  not  want  to,  and  I  don't  want  to  get  whipped 
myself,"  was  the  simple  reply. 

"Well,  I  'stump'  you  to  lick  me !"  went  on  Needham, 
thinking  he  was  gaining  ground.  "Throwing  a  man  is 
one  thing  and  licking  him  another!" 

"Look  here,  Needham,"  said  the  badgered  man,  at  last, 
"if  you  are  not  satisfied  that  I  can  throw  you  every  time, 
and  want  to  be  convinced  through  a  thrashing,  I  will  do 
that,  too,  for  your  sake !" 

The  man  "backed  out."  But  he  was  ever  afterward 
one  of  the  champion's  warmest  friends. 


BOATING  ON  GROUND  "A  LEETLE  DAMP." 
In  a  letter  of  August,  1862,  the  President  alludes  to 
the  amphibious  minor  navy,  which  made  their  tracks 
"wherever  the  ground  was  a  little  damp."  This  is 
hardly  an  exaggeration  of  Western  shallow-water  navi- 
gation. Lincoln,  as  pilot  on  the  Sangamon  River  in  1831, 
was  engaged  to  run  a  steamboat  called  the  Talisman, 
after  Sir  Walter  Scott's  popular  romance.  It  was  to 
test  the  point  whether  the  Sangamon  River  was  navi- 
gable or  not,  an  important  local  problem  on  which 
Lincoln,  later,  got  into  the  legislature.  As  he  had 
"tried"  the  river  a  good  deal  with  the  flatboats,  he  an- 
swered, he  would  try  and  do  the  best  he  could.  A  large 
crowd  flocked  in  from  all  sides  to  witness  the  experiment. 
Lincoln  guided  the  bark  well  up  to  the  New  Salem  dam. 


22  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Here  a  gap  had  been  cut  to  let  the  vessel  slip  through. 
But  at  a  place  called  Bogue's  Mill,  the  water  was  rapidly 
lowering,  and  they  had  to  wheel  about  and  get  back, 
or  be  shoaled  and  be  held  there  until  the  spring  freshets. 
The  return  trip  was  slow,  as,  though  the  stream  was  in 
his  favor,  the  high  prairie  wind  delayed  the  boat.  The 
falling  water  had  made  the  broken  hole  in  the  dam  im- 
practicable. But  Lincoln  backed  the  Talisman  off  as 
soon  as  she  stranded  and  stuck;  and,  by  casting  an 
anchor  so  as  to  act  as  a  gigantic  grapnel,  to  tear  away 
some  more  of  the  dam,  the  opening  sufficed  for  the  boat 
to  "coast"  on  the  stones  and  get  over  into  deep  water. 
"I  think,"  says  an  old  boatman — J.  R.  ("Row")  Hern- 
don — "that  the  captain  gave  Lincoln  forty  dollars  to  keep 
on  to  Beardstown.  I  am  sure  I  got  that !" 


THE  INITIATOR  INSTALLED. 

As  a  fruit  of  incessant  study  Abraham  Lincoln  fitted 
himself  to  accept  the  post  of  clerk  at  Offutt's  store,  in 
New  Salem,  in  1831.  It  was  a  responsible  position,  re- 
quiring strict  honesty,  intelligence,  glib  talk,  attention, 
and  courtesy  to  the  few  dames  in  the  population  of 
twenty  households,  "with  the  back  settlement  to  hear 
from."  In  fact,  Lincoln's  gifts  and  cultivated  acquire- 
ments made  him  such  a  favorite  that  the  list  of  cus- 
tomers from  out  of  town  was  extensive.  This  promotion 
of  a  newcomer  nettled  the  bad  element  of  the  region. 
They  were  located  from  congeniality  in  a  suburb  termed 
Gary's  Grove.  Like  the  tail  which  undertakes  to  wag 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  23 

the  dog,  this  tag  constituted  itself  the  criterion  and  pro- 
posed "initiating"  any  accession  to  the  inhabitants.  To 
take  the  conceit  out  of  the  upstart  who  had  leaped  from 
the  flatboat  deck  to  behind  the  counter  at  the  store — the 
acme  of  a  bumpkin's  ambition — they  selected  their  bully. 
This  Jack  Armstrong  was  held  so  high  by  Bill  Clary, 
"father"  of  the  Grove  boys,  that  he  bet  with  Offutt,  over- 
loud  in  praise  of  his  help,  that  Jack  could  beat  Abe,  "and 
your  Abe  has  got  to  be  initiated,  anyway!" 

Abraham  refused  under  provocation  to  have  anything 
to  do  with  "rough-and-tumble"  fighting — as  also  known 
as  "scuffle  and  tussle,"  and  "wooling  and  pulling" — in 
short,  these  agreeable  features  promise  to  include  all 
brutalities  save  gouging,  which  was  unfashionable  so  far 
to  the  North.  But  a  man  could  not  live  quietly  on  the 
frontier  without  showing  to  such  ruffians  that  his  hands 
could  shield  his  head.  For  the  honor  of  the  store,  the 
clerk  had  to  stand  up  to  the  opponent. 

The  bout  came  off.  In  the  first  attack,  Lincoln  lifted 
the  foe,  though  heavier,  clean  off  his  feet,  but  he  was 
unable  to  lay  him  down  in  the  orthodox  manner,  consist- 
ing in  placing  him  fiat  on  his  back,  with  both  shoulder- 
blades  denting  the  earth.  The  semivictor  amicably  said : 
"Let's  quit,  Jack !  You  see  I  cannot  give  you  the  fall — 
and  you  cannot  give  it  me." 

The  gang  shouted  for  a  resumption  of  the  "sport," 
thinking  this  was  weakness  of  the  competitor.  They 
joined  again,  but  Armstrong,  having  his  doubts,  resorted 
to  foul  play — kicking  or  "legging,"  as  the  localism 
stands.  Indignantly,  Lincoln  drew  him  up  again  and 


24  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

shook  him  in  mid-air  as  a  terrier  does  a  rat.  The  row- 
dies, seeing  their  champion  bested,  shouted  for  him  to 
make  a  fight  of  it,  and  probably  they  would  have  "mixed 
in"  and  made  a  "fight  for  all"  in  another  minute.  But 
Jack  had  his  doubts  set  at  rest  as  to  the  prospect  of 
overcoming  a  man  who  could  hold  him  out  and  off  at 
arm's  length;  and,  begging  to  be  set  down,  grasped  his 
antagonist's  hand  in  friendship  and  proclaimed  him  the 
best  man  "who  had  ever  broke  into"  that  section.  The 
two  became  friends,  and  the  gang  gradually  dwindled 
by  this  recession  from  their  ranks  of  their  Goliath. 


THE  HORRORS  FOR  THE  THIRD  TIME  I 
When  Abraham  Lincoln  was  a  poor  young  lawyer 
from  Springfield,  attending  the  perambulatory  court 
down  at  Lewiston,  Illinois,  he  found  the  place  crowded 
by  a  Methodist  meeting  as  well  as  the  court  having  an 
attractive  case  to  try.  He  was  obliged — because  of  ex- 
clusion from  the  inn — to  put  up  at  the  sheriff's  house. 
Mrs.  Davidson  herself  could  only  offer  him  shares  with 
Mr.  Stephen  A.  Douglas,  also  a  rising  man,  and  Peter 
Cartwright,  the  noted  preacher— on  the  floor,  but  on  a 
feather  bed.  At  that  period  the  wild  goose  flew  low.  It 
may  be  supposed  that  the  student  of  Shakespeare  might 
quote  "When  shall  we  three  meet  again?"  on  rising 
between  the  famous  border  worthies  in  the  dawn.  The 
hospitality  was  so  refreshing  that  the  trio  spent  the  next 
night  there.  They  sat  up  by  the  large  fireside,  capping 
stories.  The  enmity  of  lawyers,  and  even  of  politicians, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  25 

is  but  skin-deep,  and  Steve  and  Abe  clashed  not  at  all 
to  meet  the  minister's  reproof.  Lincoln  rocked  while 
story-telling  in  a  cane-bottomed  chair,  taken  from  the 
steamboat  celebrated  in  Spoon  River  annals  as  its  first 
navigator.  Lincoln  was  the  more  interested,  as  he  had 
been  boatman  and  pilot  on  his  river,  the  Sangamon.  In 
the  i82o's,  this  toy  boat,  the  Utility,  struggled  into  the 
high  water  of  Spoon  River.  It  is  a  tributary  of  the 
Illinois.  Now,  though  the  county  is  named  Fulton,  none 
of  the  inhabitants  knew  anything  about  the  inventor  of 
steam  navigation,  and  doubted  that  a  steamboat  existed 
near  them.  Hence  the  snorting,  puffing,  and  clangor  of 
the  vessel  as  she  surged  against  the  freshet,  alarmed 
all  the  population  in  hearing  when  she  ascended  the 
virgin  Spoon. 

One  Sam  Jenkins  had  been  on  a  spree  for  a  week,  and 
even  he  was  roused  by  the  tremendous  sound.  As  he 
rushed  from  his  cabin,  by  the  terrific  blaze  from  the 
high  smoke-stack  and  the  furnace  burning  pitch-pine,  he 
sank  onto  his  shaking  knees  and  yelled : 

"Boys,  I  have  got  'em  for  the  third  time!  It  is  all 
up  with  me!" 


THE  WHISTLE  THAT  STOPPED  THE  BOAT. 

Lincoln  was  pitted,  as  a  lawyer,  against  a  brother  of 
the  toga  who  was  of  fat  and  plethoric  habit,  and  who 
puffed  and  blowed  when  most  he  wished  to  get  on  with 
his  speech.  The  wag  said : 

"The  gentleman  reminds  me  of  a  little  steamboat  I 


26  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

knew  about  on  the  Spoon  River.  She  had  been  equipped 
with  a  whistle  disproportionate  to  her  capacity  of  steam- 
power,  and  every  time  she  blew  off  it  stopped  the  boat !" 


IT  IS  THE  DEED,  NOT  THE  DOER. 

By  one  of  those  unaccountable  contradictions  whicri 
disturb  one's  calculations  upon  women's  conduct,  the  fair 
sex  "took  to"  him  with  extraordinary  kindness,  though 
he  always  remained  shy  in  their  presence.  This  favor 
on  their  part  was  fortified  by  his  striking  honesty  in 
little  points  which  the  close-seeing  feminine  eye  never 
misses.  To  cap  the  climax  he  defended  the  purity  of 
social  order  with  a  rarity  in  those  quarters  sufficient  to 
single  him  out.  Not  that  the  roughest  Westerner  was  not 
excessively  gallant,  but  his  restrictions  in  the  ladies' 
presence  did  not  always  curb  his  proneness  to  "tall  talk." 

Once  in  the  way,  a  loafer  hanging  about  in  the  store, 
and  having  paid  only  attention  to  the  dram  counter,  the 
necessary  concomitant  of  the  village  center,  became  gar- 
rulous, but  unfortunately  more  than  seasoned  the  flow 
with  a  profanity  tolerably  rich  in  variety  if  not  distin- 
guished  for  refinement;  he  was  of  the  Gary's  Grove 
genus.  As  there  was  a  crowd  at  the  "ladies'  department," 
that  is,  the  dry-goods  and  finery,  where  it  happened  Lin- 
coln was  commonly  besieged,  the  language  was  resented 
by  woman's  weapons— tosses  of  the  head,  affected  deaf- 
ness, glances  into  the  future,  and  so  on,  but  the  clerk 
resented  it  in  another  way.    He  bade  him  be  silent. 
Now,  the  fellow  thought,  with  his  kind,  that  he  was 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  27 

entitled  to  exhale  the  breath  which  was  strengthened  by 
the  strong  waters  vended  here,  and  expressed  himself 
more  foully  than  before. 

He  had  a  resentment  against  the  clod  rising  to  be  a 
flower  of  courtesy,  and  here  was  his  opportunity  to 
satisfy  the  grudge,  and  before  an  audience  timid  and  not 
apt  to  intervene. 

Singularly,  the  men  who  most  despise  women  are  the 
ones  who  seek  to  have  her  applause.  He  wished  to  see 
the  man  who  would  stop  him  from  tittering  his  senti- 
ments. He  was  answered  that  his  business  would  be 
attended  to,  as  soon  as  the  offended  ladies  had  with- 
drawn. 

The  undesired  witnesses  took  the  hint  and  quitted  the 
store.  Thereupon  the  long-limbed  clerk  verified  the 
taunt  of  "counter-jumper"  by  clearing  it  at  a  bound. 
"Will  you  engage  not  to  repeat  that  rowdy  (blackguard) 
talk  in  the  store  while  I  am  the  master,  and  leave  in- 
stanter?" 

The  bully  protested  in  a  torrent  of  unrepeatable  words. 

"I  see,"  said  the  champion  of  decency,  "you  want  a 
whipping,  and  I  may  as  well  give  it  you  as  any  other 
man." 

And  he  forthwith  administered  the  correction ;  not  only 
did  he  drag  him  outdoors,  but  laid  him  out  so  senseless 
that  nothing  less  than  the  border  finish  of  a  knock-down 
and  drag-out  encounter — the  rubbing  the  conquered 
man's  eyes  with  smart-weed — revived  him  to  beg  for 
mercy,  and  a  drink.  The  victor  allowed  him  to  rise, 
converted  his  appeal  into  mockery  by  offering  plain 


28  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

water,  which  the  brute  applied  solely  to  his  doubly  in- 
flamed eyes,  and  sent  him  away  in  tears.  But  the  shock 
had  a  reparative  effect ;  he  became  a  good  neighbor,  and 
a  convert  to  temperance. 

(This  or  a  similar  lesson  to  the  village  bully  is  testified 
to  by  an  eye-witness  of  Sangamon,  but  resident  of  Viro- 
qua,  Wisconsin ;  his  name  is  John  White.  He  worked  at 
chopping  rails  with  the  rail-splitter  on  more  than  one 
job.) 


TURN  OUT  OR  BE  TURNED  OUT. 

Superintendent  Tinker,  of  the  W.  U.  T.,  says  he 
heard  Secretary  Seward  say  to  President  Lincoln : 

"Mr.  President,  I  hear  that  you  turned  out  for  a  col- 
ored woman  on  a  muddy  crossing  the  other  day?" 

"Did  you?"  returned  the  other  laughingly.  "Well,  I 
'don't  remember  it ;  but  I  always  make  it  a  rule,  if  people 
do  not  turn  out  for  me,  I  will  for  them.  If  I  didn't, 
there  would  be  a  collision." 


THE  BEST  THING  TO  TAKE. 

When  Lincoln  worked  in  and  kept  a  grocery-store,  it 
was  flanked  by  a  groggery  and  he  had  to  supply  spirits, 
but  from  that  fact  he  saw  the  evils  of  the  saloon  and 
early  identified  himself  with  the  novel  temperance  move- 
ment. In  1843,  ne  joined  the  Sons  of  Temperance. 
While  he  said  he  was  temperate  on  theory,  it  was  not 
so — he  was  practically  abstinent.  Not  only  did  he  lecture 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  29 

publicly,   but,   at  one   such  occasion,   he  gave   out  the 
pledges.     In  decorating  a  boy,   Cleophas  Breckenridge, 
with  a  badge,  after  he  took  the  pledge,  he  said : 
"Sonny,  that  is  the  best  thing  you  will  ever  take" 


DRINKING  AND  SWALLOWING  ARE  TWO  THINGS. 

It  has  been  stated  that  Lincoln,  after  reigning  at  the 
village  store,  had  become  the  idol  of  the  settlement.  A 
stranger  to  whom  he  was  shown  was  not  properly  im- 
pressed. One  of  the  clerk's  friends,  William  Greene, 
bragged  that  his  favorite  was  the  strongest  man  in  the 
township — this  was  not  affecting  the  critic — and  even 
went  on :  "The  strongest  in  the  country !" 

"H'm!  not  the  strongest  in  the  State!"  denied  the 
stranger.  "I  know  a  man  who  can  lift  a  barrel  of  flour 
as  easily  as  I  can  a  peck  of  potatoes." 

"Abe,  there,  could  lift  two  barrels  of  flour  if  he  could 
get  a  hold  on  them." 

"You  can  beat  me  telling  'raisers,'  but " 

"Taking  a  lift  out  of  you  or  not,  I  am  willing  to  bet 
that  Abe  will  lift  a  barrel  of  spirits  and  drink  out  of 
the  bunghole  to  prove  he  can  hold  it  there !" 

"Impossible!    What  will  you  lay  on  the  thing?" 

They  made  a  wager  of  a  new  hat — the  Sunday  hat  of 
beaver  being  still  costly. 

Greene  was  betting  unfairly — on  a  sure  thing — as  he 
had  seen  his  friend  do  what  he  asserted,  all  but  the 
drinking  flourish.  Lincoln  was  averse  to  the  wagering 


30  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

at  all,  but  to  help  his  friend  to  the  hat,  he  consented  to 
the  feat.  He  passed  through  it,  lifting  the  cask  between 
his  two  hands  and  holding  the  spigot-hole  to  his  lips  while 
he  imbibed  a  mouthful.  As  he  was  slowly  lowering  the 
barrel  to  the  floor,  the  winner  exclaimed  jubilately : 

"I  knew  you  would  do  it;  but  I  never  knew  you  to 
drink  whisky  before!" 

The  barrel  was  stood  on  the  floor,  when  the  drinker 
calmly  expelled  the  mouthful  of  its  contents,  and  drolly 
remarked : 

"And  I  have  not  drunk  that,  you  see !" 

As  a  return  for  his  action  to  win  the  hat,  he  asked 
Greene  not  to  wager  any  more — a  resolve  which  he  took 
to  oblige  him. 


WORSTED  IN  A  HORSE-TRADE. 

Until  Lincoln — seeing  that  his  decisions  created  ene- 
mies, whichever  way  they  fell — renounced  being  umpire 
for  horse-racing  and  the  like  events,  momentous  on  the 
border,  he  officiated  in  many  such  pastimes.  Before  he 
found  them  "all  wrong,"  he  had  a  horsy  acquaintance 
in  a  judge.  This  was  at  a  time  when  he  was  practising 
law,  which  involved  riding  on  circuit,  as  the  court  went 
round  to  give  sittings  like  the  ancient  English  justices, 
attending  assizes.  During  such  excursions,  they  played 
practical  jokes,  naturally.  Among  their  singular  contests 
was  a  bet  of  twenty-five  dollars — as  forfeit  if,  in  horse- 
swapping,  the  loser  rejected  the  horse  offered  on  even 
terms  with  the  one  he  "put  in."  Neither  was  to  know 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  31 

anything  of  the  equine  paragon  until  simultaneously  ex- 
hibited. 

As  good  sport  was  indicated  where  two  such  arrant 
jokers  were  in  conflict,  a  vast  throng  filled  the  tavern- 
yard  where  the  pair  were  to  draw  conclusions.  At  the 
appointed  hour  the  court  functionary  dragged  upon  the 
scene  a  most  dilapidated  simulacrum  of  man's  noblest 
conquest — blind,  spavined,  lean  as  Pharaoh's  kind,  creek- 
ing  in  every  joint — at  the  same  time  that  his  fellow 
wagerer  carried  on  under  his  long  arm  a  carpenter's 
horse — gashed  with  adze  and  broadax,  bored  with  the 
augur,  trenched  with  saw  and  draw-knife — singed,  paint, 
and  tar-spotted,  crazy  in  each  leg  of  the  three  still  ad- 
hering— in  short,  justifying  Lincoln  to  reverse  his  cry 
at  viewing  the  real  animal : 

"Jedge  (for  judge),  this  is  the  first  time  I  ever  got  the 
worst  of  it  in  a  hoss-trade !" 


HOW  MANY  SHORT  BREATHS? 

In  the  nearest  town  to  the  Lincolns  lived  a  man  called 
"Captain"  Larkins.  He  was  short  and  fat,  and  conse- 
quently "puffing."  He  was  logically  fond  of  "blowing." 
For  example,  if  he  bought  any  object,  he  would  proclaim 
that  it  was  the  best  article  of  its  sort  in  the  settlement. 
His  favorite  orating-ground — in  fact,  the  only  theater 
for  displays  was  the  front  of  the  village  store,  where, 
among  the  farmers  who  came  in  to  dicker  and  purchase 
stores,  he  would  dilate.  Lincoln  did  not  like  the  pom- 
pous little  fellow  whose  rotund  and  diminutive  figure 


32  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

was  in  glaring  contrast  to  his  own — a  young  man,  but 
colossal,  while  his  stature  was  augmented  by  his  meager- 
ness. 

"Gentlemen,"  bawled  Larkins,  "I  have  the  best  horse 
in  the  county !  I  ran  him  three  miles  in  two-forty  each 
and  he  never  fetched  a  long  breath !" 

'TTm!"  interrupted  Lincoln,  looking  down  at  the  man 
panting  with  excitement;  "why  don't  you  tell  us  how 
many  short  breaths  you  drew  ?" 


LINCOLN'S  HEIGHT. 

One  of  the  committee  appointed  to  acquaint  Mr.  Lin- 
coln formally  with  the  decision  of  the  Chicago  Presi- 
dential Convention  of  1860  was  Judge  Kelly,  a  man  of 
unusual  stature.  At  the  meeting  with  the  nominee  he 
eyed  the  latter  with  admiration  and  the  jealousy  the 
exceptional  cherish  for  rivals.  This  had  not  escaped  the 
curious  Lincoln;  he  asked  him,  as  he  singled  him  out: 
"\Vhat  is  your  height?" 

"Six  feet  three.    What  is  yours  ?" 

"Six  feet  four."* 

"Then,  sir,  Pennsylvania  bows  to  Illinois,"  responded 
the  judge.  "My  dear  sir,  for  years  my  heart  has  been 
aching  for  a  President  I  could  look  up  to,  and  I  have 


*This  will  probably  never  be  exactly  settled  now.  Speaker 
Reed  agreed  with  this  statement.  But  Miss  Emma  Gurley 
Adams,  in  a  position  to  know,  published  in  the  New  York  Press: 
"Mr.  Lincoln  told  my  father  that  he  was  exactly  six  feet  three 
inches."  This  was  at  the  end  of  his  life.  The  contrariety  of  the 
assertions  simply  baffles  one. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  33 

found  him  at  last  in  the  land  where  we  thought  there 
were  none  but  little  giants." 

(Stephen  Douglas,  leader  of  the  Democratic  party,  was 
a  pocket  Daniel  Webster  and  bearing  the  by-name  of 
"the  Little  Giant.") 


MEASURES  AND  MEN. 

The  earlier  audiences  at  the  White  House  were  in- 
spired by  ludicrous  ideas,  far  between  patriotism  and 
interest  in  the  "tall  Hoosier."  The  habitual  attendants 
and  guards  soon  discovered  that  the  chief  was  an  un- 
rivaled host,  adapting  modes  of  reception  to  the  differing 
kind  of  callers.  He  noticed  once  two  young  men  who 
hung  about  the  door,  so  that,  sympathizing  with  the  shy 
— for  he  had  been  wofully  troubled  by  that  feeling  in  his 
youth — he  went  over  to  the  pair,  and  to  make  them  feel 
at  home,  asked  them  to  be  seated  while  they  looked  on. 
But  they  didn't  care  for  chairs.  The  shorter  of  the  two 
stammered  that  he  and  his  friend  had  a  talk  about  the 
President's  unusual  height,  and  would  the  host  kindly 
settle  the  matter,  and  see  whether  he  were  as  tall  as  his 
excellency.  , 

Lincoln  had  been  scanning  the  competitor  and,  smiling, 
returned:  "He  is  long  enough,  certainly.  Let  us  see 
about  that."  He  went  for  his  cane*  and,  placing  the 


*Lincoln's  cane.  This  was  the  cane  he  carried,  instead  of  go- 
ing armed.  But  he  was  forever  leaving  it  anywhere  about,  so 
that,  nine  times  out  of  ten,  he  went  forth  without  it  on  his 
errant  "browsing"  around;  and  it  was  a  wonder  that  this  time 
he  knew  where  to  find  it. 


34  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

ferule  end  to  the  wall,  to  act  as  a  level,  he  bade  the 
young  man  draw  near  and  stand  under.  When  the  rod 
was  carefully  adjusted  to  the  top  of  the  head,  Mr. 
Lincoln  continued: 

"Now,  step  out  and  hold  the  cane  while  I  go  under." 

This  comparison  showed  that  the  young  man  stood  six 
feet  three  exactly.  Lincoln's  precise  figure,  too. 

"Just  my  height,"  remarked  the  affable  President  to 
the  herald  of  the  match;  "he  guessed  with  admirable 
accuracy !" 

Giving  both  a  shake  of  the  hand,  he  gave  them  the 
good-by  warmly.  He  had  seen  that  they  were  innocents 
and  shrank  from  letting  them  know  that  they  had  un- 
sciously  offended  his  dignity. 


THE  PRIZE  FOR  HOMELINESS. 

In  keeping  with  his  proneness  to  jest  at  his  own  ex- 
pense rather  than  lose  a  laugh,  Lincoln  is  credited  with 
telling  the  following  story  upon  himself: 

"In  the  days  when  I  used  to  be  on  the  circuit  (law), 
I  was  accosted  on  the  road  by  a  stranger.  He  said: 
'Excuse  me,  sir,  but  I  have  an  article  in  my  possession 
which  belongs  to  you.'  'How  is  that?'  I  asked,  consid- 
erably astonished. 

"The  stranger  took  a  'Barlow'  from  his  pocket. 

"'This  knife,'  said  he,  'was  placed  in  my  hands  some 
years  ago  with  the  injunction  of  the  community,  through 
its  bearer,  that  I  was  to  keep  it  until  I  struck  a  man 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  35 

homelier  than  I.  I  have  carried  it  from  that  time  till 
this.  Allow  me  to  say,  sir,  that  you  are  fairly  entitled 
to  the  testimonial.' " 


HOW  LONG  LEGS  SHOULD  BE. 

A  quipster,  harping  on  Mr.  Lincoln's  abnormal  tall- 
ness,  had  the  mishap  to  draw  upon  himself  some  quiz- 
zing; the  President  putting  the  non  plus  on  him  by 
asking : 

"How  long,  then,  ought  a  man's  legs  to  be?" 

The  answer  was  given  by  the  sphinx: 

"Long  enough  to  reach  from  his  body  to  the  ground." 


LONG  METER. 

John  Sherman  will  be  remembered  as  originator  of 
the  politicians'  "cover"  for  electioneering  activity,  "I  am 
going  home  to  mend  my  fences."  He  was  fresh  from 
Ohio,  but  he  included  in  his  round  of  duties,  on  visiting 
the  capital,  an  attendance  of  a  Lincoln  reception.  He 
waited  in  the  long  file  for  his  turn  to  shake  hands,  and, 
while  doing  so,  wondered  how  he  would  be  received. 
For  the  informal  "function"  was  enlivened  by  the  most 
untoward  incidents,  due  to  the  host's  simplicity,  spon- 
taneous acts  and  words,  and  the  homelike  nature  of  the 
scene.  Truly  enough,  when  his  chance  came,  the  meeting 
was  eccentric. 

Lincoln  scanned  him  a  moment,  threw  out  his  large 
hand,  and  said: 


36  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"'You're  a  pretty  tall  fellow,  aren't  you?  Stand  up 
here  to  me,  back  to  back,  and  let's  see  which  of  us  two 
is  the  taller!' 

"In  another  moment  I  was  standing  back  to  back  with 
the  greatest  man  of  his  age.  Naturally  I  was  quite 
abashed  by  this  unexpected  evidence  of  democracy. 

"  'You  are  from  the  West,  aren't  you  ?'  inquired  Lin- 
coln. 

"  'My  home  is  in  Ohio/  I  replied. 

"  'I  thought  so,'  he  said ;  'that's  the  kind  of  men  they 
raise  out  there !'  " 


"HARDSHIPS  STRENGTHEN  MUSCLES." 

As  in  the  old  country,  kings  evade  the  tiresome  fea- 
tures of  receptions,  after  a  time,  by  retiring  and  leaving 
the  ceremony  to  be  carried  out  by  a  deputy,  so  the 
daintier  Presidents  before  the  sixteenth  one  eluded  the 
handshaking  when  possible.  But,  on  the  contrary,  "the 
man  out  of  the  West"  continued  to  the  last,  and  the  latest 
visitor  had  no  reason  to  cavil  at  the  grip  being  less  hearty 
to  him  than  the  first  comer.  On  visiting  the  army  hos- 
pital at  City  Point,  where  upward  of  three  thousand 
patients  awaited  his  passing  with  enrapt  respect,  he  in- 
sisted on  no  one  being  neglected.  A  surgeon  inquired 
if  he  did  not  feel  lamed  in  the  arm  by  the  undue  exertion, 
whereupon  he  replied  smilingly: 

"Not  at  all.  The  hardships  of  my  early  life  gave  me 
strong  muscles." 

And  as  there  happened  to  be  in  the  yard,  by  the  door- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 


way,  a  chopping-block  with  the  ax  left  stuck  on  the  top 
as  usual,  he  took  it  out,  swung,  and  poised  it  to  get  the 
unfamiliar  heft,  and  chopped  up  a  stick  lying  handy. 
When  he  paused,  from  no  more  left  to  do,  he  held  out 
the  implement  straight,  forming  one  line  with  his  ex- 
tended arm,  and  not  a  nerve  quivered  any  more  than  the 
helve  or  the  blade.  The  workers,  who  knew  what  hard 
work  was,  gazed  with  wonder  at  what  they  could  not 
have  done  for  a  moment.  One  of  them  gathered  up  the 
chips  and  disposed  of  them  for  relics  to  the  sightseers 
who  welcomed  such  tokens  of  the  great  ruler. 

(An  American  visiting  Mr.  Gladstone's  country  seat, 
Hawarden,  and  seeing  the  premier  chopping  a  tree  for 
health's  sake,  observed  humorously,  having  also  seen 
Mr.  Lincoln  employed  as  above:  "Your  Grand  Old  Man 
is  going  in  at  the  same  hole  ours  went  out !") 


HE  USED  TO  BE  "GOOD  ON  THE  CHOP.** 

In  the  beginning  of  1865,  the  President  was  wont  to 
pay  visits  to  the  James  River,  not  merely  to  inspect  the 
camps  and  the  field-hospitals,  but  to  have  a  peep  at  "the 
promised  land" — that  is,  Richmond,  still  held  by  the  rap- 
idly melting  and  discouraged  Southerners  as  the  "Lasf 
Ditch."  In  one  of  his  strolls  he  came  upon  a  gang  of 
lumbermen  cutting  up  logs  and  putting  up  stockades  and 
cabins  for  the  wet  weather.  Joining  one  group  he 
chatted  freely  with  the  woodmen  and  as  one  of  them- 
selves. Presently,  he  asked  for  the  loan  of  an  ax.  The 


38  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

man  hesitating,  since  his  blade  had  just  been  fine-edged, 
he  explained  that  he  was  one  of  the  Jacks  and  "used  to 
be  good  on  the  chop."  Then  seizing  the  arm  with 
familiarity  he  attacked  a  big  log  and,  using  it  as  a  broad- 
ax,  shaped  the  rough-hewn  sides  till  it  was  a  perfect  slab. 
He  handed  back  the  tool  and  stalked  off  amid  cheers. 


A   MAN  WHO  CAN   SCRATCH   HIS  SHINS   WITHOUT 
STOOPING. 

One  of  the  want-to-knows  had  the  impertinence  to 
inquire  of  Mr.  Lincoln  his  opinion  of  General  Sheridan, 
not  yet  known,  who  had  come  out  of  the  West  early  in 
1864,  to  take  command  of  the  cavalry  under  General 
Grant  as  lieutenant-general. 

"Have  you  not  seen  Sheridan?"  The  answer  was  in 
the  negative.  "Then  I  will  tell  you  just  what  kind  of  a 
chap  he  is :  One  of  those  long-armed  fellows,  with  short 
legs,  that  can  scratch  their  shins  without  having  to  stoop 
over  to  do  it!" 


.    STRUCK  BY  THE  DEAD  HAND. 

Edwin  Booth,  the  tragedian,  brother  of  the  regicide 
Wilkes,  was  at  a  friend's  house.  By  the  purest  chance, 
dallying  over  the  knickknacks,  he  picked  up  a  plaster-cast 
of  a  hand.  It  was  something  more  than  a  paper-weight, 
he  was  intuitively  prompted,  for  he  said,  handling  it  rev- 
erently as  Yorick's  relict: 

"By  the  way,  whose  is  this?" 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  39 

Before  the  cue  could  be  given  to  hush  or  utter  a  sub- 
terfuge, some  one  blurted  out: 

"Abraham  Lincoln's !    Don't  you  know  ?" 
"The  murder  was  out!"  and  the  distinguished  guest, 
who  suffered  a  long  term  for  a  crime  wholly  out  of  his 
ken,  was  silent  for  the  evening. — (W.  D.  Howells.) 


THIS   CLINCHES  IT. 

A  party  accompanying  the  President  to  the  ground  to 
see  experiments  with  new  ordnance  in  the  Navy  Yard, 
in  1862,  were  diverted  by  his  taking  up  a  ship-carpenter's 
ax  from  its  nick  in  a  spar,  and  holding  it  out  by  the  end 
of  the  handle;  a  feat  that  none  of  the  group  could 
imitate. 

He  said  that  he  had  enough  of  the  Dahlgreens,  Colum- 
biads,  and  Raphael  repeaters — and  that  this  was  an 
American  institution,  which,  "I  guess,  I  understand  bet- 
ter than  all  other  weapons !" 


LINCOLN'S  FIRST  LOVE-STORY. 

In  1833,  when  Abraham  was  just  over  twenty,  he  fell 
in  love  with  Anne,  or  Annie  Rutledge,  at  New  Salem. 
Her  father  kept  the  tavern  where  Lincoln  boarded.  But 
the  girl  was  engaged  to  a  dry-goods  merchant,  named 
McNeil.  This  man,  pretending  to  be  of  a  high  old  Irish 
family,  likely  to  discountenance  union  to  a  publican's 
daughter,  shilly-shallied,  but  finally  went  East  to  get  his 


4O  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

folks'  consent.  He  acknowledged  that  he  was  parading 
under  borrowed  plumes,  as  he  was  a  McNamara  in  real- 
ity. He  stayed  away  so  long  that  the  maid-forlorn  gave 
him  up  and  listened  to  other  suitors.  Lincoln  proposed, 
but  waited  till  the  apparent  jilt  was  heard  from.  Then 
they  were  espoused.  But  a  block  to  the  match  came  in 
Lincoln  having  no  position.  Awaiting  his  efforts  as  a  law 
student,  the  wedding  was  postponed;  but,  meanwhile, 
death  came  quick  where  fortune  lagged.  She  died  and 
left  her  lover  broken-hearted.  He  seems  then  to  have 
been  smitten  with  the  brown  study  afflicting  him  all  his 
life,  and  by  some,  like  Secretary  Boutwell,  affirmed  to 
be  independent  of  the  surrounding  grounds  for  depres- 
sion and  grief.  Fears  of  suicide  led  his  friends  to  watch 
him  closely ;  and  he  was  known  to  go  and  lie  on  the  grave 
of  the  maid,  whose  name  he  said  would  dwell  ever  with 
him,  while  his  heart  was  buried  with  her.  The  rival, 
McNamara,  returned  too  late  to  redeem  his  vow,  but  lived 
in  the  same  State  many  years,  "a  prosperous  gentleman." 


A  PUT-UP  JOB— OR  CHANCE? 

The  ways  of  the  petitioner  are  deep  and  mysterious. 
The  Virginia  (Illinois)  Enquirer,  March  I,  1879,  had  the 
following : 

"John  McNamer  (Namara?)  was  buried  last  Sunday, 
near  Petersburg,  Menard  County.  He  was  an  early 
settler  and  carried  on  business  at  New  Salem.  Abe 
Lincoln  was  the  postmaster  there  and  kept  a  store.  It 
was  here  that,  at  the  tavern,  dwelt  the  fair  Annie  Rut- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  41 

ledge,  in  whose  grave  Lincoln  wrote  that  his  heart  was 
buried.  As  the  story  runs,  the  fair  and  gentle  Annie  was 
John's  sweetheart,  but  Abe  took  'a  shine'  to  her,  and 
succeeded  in  heading  off  Mac,  and  won  her  affections. 
During  the  war,  a  Kentucky  lady  went  to  Washington 
with  her  daughter  to  procure  her  son's  pardon  for  being 
a  guerrilla.  The  daughter  was  a  musician.  Sitting  at  the 
piano  while  her  mother  was  sewing,  she  sang  'Gentle 
Annie/  While  it  was  being  charmingly  rendered,  Abe 
rose  from  his  seat,  crossed  the  room  to  a  window,  and 
gazed  out  for  several  minutes  with  that  sad,  'far-away' 
look  noticed  as  one  of  his  particularities.  When  he  re- 
turned to  his  seat  he  wrote  a  note  which,  as  he  said,  was 
the  pardon  besought.  The  scene  proves  that  Mr.  Lincoln 
was  a  man  of  fine  feelings,  and  that,  if  the  occurrence 
was  a  put-up  job  on  the  lady's  part,  it  accomplished  the 
purpose  all  the  same." 


LINCOLN'S  MARRIAGE. 

In  1839,  another  Kentucky  belle*  arrived  in  Illinois  to 
follow  the  steps  of  her  sister,  who  had  found  a  conquest 
there.  This  Mrs.  Edwards  introduced  Miss  Mary  Todd, 
and  she  became  the  belle  of  the  Sangamon  bottom. 
Lincoln  was  pitted  against  another  young  lawyer,  after- 
ward the  eminent  Stephen  A.  Douglas,  but,  odd  as  it 

*Addressing  Kentuckians  in  a  speech  made  at  Cincinnati,  in 
1859,  Lincoln  said :  "We  mean  to  marry  our  girls  when  we  have 
a  chance;  and  I  have  the  honor  to  say  I  once  did  have  a  chance 
in  that  way." 


42  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

appears,  Miss  Todd  singled  out  the  Ugly  Duckling  as 
the  more  eligible  of  the  two.  Whatever  the  reason — • 
strange  in  a  man  knowing  how  to  bide  his  time  to  win — • 
Lincoln  wrote  to  the  lady,  withdrawing  from  the  contest, 
allowed  to  be  hopeless  by  him.  His  friend  Speed  would 
not  bear  the  letter,  but  pressed  him  to  have  a  face-to- face 
explanation.  The  rogue — who  was  in  the  toils  himself, 
and  was  shortly  wedded — believed  the  parley  would  re- 
move the,  perhaps,  imaginary  hindrance.  But  Miss  Todd 
accepted  the  deliverance ;  thereupon  they  parted — but  im~ 
mediately  the  reconciliation  took  place.  The  nuptials 
were  settled,  but  here  again  Lincoln  displayed  a  way- 
wardness utterly  out  of  keeping  with  his  subsequent 
actions.  He  "bolted"  on  the  wedding-day — New-year's, 

1841.  Searching  for  him,  his  friends — remembering  the 
fit  after  the  Rutledge  death — found  him  in  the  woods 
like  the  Passionate  Pilgrim  of  ancient  romance.    Luckily 
he  was  inspirited  by  them  with  a  feeling  that  an  irrepres- 
sible desire  to  live  till  assured  that  the  world  is  "a  little 
better  for  my  having  lived  in  it."     Seeing  what  ensued, 
one  could  say  then  "Good  Speed!"  to  his  bosom  friend  of 
that  name.     But  this  friend  married  in  the  next  year, 
and  in  his  cold  loneliness  so  doubled,  Lincoln  harked 
back  to  the  flame.     She  ought  never  to  have  forgiven 
him  for  the  slight,  but  it  was  not  possible  for  her  to 
repay  him  with  poetic  justice  by  rejoicing  Stephen  A. 
Douglas,   as  that  gentleman   had  looked  elsewhere   for 
matrimonial   recompense.     Lincoln   and   Miss   Todd,   in 

1842,  renewed   the   old    plight   and   never   again   were 
divided. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  43 

THE  BURLESQUE  DUEL. 

Lincoln  was  plunged  willy-nilly  into  the  society  he 
shunned  at  home,  on  entering  the  legislature  at  Spring- 
field. A  newspaper  there  published  the  account — from 
her  side — of  a  young  lady's  difference  with  a  noted 
politician,  General  James  Shields.  He  married  a  sister  of 
Lincoln's  wife,  and  there  was  a  feud  between  them. 
Shields  flew  to  the  editor  to  demand  the  name  of  the 
maligner,  as  he  called  the  correspondent,  or  the  editor 
must  meet  him  with  dueling  weapon — or  his  horsewhip. 
In  the  Western  States  the  whip  was  snapped  at  literary 
men  as  the  cane  was  flourished  in  England  at  the  date, 
1842. 

The  editor  consulted  with  Lincoln  as  a  lawyer  and  a 
friend.  With  his  enmity  as  to  Shields,  the  friend  promptly 
advised  him  to  say  "I  did  it !"  This  was,  in  fact,  sheer 
justice,  for  it  was  Lincoln's  wife  who  uttered  the  articles. 
And,  by  the  way,  their  style  and  rustic  humor  were  much 
in  the  vein  of  the  "Widow  Bedott"  and  the  "Samantha" 
papers  of  later  times.  Mrs.  Lincoln  was  not  the  mere 
housekeeper  the  scribes  accuse  her  of  being.  Lincoln 
knew  what  was  her  value  when  he  read  his  speeches  first 
to  her  for  an  opinion,  as  Moliere  courted  his  stewardess 
for  opinions.  Sumner  heeded  her  counsel. 

Abraham  championed  the  mysterious  "Aunt  'Becca," 
who  had  characterized  Shields  as  "a  ballroom  dandy 
floating  around  without  heft  or  substance,  just  like  a  lot 
of  cat-fur  where  cats  have  been  fighting."  Is  not  this 
quite  Lincolnian? 

Thus  put  forward,  Lincoln  received  a  challenge. 


44  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Trial  by  battle-personal  still  ruled.  The  politicians 
coupled  with  the  necessity  of  going  out  with  weapons  to 
maintain  an  assertion  in  speech  or  publication  were  Jef- 
ferson Davis,  Jackson,  the  President;  Henry  Clay,  the 
amiable;  Sam  Houston,  Sergeant  S.  Prentiss,  etc. 

Shields  naturally  challenged  the  lady's  champion.  As 
the  challenged  party,  Lincoln,  who  had  cooled  in  the 
interim,  not  only  chose  broadswords  (not  at  all  "the 
gentleman's  arm  in  an  affair  of  honor"),  but,  what  is 
more,  descanted  on  the  qualities  of  the  cutlas  in  such  a 
droll  manner  and  words  that  the  second  went  off  laugh- 
ing. He  imparted  his  unseemly  mirth  to  his  opponent's 
seconds,  and  all  the  parties  concerned  took  the  cue  to 
soften  down  the  irritation  between  two  persons  formerly 
"chums,"  and  relatives  so  close. 

The  meeting  took  place  by  the  river-side  out  of  Alton, 
where  the  leaking  out  of  the  gallantry  of  Lincoln  in 
taking  up  the  cudgels  for  the  lady  led  to  an  explana- 
tion, although  no  such  enlightenment  ought  to  be  per- 
mitted on  the  ground.  Besides,  all  was  ludicrous — the 
broadswords  intolerably  broad. 

The  principals  shook  hands.  But  the  plotters  were  not 
content  with  this  peaceful  ending.  They  had  determined 
that  the  outside  spectators  on  the  town  side  of  the  river 
should  be  "in  at  the  (sham)  death."  They  rigged  up 
a  log  in  a  coat  and  sheet  like  a  man  wounded  and  re- 
clining in  the  bottom  of  a  boat,  and  pretended  it  was  one 
of  the  duelists,  badly  stricken,  whom  they  were  escorting 
to  town  for  surgical  assistance.  The  explosion  of  laugh- 
ter receiving  the  two  principals  when  the  hoax  was  re- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  45 

vealed  caused  the  incident  to  be  a  sore  point  to  both  Lin- 
coln and  Shields. 


"WANTING  TO  DANCE   THE  WORST 

A  Miss  Mary  Todd  had  come  to  visit  a  sister  married 
in  the  neighborhood  of  Springfield.  Lincoln  was  there 
as  a  member  of  the  legislature  sitting.  He  had  eschewed 
society,  though  he  liked  it,  in  favor  of  study,  but 
now  rewarded  himself  for  achieving  this  fruit  of  ap- 
plication by  joining  the  movements  around  him.  He 
made  the  acquaintance  of  Miss  Todd,  vivacious,  sprightly, 
keenly  insighted  so  as  to  divine  he  would  prove  superior 
in  fate  to  Stephen  Douglas,  also  courting  her.  Although 
unsuited  by  nature  and  his  means  to  shine  in  the  ball- 
room, Lincoln  followed  his  flame  thither.  Using  the 
vernacular,  he  asked  for  her  hand,  saying  earnestly : 

"Miss  Todd,  I  should  like  to  dance  with  you  the  worst 
way." 

After  he  had  led  his  partner  to  her  seat,  a  friend  asked 
how  the  clumsy  partner  had  carried  himself. 

"He  kept  his  word.    He  did  dance  the  worst  way !" 


"THE  STATUTE  FIXES  ALL  THAT!" 
Even  Lincoln's  marriage  was  to  be  accompanied  by  a 
diversion  of  that  merry  imp  of  incongruity  always  with 
him — as  Shakespeare's  most  stately  heroes  are  attended 
by  a  comic  servant.  He  married  Miss  Mary  Todd,  of 
Kentucky,  at  Springfield,  at  the  age  of  thirty-three.  It 


46  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

was  the  first  wedding  performed  with  all  the  ceremonial 
of  the  Episcopalian  sect.  This  was  to  the  awe  of  the 
Honorable  Judge  Tom  C.  Brown,  an  old  man,  and  friend 
and  patron  of  our  Abraham.  He  watched  the  ecclesias- 
tical functionary  to  the  point  of  Lincoln's  placing  the 
ring  on  his  bride's  finger,  when  the  irate  old  stager  ex- 
claimed at  the  formula:  "With  this  ring  I  thee  endow 
with  all  my  goods,"  etc. 

"Grace  to  Goshen !    Lincoln,  the  statute  fixes  all  that !" 


HE  DID  NOT  KNOW  HIS  OWN  HOUSE. 

In  1842  Abraham  Lincoln  married  Miss  Mary  Todd,  a 
Kentucky  lady,  at  Springfield,  where  he  took  a  house  for 
the  wedded  life.  Previously,  while  qualifying  for  the 
bar,  he  had  dwelt  for  study  over  a  furniture-store. 

On  account  of  his  attending  the  traveling  court,  which 
compelled  a  horse,  since  he  could  not  afford  the  gig  as- 
sociated with  the  chief  lawyers'  degree  of  respectability, 
he  was  frequently  and  for  long  spells  away  from  home. 
In  one  of  these  absences  his  wife  deemed  it  fit  for  his 
coming  dignity  of  pleader  to  have  a  second  story  and 
roof  of  a  fashionable  type  set  upon  the  old  foundations. 
Under  a  fresh  coat  of  paint,  too,  this  renovation  per- 
plexed the  home-comer  when  he  drew  up  his  horse  before 
it.  At  the  sound  of  the  horse's  steps  he  knew  that  some 
one  was  flying  to  the  parlor  window,  but,  affecting  amaze- 
ment, he  challenged  a  passer-by : 

"Neighbor,  I  feel  like  a  stranger  here.     Can  you  tell 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  47 

me  where  Abraham  Lincoln   lives?     He   used   to  live 
here!" 


While  Mr.  Lincoln  was  living  in  Springfield,  a  judge 
of  the  city,  who  was  one  of  the  leading  and  most  influ- 
ential citizens  of  the  place,  had  occasion  to  call  upon  him. 
Mr.  Lincoln  was  not  overparticular  in  his  matter  of 
dress,  and  was  also  careless  in  his  manners.  The  judge 
was  ushered  into  the  parlor,  where  he  found  Mr.  Lin- 
coln sprawled  out  across  a  couple  of  chairs,  reclining  at 
his  ease.  The  judge  was  asked  to  be  seated,  and,  with- 
out changing  his  position  in  the  least,  Mr.  Lincoln  en- 
tered into  conversation  with  his  visitor. 

While  the  two  men  were  talking,  Mrs.  Lincoln  entered 
the  room.  She  was,  of  course,  greatly  embarrassed  at 
Mr.  Lincoln's  offhand  manner  of  entertaining  his  caller, 
and,  stepping  up  behind  her  husband,  she  grasped  him 
by  the  hair  and  twitched  his  head  about,  at  the  same 
time  looking  at  him  reprovingly. 

Mr.  Lincoln  apparently  did  not  notice  the  rebuke.  He 
simply  looked  up  at  his  wife,  then  across  to  the  judge, 
and,  without  rising,  said: 

"Little  Mary,  allow  me  to  introduce  you  to  my  friend, 
Judge  So-and-so." 

It  will  be  remembered  that  Mrs.  Lincoln's  maiden 
name  was  Mary  Todd,  and  that  she  was  very  short  in 
stature.— Leslies  Monthly. 


48  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

THE  LONG  AND  SHORT  OF  IT. 

The  contrast  between  the  statures  of  the  Lincolns,  man 
and  wife,  was  palpable,  but  this  hardly  substantiates  the 
story  of  the  President  appearing  with  his  wife  on  the 
White  House  porch  in  response  to  a  serenade,  and  his 
saying: 

"Here  I  am,  and  here  is  Mrs.  Lincoln.  That's  the 
long  and  short  of  it !" 


"ALL  A  MAN  WANTS— TWENTY  THOUSAND 
DOLLARS  I" 

In  one  of  his  messages  to  Congress,  the  President  fore- 
told and  denounced  the  tendency  of  wealth  acquired  in 
masses  and  rapidly  by  the  war  contractors  and  the  like  as 
"approaching  despotism."  He  saw  liberty  attacked  in 
"the  effort  to  place  capital  on  an  equal  footing  with — if 
not  above — labor  in  the  structure  of  government."  It  is 
never  to  be  forgotten  that  neither  he  nor  his  Cabinet 
officers  were  ever  upbraided  for  corruption;*  some,  like 
Secretary  Stanton,  though  handling  enormous  sums,  died 
poor  men  comparatively.  It  is  in  accordance  with  this 
honesty  of  the  "Honest  Old  Abe"  rule  that  he  said  to  an 
old  friend  whom  he  met  in  New  York  in  1859: 
"  How  have  you  fared  since  you  left  us  ?  " 
The  merchant  gleefully  replied  that  he  had  made  a 

*It  is  true  that  Lincoln's  first  war  minister,  Simon  Cameron, 
was  accused  of  smoothing  the  way  to  certain  fat  war  contracts, 
a  wit  suggesting  Simony  as  the  term,  but  no  charges  were  really 
brought.  Lincoln  said  that  if  one  proof  were  forthcoming,  he 
would  have  the  Cameronian  head — but  Mr.  Cameron  died  intact. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  49 

hundred  thousand  dollars  in  business.  "And — lost  it 
all !"  with  a  reflection  of  Lincoln's  and  the  Western  cool 
humor.  "How  is  it  on  your  part?" 

"Oh,  very  well ;  I  have  the  cottage  at  Springfield,  and 
about  eight  hundred  dollars.  If  they  make  me  vice- 
president  with  Seward,  as  some  say  they  will,  I  hope  I 
shall  be  able  to  increase  it  to  twenty  thousand.  That  is 
as  much  as  any  man  ought  to  want !  " 


«PLL  HIT  THE  THING  HARDI" 

In  Coffin's  "Lincoln,"  it  is  stated  that  when  Lincoln 
and  Offutt,  boating  to  New  Orleans,  attended  a  slave 
auction  for  the  first  time,  the  former  said  to  his  com- 
panion : 

"By  the  Eternal,  if  ever  I  get  a  chance  to  hit  this  thing, 
I'll  hit  it  hard!" 

The  oath  was  General-President  Jackson's,  and  familiar 
as  a  household  word  at  the  day.  The  promise  is  prema- 
ture in  a  youth  of  twenty.  Herndon,  twenty-five  years 
associated  with  Lincoln,  doubts,  but  says  that  Lincoln  did 
allude  to  some  such  utterance.  But  it  is  Dennis  Hanks, 
cousin  of  Lincoln,  who  affirms  that  they  two  saw  such  a 
sight,  and  that  he  knew  by  his  companion's  emotion  that 
"  the  iron  had  entered  into  his  soul." 

In  1841  Lincoln  and  Speed  had  a  tedious  low-water 
trip  from  Louisville  to  St.  Louis.  Lincoln  says :  "There 
were  on  board  ten  or  a  dozen  slaves  shackled  together 
with  irons.  That  sight  was  a  continual  torment  to  me 


50  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

.     .     .     a  thing  which  has  and  continually  exercises  the 
power  of  making  me  miserable." 

But  his  acts  show  that  he  "hit  the  thing  hard."  It 
could  not  recover  from  the  telling  stroke  which  rent  the 
black  oak — the  Emancipation  Act. 


THE  "LEX  TALIONIS"  CHRISTIANIZED. 

Frederick  Douglass,  the  colored  men's  representative, 
called  on  the  President  to  procure  a  pledge  that  the 
unfair  treatment  of  negro  soldiers  in  the  Union  uniform 
should  cease  by  retaliatory  measures  on  the  captured 
Confederates.  But  his  hearer  shrank  from  the  bare 
thought  of  hanging  men  in  cold  blood,  even  though  the 
rebels  should  slay  the  negroes  taken. 

"Oh,  Douglass,  I  cannot  do  that !  If  I  could  get  hold 
of  the  actual  murderers  of  colored  prisoners,  I  would 
retaliate;  but  to  hang  those  who  have  no  hand  in  the 
atrocities,  I  cannot  do  that!" — (By  F.  Douglass,  in 
Northwestern  Advocate.) 


THE  SLAVE-DEALER. 

"You  have  among  you  the  class  of  native  tyrants  known 
as  the  slave-dealer.  He  watches  your  necessities,  and 
crawls  up  to  buy  your  slave  at  a  speculating  price.  If 
you  cannot  help  it,  you  sell  to  him ;  but,  if  you  can  help 
it,  you  drive  him  from  your  door.  You  despise  him  ut- 
terly; you  do  not  recognize  him  for  a  friend,  or  even  as 
an  honest  man.  Your  children  must  not  play  with  hisj 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  51 

they  may  rolick  freely  with  the  little  negroes,  but  not 
with  the  slave-dealer's  children.  If  you  are  obliged  to 
deal  with  him,  you  try  to  go  through  the  job  without  so 
much  as  touching  him.  It  is  common  with  you  to  join 
hands  with  the  men  you  meet;  but  with  the  slave-dealer 
you  avoid  the  ceremony — instinctively  shrinking  from  the 
snaky  contact.  If  he  grows  rich  and  retires  from  busi- 
ness, you  still  remember  him,  and  still  keep  up  the  ban 
of  non-intercourse  with  him  and  his  family.  .  .  . 
Those  who  deny  the  poor  negro's  natural  right  to  himself 
and  make  mere  merchandise  of  him  deserve  kickings, 
contempt,  and  death." — (Speech;  Reply  to  Douglas, 
Peoria,  Illinois,  October  16,  1854.) 


THE  NEGRO  HOME,  OR  AGITATION  I 

Lincoln  was  admitted  to  the  law  practise  in  1837;  he 
went  into  partnership  with  John  F.  Stuart.  The  latter 
elected  to  Congress,  he  united  his  legal  talents  with  S.  T. 
Logan's,  a  union  severed  in  1843,  as  b°th  the  associates 
were  aiming  to  be  congressmen  also.  Not  being  nom- 
inated, the  consolation  was  in  the  courts,  with  Judge 
Herndon  as  partner.  It  was  from  this  daily  frequenta- 
tion  that  the  latter  was  enabled  to  write  a  "Life  of  Lin- 
coln." 

An  old  colored  woman  came  to  them  for  legal  aid. 
Her  case  was  a  sad  one.  Brought  from  Kentucky,  Lin- 
coln's natal  State,  by  a  planter,  Hinkle,  he  had  set  her 
and  children  free  in  Indiana,  not  fostering  the  waning 
oppression.  Her  son,  growing  up,  had  the  rashness  to 


52  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

venture  on  the  steamboat  down  to  New  Orleans.  His 
position  was  as  bad  as  that  of  an  Americanized  foreigner 
returning  into  a  despotic  land.  He  was  arrested  and 
held  for  sale,  having  crossed  a  Louisiana  law  framed  for 
such  intrusions:  a  free  negro  could  be  sold  here  as  if 
never  out  of  bond.  There  was  little  time  to  redeem  him, 
and  Lincoln — whose  view  of  the  institution  had  not  been 
enchanting — seized  the  opportunity  to  hit  "and  hit  hard !" 
as  he  said  in  the  same  city  on  beholding  a  slave  sale. 

The  office  was  in  Springfield,  the  capital,  and  the 
state-house  was  over  the  way.  While  Lincoln  con- 
tinued to  question  and  console  the  poor  sufferer,  his 
partner  went  over  to  learn  of  the  governor  what  he 
could  do  in  the  matter.  But  there  was  no  constitutional 
or  even  legal  right  to  interfere  with  the  doings  of  a 
sovereign  State.  This  omission  as  regards  humanity 
stung  Lincoln,  always  tender  on  that  score,  and  he  ex- 
citedly vowed : 

"By  virtue  of  freedom  for  all,  I  will  have  that  negro 
back — or  a  twenty  years'  agitation  in  Illinois,  which  will 
afford  its  governor  a  legal  and  constitutional  right  to 
interfere  in  such  premises." 

The  only  way  to  rescue  the  unfortunate  young  man 
was  to  make  up  a  purse  and  recompense  a  correspondent 
at  the  city  below,  to  obtain  the  captive  and  return  him 
to  his  mother. 

Such  cases,  or  more  often  fugitive-slave  matters,  were 
not  uncommon  in  the  State.  Lincoln  was  already  linked 
with  the  ultras  on  the  question,  so  that  it  was  said  by 
lawyers  applied  to,  afraid  as  political  aspirants: 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  53 

"Go  to  that  Lincoln,  the  liberator;  he  will  defend  a 
fugitive-slave  case!" 


LINCOLN'S  VOW. 

On  the  1 7th  of  September,  1862,  the  Confederate  in- 
road into  Maryland  was  stopped  by  the  decisive  defeat  of 
Antietam,  and  the  raiders  were  sent  to  the  retreat.  Lin- 
coln called  the  Cabinet  to  a  special  meeting,  and  stated 
that  the  time  had  come  at  last  for  the  proclamation  of 
freedom  to  the  slaves  everywhere  in  the  United  States. 
Public  sentiment  would  now  sustain — after  great  vacilla- 
tion, and  all  his  friends  were  bent  upon  it. 

"Besides,  I  promised  my  God  I  would  do  it.  Yea,  I 
made  a  solemn  vow  before  God  that,  if  General  Lee  was 
driven  back  from  Pennsylvania,  I  would  crown  the  result 
by  the  declaration  of  freedom  to  the  slave !" 

It  was  remarked  that  the  signature  appeared  tremulous 
and  uneven,  but  the  writer  affirmed  that  that  was  not 
"because  of  any  uncertainty  or  hesitation  on  my  part." 

It  was  done  after  the  public  reception,  and  "three 
hours'  handshaking  is  not  calculated  to  improve  a  man's 
chirography." 

He  said  to  the  painter  of  the  "Signing  the  Emancipa- 
tion Act,"  Mr.  Carpenter: 

"I  believe  that  I  am  about  as  glad  over  the  success  of 
this  work  as  you  are!" 

The  original  was  destroyed  in  the  great  fire  at  Chicago, 
where  it  was  under  exhibition.  The  pen  and  the  table 
concerned  should  be  in  the  Lincoln  Museum.  The  ink- 


54  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

stand  was  a  wooden  one,  in  private  hands,  and  bought 
at  public  sale  when  Lincoln  relics  were  not  at  the  current 
high  price. 


"DEN  I  TAKES  TO  DE  WOODS  1" 

Secretary  Seward,  as  manager  of  the  foreign  relations, 
met  much  trouble  from  the  disposition  of  the  aristocratic 
realms  of  Europe  to  await  eagerly  for  a  breach  by  which 
to  enter  into  interference  without  quarreling.  He  was 
also  a  great  trouble-maker,  having  the  innate  repugnance 
of  men  of  letters  and  voice  to  play  second  fiddle — since 
he  was  nominated  on  the  trial  ballot  above  Lincoln  in  the 
Presidential  Convention.  The  black  speck  in  the  political 
horizon  was  San  Domingo;  the  Abolitionists  wanted  to 
help  her  to  attain  liberty,  in  which  case  Mother  Spain 
would  assuredly  come  out  openly  against  the  United 
States  and  consequently  ally  with  the  Confederacy. 

The  statement  of  the  dilemma — side  with  Spain,  or  the 
black  republic — reminded  the  President  of  a  negro  story, 
quite  akin. 

A  colored  parson  was  addressing  his  hearers  and  drew 
a  dreadful  picture  of  the  sinner  in  distress.  He  had  two 
courses  before  him,  however.  But  the  exhorter  asserted 
in  a  gush  of  novelty  that: 

"Dis  narrer  way  leads  on  to  destruction — and  dat 
broad  one  to  damnation " 

Feeling  he  was  overshooting  the  mark  by  the  dismay 
among  his  congregation,  he  paused,  when  an  impulsive 
brother  started  up  with  bristling  wool  and  staring  eyes, 
and,  making  for  the  door,  hallooed : 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  55 

"In  dat  case,  dis  chile  he  takes  to  de  woods !" 

Mr.  President  elucidated  the  black  prospect. 

"I  am  not  willing  to  assume  any  new  responsibilities 
at  this  juncture.  I  shall,  therefore,  avoid  going  to  the 
one  place  with  Spain  or  with  the  negro  to  the  other—- 
but shall  take  to  the  woods!" 

A  strict  and  honest  neutrality  was  therefore  observed, 
and — San  Domingo  is  still  a  bone  of  contention,  though 
not  with  Spain,  for  it  is  an  eye  on  our  canal. 


THE  UNPARDONABLE  CRIME. 

The  mass  of  examples  of  Lincoln's  leniency,  merciful- 
ness, and  lack  of  rigor  lead  one  to  believe  he  could  not 
be  inexorable.  But  there  was  one  crime  to  which  he 
was  unforgiving — the  truckling  to  slavery.  The  smug- 
gling of  slaves  into  the  South  was  carried  on  much  later 
than  a  guileless  public  imagine.  Only  fifty  years  ago,  a 
slave-trader  languished  in  a  Massachusetts  prison,  in 
Newburyport,  serving  out  a  five  years'  sentence,  and  still 
confined  from  inability  to  procure  the  thousand  dollars 
to  pay  a  superimposed  fine.  Mr.  Alley,  congressman  of 
Lynn,  felt  compassion,  and  busied  himself  to  try  to 
procure  the  wretch's  release.  For  that  he  laid  the  unfor- 
tunate's petition  before  President  Lincoln.  It  acknowl- 
edged the  guilt  and  the  justice  of  his  condemnation;  he 
was  penitent  and  deplored  his  state — all  had  fallen  away 
from  him  after  his  conviction.  The  chief  arbiter  was 
touched  by  the  piteous  and  emphatic  appeal.  Neverthe- 
less, he  felt  constrained  to  say  to  the  intermediary : 


56  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"My  friend,  this  is  a  very  touching  appeal  to  my  feel- 
ings. You  know  that  my  weakness  is  to  be,  if  possible, 
too  easily  moved  by  appeals  to  mercy,  and  if  this  man 
were  guilty  of  the  foulest  murder  that  the  arm  of  man 
could  perpetrate,  I  might  forgive  him  on  such  an  appeal. 
But  the  man  who  could  go  to  Africa,  and  rob  her  of  her 
children,  and  sell  them  into  interminable  bondage,  with 
no  other  motive  than  that  which  is  furnished  by  dollars 
and  cents,  is  so  much  worse  than  the  most  depraved 
murderer,  that  he  can  never  receive  pardon  at  my  hands. 
No!  he  may  rot  in  jail  before  he  shall  have  liberty  by 
any  act  of  mine !" 


BEYOND  THE  BOON. 

The  other  slave-trade  case  is  more  tragic  than  the 
above. 

It  roused  much  excitement,  as  the  conviction  for  slave- 
trading  was  the  first  under  the  special  law  in  any  part 
of  the  land.  The  object  of  the  unique  process  was 
William  Gordon.  Sentenced  to  be  hanged  like  a  pirate, 
the  most  prodigious  effort  was  made  to  have  the  penalty 
relaxed  with  a  prospect  that  the  term  of  imprisonment 
would  be  curtailed  as  soon  as  decent.  It  would  seem 
that  merchant  princes  were  connected  with  the  lucrative, 
if  nefarious,  traffic  in  which  he  was  a  captain.  But  the 
offense  was  so  flagrant  that  the  New  York  district  attor- 
ney went  to  Washington  to  block  mistaken  clemency. 
He  was  all  but  too  late,  for  the  President  had  literally 
under  his  hand  the  Gordon  reprieve.  The  powerful 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  57 

influence  reached  even  into  the  executive  study.  Lawyer 
Delafield  Smith  stood  firmly  upon  the  need  of  making 
an  example,  and  Mr.  Lincoln  gave  way,  but  in  despair 
at  having  to  lay  aside  the  pen  and  redoom  the  miserable 
tool  to  the  gallows,  where  he  was  executed,  at  New  York. 
"Mr.  Smith,"  sighed  the  President,  "you  do  not  know 
how  hard  it  is  to  have  a  human  being  die  when  you 
know  a  stroke  of  your  pen  may  save  him." 


VAIN  AS  THE   POPE'S   BULL  AGAINST   THE   COMET. 

The  potency  of  the  Emancipation  Act  was  so  patent 
to  the  least  politician  that,  long  before  1863,  when  its 
announcement  opened  the  memorable  year  for  freedom, 
not  only  had  its  demonstration  been  implored  by  his 
friends,  but  some  of  his  subordinates  had  tried  to  launch 
its  lightning  with  not  so  impersonal  a  sentiment.  To  a 
religious  body,  pressing  him  to  verify  his  title  of  Abo- 
litionist, he  replied: 

"I  do  not  want  to  issue  a  document  that  the  whole 
world  will  see  must  necessarily  be  inoperative,  like  the 
pope's  bull  against  the  comet." 


A  VOLUNTEER  CAPTAINCY  WORTH  TWO  DOLLARS. 

While  he  was  a  lumberer,  Lincoln  was  in  the  employ  of 
one  Kirkpatrick,  who  "ran"  a  sawmill.  In  hiring  the 
new  man,  the  employer  had  promised  to  buy  him  a  dog, 
or  cant-hook,  of  sufficient  size  to  suit  a  man  of  uncom- 
mon stature.  But  he  failed  in  his  pledge  and  would 


58  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

not  give  him  the  two  dollars  of  its  value  for  his  working 
without  the  necessary  tool.  Though  far  from  a  grudging 
disposition,  Lincoln  cherished  this  in  memory.  When 
the  Black  Hawk  War  broke  out  and  the  governor  called 
out  volunteers,  Sangamon  County  straightway  responded 
and  raised  a  company  of  rangers.  This  Kirkpatrick 
wished  and  strove  to  be  elected  captain,  but  Lincoln 
recited  his  grievance  to  the  men,  and  said  to  his  friend 
William  Green  (or  Greene)  : 

"Bill,  I  believe  I  can  now  make  even  with  Kirkpatrick 
for  the  two  dollars  he  owes  me  for  the  cant-hook." 

Setting  himself  up  for  candidate,  he  won  the  post. 
It  was  a  triumph  of  popularity  which  rejoiced  him.  As 
late  as  1860,  he  said  he  had  not  met  since  that  success 
any  to  give  him  so  much  satisfaction. 


GETTING  THE  COMPANY   COLUMN  THROUGH 
"ENDWISE." 

Captain  Lincoln  was  drilling  his  men,  marching  the 
twenty  or  so  "by  the  front,"  when  he  found  himself 
before  a  gap  in  the  fence  through  which  he  wanted  to  go. 

He  says:  "I  could  not  for  the  life  of  me  remember 
the  proper  words  of  command — ("By  the  right  flank — 
file  left — march." — "Hardee's  Tactics") — for  getting  my 
company  endwise  so  that  it  could  get  through  the  gate- 
way ;  as  we  came  near  the  passage,  I  shouted : 

"'Company,  halt!  break  ranks!  you  are  dismissed  for 
two  minutes,  when  you  will  fall  in  again  on  the  other 
side  of  the  gap !'  " 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  59 

REGULAR    AND    IRREGULAR. 

In  the  Black  Hawk  War,  Captain  Lincoln  came  to 
cross-purposes  with  the  regular  army  commissariat. 
The  latter, insisted  on  the  fare  and  other  service  for  the 
army  being  superior  to  what  the  Bucktail  Rangers  got; 
the  latter,  however,  were  empowered  by  the  governor  to 
forage  rather  freely,  so  that  the  settlers  were  said  to 
fear  more  for  their  fowls  through  their  protectors  than 
from  the  Indians  for  their  scalps.  Once,  when  Lincoln's 
corps  were  directed  to  perform  some  duty  which  he  did 
not  think  accrued  to  them,  he  did  it.  But  he  went  to  the 
army  officer,  to  whom  he  reported,  and  said  plainly: 

"Sir,  you  forget  that  we  are  not  under  the  orders  and 
regulations  of  the  War  Department  at  Washington,  but 
are  simply  volunteers  under  those  of  the  governor  of 
Illinois.  Keep  in  your  own  sphere  and  there  will  be  no 
difficulty !  But  resistance  will  be  made  to  your  unjust 
orders.  Further,  my  men  must  be  equal  in  all  particulars 
to  the  regular  army." — (William  Greene,  who  was  in 
the  Rangers.) 


KNOWING  WHEN  TO  GIVE  IN. 

If  you  will  refer  to  the  table  of  the  Presidents,  you 
will  see  that  Lincoln's  origin  is  set  down  as  "English." 
But  with  the  noted  English  love  of  fair  play  is  coupled 
the  art  of  not  knowing  when  a  man  is  beaten.  This 
descendant  of  John  Bull  differs  from  his  ancestors  on 
this  head. 

During  the  Black  Hawk  War,  the  soldiers  in  camp 


60  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

entertained  themselves  by  athletic  contests.  The  captain 
of  the  Sangamon  company  excelled  all  the  others,  regu- 
lars and  volunteers,  in  bodily  pastimes.  This  induced  the 
men  to  challenge  all  the  army,  pitting  Lincoln  against 
the  whole  field,  one  down  t'other  come  up!  A  man  of 
another  regiment,  named  Thompson,  appeared,  with 
whom  the  preliminary  tussle  to  feel  the  enemy  gave 
Lincoln  a  belief  that  he  had  tackled  more  than  he  could 
pull  off  this  time.  He  intimated  as  much  to  his  backers, 
who,  with  true  Western  whole-souledness,  were  betting 
npt  only  all  their  money,  but  their  "possibles"  and  equip- 
ment. Disbelieving  him,  though  he  had  never  shown 
the  white  feather,  the  first  bout  did  terminate  disastrously 
for  Illinois.  Lincoln  was  clearly  "downed."  The  next, 
or  settling  bout,  ended  the  same  way — only  Lincoln's 
supporters  would  not  "see,"  and  refused  to  pay  up  their 
bets.  The  whole  company  was  about  to  lock  horns  on 
the  decision,  when  Captain  Lincoln  spoke  up: 

"Boys,  Thompson  threw  me  fair  and  clean,  and  he  did 
the  same  the  next  time,  but  not  so  clearly." 

"In  peace  or  in  war,"  it  was  always  the  same  "Honest 
Abe"  of  Sangamon. 


A  FRUITFUL  SPEECH. 

At  the  age  of  twenty,  Lincoln  was  studying  law  in 
off  hours,  and  used  to  walk  over  to  Boonville,  ten  or 
twelve  miles,  the  county  court  center,  to  watch  how  law 
proceedings  were  conducted.  He  was  interested  in  one 
murder  case,  ably  defended  by  John  Breckenridge ;  in 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  61 

fact,  Lincoln  hanging  around  the  court-room  doors  to 
see  the  lawyers  come  out,  was  impelled  by  his  ingenuous 
admiration  to  hail  him,  and  say : 

"That  was  the  best  speech  I  ever  heard."  The  advo- 
cate was  naturally  surprised  at  this  frank  outburst  of 
the  simple  country  lad.  Years  afterward,  Breckenridge,* 
belonging  to  Texas,  and  having  been  .an  active  Confeder- 
ate, was  in  the  position  to  implore  the  executive's  clem- 
ency. It  was  granted  him,  while  the  donor  reminded  him 
of  the  far-off  incident — which  he  still  insisted  included 
"the  best  speech  I  ever  heard !"  The  beneficiary  might 
have  retorted  that  the  plea  for  his  own  pardon  was,  in 
his  mind,  more  effective  in  sparing  a  life. 


A  CAPTAIN  CHALLENGED  BY  HIS  MEN. 
At  the  outset  of  the  Black  Hawk  War,  an  outbreak  of 
Indians  in  Illinois,  the  popularity  of  Abraham  Lincoln 
induced  the  young  men  of  the  Sangamon  Valley,  in  form- 
ing a  company  of  mounted  riflemen,  to  vote  him  as  their 
captain.  The  forces  were  very  irregular  irregulars,  did 
no  fighting  as  a  body,  and  were  insubordinate  to  the 
last.  Once  it  was  in  an  ironically  amusing  manner.  The 
commander  had  saved  a  friendly  Indian  from  a  beating, 
that  being  General  Cass'  order,  as  well  as  what  his  hu- 
manity prompted,  though  at  the  same  time  there  had  been 
Indian  tragedy  in  his  own  family,  and  he  had  the  racial 

*Not  the  ex-vice-president  and  Confederate  Cabinet  officer  of 

that  name. 


62  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Indian  hatred  in  his  blood.  The  mutineers  threatened 
still  to  shoot  the  captive. 

"Not  unless  you  shoot  me!"  rejoined  the  taunted  com- 
mander. 

The  men  recoiled;  but  one  voiced  the  general  senti- 
ment in: 

"This  is  cowardly  on  your  part,  Lincoln,  presuming  on 
your  rank !" 

"If  any  of  you  think  that,  let  him  test  it  here  and 
now!"  was  the  reply,  equally  as  oblivious  of  military 
decorum. 

But  they  flinched,  for  he  was  larger  and  lustier  than 
anybody  else. 

"You  can  level  up,"  he  said,  guessing  their  reasoning ; 
"choose  your  own  weapons." 

The  more  sane  roared  with  laughter  at  this  monstrous 
offer  on  the  superior's  part,  and  the  good  feeling  was 
renewed  between  chief  and  file. 


GENERAL  McCLELLAN'S   OPINION  OF  LINCOLN  AS  A 
LAWYER. 

The  whirligig  of  time  brings  about  strange  revenges, 
for  a  truth.  General  McClellan  was  chosen  to  visit  the 
seat  of  the  Crimean  War  to  study  the  siege  operations 
about  Sebastopol.  Returning  and  seeing  no  prospects  in 
the  air — of  his  professional  line — he  became  superinten- 
dent of  the  Illinois  Central  Railroad  Company.  He  was 
acting  for  its  president  in  December,  1855,  when  a  bill 
was  laid  under  his  eyes.  It  was  the  demand  of  Abraham 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  63 

Lincoln,  of  the  law  firm  of  Lincoln  &  Herndon,  Spring- 
field, Illinois. 

The  firm  had  offered  in  October  to  act  for  the  com- 
pany to  defend  a  suit  brought  by  McLean  County.  Lin- 
coln had  won  it.  To  prevent  any  demurrer  about  the 
fee  of  one  thousand  dollars,  a  fourth  of  that  having  been 
paid  for  the  retainer,  he  had  six  members  of  the  bar 
append  their  names  to  testify  the  charge  was  usual  and 
just.  Nevertheless  Superintendent  McClellan  refused  to 
pay,  alleging  that : 

"This  is  as  much  as  a  first-class  lawyer  would  charge !" 
You   see,   Mr.   Lincoln   was  still  but   "the  one-horse 
lawyer  of  a  one-horse  town." 


KENTUCKIANS  ARE  CLANNY. 

Senator  John  C.  S.  Blackburn,  of  the  United  States 
Supreme  Court,  began  his  life  as  a  lawyer  at  the  age  of 
twenty.  This  should  have  won  him  sympathy  in  his  first 
case.  It  was  before  Justice  McLean.  Opposed  to  Mr. 
Blackburn  was  the  chief  of  the  Chicago  bar,  I.  N.  Arnold, 
afterward  member  of  Congress,  and  author  of  the  first 
biography  of  Abraham  Lincoln.  Blackburn  was  a  Ken- 
tuckian,  but  the  stereotyped  reputation  for  courage  does 
not  include  audacity  in  a  court  of  law.  He  was  nervous 
with  this  first  attempt  and  made  a  mull  of  his  present- 
ment, when  a  gentleman  of  the  bar,  rising,  and  extending 
a  tall,  ungraceful  figure,  intervened  and  laid  down  the 
case  on  the  young  Kentuckian's  lines  so  feebly  offered 


64  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

and  entangled  that  the  hearers  might  be  glad  to  be  so 
disembarrassed  of  a  feeling  for  the  novice  floundering. 
The  bench  sustained  Blackburn's  demurrer.  Arnold  was 
so  vexed  that  he  objected  to  the  volunteer  intervener, 
whereupon  the  befriended  man  learned  it  was  one  Abra- 
ham Lincoln,  as  unknown  to  him  as  he  was  to  fame. 
Lincoln  defended  himself  against  the  senior's  spite,  by 
saying  he  claimed  the  privilege  of  giving  a  newcomer 
the  helping  hand.  No  doubt  the  fellow  Stateship  backed 
his  prompting. — (Related  by  Judge  Isaac  N.  Arnold, 
member  of  Congress.) 


NOT  TO  BE  THOUGHT  OF! 

It  has  been  seen  that  creditors  treated  the  struggling 
Lincoln  with  the  utmost  forbearance,  countering  the 
adage  that  "forbearance  is  not  acquittance."  He  was 
given  the  occasion  to  show  how  he  was  neighborly  when 
the  turn  came.  A  client  of  his  was  long  deferring  settle- 
ment when  the  lawyer  met  him  by  chance  on  the  court- 
house steps,  at  Springfield. 

He  accosted  him  cordially,  and  remarked  about  an 
accident  that  had  befallen  him. 

Cogdale  had  been  blown  up  by  gunpowder  and  lost  a 
hand.  He  began  to  apologize  for  the  business  delay, 
showing  that  he  was  crippled  manually  as  well  as  in  his 
pursuits. 

Lincoln  plainly  expressed  his  sympathy  and  sorrow. 

"  I  have  been  thinking  about  that  note  of  yours,"  fal- 
tered the  unhappy  man. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  65 

The  lawyer  drew  the  paper  in  question  out  of  his 
wallet  and  forced  it  upon  him. 

"It  is  not  to  be  thought  off  replied  he,  laughing  in  his 
droll  yet  saturnine  mode. 

Cogdale  honestly  added  that  he  did  not  know  when  he 
really  could  pay. 

But  the  donee  hurried  away,  saying: 

"If  you  had  the  money,  I  would  not  take  it  out  of 
your  only  hand !" 


"SKIN  WRIGHT  AND  CLOSE  1" 

In  more  than  one  event  the  Lincolnian  snappy  and 
headlong  manner  was  the  fruit  of  study  and  deliberation. 
Apparently  holding  aloof  from  politics  after  his  return 
from  Washington,  in  1849,  Lincoln  was  earning  a  great 
name  at  the  bar.  His  popularity  was  the  wider  as  he  did 
not  disdain  poor  clients  and  often  won  a  case  without 
permitting  any  remuneration.  There  came  to  Lincoln 
&  Herndon's  office  one  day  a  poor  widow.  She  was 
entitled  to  a  pension  of  four  hundred  dollars,  but  the 
agent,  one  Wright,  who  had  drawn  it  for  her,  retained 
one-half  as  his  fee.  This  greed  so  stirred  Mr.  Lincoln 
that  he  at  once  went  to  the  agent  to  demand  disgorging 
of  the  money.  On  refusal,  a  suit  was  instituted  for  the 
recovery. 

At  the  trial,  with  his  buoyancy,  Lincoln  said  to  his 
partner : 

"You  had  better  stay,  and  hear  me  address  the  jury, 
as  I  am  going  to  skin  Wright  and  get  the  money  back/* 


66  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

He  pleaded  that  there  was  no  contract  between  the 
parties;  that  the  man  was  not  an  authorized  agent;  his 
charge  was  unreasonable ;  he  had  never  given  the  money 
due  to  the  soldier's  widow,  but  retained  one-half.  Next 
he  expatiated  on  her  husband,  during  the  Revolutionary 
War,  experiencing  the  hardships  of  the  old  Continentals 
at  Valley  Forge  in  the  winter;  barefoot  in  the  deep 
snows;  ill-clad  against  the  rigors;  their  feet,  cut  by  ice 
staining  the  ground,  and  so  on. 

The  men  in  the  box  were  also  affected  to  tears,  like 
the  spectators,  while  the  pension  "shark"  wriggled  under 
the  invectives.  The  verdict  was  in  favor  of  the  relict. 
Her  advocate  not  only  remitted  his  costs,  but  paid  her 
fare  home  and  for  her  stay  in  Springfield,  so  that  she 
went  off  rejoicing. 

Lincoln's  partner  had  the  curiosity  to  look  at  his  brief, 
which  concluded: 

"Skin  Wright!  Close !"— ( Related  by  Mr.  Herndon, 
present  at  the  trial.) 


HOOKING  HENS  IS  LOW! 

Mr.  Lincoln  had  assisted  in  the  prosecution  of  a  fellow 
who  stole  some  fowls.  The  lawyer  jogged  homeward  in 
the  company  of  the  jury  foreman.  He  eulogized  the 
young  man  for  his  good  work  in  the  prosecution,  and, 
when  the  other  returned  the  compliment  by  speaking 
warmly  of  the  jury's  prompt  and  speedy  deliverance  of 
the  verdict,  the  foreman  replied: 

"Yaas,  the  vagabond  ought  to  be  locked  up.     Why, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  67 

when  I  was  young  and  pearter  than  I  am  now,  I  didn't 
mind  packing  a  sheep  or  two  off  on  my  back — but  steal- 
ing hens — faugh !  It  is  low  and  shows  what  the  country 
is  coming  to!" 


"THE  STATE  AGAINST  MR.  WHISKY  I" 

When  Lincoln  was  a  briefless  barrister,  frequenting 
the  courts  on  their  own  peregrinations,  to  catch  the  eye 
of  client  or  judge,  he  was  at  Clinton,  Illinois,  where  a 
case  came  up  of  a  very  modern  nature.  To  be  sure,  "the 
Shrieking  Sisterhood"  was  then  invented  for  the  advo- 
cates of  female  suffrage  and  anti-slavery.  But  these 
twelve  or  fifteen  young  women  presented  themselves  in 
custody  for  a  novel  charge.  They  had  failed  to  induce 
a  liquor  dealer  to  restrict  his  license,  and  "smashed"  his 
wine-parlor  incontinently.  Although  public  sympathy 
was  theirs  for  the  act,  as  well  as  for  their  youth,  pretti- 
ness,  and  sex,  none  of  the  lawyers  would  take  up  their 
defense  on  account  of  the  influence  of  the  brewers'  and 
distillers'  agent.  In  this  emergency,  Abraham  Lincoln 
stepped  into  the  breach  and  volunteered  to  defend  the 
defenseless. 

"I  would  suggest,  first,"  began  he,  "that  there  Be  a 
change  in  the  indictment  so  as  to  have  it  read  'The  State 
against  Mr.  Whisky !'  instead  of  'The  State  against  these 
women.5  This  is  the  defense  of  these  women.  The  man 
who  has  persisted  in  selling  whisky  has  had  no  regard 
for  their  well-being  or  the  welfare  of  their  husbands  and 
sons.  He  has  had  no  fear  of  God  or  regard  for  man; 


68  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

neither  has  he  any  regard  for  the  laws  of  the  statute.  No 
jury  can  fix  any  damages  or  punishment  for  any  violation 
of  the  moral  law.  The  course  pursued  by  this  liquor 
dealer  has  been  for  the  demoralization  of  society.  His 
groggery  has  been  a  nuisance.  These  women,  finding  all 
moral  suasion  of  no  avail  with  this  fellow,  oblivious  to 
all,  to  all  tender  appeal  and  a  like  regardless  of  their 
tears  and  prayers,  in  order  to  protect  their  households 
and  promote  the  welfare  of  the  community,  united  to 
suppress  the  nuisance.  The  good  of  society  demanded  its 
suppression!  They  accomplished  what  otherwise  could 
not  have  been  done." — (The  Lincoln  Magazine.) 


AS  CLEAR  AS  MOONSHINE. 

In  1858,  Lincoln  was  committed  to  the  political  cam- 
paign which  was  a  passing  victory,  superficial,  to  his 
opponent,  Senator  Douglas,  to  eventuate  in  his  accession 
to  the  Presidency.  So  he  had  let  legal  strife  fall  into 
abeyance,  during  two  years.  He  was,  therefore,  vexed 
to  have  an  applicant  for  his  renewing  that  line  of  busi- 
ness, but  at  once  welcomed  the  suitor  on  learning  her 
name.  It  was  Hannah  Armstrong.  He  was  eager  to 
see  her.  She  was  the  wife  of  the  bully  of  Clary's 
Grove,  the  locally  noted  wrestler,  Jack  Armstrong. 
After  they  had  become  friends,  Lincoln  had  been  har- 
bored in  their  cottage,  in  the  days  when  poverty  held 
him  down  so  he  scarcely  could  get  his  head  above  water. 
The  good  soul  had  repaid  his  doing  chores  about  her 
bouse,  such  as  minding  the  baby,  getting  in  the  fire- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  69 

wood,  and  keeping  the  highway  cows  out  of  her  cabbage- 
patch,  after  her  husband  died,  by  darning  his  socks,  filling 
up  a  bowl  with  corn-mush,  at  the  period  when  it  was  a 
feast  to  have  "cheese,  bologna,  and  crackers,"  in  the 
garret  where  he  pored  over  law-books.  Her  news  was 
painful.  The  baby,  whose  cradle  Lincoln  had  rocked, 
was  a  man  now,  and  was  in  what  the  vernacular  phrased 
"pretty  considerable  of  a  tight  fix." 

It  looked  as  though  Mr.  Lincoln  would  have  difficulty 
in  loosening  the  fix,  far  more  to  remove  it. 

At  a  camp-meeting,  the  young  men  had  been  riotous. 
Armstrong  and  a  companion  had  been  entangled  in  a 
fight  for  all  comers,  in  which  one  man  was  seriously 
injured  by  some  weapon.  The  companion,  Norris,  was 
tried  and  convicted  for  manslaughter  of  Metzgar, 
receiving  the  sentence  of  eight  years'  imprisonment. 
But  Armstrong  was  to  be  indicted  for  murder,  as  the 
injuries  were  indicated  as  inflicted  with  a  blunt  instru- 
ment, and  a  witness  affirmed  that  they  were  done  by  a 
slung-shot  in  Armstrong's  hands.  It  was  little  excuse 
that  he,  like  the  rest  implicated,  was  drunk  at  the  time. 
Nevertheless,  dissolute  as  was  the  young  man  of  two- 
and-twenty,  Lincoln  did  not  need  the  woman's  assurance 
that  her  son  was  incapable  of  murder  so  deliberate. 
Armstrong  averred  that  any  blow  he  struck  was  done 
with  the  naked  fist.  Furthermore,  it  was  said  that 
Metzgar  was  not  left  insensible  on  the  field  of  battle,  but 
was  going  home  beside  a  yoke  of  oxen  when  the  yoke- 
end  cracked  his  skull ;  it  was  this,  and  no  slung-shot,  that 
caused  his  death  the  following  day. 


70  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Recognizing  that  the  complication  forebode  a  strenuous 
task,  Lincoln  none  the  less  accepted  it  and,  assuring  his 
old  "Aunt  Hannah"  that  he  would  not  suffer  her  to  talk 
of  remuneration,  he  resumed  the  toga  to  contest  the 
effort  to  take  away  Armstrong's  life  and  release  Norris, 
as  convicted  under  error. 

He  closeted  himself  with  the  prisoner  to  hear  his  ac- 
count, and  upon  that  concluded  he  was  guiltless.  It 
has  been  said  that  Lincoln  would  never  undertake  a 
defense  of  a  man  he  believed  guilty.  This  held  good  in 
the  present  instance. 

As  the  statement  about  the  slung-shot  blow  was  made 
by  a  man  who  disputed  the  ox-yoke  accident,  and  that  the 
fatal  hurts  were  received  in  the  free  fight  at  the  camp- 
meeting,  it  was  necessary  that  he  should  be  explicit.  He 
had  seen  the  blow  and  distinguished  the  weapon  by  the 
light  of  the  moon. 

Lincoln  was  accustomed  from  early  life  to  relieve  his 
brain  when  toiling  or  distressed,  by  the  turning  to  a  vein 
utterly  opposed  to  those  moods.  His  chief  diversion 
from  Blackstone  and  the  statutes  was  his  favorite  author, 
Shakespeare.  Hackett,  the  Falstaff  delighted  in  by  our 
grandfathers,  pronounced  the  President  a  better  student 
of  that  dramatist  than  he  expected  to  meet. 

As  the  ancients  drew  fates,  as  it  is  called,  from  Virgil, 
and  the  medievals  from  the  Bible,  so  the  lawyer  drew 
hints  from  his  author.  The  process  is  to  open  at  a  page 
and  read  as  a  forecast  the  first  line  meeting  the  eye.  The 
play-book  opened  at  "Midsummer  Night's  Dream."  To 
refresh  himself  after  his  speeches  in  rehearsal,  Lincoln 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  71 

had  been  enjoying  the  humor  of  the  amateur-actor 
clowns.  So  the  line  "leaping  into  sight"  was  on  parallel 
lines  with  his  thought. 

"Does  the  moon  shine  that  night?"  So  the  text. 
Whereupon,  Nick  Bottom,  a  weaver,  cries  out :  "A  calen- 
dar !  look  in  the  almanack !  find  out  moonshine I" 

The  pleader  had  his  cue ! 

It  was  not  necessary  to  postpone  the  trial  on  the 
ground  that  the  debate  upon  the  new  charge  prevented  a 
fair  jury  in  the  district.  Besides,  the  widow  would  grow 
mad  in  the  long  suspense,  even  if  the  prisoner  bore  it 
manfully,  though  sorrowing  for  her  and  his  misspent  life. 
The  trial  was  indeed  the  event  of  the  year  at  the  court- 
house. The  witnesses  for  the  prosecution  repeated  about 
Armstrong  much  the  same  story  as  had  convicted 
Norris :  Armstrong  had  led  a  reprehensible  career,  and 
the  deliberate  onslaught  with  a  weapon  after  the  fight 
could  hardly  have  been  made  by  an  intoxicated  man. 
It  was  vindictiveness  from  being  worsted  by  the  unhappy 
Metzgar  in  a  fair  fight.  In  vain  was  it  cited  that  he  and 
Metzgar  had  been  friends  and  that  the  accuser  was  a 
personal  enemy  of  the  former. 

The  case  looked  so  formidable — unanswerable,  in  short 
— that  the  State  proctor's  plea  for  condemnation  might 
all  but  be  taken  for  granted. 

However  highly  the  prisoner  had  been  elated  by  his 
father's  friend,  his  own,  having  promised  to  deliver  him 
before  sundown,  he  must  have  lost  the  lift-up.  For  he 
wore  the  abandoned  expression  of  one  forsaken  by 
his  own  hopes  as  by  his  friends.  Norris,  in  his  cell, 


72  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

could  have  not  been  more  veritably  the  picture  of 
despair. 

Lincoln  rose  for  the  final,  without  eliciting  any  emo- 
tion from  him.  He  dilated  on  the  evidence,  which  he 
asserted  boldly  was  proof  of  a  plot  against  an  innocent 
youth.  He  called  the  principal  witness  back  to  the  stand, 
and  caused  him  definitely  to  repeat  that  he  had  seen 
Armstrong  strike  the  fatal  stroke,  with  a  slung-shot  un- 
doubtedly, and  by  "the  light  of  the  moon."  The  proof 
that  his  accusation  was  false  was  in  the  advocate's  hand — 
the  almanac,  which  the  usher  handed  into  the  jury,  while 
the  judge  consulted  one  on  his  desk. 

The  whole  story  was  a  fabrication  to  avenge  a  personal 
enmity,  and  the  rock  of  the  prosecution  was  blasted  by 
the  defense's  fiery  eloquence. 

The  arbiters  went  out  for  half  an  hour,  but  the 
audience,  waiting  in  breathless  impatience,  discounted  the 
result.  The  twelve  filed  in  to  utter  the  alleviating  "Not 
guilty !"  and  the  liberator  was  able  to  fulfil  his  pledge. 

It  was  not  sunset,  and  the  prisoner  was  free  to  com- 
fort his  mother. 

In  vain  did  she  talk  of  paying  a  fee,  and  the  man 
supported  the  desire  by  alleging  his  intention  to  work 
the  debt  out.  Lincoln  said  in  the  old  familiar  tongue : 

"Aunt  Hannah,  I  sha'n't  charge  you  a  red — I  said 
'without  money  or  price !'  And  anything  I  can  do  for 
you  and  yours  shall  not  cost  you  a  cent." 

Soon  after,  as  she  wrote  to  him  of  an  attempt  to  de- 
prive her  of  her  land,  he  bade  her  force  a  case  into  the 
court;  if  adverse  there,  appeal  to  the  Supreme  Court, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  73 

where  his  law  firm  would  act,  and  he  would  fight  it 
out. 

(Regarding  the  rescued  man,  he  enlisted  in  the  war  at 
the  first  call.  He  was  still  in  the  ranks  two  years  later, 
when  his  mother,  in  her  loneliness,  begged  for  him  of 
the  President-commander-in-chief,  for  his  release  to 
come  home.  His  leave  was  immediately  written  out  by 
Lincoln's  own  hand,  and  the  soldier  went  home  from 
Kentucky.  He  remained  a  valuable  citizen.  It  was  Lin- 
coln's speech  and  the  moonbeam  of  inspiration  that  saved 
him.) 


"NICE   CLOTHES    MAY   MAKE   A   HANDSOME   MAN- 
EVEN  OF  vour 

In  1832,  Lincoln,  elected  to  the  Illinois  legislative 
chamber,  found  himself  in  one  of  those  anguishing  em- 
barrassments besetting  him  in  all  the  early  stages  of  his 
unflagging  ascent  from  the  social  slough  of  despond. 
Unlike  eels,  he  never  got  used  to  skinning.  For  the 
new  station,  however  well  provided  mentally,  he  had  no 
means  to  procure  dress  fit  for  the  august  halls  of  debate. 

He  was  yet  standing  behind  the  counter  in  Offutt's 
general  shop  at  New  Salem,  when  an  utter  stranger 
strolled  in,  asked  his  name,  though  his  exceptional 
stature  and  unrivaled  mien  revealed  his  identity,  and 
announced  his  own  name.  Each  had  heard  of  the  other. 
The  newcomer  was  not  an  Adonis,  perhaps,  but  he 
was  one  compared  with  the  awkward,  leaning  Tower 
of  Pisa  "cornstalk,"  who  carried  the  jack-knife  as  "the 


74  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

homeliest  man  in  the  section."  Lincoln  was  doubly  the 
plainest  speaker  there  and  thereabouts. 

"Mr.  Smoot,"  began  the  clerk,  "I  am  disappointed  in 
you,  sir!  I  expected  to  see  a  scaly  specimen  of  hu- 
manity !" 

"Mr.  Lincoln,  I  am  sorely  disappointed  in  ym,  in 
whom  I  expected  to  see  a  good-looking  man !" 

After  this  jocular  exchange  of  greeting,  the  joke 
cemented  friendship  between  them.  The  proof  of  the 
friendship  is  in  the  usefulness  of  it.  Lincoln  turned  to 
this  acquaintance  in  his  dilemma. 

This  future  President  may  have  divined  the  saying 
of  the  similarly  martyred  McKinley — about  "the  cheap 
clothes  making  a  cheap  man."  He  summed  up  his  situa- 
tion: 

"I  must  certainly  have  decent  clothes  to  go  there 
among  the  celebrities." 

No  doubt,  the  State  capital  had  other  fashions  than 
those  prevailing  at  Sangamon  town,  where  even  the  shop- 
keeper's present  attire,  in  which  he  had  solicited  suf- 
frages, was  scoffed  at  as  below  the  mark.  It  was  com- 
posed of  "flax  and  tow-linen  pantaloons  (one  Ellis, 
storekeeper,  describes  from  eye-witnessing),  I  thought, 
about  five  inches  too  short  in  the  legs,  exposing  blue- 
yarn  socks  (the  original  of  the  Farmers'  Sox-  of  our  mail- 
order magazines);  no  vest  or  coat;  and  but  one  sus- 
pender. He  wore  a  calico  shirt,  as  he  had  in  the  Black 
Hawk  War;  coarse  brogans,  tan  color." 

"As  you  voted  for  me,"  went  on  the  ambitious  man 
about  to  exchange  the  counter  for  the  rostrum,  "you 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  75 

must  want  me  to  make  a  decent  appearance  in  the  state- 
house?" 

"Certainly,"  was  the  reply,  as  anticipated,  Lincoln  was 
so  sure  of  his  wheedling  ways  by  this  time. 

And  the  friend  in  need  supplied  him  with  two  hundred 
dollars  currency,  which,  according  to  the  budding  legis- 
lator's promise,  he  returned  out  of  his  first  pay  as  repre- 
sentative. 


THE  ABUTMENT  WAS  DUBERSOME. 

President  Lincoln  was  told  that  the  Northern  and 
Southern  Democrats  had  at  last  accomplished  a  fusion. 

"Well,  I  believe  you,  of  course,"  said  he  to  the  in- 
formant, "but  I  have  my  doubts  of  the  foundation,  like 
my  friend  Brown.  Brown  is  a  sound  church  member. 
He  was  member,  too,  of  a  township  committee,  having 
to  receive  bids  for  building  a  bridge  over  a  deep  and 
rapid  river.  The  contractors  did  not  seem  to  like  the 
proposition,  so  Brown  called  in  an  architectural  acquaint- 
ance, named — we  will  say,  Jones.  At  the  question  'Can 
you  build  this  bridge?'  he  was  overbold,  and  replied: 
'Yes,  sir,  or  any  other.  I  could  build  a  bridge  from 
Sodom  to  Gomorrah  with  abutment  below.'  The  com- 
mittee being  good  and  select  men  were  shocked  at  the 
strong  language,  and  Brown  was  called  upon  to  defend 
his  protege. 

"  'I  know  Jones  well  enough,'  he  rejoined,  'and  he  is 
so  honest  a  man  and  good  a  builder,  that  if  he  states 
positively  that  he  can  build  a  bridge  from  Sodom  to 


76  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Gomorrah,  why,  I  believe  him!  But — I  feel  bound  to 
state  that  I  am  in  some  doubt  as  to  the  abutment  on  the 
other  side !' 

"My  friend,  I  reassert  I  have  my  doubts  about  the 
abutment !" 


"GOOD  ENOUGH  FOR  THE  PRESIDENT." 

It  was  while  at  the  store  in  New  Salem  that  Lincoln 
made  the  acquaintance  of  Richard  Yates,  contemporarily 
in  office  with  him  as  war  governor  of  Illinois.  So  proud 
were  the  citizens  of  the  colloquial  abilities  of  their  rising 
young  man  that  they  used  to  show  him  to  visitors  as 
their  lion.  Yates  was  introduced  and  stayed  to  hear  him 
roar.  Later,  Lincoln  asked  him  to  join  him  in  his  noon 
meal  at  the  cabin  where  a  woman  boarded  him.  The 
latter  was  one  of  those  good  souls  who  give  the  best  in 
the  larder,  but  are  all  the  time  apologizing.  They  had 
happened  upon  the  ordinarily  plain  repast  of  bread — 
home-made,  and  of  the  sweetest  corn — and  milk  from  the 
cow.  Flurried  by  the  unknown  company,  the  auntie,  in 
dealing  out  the  bowls  to  a  numerous  family,  somehow, 
between  herself  and  Lincoln,  let  the  vessel  slip,  and,  fall- 
ing to  the  floor,  it  was  smashed  and  the  milk  wasted. 
Lincoln  disputed  it  was  her  fault,  as  she  politely  averred. 
She  continued  to  argue  for  her  guiltiness. 

"Oh,  very  well,"  said  Lincoln,  at  last,  "we  will  not 
wrangle  on  whose  was  the  slip,  or  if  it  does  not  trouble 
you  it  will  not  trouble  me.  Anyway,  what  is  a  basin  of 
pap? — nothing  to  fret  about!" 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  77 

"Mr.  Lincoln,  you  are  wrong" — the  woman  remem- 
bered the  children  to  whom  a  lesson  ought  to  be  given — • 
"a  dish  of  bread  and  milk  is  fit  for  the  President  of  these 
United  States." 

Both  the  guests  acquiesced.  The  cream  of  a  story  is 
in  the  application.  Years  afterward,  when  the  man  from 
Sangamon,  the  unknown,  occupied  the  curule  chair,  an 
elderly  woman  from  Illinois  called  at  the  White  House 
and  requested  an  interview.  It  was  the  Aunt  Lizzie 
of  the  above  episode.  Her  mere  mention  of  being  "home 
folks"  won  her  admittance,  and  her  recognition  the  best 
of  the  Executive  Mansion  lard-pantry.  When  she  had 
finished  the  elegant  collation,  and  intermingled  the  tasty 
morsels  with  reminiscences,  the  host  slyly  inquired  if 
now  in  the  Presidential  dwelling  she  stuck  to  the  senti- 
ments about  the  diet  enunciated  in  her  log  cabin. 

"Indeedy,  I  do !  I  still  stick  to  it  that  bread  and  milk 
is  a  good  enough  dish  for  the  President." 

Lincoln  smiled  with  his  sad  smile.  He  had  been  long — 
not  to  say  a  lengthy — martyr  to  dyspepsia,  and  she 
uttered  a  truism  that  struck  him  to  the — the  digestive 
apparatus ! 


LINCOLN'S   FIRST   POLITICAL  SPEECH. 

In  1831,  or  '32,  Abraham  Lincoln  made  his  maiden 
political  speech  at  Pappsville  (or  Richland),  Illinois.  He 
was  twenty-three,  and  timid,  and  the  preceding  speakers 
had  "rolled  the  sun  nearly  down."  The  speech  is,  there- 
fore, short  and  agreeable: 


78  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"Gentlemen,  fellow  citizens:  I  presume  you  all  know 
who  I  am.  I  am  humble  Abraham  Lincoln.  I  have 
been  solicited  by  my  friends  to  become  a  candidate  for 
the  legislature.  My  politics  are  short  and  sweet — 
like  an  old  woman's  dance !  I  am  in  favor  of  a  national 
bank,  the  international  improvement  scheme,  and  a  high 
protective  tariff.  These  are  my  sentiments  and  political 
principles.  If  elected,  I  will  be  thankful.  If  defeated, 
it  will  be  all  the  same!" — (Springfield  Republican.) 


A  LIGHTNING-ROD  TO  PROTECT  A  GUILTY 
CONSCIENCE  1 

One  term  in  the  Illinois  State  legislature  only  whetted 
the  predestined  politician  for  a  seat  again  at  that  table, 
though  it  was  not  he  who  won  the  loaves  and  the  fishes. 
He  was  to  speak  at  Springfield,  the  more  gloriously 
welcomed  as  he  was  prominent  in  the  movement  here- 
after realized,  of  changing  the  capital  from  Vandalia  to 
this  more  energetic  town. 

The  meeting  had  foreboded  ill,  as  a  serious  wrangle 
between  two  of  the  preceding  speakers  threatened  to  end 
in  a  challenge  to  a  duel,  still  a  fashionable  diversion. 
But  Lincoln  intervened  with  a  speech  so  enthralling  that 
the  hearers  forgot  the  dispute  and  heard  him  out  with 
rapture.  He  had  found  the  proper  way  to  manage  his 
voice,  never  musical,  by  controlling  the  nasal  twang  into 
a  monotonous  but  audible  sharpness,  "carrying"  to  a 
great  distance.  He  was  followed  by  one  George  Forquer 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  79 

(Farquhar  or  Forquier),  a  facing-both-ways,  profit-taking 
politician,  who  had  achieved  his  end  by  obtaining  an 
office.  This  was  the  land-office  register  at  this  town. 
He  had  been  a  prominent  Whig  representative  in  1834. 
The  turncoat  assailed  Lincoln  bitterly  (much  as  Pitt  was 
derided  in  his  beginning)  and  had  begun  his  piece  by 
announcing  that  "the  young  man  (Lincoln)  must  be 
taken  down."  As  if  to  live  up  to  the  lucrative  berth, 
Mr.  Forquer  had  finished  a  frame-house — Springfield 
still  had  log  houses,  and  not  only  in  the  environs,  either ! 
— and  to  cap  the  novelty,  had  that  other  new  feature,  a 
lightning-rod,  put  upon  it.  The  object  of  the  slur  at 
youth  had  listened  to  the  diatribe,  flattering  only  so  far 
as  he  was  singled  out. 

Mr.  Joshua  F.  Speed,  a  bosom  friend  of  Lincoln,  re- 
ports the  retort  as  follows : 

"The  gentleman  says  that  'this  young  man  must  be 
taken  down.'  It  is  for  you,  not  for  me,  to  say  whether 
I  am  up  or  down.  The  gentleman  has  alluded  to  my 
being  a  young  man ;  I  am  older  in  years  than  in  the 
tricks  and  trades  of  politicians. 

"I  desire  to  live,  and  I  desire  place  and  distinction  as 
a  politician;  but  I  would  rather  die  now  than,  like  the 
gentleman,  live  to  see  the  day  that  I  would  have  to  erect 
a  lightning-rod  to  protect  a  guilty  conscience  from  an 
offended  God!" 

Mr.  Speed  says  that  the  reply  was  characterized  by 
great  force  and  dignity.  The  happy  image  of  the  light- 
ning-rod for  a  conscience  has  passed  into  the  fixed-star 
stage  of  a  household  word  throughout  the  West. 


8o  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

FIRING  ON  A  FLEA  FOR  A  SQUIRREL. 

In  1841,  while  serving  a  term  in  the  Illinois  legisla- 
ture, Lincoln  was  the  longest  of  the  Sangamon  repre- 
sentatives, distinguished  as  the  Long  Nine.  They  were 
much  hampered  by  an  old  member  who  tried  to  put  a 
stopper  upon  any  measure  on  the  set  ground  that  it  was 
"un-con-sti-tu-tional."  Lincoln  was  selected  to  "spike 
his  gun."  A  measure  was  introduced  benefiting  the 
Sangamon  district,  so  that  its  electee  might  befittingly 
push  it,  and  defend  it.  He  was  warrantably  its  usher 
when  the  habitual  interrupter  bawled  his  stereotyped : 

"Unconstitutional !" 

The  "quasher"  is  reported  as  follows  in  the  local  press, 
if  not  in  the  journal  of  the  House,  which  one  need  not, 
perhaps,  consult : 

"Mr.  Speaker,"  said  the  son  of  the  Sangamon  Vale, 
"the  attack  of  the  member  from  Wabash  County  upon 
the  un-con-sti-tu-tion-al-i-ty  of  this  measure  reminds  me 
of  an  old  friend  of  mine. 

"He  is  a  peculiar-looking  old  fellow,  with  shaggy, 
overhanging  eyebrows,  and  a  pair  of  spectacles  under 
them.  (This  description  fitted  the  Wabash  member,  at 
whom  all  gaze  was  directed.) 

"One  morning  just  after  the  old  soul  got  up,  he 
imagined  he  saw  a  gray  squirrel  on  a  tree  near  his  house. 
So  he  took  down  his  rifle,  and  fired  at  the  squirrel,  as  he 
believed,  but  the  squirrel  paid  no  attention  to  the  shot. 
He  loaded  and  fired  again  and  again,  until,  at  the  thir- 
teenth shot,  he  set  down  his  gun  impatiently,  and  said  to 
his  boy,  looking  on: 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  81 

"'Boy,  there's  something  wrong  about  this  rifle.' 

"  *Rifle's  all  right — I  know  it  is,'  answered  the  boy ; 
'but  where's  your  squirrel?* 

"  'Don't  you  see  him,  humped  up  about  half-way  up  the 
tree?'  inquired  the  old  man,  peering  over  his  spectacles 
and  getting  mystified 

"'No,  I  don't,'  responded  the  boy;  and  then  turning 
and  looking  into  his  father's  face,  he  exclaimed:  *Yes,  I 
spy  your  squirrel !  You  have  been  firing  at  a  flea  on  your 
own  brow !' " 

This  modern  version  of  seeing  the  mote  and  not  the 
beam  in  one's  own  eye  smothered  the  member  for  Wa- 
bash  in  laughter,  and  he  dropped  the  standard  objection 
of  "unconstitutional"  as  he  had  not  his  mark. 


THE  CREAM  OF  THE  JOKE. 

By  reason  of  the  distances  and  the  lonesomeness,  ft 
was  the  pleasant  habit  of  candidates  to  make  their  elec- 
tioneering tours  together.  In  seeking  reelection  in  1838, 
Lincoln  was  accompanied  by  Mr.  Ewing.  They  stopped 
at  one  country  house  about  dark,  when  the  good  wife 
was  going  a-milking,  while  her  husband  was  still  a-field. 
Intent  on  securing  her,  as  she  had  the  repute  of  being 
"the  gray  mare,"  the  two  partizans  accompanied  her  to 
the  paddock.  Ewing,  to  show  his  gallantry  as  well  as 
his  familiarity  with  farm  work — a  main  point  in  such 
communities — offered  to  relieve  the  dame  of  the  pail  and 
fill  it,  while  she  rested.  In  the  meantime,  Lincoln  chatted 


82  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

with  her,  so  that  Ewing  could  hardly  get  a  word  in.  At 
his  finishing  his  self-chosen  task,  he  beheld  the  pair 
deeply  absorbed,  for  Lincoln  had  exercised  his  glib 
tongue  to  such  advantage  as  to  secure  her  influence  over 
her  man's  vote. 


PARALLEL  COURSES. 

In  the  thirteenth  Congress,  Jefferson  Davis  was  in  the 
Senate,  while  Lincoln  and  Alexander  Stephens  were  in 
the  House. 


JUMPING  JIM  CROVI 

When  in  Congress,  he  was  a  conscience  Whig,  as  op- 
posed to  the  cotton  ones — that  is,  for  the  anti-slavery 
doctrine  and  not  "cottoning"  for  the  South.  He  wrote 
home: 

"As  you  (at  Springfield)  are  all  so  anxious  for  me  to 
distinguish  myself,  I  have  concluded  to  do  so  before 
long."  He  nearly  ex-tinguished  himself,  for  suddenly 
he  went  right  about  face — according  to  the  popular  song 
— quite  a  political  if  not  a  politic  course: 

You  wheel  about  and  jump  about,  and  do  just  so! 
And  ebery  time  you  jump  about,  you  jump  Jim  Crow! 

He  had  gone  against  the  general  tide  in  hindering  the 
Mexican  War  as  sure  to  bring  Texas  into  the  Union  as 
a  slave  State,  yet  now  he  espoused  its  hero,  "Rough  and 
Ready"  Taylor.  He  had  to  excuse  himself  as  recog- 
nizing that  the  general  was  the  Whigs'  best  candidate, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  83 

and  as  the  Whig  National  Convention  agreed  with  him, 
the  apparent  truckling  was  condoned. 


FACTS  ARE   STUBBORN  THINGS. 

"Your  letter  on  McClellan  reminds  me  of  a  story  that 
I  (A.  Lincoln)  heard  in  Washington,  when  I  was  here 
before.  There  was  an  editor  in  Rhode  Island  noted  for 
his  love  of  fun — it  came  to  him  irresistibly — and  he 
could  not  help  saying  just  what  came  to  his  mind.  He 
was  appointed  postmaster  by  Tyler.  Some  time  after 
Tyler  vetoed  the  Bank  Bill,  and  came  into  disrepute  with 
the  Whigs,  a  conundrum  went  the  round  of  the  papers. 
It  was  as  follows :  'Why  is  John  Tyler  like  an  ass  ?' 
This  editor  copied  the  conundrum  and  could  not  resist 
the  temptation  to  answer  it,  which  he  did  thus :  'Because 
he  is  an  ass !'  This  piece  of  fun  cost  him  his  head — but 
it  was  a  fact!" — (Chatauque  Democrat.) 


THE  PARTY  GAD. 

"In  1846,  General  Cass  was  for  the  (Wilmot)  Pro- 
viso* at  once ;  in  March,  1846,  he  was  still  for  it,  but  not 
just  then;  and  in  December,  1847,  he  was  against  it 
altogether.  When  the  question  was  raised  in  1846,  he 
was  in  a  blustering  hurry  to  take  ground  for  it.  He 
sought  to  be  in  advance,  and  to  avoid  the  uninteresting 


*Wilmot  Proviso :  that  money  to  buy  Mexican  land  should  not 
go  toward  slave-buying. 


84  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

position  of  a  mere  follower;  but  soon  he  began  to  see  a 
glimpse  of  the  great  Democratic  ox-gad  waving  in  his 
face,  and  to  hear  indistinctly  a  voice  saying: 

"  'Back,  back,  sir ;  back  a  little !' 

"He  shakes  his  head  and  bats  his  eyes,  and  blunders 
back  to  his  position  of  March,  1847;  and  still  the  gad 
waves  and  the  voice  grows  more  distinct  and  sharper 
still : 

"  'Back,  sir  !  back,  I  say !  farther  back !'  And  back  he 
goes  to  the  position  of  December,  1847,  at  which  the  gad 
is  still,  and  the  voice  soothingly  says : 

"'So!  stand  still  at  that !'"—( Speech  by  A.  Lincoln, 
House  of  Representatives,  Washington,  July  27,  1848.). 


HARD  TO  BEAT! 

Of  his  Washington  experience  in  1848,  Lincoln 
brought  a  pack  of  tales  about  the  statesmen  then  promi- 
nent. He  declared  to  have  heard  of  Daniel  Webster  the 
subjoined : 

In  school  little  Dan  had  been  guilty  of  some  misdoing 
for  which  he  was  called  up  to  the  teacher  to  be  caned  on 
the  hand.  His  hands  were  dirty,  and  to  save  appearance 
he  moistened  his  right  hand,  on  his  way  up,  and  wiped  it 
on  his  pants.  Nevertheless,  it  looked  so  foul  on  presen- 
tation to  the  ferule  that  the  teacher  sharply  protested : 

"Well,  this  is  hard  to  beat!  If  you  will  find  another 
hand  in  this  room  as  filthy,  I  will  let  you  off!" 

Daniel  popped  out  his  left  hand,  modestly  kept  in  the 
background,  and  readily  cried: 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  85 

"Here  it  is,  sir!" 

(Told  by  Lincoln  before  "the  Honorable  Mr.  Odell, 
and  others."  This  is  not  the  ex-governor,  Mr.  Odell,  of 
New  York,  who  pleads  guilty  to  the  editor  of  "being  too 
young  to  have  the  honor  of  speaking  with  Mr.  Lincoln." 
The  worse  luck — both  would  have  profited  by  the  mutual 
pleasure.) 


44 1  RECKON  I  TOOK  MORE  THAN  MY  SHARE." 

Lincoln  confessed  at  the  outset  of  life  that  he  was 
going  to  avoid  society,  as  its  frequentation  was  incom- 
patible with  study.  He  avowed  at  the  same  time  that 
he  liked  it,  which  enhanced  the  sacrifice.  No  doubt  so, 
since  his  Washington  sojourn  and  his  legal  and  legislative 
company  earned  him  the  title  of  the  prince  of  good  fel- 
lows. To  be  coupled  with  the  genial  Martin  van  Buren 
with  the  same  epithet  was,  indeed,  a  compliment. 

At  Washington  he  had,  in  1848,  made  acquaintance 
with  the  fashionable  world.  He  preferred  the  livelier 
and  less  strait  ways  of  the  Congressional  boarding-house 
table,  the  Saturday  parties  at  Daniel  Webster's,  and  the 
motley  crowd  at  the  bowling-alley,  as  well  as  the  chat- 
terers' corner  in  the  Congressional  post-office.  Still,  as 
chairman  of  a  committee,  and  by  reason  of  his  being  a 
wonder  from  the  hirsute  West,  he  was  invited  to  the 
receptions  and  feasts  of  the  first  families.  Green  to  the 
niceties  of  the  table,  he  committed  errors — so  frankly 
apologized  for  and  humorously  treated  that  he  lost  no 
standing. 


86  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

At  one  dinner  the  experience  was  new  to  him  of  the 
dish  of  currant  jelly  being  passed  around  for  each  guest 
to  transfer  a  little  to  his  plate.  So  he  took  it  as  a  sweet, 
oddly  accompanying  the  venison,  and  left  but  little  on 
the  general  plate.  But  after  tasting  it,  he  perceived  that 
the  compote-dish  was  going  the  rounds,  and  suddenly 
looking  pointedly  at  his  plate  and  then  at  the  hostess, 
with  a  troubled  air,  he  said,  with  convincing  simplicity: 

"It  looks  as  though  I  took  more  than  my  share." — 
(Supplied  by  the  hostess,  and  collected  by  J.  R.  Speed.) 


LINCOLN  WAS  LOADED  FOR  BEAR. 

An  eminent  man  of  politics  has  said  that  the  similes 
of  the  learned  which  liken  Abraham  Lincoln  to  King 
Henry  IV.  of  France  and  other  historical  notables  are 
far  from  the  mark  and  reveal  their  miscomprehension 
of  the  Machiavel  redeemed  by  moral  goodness.  He 
thinks  that  without  the  hypocrisy  being  censurable  he 
was  more  of  the  type  of  Pope  Sixtus  the  Fifth.  This 
celebrity,  who,  like  Lincoln,  was  in  the  hog  business  at 
one  time,  pretended  silliness  to  be  elected  pontiff.  The 
die  cast,  he  stood  forth  in  all  his  native  strength,  keep- 
ing the  friends  who  did  not  try  to  sway  him,  and  becom- 
ing a  rod  of  steel  where  he  had  been  rated  as  lead.*  At 
the  same  time  as  he  dispraised  himself — mocked  and 
laughed — he  let  out  glimpses  of  true  ambition.  When 


*Greeley  stamped  Lincoln  as  "the  slowest  piece  of  lead  that 
ever  crawled." 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  87 

his  short-sighted  advisers  warmly  crossed  his  ground  of 
setting  himself  with  freedom  against  the  pro-slavery 
party,  assuring  him  that  he  would  thereby  lose  the  sena- 
torship  as  against  Douglas,  he  confessed : 

"I  am  after  larger  game.    The  battle  of  1860  (for  the 
chair  of  Washington)  is  worth  a  hundred  of  this." 


"A  BOUNTEOUS  PRESIDENT— IF  ANYTHING  IS  LEFT1" 
"Mr.  Speaker,  we  have  all  heard  of  the  animal  stand- 
ing in  doubt  between  two  stacks  of  hay  and  starving  to 
death;  the  like  of  that  would  never  happen  to  General 
Cass.  Place  the  stacks  a  thousand  miles  apart ;  he  would 
stand  stock-still,  midway  between  them,  and  eat  both  at 
once ;  and  the  green  grass  along  the  line  would  be  apt  to 
suffer  some,  too,  at  the  same  time.  By  all  means,  make 
him  President,  gentlemen.  He  will  feed  you  bounte- 
ously— if — if — there  is  anything  left  after  he  shall  have 
helped  himself." — (Speech,  House  of  Representatives, 
July  27,  1848.) 


THE  ART  OF  BEING  PAID  TO  EAT. 
"I  have  introduced  General  Cass'  accounts  here,  chiefly 
to  show  the  wonderful  physical  capacities  of  the  man. 
They  show  that  he  not  only  did  the  labor  of  several  men 
at  the  same  time,  but  that  he  often  did  it  at  several  places 
many  hundred  miles  apart,  at  the  same  time!  And  at 
eating,  too,  his  capacities  are  shown  to  be  quite  as  won- 
derful. From  October,  1821,  to  May,  1822,  he  ate  ten 


88  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

rations  a  day  in  Michigan,  ten  a  day  here  in  Washing- 
ton, and  near  five  dollars'  worth  a  day  besides,  partly  on 
the  road  between  the  two  places.  And  then  there  is  an 
important  discovery  in  his  example :  'The  art  of  being 
paid  for  what  one  eats,  instead  of  having  to  pay  for  it.' 
Hereafter,  if  any  nice  man  shall  owe  a  bill  which  he 
cannot  pay,  he  can  just  board  it  out!" — (Speech,  House 
of  Representatives,  July  27,  1848.) 

(A  tilt  at  a  general  drawing  rations  for  himself  and 
staff.) 


A  VICE  NOT  TO  SAY   "NO1" 

Mr.  Lincoln  said  to  General  Viele :  "If  I  have  got  one 
vice,  it  is  not  being  able  to  say  'No.'  And  I  consider  it  a 
vice.  Thank  God  for  not  making  me  a  woman !  I  pre- 
sume if  He  had,  He  would  have  made  me  just  as  homely 
as  I  am,  and  nobody  would  have  ever  tempted  me !" 


THE  BEST  CAR! 

From  his  previous  sojourn  in  the  capital,  President 
Lincoln  had  a  fund  of  good  stories  upon  his  predecessors. 
Among  them  was  the  following  tale  about  President 
Tyler,  one  of  the  weakest  chiefs  the  republic  has  ever 
known,  with  the  exception  of  Franklin  Pierce.  Lincoln 
said  that  this  President's  son  "Bob"  was  sent  by  his  father 
to  arrange  about  a  special  train  for  an  excursion.  The 
railroad  agent  happened  to  be  a  hard-shell  Whig,  and 
having  no  fear  of  the  great,  and  wanting  no  favor, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  89 

shrank  from  allowing  him  any.  He  said  that  the  road 
did  not  run  any  "specials"  for  Presidents. 

"Stop!"  interrupted  Bob,  "did  you  not  furnish  a 
special  for  General-President  Harrison?"  (Died  1841.) 

"S'pose  we  did,"  answered  the  superintendent;  "well, 
if  you  will  bring  your  father  here  in  that  condition,  you 
shall  have  the  best  train  on  the  track !" 


SELF-MADE. 

"Self-made  or  never  made,"  says  one  of  the  apologists 
for  Lincoln's  ruggedness  of  character  and  outward  air; 
at  an  early  political  meeting,  when  asked  if  he  were  self- 
made  and  he  answered  in  the  affirmative,  the  rough 
critic  remarked :  "Then  it  is  a  poor  job,"  as  if  it  were 
by  nature's  apprentice.  But  in  1860,  when  friends  re- 
proached him  for  the  lack  of  "Old  Hickory"  Jackson's 
sternness,  he  replied  nobly: 

"I  am  just  as  God  made  me,  and  cannot  change." 


HIS  HIGH  MIGHTINESS. 

The  little  "court"  of  the  White  House  wrangling  about 
a  fit  title  for  the  Chief,  that  of  "excellency"  not  being 
taken  as  sufficient,  one  disputant  suggested  that  the  Dutch 
one  of  "high  mightiness"  might  fit.  Speaker  Mullen- 
berg,  at  the  first  Presidency,  pronounced  on  the  question 
at  a  dinner  where  Washington  was  sitting. 

"Why,  general,  if  we  were  certain  the  office  would 


90  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

always  be  held  by  men  as  large  as  yourself  (how  cleverly 
he  shunned  the  use  of  either  ''great"  or  "grand!")  or 
Mr.  Wynkopp  there,  it  would  be  appropriate  enough ! 
But,  if  by  chance  a  President  as  small  as  my  opposite 
neighbor  should  be  elected,  his  high  mightiness  would  be 
ridiculous !" 

The  quarrelers  were  hushed,  thinking  if  Douglas,  the 
kittle  Giant,  had  preceded  or  should  follow  their  colossus 
of  six  feet  three! 


LINCOLN'S  OPINION  AT  THIRTY. 
Piffident,  but  having  been  twice  disappointed  in  love- 
making,  Abraham  wrote  in  support  of  a  Miss  Owen  re- 
jecting him:  "I  should  never  be  satisfied  with  any  one 
blockhead  enough  to  have  me." 


THE  BLANK  BIOGRAPHY. 

Lincoln  had  been  reading  from  Edmund  Burke's  life, 
when  he  threw  down  the.  book  with  disrelish.  He  fell 
into  his  habit  of  musing,  and  on  reviving,  said  to  his 
associate,  Herndon: 

"I've  wondered  why  book  publishers  do  not  have  blank 
biographies  on  their  shelves,  always  ready  for  an  emer- 
gency ;  so  that  if  a  man  happens  to  die,  his  heirs  or  his 
friends,  if  they  wish  to  perpetuate  his  memory,  can  pur- 
chase one  already  written — but  with  blanks.  These 
blanks  they  can  fill  up  with  rosy  sentences  full  of  high- 
sounding  praise." 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  91 

He  sent  the  "Dictionary  of  Congress"  his  autobio- 
graphy in  a  single  paragraph  of  fifty  words — as  an  ex- 
ample (  ?). 


"THE  HOMELIEST  MAN  UNDER  GOVERNMENT." 

When  General  Lee  surrendered  to  General  Grant,  one 
point  was  noticed  by  the  spectators  which,  it  was  held, 
distinguished  the  Cavalier  from  the  Puritan.  Grant  was 
in  his  fighting  clothes  and  his  every-day  sword  by  his 
side,  while  General  Lee,  dressed  faultlessly  as  a  soldier 
should  always  be,  carried  a  court  sword,  presented  him 
as  a  honor  by  the  Southerners.  So,  in  wars,  Providence 
does  not  flourish  the  showy  weapon,  but  uses  a  strong 
and  sharp  blade  without  ornamental  hilt.  Abraham  Lin- 
coln was  the  instrument  of  Heaven  for  work — ceaseless, 
bloody  work,  hard,  for  it  was  that  least  to  his  taste. 

From  boyhood  the  looks  of  the  wood-chopper  and 
river  boatman  were  subjects  of  jeering.  Whether  the 
budding  genius  spurned  such  adventitious  aids  as  graces 
of  person  in  his  career,  or  was  already  a  philosopher 
who  believed  that  handsome  is  that  handsome  does  is  a 
winning  motto,  we  may  never  know.  It  is  enough  that 
he  joined  in  the  laugh  and  kept  the  ball  rolling. 

On  the  loss  of  a  first  love,  one  Annie  Rutledge — a  name 
he  said  he  always  loved — his  friends  were  alarmed  for 
his  health  and  sanity.  They  took  away  the  knife  every 
man  carried  in  the  West,  and  discovered  it  was  the 
obligatory  one  presented  to  the  ugliest  man  and  not  to 
be  disposed  of  otherwise  than  to  one  still  homelier. 


92  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

There  is  a  record  of  the  clerical  gentleman  to  whom 
Lincoln  was  justified  in  offering  it,  who  died  with  it  in 
his  uncontested  possession,  in  Toronto. 

As  is  the  custom,  an  office-holder  going  out  of  his  seat 
calls  on  the  President  with  his  successor  to  transfer  the 
seals  and  other  tokens.  The  unlucky  man  enumerated 
the  good  qualities  of  his  substitute,  and  was  surprised 
that  Mr.  Lincoln  should  dilate  upon  his  with  excessive 
regrets  that  he  was  going  to  leave  the  service.  This 
Mr.  Addison  was  indeed  a  first-class  servant,  but  uncom- 
monly ill-favored. 

"Yes,  Addison,"  said  the  chief,  "I  have  no  doubt  that 
Mr.  Price  is  a  pearl  of  price,  but — but  nothing  can  com- 
pensate me  for  the  loss  of  you,  for,  when  you  retire,  I 
shall  be  the  homeliest  man  in  the  government !" 


BETTER  LOOKING  THAN  EXPECTED. 
'(Related  by  the  President  to  Grace  Greenwood)  : 
"As  I  recall  it,  the  story,  told  very  simply  and  tersely, 
but  with  inimitable  drollery,  ran  that  a  certain  honest 
old  farmer,  visiting  the  capital  for  the  first  time,  was 
taken  by  the  member  of  Congress  for  his  'deestrict/  to 
some  large  gathering  or  entertainment.  He  went  in 
order  to  see  the  President.  Unfortunately,  Mr.  Lincoln 
did  not  appear;  and  the  congressman,  being  a  bit  of  a 
wag,  and  not  liking  to  have  his  constituent  disappointed, 
designated  Mr.  R.,  of  Minnesota.  He  was  a  gentleman 
of  a  particularly  round  and  rubicund  countenance.  The 
worthy  agriculturist,  greatly  astonished,  exclaimed: 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  93 

"'Is  that  old  Abe?  Well,  I  du  declare!  He's  a 
better-lookin'  man  than  I  expected  to  see ;  but  it  do  seem 
as  how  his  troubles  have  druv  him  to  drink !' " 


LINCOLN  AND  SUPERSTITION. 

Childhood's  impressions  are  ineffaceable,  though  they 
may  be  for  a  time  set  aside.  Abraham  Lincoln  with  all 
his  lofty  mind,  acquiesced  in  the  vulgar  belief  when  he 
took  his  son  Robert  to  have  the  benefit  of  a  "madstone," 
at  a  distance  from  where  the  boy  was  dog-bitten.  He 
made  the  pact  with  the  Divine  Power  as  to  the  Emanci- 
pation Act,  with  a  sincerity  which  robbed  worldly  wis- 
dom of  its  sting,  and  he  had  dreams  and  visions  like  a 
seer. 


LINCOLN'S  DREAM. 

"Before  any  great  national  event  I  have  always  had 
the  same  dream.  I  had  it  the  other  night.  It  is  a  ship 
sailing  rapidly." — (To  a  friend,  in  April,  1865.  See 
"Ship  of  State/'  a  pet  simile.) 


LINCOLN'S  VISION. 

Abraham  Lincoln  had  been  nominated  for  the  Presi- 
dency. The  consummation  of  his  ambition  had  naturally 
a  deep  impression  upon  him.  He  came  home  and  threw 
himself  on  the  lounge,  expressly  made  to  let  him  recline 
at  full-length.  It  was 'opposite  a  bureau  on  which  was 


94  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

a  pivoted  mirror  happening  to  be  so  tilted  that  it  re- 
flected him  as  he  lay. 

"As  I  reclined,"  he  says,  "my  eye  fell  upon  the  glass, 
and  I  saw  two  images  of  myself,  exactly  alike,  except 
that  one  was  a  little  paler  than  the  other.  I  arose  and 
lay  down  again  with  the  same  result.  It  made  me  quite 
uncomfortable  for  a  few  minutes,  but  some  friends 
coming  in,  the  matter  passed  out  of  my  mind. 

"The  next  day,  while  walking  in  the  street,  I  was  sud- 
denly reminded  of  the  circumstances,  and  the  disagreeable 
sensation  produced  by  it  returned.  I  determined  to  go 
home  and  place  myself  in  the  same  position — as  regards 
the  mirror — and  if  the  same  effect  was  produced,  I  would 
make  up  my  mind  that  it  was  the  natural  result  of  some 
principle  of  refraction  or  optics,  which  I  did  not  under- 
stand, and  dismiss  it.  I  tried  the  experiment  with  the 
same  result;  and  as  I  had  said  to  myself,  accounted  for 
it  on  some  principle  unknown  to  me,  and  it  then  ceased 
to  trouble  me.  But  the  God  who  works  through  the 
laws  of  nature,  might  surely  give  a  sign  to  me,  if  one  of 
His  chosen  servants,  even  through  the  operation  of  a 
principle  of  optics." 

This,  seeing  one's  simulacrum,  or  double,  was  so  com- 
mon, especially  when  looking-glasses  were  full  of  flaws, 
designedly  cast  faulty  to  give  "magical"  effects  for  con- 
jurors, that  old  books  on  the  black  art  teem  with  in- 
stances. Lincoln  was  right  to  demonstrate  that  the 
vision  was  founded  on  fact,  and  no  supernatural  sight  at 
all.  His  trying  the  repetition  was  like  Lord  Byron's 
quashing  a  similar  illusion,  but  of  a  suit  of  clothes  hung 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  95 

up  to  look  like  a  friend  whom  he  believed  he  saw  in 
the  spirit.  A  more  widely  read  man  would  have  dis- 
missed the  "fetch"  like  the  President-elect,  but  with  a 
laugh. 


"IT  IS  A  POOR  SERMON  THAT  DOES  NOT  HIT 
SOMEWHERE," 

President  Lincoln  was  wont  to  carry  his  mother's  old 
Bible  about  with  him  in  the  Capital  City.  Often  he 
would  be  consulting  it  in  mental  plights.  He  said  that 
the  Psalms  was  the  part  he  liked  best.  "The  Psalms 
have  something  for  every  day  in  the  week,  and  some- 
thing for  every  poor  fellow  like  me." 


THE  RELIGION  OF  FEELING. 

Lincoln  told  a  friend  that  he  heard  a  man  named 
Glenn  say  at  an  Indiana  church-meeting: 

"When  I  do  good,  I  feel  good ;  when  I  do  bad,  I  feel 
bad ;  that  is  my  religion !" 


THE  TWO  PRAYERS. 

In  Lincoln's  inaugural  address  will  be  found  the 
passage  about  the  sad  singularity  of  the  two  contendants 
in  the  fratricidal  combat  being  Christians  alike :  "Both 
read  the  same  Bible,  and  pray  to  the  same  God."  The 
example  is  forthcoming.  There  is  plenty  of  evidence 


96  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

that  the  speaker  always  "took  counsel  of  God."     His 

words  are :  "I  have  been  driven  many  times  to  my  knees 

by  the  overwhelming  conviction  that  I  have  nowhere 

else  to  go."* 

(Connect  with  the  Confederate  commander,  Robert  E. 

Lee's  avowal:  "I  have  never  seen  the  day  when  I  did 

not  pray  for  the  people  of  the  North.") 

"Everybody  thinks  better  than  anybody." — (Lincoln.) 
[(This  is  also  ascribed  to  Talleyrand.     "It  is  only  the 

rich  who  are  robbed.") 


"WE  SHALL  SEE  OUR  FRIENDS  IN  HEAVEN  I" 

For  weeks  after  the  death  of  his  son  Willie  the  in- 
consolable father  mourned  in  particular  on  that  day  in 
each  week,  and  even  the  military  sights  at  Fortress  Mon- 
roe to  court  a  change  failed  to  distract  him.  He  was 
studying  Shakespeare.  Calling  his  private  secretary  to 
him,  he  read  several  passages,  and  finally  that  of 
Queen  Constance's  lament  over  her  lost  child : 

And,  father  cardinal,  I  have  heard  you  say 

That  we  shall  see,  and  know,  our  friends  in  heaven. 

(King  John,  III.,  4.) 

"If  that  be  true,  I  shall  see  my  boy  again  !"    He  said : 
"Colonel,  did  you  ever  dream  of  a  lost  friend,  and  feel 
that    you    were    holding    sweet    communion    with    that 

*No  longer  was  Lincoln's  piety  held  as  hypocrisy,  as  in  1860, 
when  a  campaign  song  sneers  at 

How  each  night  he  seeks  the  closet, 
There,  alone,  to  kneel  and  pray. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  97 

friend,  and  yet  have  a  sad  consciousness  that  it  was  not 
reality?    Just  so  I  dream  of  my  boy  Willie!" 

(Colonel  Lamon,  the  presidential  body-guard-in-chief, 
was  the  recipient  of  this  spiritual  confidence.) 


MORE  PRAYING  AND   LESS  SWEARING! 

On  accompanying  Mrs.  Pomeroy,  military  nurse,  to 
her  hospital,  the  President  discovered  that  the  authori- 
ties of  the  house  had  forbidden  praying  to  the  patients, 
or  even  reading  the  Bible  to  them,  as  it  was  denomina- 
tional. He  promptly  removed  the  restriction,  and  fur- 
thered the  visiting  missionaries  in  holding  prayer-meet- 
ings, read  the  Scriptures  to  "his  boys  in  blue,"  and 
pray  with  them  as  much  as  they  pleased. 

"If  there  was  more  praying,"  he  said,  "and  less  swear- 
ing, it  would  be  far  better  for  our  country." 


GLOVES  OR  NO  GLOVES. 

An  old  acquaintance  of  the  President's  visited  him 
at  Washington.  Each  man's  wife  insisted  on  the 
gentleman,  her  lord,  donning  gloves.  For  they  were 
going  as  a  square  party  out  in  the  presidential 
carriage,  and  the  Washingtonians  would  not  accept  a 
king  as  such  unless  he  dressed  as  a  king.  Mr.  Lincoln, 
as  a  shrewd  politician,  and  married  man,  put  his  gloves 
in  his  pocket,  not  to  don  them  until  there  was  no  wrig- 
gling out  of  the  fix;  the  other  one  had  his  on  at  the 
hotel  where  the  carriage  came  to  take  that  couple  up. 


98  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

They  went  out  and  took  seats  in  the  vehicle,  whereupon 
the  newcomer,  seeing  that  his  host  was  ungloved,  went 
on  the  rule  of  leaving  the  fence  bars  as  you  find  them. 
He  set  to  drawing  off  his  kids  at  the  same  time  as  Mr. 
Lincoln  commenced  to  tug  at  his  to  get  them  on. 

"No,  no,  no!"  protested  the  caller,  fetching  away  his 
kids,  one  at  a  time,  "it  is  none  of  my  doings !  Put  up 
your  mittens,  Lincoln!" 

And  so  they  had  their  ride  out  without  their  hands  be- 
ing in  guards. 


THE  USE  OF  BOOKS. 

"Books  serve  to  show  a  man  that  those  original 
thoughts  of  his  aren't  very  new,  after  all." — (By  an  Il- 
linois clergyman,  knowing  Lincoln  in  the  'Fifties.) 


LINCOLN'S  BOOK  CRITICISM. 

"For  those  who  like  this  kind  of  book,  this  is  the  kind 
of  book  they  will  like." — (New  York  Times  Book  Re- 
view, July  7,  1901.) 


THE  HAND-TO-HAND  ENCOUNTER. 

Toward  the  evident  close  of  the  struggle  an  English 
nobleman  came  to  Washington,  credited  to  the  embassy. 
This  was  somewhat  impudent  and  imprudent  of  him,  too, 
as,  in  early  times,  he  was  prominent  among  the  British 
aristocrats  who  had  supported  the  Confederate  States. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  99 

He  had  assisted  in  their  being  declared  belligerents — a 
sore  point.  He  had  invested  in  the  "Cotton  Loan,"  and 
voted  in  sustenance  of  the  Lairds  getting  the  rebel 
pirates  out  of  the  Mersey.  Altogether,  he  must  have  at- 
tended the  regular  White  House  reception  from  thinking 
his  hostility  was  unrecorded.  But  the  President  was 
clearly  prepared  for  the  fox-pcew!  He  spoke  to  the 
Briton  smoothly  enough,  but  when  the  unsuspecting  hand 
was  placed  in  his  grasp  he  gave  it  one  of  those  natural 
and  not  formal  grips  which  left  an  impression  on  him 
forever.  The  balladist's  line  was  realized  for  him :  "It  is 
hard  to  give  the  hand  where  the  heart  can  never  be." 


BETTER   SOMETIMES   RIGHT  THAN  ALL  TIMES 
WRONG. 

In  1832,  when  candidate  for  the  Illinois  legislative 
chambers,  Lincoln  said  he  held  it  "a  sound  maxim  better 
only  sometimes  to  be  right  than  at  all  times  wrong." 


MAKING  THE  DAGGER  STAB  THE  HOLDER. 

Upon  the  first  debate  of  the  Lincoln-Douglas  series,  an 
admirer  of  the  former,  having  no  doubt  now  "the  stump 
speaker"  would  defeat  the  meretricious  parliamentarian, 
said: 

"I  believe,  Abe,  you  can  beat  Douglas  for  the  Senate." 
"No,  Len,  I  can't  beat  him   for  the  Senate,  but  I'll 
make  him  beat  himself  for  the  Presidency." 


loo  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Douglas  did  gain  the  prize,  but  he  lost  his  chances  in 
the  presidential  race  by  alienating  the  whole  Southern 
vote. — (Related  by  Mr.  Leonard  Swett,  the  "Len"  above, 
to  Mr.  Augustus  C.  Buell.) 


THE  TAIL  OF  THE  KITE. 

"Congress,  like  the  poor,  is  always  with  usl" — (To 
General  Grant.    "Grant's  Memoirs.") 


NO  DAY  WITHOUT  A  LINE. 

"I  don't  think  much  of  a  man  not  wiser  to-day  than 
he  was  yesterday." — (A.  Lincoln.) 


TRUTH  AND  THE  PEOPLE. 

"The  people  are  always  much  nearer  the  truth  than 
politicians  suppose." — (A.  Lincoln.) 


"CALL  ME  'LINCOLN.'" 

Like  the  Friends,  Abraham  Lincoln  had  a  dislike  for 
handles  to  a  name,  and  at  the  first  incurred  criticism  in 
fastidious  Washington  circles  by  his  using  the  last  name 
and  not  the  Christian  one  to  familiars.  To  an  intimate 
friend  he  appealed: 

"Now,  call  me  'Lincoln,'  and  I'll  promise  not  to  tell  of 
the  breach  of  etiquette,  if  you  won't  .(Ah,  howj  jvell  he 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  101 

knew  the  vanity  of  great  men's  Horatios!),  and  I  shall 
have  a  resting  spell  from  Mister  Lincoln !" 


THE  ELOQUENT  HAND. 

The  colonel  of  the  famous  Massachusetts  Sixth,  which 
fought  its  way  through  Baltimore,  risen  in  riot,  B.  F. 
Watson,  led  fifty  men  to  cleave  their  way  through  "the 
Plug-uglies,"  vile  toughs.  On  reporting  at  the  capital 
he  found  Commanding  General  Scott  receiving  the 
mayor  of  Baltimore,  hastening  to  sue  for  the  sacred  soil 
not  being  again  trodden  on  by  the  ruthless  foot  of  the 
Yankees.  President  Lincoln  happened  in  and,  recog- 
nizing Colonel  Watson,  who  was  only  second  in  com- 
mand then,  complimented  him  on  his  "saving  the  cap- 
ital," and  introduced  him  to  the  company.  Presuming 
that  his  quality  would  awe  a  young  and  arnateur  soldier, 
the  unlucky  mayor  had  the  audacity  to  require  his  con- 
firmation of  his  story.  He  said  that  he  had  dared  the 
mob,  and,  to  shield  the  soldiers,  marched  at -their  head, 
etc.  But  the  officer,  still  warm  from  his  baptism  of  fire, 
truly  replied  that  he  could  not  give  a  certificate  of  charac- 
ter. He  related  how  the  riff-raff  had  assailed  the  volun- 
teers, wonderfully  forbearing  about  not  using  their  guns, 
and  that  the  police  and  other  officials  had  sworn  that 
they  should  not  pass  alive,  while  the  head  and  front,  as 
he  called  himself,  marched  only  a  few  yards— quitting 
on  the  pretext  that  it  was  too  hot  for  him  I 

"Many  times,"  said  Colonel  Watson,  "have  I  recalled 


IO2  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

the  mayor's  look  of  intense  disgust,  the  astonishing  dig- 
nity of  the  commanding  general,  and  the  expression,  half- 
sad,  half-quizzical,  on  the  face  of  the  President  at  the 
evident  infelicity  of  his  introduction.  If  I  did  not  leave 
that  distinguished  presence  with  my  reputation  for  in- 
tegrity unimpaired,  the  pressure  of  Abraham  Lincoln's 
honest  hand,  as  we  parted,  deceived  me." 


WOMAN. 

"Woman  is  man's  best  present  from  his  Maker." — (A. 
Lincoln.) 


TO  THINK  AND  TO  DO  WELL. 

"It  is  more  than  mortal  to  think  and  to  do  well  on 
all  occasions  and  subjects." — (To  Senator  James  F. 
Wilson.) 


"SET  THE  TRAP  AGAIN  1" 

To  fix  extreme  abolition  upon  Abraham  Lincoln,  Sen- 
ator Douglas  lent  himself  to  assuring  that  his  rival  had 
taken  part  in  a  convention  and  helped  pass  a  certain 
resolution.  This  was  a  fraud,  as  there  was  no  such  reso- 
lution passed,  and  Lincoln  was  not  present. 

"The  main  object  of  that  forgery  was  to  beat  Yates 
and  elect  Harris  for  Congress,  object  known  to  be  ex- 
ceedingly dear  to  Judge  Douglas  at  the  time.  .  .  . 
The  fraud  having  been  apparently  successful,  both  Har- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  103 

ris  and  Douglas  have  more  than  once  since  then  been 
attempting-  to  put  it  to  new  uses.  As  the  fisherman's 
wife,  whose  drowned  husband  was  brought  home  with 
his  body  full  of  eels,  said,  when  asked  what  was  to  be 
done  with  him:  'Take  out  the  eels  and  set  him  again!'* 
So  Harris  and  Douglas  have  shown  a  disposition  to  take 
the  eels  out  of  that  stale  fraud  by  which  they  gained 
Harris'  election,  and  set  the  fraud  again,  more  than 
once." — (Speech  by  A.  Lincoln,  Jonesboro,  Illinois,  Sep- 
tember 15,  1858.) 


"NO  ROYALTY  IN  OUR  CARRIAGE." 

From  August  to  mid-October,  1858,  Lincoln  and 
Douglas  warred  on  the  platform  throughout  Illinois,  in 
a  celebrated  series  of  debates.  As  the  senator  was  in  a 
high  position,  and  expected  to  reap  yet  more  important 
honors,  the  Central  Railroad  corporation  extended  to  him 
all  graces.  A  special  car,  the  Pullman  in  embryo  in 
reality,  was  at  his  beck,  and  a  train  for  his  numerous 
friends  if  he  spoke.  On  the  other  hand,  his  rival,  be- 
coming more  and  more  democratic  in  his  leaning  to  the 
grotesque,  gloried  in  traveling  even  in  the  caboose  of  a 
freight-train.  He  had  no  brass  bands  and  no  canteen  for 
all  comers ;  on  one  occasion  his  humble  "freighter"  was 
side-tracked  to  let  the  palace-cars  sweep  majestically  by, 
a  calliope  playing  "Hail  to  the  Chief!"  and  laughter 
mingling  with  toasts  shouted  tauntingly  through  the  open 


*See  Colman's  "Broad  Grins." 


104  Tne  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

windows.  The  oppositionist  laughed  to  his  friends,  and 
said: 

"The  gentleman  in  that  decorated  car  evidently  smelled 
no  royalty  in  our  scow !" 

He  scoffed  at  these  "fizzlegigs  and  fireworks,"  to  em- 
ploy his  phrase. 

But  his  keen  sense  of  the  ludicrous  was  not  shared 
with  his  admirers.  On  the  contrary,  the  women  saw 
nothing  absurd  in  drowning  him  with  flowers  and  the 
men  in  "chairing  him."  Henry  Villard  relates  that  he 
saw  him  battling  with  his  supporters  literally,  and  be- 
seeching them  who  bore  him  shoulder-high,  with  his 
long  limbs  gesticulating  like  a  spider's,  for  them  to 
"Let  me  down !" 

In  another  place,  after  Douglas  had  been  galloped  to 
the  platform  in  his  carriage  and  pair,  his  antagonist  was 
hauled  up  in  a  hayrack-wagon  drawn  by  lumbering  farm- 
horses. 


THE  TRAP  TO  CATCH  A  DOUGLAS, 

In  the  course  of  the  Lincoln-Douglas  debates,  the  for- 
mer, among  his  friends,  announced  that  at  the  next  meet- 
ing he  would  put  a  "settler"  to  his  contestant,  and  "I 
don't  care  a  continental  which  way  he  answers  it." 

As  he  did  not  explain,  all  awaited  the  evening's 
speeches  for  enlightenment.  In  the  midst  of  Douglas' 
"piece,"  Lincoln  begged  to  be  allowed  a  leetle  question. 
The  Lincolnian  "leetle  questions"  were  beginning  to  be 
rankling  darts. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  105 

Formally,  the  question  was:  "Can  the  people  of  a 
United  States  territory,  in  a  lawful  way,  against  the 
wishes  of  any  citizen  of  the  United  States,  exclude  slavery 
from  its  limits,  prior  to  the  foundation  of  a  State  consti- 
tution?" 

In  the  homely  way  Lincoln  put  it,  it  ran : 

"Suppose,  jedge  (for  Judge  Douglas)  there  was  a 
new  town  or  colony,  just  started  in  some  Western  ter- 
ritory; and  suppose  there  was  precisely  one  hundred 
householders — voters,  there — and  suppose,  jedge,  that 
ninety-nine  did  not  want  slavery  and  the  one  did.  What 
would  be  done  about  it?" 

This  was  the  argument  about  "Free  Soil"  and  "squat- 
ter sovereignty"  in  a  nutshell. 

The  wily  politician  strove  to  avoid  the  loop,  but  finally 
admitted  that  on  American  principles  the  majority  must 
rule.  This  caused  the  Charleston  Convention  of  1860  to 
split  on  this  point,  and  Douglas  lost  all  hope  of  the  Presi- 
dency. 


PRACTISE  BEFORE  AND  BEHIND  "THE  BAR," 

The  debate  between  Douglas  and  Lincoln,  while 
marked  by  speeches  severe  and  stately,  was  interspersed 
with  repartees  and  innuendoes  as  might  be  awaited  from 
former  friends  and  become,  by  double  rivalry,  fierce 
enemies. 

The  senator  did  not  disdain  to  stoop  to  casting  back  at 
Lincoln's  humble  beginning,  and  taunted  him  with  having 
kept  store  and  waited  behind  the  bar  before  waiting  be- 


io6  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

fore  the  bar  judicial  for  his  turn  to  practise  law.     His 
adversary  rose  amid  the  laughter,  and  rejoined : 

"What  the  jedge  (Judge  Douglas)  has  said,  gentle- 
men, is  true  enough.  I  did  keep  a  grocery,  and  some- 
times I  did  sell  whisky;  but  I  remember  that  in  those 
days  Mr.  Douglas  was  one  of  my  best  customers  for  the 
same.  But  the  difference  between  us  now  is  that  I  do 
not  practise  behind  the  bar  at  present,  while  Mr.  Douglas 
keeps  right  on  before  it." 


CONNUBIAL  AMITY. 

"Mr.  Douglas  has  no  more  thought  of  fighting  me 
than  fighting  his  wife." — (Said  during  the  Lincoln- 
Douglas  debates,  at  a  rumor  that  the  senator  would  chal- 
lenge him  for  some  personality.) 


THE  MODEL  WHISKY- BARREL. 

During  the  Douglas-Lincoln  series  of  debates,  the 
former  made  a  jest  counting  upon  his  being  President 
some  day.  He  said  that  his  father  was  a  cooper,  yet, 
with  prescience,  had  not  taught  him  the  paternal  craft. 
but  made  him  a  co&tWf-maker.  His  adherents  who 
counted  on  office  if  he  won  loudly  applauded.  Douglas 
was  a  thick-set,  rotund  man,  whose  florid  gills  revealed 
that  he  was  a  host  for  boon  companions.  Lincoln  was 
his  antithesis,  as  tall,  long-drawn,  and  somber  as  the 
cold-water  man  he  was  rated.  He  rose,  and  at  once  shot 
his  shaft: 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  107 

"I  was  not  aware  that  Mr.  Douglas'  father  was  a 
cooper,  but  I  doubt  it  not,  or  that  he  was  a  good  one. 
In  fact,  I  am  certain  that  he  has  made  one  of  the  best 
whisky-casks  I  have  ever  seen!" 


FIGHTING  OUT  OF  ONE  COAT   INTO  THE  OTHER. 

"I  remember  being  once  much  amused  at  seeing  two 
partially  intoxicated  men  engaged  in  a  fight,  with  their 
greatcoats  on,  which  fight,  after  a  long  and  rather  harm- 
less contest,  ended  in  each  having  fought  himself  out  of 
his  own  coat  and  into  that  of  the  other !  If  the  two 
leading  parties  of  to-day  are  really  identical  with  the 
two  in  the  days  of  Jefferson  and  Adams,  they  have  per- 
formed the  same  feat  as  the  two  drunken  men." — (Let- 
ter declining  a  Jefferson  banquet  invitation,  Springfield, 
Illinois,  April  6,  1859.) 


THE  PROMISING  FACE! 

"Senator  Douglas  is  of  world-wide  renown.  All  the 
anxious  politicians  of  his  party  have  been  looking  upon 
him  as  certainly,  at  no  distant  day,  to  be  the  President  of 
the  United  States.  They  have  seen  in  his  round,  jolly, 
fruitful  face  post-offices,  land  offices,  marshalships  and 
cabinet  appointments,  charge-ships  and  foreign  missions, 
bursting  and  sprouting  out  in  wonderful  exuberance, 
ready  to  be  laid  hold  of  by  their  greedy  hands.  .  .  . 
On  the  contrary,  nobody  has  ever  expected  me  to  be 


io8  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

President.  In  my  poor,  lean,  lank  face  nobody  has  ever 
seen  that  any  cabbages  were  sprouting  out." — (Speech 
by  A.  Lincoln,  Springfield,  Illinois,  July  17,  1858.) 


"A  HOUSE  DIVIDED  CANNOT  STAND." 
This  often-quoted  passage  was  uttered  in  June,  1857, 
at  Springfield,   Illinois,   during   Lincoln's   congressional 
campaign : 

"A  house  divided  against  itself  cannot  stand.  I  be- 
lieve that  this  government  cannot  endure  permanently, 
half-slave  and  half-free.  I  do  not  expect  this  house  to 
fall :  I  do  not  expect  the  Union  to  be  dissolved.  But  I 
do  expect  it  will  cease  to  be  divided.  It  will  become  one 
thing  or  the  other." 


THE  CONCERT  ON  "DRED  SCOTT." 
The  Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States  decided  in  a 
fugitive-slave  case,  one  Dred  Scott,  that  no  negro  slave 
could  be  any  State  citizen;  that  neither  Congress  nor  a 
territorial  organization  can  exclude  slavery;  that  the 
United  States  courts  would  not  decide  whether  a  slave 
in  a  free  State  becomes  free,  but  left  that  to  the  slave- 
holding  State  courts.  Lincoln,  in  debate  with  Senator 
Douglas,  asserted  that  the  latter,  Chief  Justice  Taney, 
and  others,  were  in  a  league  to  perpetuate  slavery  and 
extend  it. 

"We  cannot  absolutely  know,  but  when  we  see  a  lot 
of  framed  timbers,  different  portions  of  which  we  know, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  109 

have  been  gotten  out  at  different  times  and  places,  and 
by  different  workmen — as  Stephen,  Franklin,  Roger,  and 
James  (Douglas,  President  Pierce,  Taney,  Buchanan), 
and  when  we  see  these  timbers  joined  together,  and  see 
they  exactly  make  the  frame  of  a  house  or  mill  .  .  . 
in  such  a  case  we  find  it  impossible  not  to  believe  that 
Stephen,  and  Franklin,  and  Roger,  and  James  all  under- 
stood one  another  from  the  beginning,  and  all  worked 
upon  a  common  plan  or  draft,  drawn  up  before  the  first 
blow  was  struck." — (The  "Divided  House"  Speech,  June 
17,  1858,  Springfield,  Illinois.) 


PLAYING  CUTTLEFISH. 

"Judge  Douglas  is  playing  cuttlefish ! — a  small  species 
of  fish  that  has  no  mode  of  defending  itself  when  pur- 
sued except  by  throwing  out  a  black  fluid  which  makes 
the  water  so  dark  the  enemy  cannot  see  it,  and  thus  it 
escapes." — (Lincoln  in  Lincoln-Douglas  Debate,  Illinois, 
1858.) 


A  VOICE  FROM  THE  DEAD. 

"Fellow  citizens,  my  friend,  Mr.  Douglas,  made  the 
startling  announcement  to-day  that  the  Whigs  are  dead. 
If  that  be  so,  you  will  now  experience  the  novelty  of 
hearing  a  speech  from  a  dead  man."  With  his  arms 
waving  like  windmill-sails,  and  his  frame  vibrating  in 
every  one  of  the  seventy-five  inches  perpendicular,  he 
shrilled:  "And  I  suppose  you  might  properly  say,  013 


no  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

sing,  in  the  language  of  the  old  hymn :  'Hark,  from  the 
•combs  a  doleful  sound!'" — (Lincoln-Douglas  Debate, 
1858.) 


"IF  I  MUST  GO  DOWN,  LET  IT  BE  LINKED  TO 
TRUTH." 

In  1856,  a  red-letter  day  in  American  politics,  the 
Republican  party  was  organized  at  Bloomington,  Illinois, 
and,  after  his  speech  at  the  inauguration,  Abraham  Lin- 
coln was  hailed  as  the  foremost  of  the  league  throughout 
the  West.  A  civil  war  raged,  as  he  had  foretold,  in 
Kansas,  through  repeal  of  the  Missouri  Compromise, 
and  Douglas  was  forced  to  about  face  and  actually  vote, 
as  senator  in  Congress  against  the  very  measures  he  ad- 
vocated, with  the  Republicans.  He  sought  reelection, 
and  so  believed  he  would  allure  them  over  to  his  side. 
At  the  Republican  State  Convention  in  June,  however, 
Lincoln  was  the  unanimous  representative  for  Cook 
County,  and  he  made  the  celebrated  speech  known  as 
"The  House  Divided  Against  Itself."  This  discourse 
had  been  rehearsed  before  his  clique  of  friends — the  men 
who  afterward  boasted  that  they  made  the  President  out 
of  the  "little  one-horse  lawyer  of  a  little  one-horse 
town!"  They  agreed  that  it  was  sound  and  energetic, 
but  that  it  would  not  be  politic  to  speak  it  then.  The 
Republicans  were  cautious,  and  shrank  from  uniting  with 
the  advanced  theorists  known  as  the  Abolitionists. 
Lincoln  slowly  repeated  the  debated  passage: 
"  'A  house  divided  against  itself  cannot  stand.'  I  will 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  in 

deliver  it  as  written.  I  would  rather  be  defeated  with 
this  expression  in  the  speech  than  be  victorious  with- 
out it." 

Before  the  persistence  the  advisers  again  implored 
him  to  moderate  the  lines.  "It  would  defeat  his  elec- 
tion— it  will  kill  the  embryo  party!"  and  so  on. 

But  after  silent  reflection,  he  suddenly  and  warmly 
said: 

"Friends,  if  it  must  be  that  I  must  go  down  because 
of  this  speech,  then  let  me  go  down  linked  to  truth — die 
in  the  advocacy  of  what  is  right  and  just." 

That  famous  utterance  of  what  was  fermenting  in  the 
great  heart  of  the  people,  and  which  perfect  oneness  with 
it  and  his  own,  enabled  him  to  be  the  touchstone  of  the 
Satan  yet  disguised,  cleared  the  sky,  and  all  saw  the 
battle,  if  not  the  doom,  of  the  black  stain  on  the  United 
States. 


COME  ONE,  COME  ALL  I 

On  his  road  to  inauguration,  Lincoln  held  a  reception 
at  Chicago.  The  autograph  fiend  was  not  prominent  in 
the  thick  crowd,  but  still  several  little  girls  were  pushed 
forward  by  their  besieging  mamas  and,  under  pretense 
of  one  gift  deserving  a  return,  gave  flowers,  and  the 
spokesgirl  said  as  she  waved  a  sheet  of  paper: 
"Your  name,  Mr.  President,  please !" 

"But  here  are  several  other  little  girls " 

"They  come  with  me,"  replied  the  little  miss,  with  the 
intention  of  gaining  her  end  alone. 


112  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"Oh,  then,  as  my  signature  will  be  little  among  eight — 
more  paper!" 

And  he  wrote  a  sentiment  on  each  of  eight  sheets  and 
affixed  his  sign  manual. 


ASSISTING  THE  INEVITABLE. 

In  1854,  the  Missouri  Compromise  Bill  of  1820,  made 
to  shut  out  the  free  States  from  the  invasion  of  slavery, 
was  repealed.  The  author  of  this  yielding  on  a  vital 
question  to  the  pro-slavery  party  was  Stephen  A.  Doug- 
las, leader  of  the  Democrats.  He  had  been  Lincoln's 
early  friend,  and  they  were  rivals  for  the  hand  of  the  Miss 
Todd  who  wedded  Lincoln,  with  spoken  confidence,  and 
woman's  astonishing  art  of  reading  men  and  the  future, 
that  he  would  attain  a  loftier  station  in  the  national 
Walhalla  than  his  brilliant  and  more  bewitching  adver- 
sary. Indignant  at  this  revoke  in  the  great  game  of 
immunity  which  should  have  been  played  aboveboard, 
the  lawyer  sprang  forth  from  his  family  peace  and  studi- 
ous retirement  to  fall  or  fulfil  his  mission  in  the  irre- 
pressible conflict. 

Lincoln  delivered  a  speech  at  Springfield  when  the 
town  was  crammed  by  the  spectators  attending  the  State 
Fair.  It  was  rated  the  greatest  oratorical  effort  of  his  ca- 
reer, and  demolished  Douglas'  political  stand.  The  State, 
previously  Democratic,  slid  upon  and  crushed  out 
Douglas'  Kansas-Nebraska  Bill,  and  a  Whig  legislature 
was  chosen.  Having  "the  senatorship  in  his  eye,"  or 
even  a  dearer  if  not  a  nearer  object,  Lincoln  resigned  the 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  113 

seat  he  won  in  this  revolutionary  house.  On  the  other 
hand,  a  vacancy  in  the  State  senatorship  at  Washington 
falling  pat,  he  was  set  up  as  Whig  candidate.  Douglas 
had  selected  General  James  Shields,  who  had  married 
Miss  Todd's  sister,  but  was  as  antagonistic  to  his  brother- 
in-law  as  Douglas  himself.  The  fight  was  made  trian- 
gular, by  the  Anti-Kansas-Nebraska  Bill  party  advancing 
Lyman  Trumbull.  Although  Shields  was  not  strong 
enough,  a  substitute  in  Governor  Mattheson,  "a  dark 
horse,"  uncommitted  to  either  side,  came  within  an  ace 
of  election  in  the  ballotage. 


SELF-SACRIFICE. 

Mr.  Lincoln  had  the  finished  art  of  the  politician;  he 
had  also  a  magnanimous  heart,  ready  to  sacrifice  all 
personal  gain  to  the  party.  He  proposed  withdrawing, 
and  throwing  all  his  supporters'  votes  over  to  Mattheson 
— anything  to  beat  Douglas!  His  friends  resisted;  he 
had  distinguished  himself  sufficiently  as  a  "retiring  man" 
in  letting  Baker  get  the  seat  over  his  head.  But  he  was 
terribly  bent  on  this  stroke  of  victory.  He  gave  up 
the  reins  and,  in  his  great  self-sacrifice,  passionately 
exclaimed : 

"It  must  be  done !" 

He  was  said  to  be,  then,  a  fatalist,  and  so  vented  this 
command  as  if  he  believed  "What  must  be,  must  be!" 
unlike  the  doubter  who  said :  "No !  what  must  be,  won't 
be!"  The  Douglasites  could  not  meet  this  change  of 


114  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

base,  and  Trumbull  became  senator  by  the  Lincolnites' 
coalition.  Lincoln  publicly  disavowed  any  such  formal 
compact. 


A  FIGHT  PROVES  NOTHING. 

Stung  by  the  repetition  here  in  the  West  by  Horace 
Greeley's  quip  upon  Douglas,  whose  trimming  lost  him 
supporters,  "He  is  like  the  man's  pig  which  did  not 
weigh  as  much  as  he  expected,  and  he  always  knew  he 
wouldn't,"  a  partizan  of  the  senator's  wanted  to  challenge 
Lincoln.  The  latter  declared  that  he  would  not  fight 
Judge  Douglas  or  his  second. 

"In  the  first  place,  a  fight  would  prove  nothing  in  issue 
in  this  contest.  If  my  fighting  Judge  Douglas  would  not 
prove  anything,  it  would  prove  nothing  for  me  to  fight  his 
bottle-holder" 

(It  is  to  be  borne  in  mind  that  the  senator  had  a  high 
reputation  as  a  convivial  host,  and  the  toady  was  believed 
to  be  his  familiar— "the  Bottle  Imp.") 


"WIN  THE  FIGHT,  OR  DIE  A-TRYING." 

Though  Douglas  had  his  misgivings  from  knowing 
Lincoln  is  "  the  ablest  of  the  Republican  party,"  he  was 
forced  by  his  standing  and  the  pressure  of  his  less  dubious 
followers  to  accept  the  oratorical  challenge  of  the  other. 
The  trumpeteers  at  once  boasted  the  Little  Giant  could 
make  small  feed  of  the  animated  fence-rail.  Lincoln 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  115 

said  on  the  subject  to  Judge  Beckwith,  of  Danville,  on 
the  eve : 

"You  have  seen  two  men  about  to  fight?  Well,  one  of 
them  brags  about  what  he  means  to  do.  The  other  fel- 
low, he  says  not  a  word.  He  is  saving  his  wind  for  the 
fight,  and  as  sure  as  it  comes  off,  he  will  win  it — or  die 
a-trying !" 


PILLS  TO  PURGE  MELANCHOLY. 

The  Puritanic  and  classically  sedate  critics  blamed 
the  President  for  finding  recreation  in  reading  and  hear- 
ing comic  tales,  used  to  illustrate  grave  texts.  He  said 
to  a  congressman  who  brought  up  the  censure  at  a  time 
when  the  country  was  profoundly  harried : 

"Were  it  not  for  this  occasional  vent,  I  should  die !" 


"DOWN  TO  THE  RAISINS  I" 

It  was  the  regular  habit  of  President  Lincoln  to  read 
the  day's  telegrams  in  order  in  the  "flimsy"  triplicates. 
They  were  kept  in  a  drawer  at  the  White  House  tele- 
graph-office. As  he  handled  the  papers  almost  solely, 
each  addition  would  come  to  be  placed  on  the  last  lot  of 
the  foregoing  day.  When  this  was  attained,  he  would 
say  with  a  sigh: 

"There,  I  have  got  down  to  the  raisins !" 
It  was  due  to  the  story,  which  amused  him,  of  the 
countryman.      This    tourist   entered    a    fashionable    res- 
taurant, and  on  viewing  the  long  menu,  and  concluding 


n6  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

that  all  the  dishes  were  for  the  customer  at  the  fixed 
price,  manfully  called  for  each  in  turn.     When  he  ar- 
rived at  the  last  line,  he  sighed  in  relief,  and  cried : 
"Thanks  be !    I  have  got  down  to  the  raisins  I" 


GIANT  AND  GIANT-KILLER. 

As  Stephen  A.  Douglas,  from  his  concentrated  force 
and  limited  height  was  nicknamed  "the  Little  Giant," 
his  opponent,  the  elongated  Lincoln,  was  dubbed  "the 
Giant-Killer." 


LINCOLN'S  "SENTIMENTS"  ON  A  MOOTED  POINT. 

The  President's  reply  to  an  autograph  fiend  who  sought 
his  signature,  appended  to  a  sentiment,  was : 

"DEAR  MADAM  :  When  you  ask  a  stranger  for  that 
which  is  of  interest  only  to  yourself,  always  enclose  a 
stamp." 


CHESTNUTS  UNDER  A  SYCAMORE. 

The  President,  on  his  way  to  the  Department  of  War, 
perceived  a  gentleman  under  a  tree,  scraping  among  the 
heaped  leaves  with  his  cane.  He  knew  him,  a  Major 
Johnson,  of  the  department,  an  old  District  of  Columbia 
man  who  had  never  been  out  of  the  district. 

"Good  morning,  major!"  hailed  the  executive  officer. 
"What  in  the  world  are  you  doing  there?" 

"Looking  for  a  few  horse-chestnuts." 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  117 

"Eh?  Do  you  expect  to  find  them  under  a  sycamore- 
tree  ?"  The  President  laughed  freely  and  passed  on.  He 
ought  to  have  removed  the  misguided  botanist  into  the 
Department  of  Agriculture,  where  he  might  have  learned 
something. 


STILL  OF  LITTLE  NOTE. 

On  hearing  that  a  man  had  been  arrested  in  Philadel- 
phia for  trying  to  procure  $1,500  by  a  forgery  of  Lin- 
coln's name,  he  humorously  said:  "It  is  surprising  that 
any  man  could  get  the  money!" 

The  secretary  pointed  out  that  use  might  have  been 
made  of  a  signature  given  to  a  stranger  as  an  autograph 
on  a  blank  paper,  the  body  of  which  had  been  improperly 
filled  up  as  a  note. 

"Well,"  answered  the  President,  then,  as  to  inter- 
fering, "I  don't  see  but  that  he  will  have  to  sit  on  'the 
blister-bench.' " 


THE  TREE -TOAD  AND  "  TIMOTHEUS." 
In  the  early  days  when  Abraham  Lincoln  went  with  his 
pioneer  father  to  settle  in  wild  Indiana,  the  chief  diver- 
sion of  the  rude  inhabitants  was  from  the  preaching  of 
the  traveling  pastors.  They  were  singular  devotees  whose 
sincerity  redeemed  all  their  flaws  of  ignorance,  illiteracy, 
and  violence.  Abraham,  with  his  inherent  proneness 
toward  imitation  of  oratory,  used  to  "take  them  off"  to 
the  hilarity  of  the  laboring  men  who  formed  his  first 
audiences.  Out  of  his  recollections  came  this  tale,  which 


n8  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

he  liked  to  act  out  with  all  the  quaint  tones  and  gestures 
the  subject  demanded. 

The  itinerant  ranters  held  out  at  a  schoolhouse  near 
Lincoln's  cabin;  but  in  fine  weather  preferred  the  acad- 
emy— as  the  Platoists  would  say — what  was  left  of  an 
oak  grove,  only  one  tree  being  spared,  making  a  pulpit 
with  leafy  canopy  for  the  exhorter.  This  man  was  a 
Hard-shell  Baptist,  commonly  imperturbable  to  outside 
sights  and  doings  when  the  spirit  moved  him.  His  de- 
meanor was  rigid  and  his  action  angular  and  restricted. 
He  wore  the  general  attire,  coonskin  cap  or  beaver  hat, 
hickory-dyed  shirt,  breeches  loose  and  held  up  by  plugs 
or  makeshift  buttons,  as  our  ancestors  attached  under- 
garments to  the  upper  ones  by  laces  and  points.  The 
shirt  was  held  by  one  button  in  the  collar. 

This  dress  little  mattered,  as  a  leaf  screen  woven  for 
the  occasion  hid  the  lower  part  of  his  frame  and  left  the 
protruding  head  visible  as  he  leaned  forward,  standing 
on  a  log  rolled  up  for  the  platform. 

He  gave  out  the  text,  from  Corinthians:  "Now  if 
Timotheus  come,  see  that  he  may  be  with  you  without 
fear ;  for  he  worketh  the  work  of  the  law."  The  follow- 
ing runs :  "Let  no  man  despise  him,"  etc. 

As  he  began  his  speech,  a  tree-toad  that  had  dropped 
down  out  of  the  tree  thought  to  return  to  its  lookout  to 
see  if  rain  were  coming.  As  the  shortest  cut  it  took  the 
man  as  a  post.  Scrambling  over  his  yawning,  untanned 
ankle  jack-boots,  it  slipped  under  the  equally  yawning 
blue  jeans.  He  commenced  to  scale  the  leg  as  the 
preacher  became  conscious  of  the  invasion.  So,  while 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  119 

spooning  out  the  text,  he  made  a  grab  at  the  creature, 
which  might  be  a  centipede  for  all  he  knew ;  and  then,  as 
it  ascended,  and  his  voice  ascended  a  note  or  two,  with 
the  words  "be  without  fear,"  he  slapped  still  higher. 
Then,  still  speaking,  but  fearsomely  animated,  he  clutched 
frantically,  but  always  a  leetle  behindhand,  at  the  un- 
known monster  which  now  reached  the  imprisoning  neck- 
band. Here  he  tore  at  the  button — the  divine,  not  the 
newt — and  broke  it  free!  As  he  finally  yelled — sticking 
to  the  sermon  as  to  the  hunt,  "worketh  the  work  of  the 
law!"  an  old  dame  in  among  the  amazed  congregation 
rose,  and  shrieked  out: 

"Well,  if  you  represent  Timotheus  and  that  is  work- 
ing for  the  law — then  I'm  done  with  the  Apostles !" 


"IF  IT  WILL  DO  THE  PRESIDENT  GOOD » 

G.  H.  Stuart,  chief  of  the  Christian  Commission,  was  a 
Bible  distributer  during  the  war.  The  organization  had  a 
special  soldiers'  Bible  called  the  Cromwell  one,  whose 
mixture  of  warrior  and  preacher  seemed  to  couple  him 
with  Abraham  Lincoln.  The  soldiers  usually  accepted  a 
copy  without  pressing,  though  some  said  they  preferred 
a  cracker.  But  one  man,  a  Philadelphian,  like  Stuart 
himself,  rejected  the  offer.  Among  the  colporteur's 
arguments,  however,  was  one  that  overcame  him. 

"I'll  tell  you  that  I  commenced  my  tract  distribution 
at  the  White  House,  and  the  first  person  I  offered  one 
to  was  Abraham  Lincoln.  He  took  it  and  promised  to 
read  it." 


I2O  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"I'll  take  one,"  promptly  cried  the  man ;  "if  the  Presi- 
dent thought  it  would  do  him  good,  it  won't  hurt  me  1" 


GROUNDS  FOR  A  FINANCIAL  ESTIMATE. 

When  the  mercantile  agencies  were  young,  they  ac- 
quired a  consensus  of  opinion  upon  a  business  man  by 
annoying  his  acquaintances  with  inquiries.  One  such 
house  queried  of  Lincoln  about  one  of  his  neighbors. 
His  reply  was  a  smart  burlesque  on  the  bases  on  which 
they  rated  their  registered  "listed." 

"I  am  well  acquainted  with  Mr.  X ,  and  know  his 

circumstances.  First  of  all,  he  has  a  wife  and  baby ;  to- 
gether, they  ought  to  be  worth  $50,000  to  any  man. 
Secondly,  he  has  an  office  in  which  there  is  a  table  worth 
$1.50,  and  three  chairs  worth,  say,  $i.  Last  of  all,  there 
is  in  one  corner  a  large  rat-hole,  which  will  bear  looking 
into!  Respectfully,  etc." 


44 1  WANTED  TO  SEE  THEM  SPREAD  I" 

It  is  related  that  the  ushers  and  secret  service  officials 
on  duty  at  the  Executive  Mansion  during  the  war  were 
prone  to  congregate  in  a  little  anteroom  and  exchange 
reminiscences.  This  was  directly  against  instructions 
by  the  President. 

One  night  the  guard  and  ushers  were  gathered  in 
the  little  room  talking  things  over,  when  suddenly  the 
door  opened,  and  there  stood  President  Lincoln,  his  shoes 
in  his  hand. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  121 

All  the  crowd  scattered  save  one  privileged  individual, 
the  Usher  Pendel,  of  the  President's  own  appointment, 
as  he  had  been  kind  to  the  Lincoln  children. 

The  intruder  shook  his  finger  at  him  and,  with  as- 
sumed ferocity,  growled: 

"Pendel,  you  people  remind  me  of  the  boy  who  set  a 
hen  on  forty-three  eggs." 

"How  was  that,  Mr.  President?"  asked  Pendel. 

"A  youngster  put  forty-three  eggs  under  a  hen,  and 
then  rushed  in  and  told  his  mother  what  he  had  done. 

"  'But  a  hen  can't  set  on  forty-three  eggs/  replied  the 
mother. 

"  'No,  I  guess  she  can't,  but  I  just  wanted  to  see  her 
spread  herself.* 

"That's  what  I  wanted  to  see  you  boys  do  when  I 
came  in,"  said  the  President,  as  he  left  for  his  apart- 
ments.— (By  Thomas  Pendel,  still  usher,  in  1900.) 


THE  LINCOLN  NON  SEQUITUR. 
Though  a  Democrat,  Member  of  Congress  John  Gan- 
son,  of  New  York,  supported  the  President,  and  he 
thought  himself  entitled  to  enjoy  what  no  one  had  sur- 
prised or  captured — the  confidence  of  Abraham's  bosom, 
as  was  the  current  phrase.  He,  calling,  insisted  that  he 
ought  to  know  the  true  situation  of  things  military  and 
political,  so  that  he  might  justify  himself  among  his 
friends.  Ganson  was  bald  as  the  egg  and  was  the  most 
clean-shaven  of  men.  The  "Northern  Nero"  eyed  the 
presumptuous  satrap  fixedly,  and  drawled: 


122  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

— 5 . __ 

"Ganson,  how  clean  you  shave!" 

He  had  escaped  another  inquisition  by  his  close  shave. 
(Told  by  Senator  C.  M.  Depew.) 


WHY  SO  MANY  COMMON  PEOPLE. 

•  Like  another  Daniel,  Lincoln  interpreted  dreams.     He 

said  that  he  had  one  in  this  guise : 

He  imagined  he  was  in  a  great  assemblage  like  one  of 

his  receptions  multiplied.     The  mass  described  a  hedge 

to  let  him  pass.    He  thought  that  he  heard  one  of  them 

remark : 

"That  is  a  common-looking  fellow !" 

To  whom  Lincoln  replied — still  in  the  dream : 

"Friend,  the  Lord  loves  common-looking  people — that 

is  why  He  made  so  many  of  them." 

(NOTE. — Another  current  saying  substitutes  "the  poor" 

for  "common.") 


ENVY  OF  A  HUMORIST. 

It  is  difficult  for  the  present  generation  to  perceive  the 
streak  of  fun  in  "the  Petroleum  V.  Nasby  Papers" 
which  regaled  our  grandfathers,  and  Mr.  Lincoln  above 
others,  who  waited  eagerly  for  the  next  letter  in  the  press. 
He  requested  the  presentation  of  the  author,  John  Locke, 
and  thanked  him  face  to  face — neither,  like  the  augurs, 
able  to  keep  his  face — for  such  antidotes  to  the  blues. 
He  said  to  a  friend  of  "the  Postmaster  at  Confedrit 
X-rodes": 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  123 

"If  'Petroleum'  would  impart  his  talent  to  me,  I  would 
swap  places  with  him!" 


THE  STOPPER  ON  JOURNALISTIC  "GAS." 

Having  examined  a  model  cannon  devised  not  to  allow 
the  escape  of  gas,  he  quizzically  glanced  at  the  group  of 
newspaper  reporters,  and  said: 

"I  really  believe  this  does  what  it  is  represented  to 
do.  But  do  any  of  you  know  of  any  machine  or  inven- 
tion for  preventing  the  escape  of  gas  from  newspaper 
establishments  ?" 


SALT  BEFORE  PEPPER. 

The  Cabinet  being  assembled  in  September,  1862,  to 
consider  the  first  draft  of  the  Emancipation  Act,  those 
not  yet  familiar  with  the  chairman's  habit  to  supply  a 
whet  before  the  main  dish,  were  startled  that  he  should 
preface  the  business  by  reading  the  New  York  paper— 
Vanity  Fair— continuing  the  series  of  "Artemus  Ward's" 
tour  with  his  show.  This  paper  was  the  "High-handed 
Outrage  at  Utica."  He  laughed  his  fill  over  it,  while 
the  grave  signiors  frowned  and  yet  struggled  to  keep 
their  countenances. 

If  they  had  more  experience,  they  would  have  heard 
him  read  "Josh  Billings,"  particularly  "On  the  Mule," 
from  the  New  York  Weekly  columns.  It  was  as  "good 
as  a  play,"  the  stenographers  said,  to  see  the  President 


124  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

dart  a  glance  over  his  spectacle-rims  at  some  demure 
counselor  whose  molelike  machinations  were  more  than, 
suspected,  and  with  mock  solemnity  declaim: 

'"I  hev- known  a  mewl  to  be  good  for  six  months  jest 
ter  git  a  chance  to  kick  his  owner !' "  In  allusion  to 
those  remarkable  feats  of  arms  and — legs — Early's  or 
Stuart's  raids  and  Jackson's  forced  rapid  marches,  almost 
at  horse-speed,  when  the  men  carried  no  rations,  but  ate 
corn-ears  taken  from  the  shucks  and  roasted  them  "at 
their  pipes,"  the  droll  ruler  would  bring  in  that  "mewl" 
again : 

"  'If  you  want  to  find  a  mewl  in  a  lot,  you  must  turn 
him  into  the  one  next  to  it.'  " 

Only  the  rebel  "fly-by-nights"  were  more  like  the 
Irishman's  flea — "when  you  put  your  hand  on  him,  he 
was  not  there!" 


"MATCHING"  STORIES. 

The  President  looking  in  at  the  telegraph-room  in  the 
White  House,  happened  to  find  Major  Eckert  in. 
He  saw  he  was  counting  greenbacks.  So  he  said 
jokingly : 

"I  believe  you  never  come  to  business  now  but  to 
handle  money!" 

The  officer  pleaded  that  it  was  a  mere  coincidence, 
and  instanced  a  story  in  point: 

"A  certain  tailor  in  Mansfield,  Ohio,  was  very  stylish  in 
dress  and  airy  in  manner.  Passing  a  storekeeper's  door 
one  day,  the  latter  puffed  himself  up  and  emitted  a  long 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  125 

blow,  expressive  of  the  inflation  to  oozing-point  of  the 
conceited  tailor,  who  indignantly  turned  and  said :  'I  will 
teach  you  to  blow  when  I  am  passing!'  to  which  the 
storekeeper  replied :  'And  I'll  teach  you  not  to  pass  when 
I  am  blowing !'  " 

"Very  good !"  returned  the  hearer.  "That  is  very  like 
a  story  /  heard  of  a  man  driving  about  the  country  in  an 
open  buggy,  caught  at  night  by  a  pouring  rain.  Passing 
a  farmhouse,  a  man,  apparently  struggling  with  the 
effects  of  whisky,  thrust  his  head  out  of  a  window,  and 
shouted  loudly: 

"'Hello!' 

"The  traveler  stopped  for  all  of  his  hurry  for  shelter 
and  asked  what  was  wanted. 

"  'Nothing  of  you !'  was  the  blunt  reply. 

"  'Well,  what  in  the  infernals  are  you  shouting  'Hello' 
for  when  people  are  passing?'  angrily  asked  the  traveler. 

"  'Well,  what  in  the  infernals  are  you  passing  for 
when  people  are  shouting  hello?'" 

The  rival  story-tellers  parted  "at  evens." 


THE  ONLY  DISCREDIT. 

A  backhanded  compliment  of  the  acutest  nature  is 
credited  to  Lincoln  as  a  lawyer  and  gentleman.  A  Major 
Hill  accused  him  of  maligning  Mrs.  Hill,  upon  which 
Lincoln  denied  the  accusation  and  apologized  with 
"whitewash"  which  blacked  the  bystander: 

"I  entertain  the  highest  regard  for  Mrs.  Hill,  and  the 


126  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

only  thing  I  know  to  her  discredit  is  that  she  is  Major 
Hill's  wife!" 


NO  RE-LIE-ANCE  OF  THEM  I 

Mrs.  Secretary  Welles,  more  susceptible  about  press 
attacks  on  her  idol — and  everybody  in  Washington  offi- 
cialdom's idol — the  President,  called  attention  to  fresh 
quips  and  innuendoes. 

"Pshaw !  let  pass ;  the  papers  are  not  always  reliable. 
That  is  to  say,  Mrs.  Welles,"  interposed  the  object  ol 
the  missiles,  "they  lie,  and  then  they  re-lie!" 


NO  VICES-FEW   VIRTUES. 

Some  one  was  smoking  in  the  presence  of  the  Presi- 
dent, and  had  complimented  him  on  having  no  vices- 
such  as  drinking  or  smoking. 

"That  is  a  doubtful  compliment,"  said  the  host.  "I 
recollect  being  once  outside  a  coach  in  Illinois,  and  a 
man  sitting  beside  me  offered  me  a  cigar.  I  told  him  I 
bad  no  vices.  He  said  nothing,  smoked  for  some  time, 
and  then  grunted  out: 

"  'It's  my  experience  that  folks  who  have  no  vices  have 
plaguey  few  virtues.' " 

(Mrs.  General  Lander — Miss  Jean  Davenport,  of  stage 
life,  the  original  of  Dickens'  "Miss  Crummies" — must 
have  heard  this  in  the  presidential  circle,  for  she  would 
say:  "If  a  man  has  no  petty  vices,  he  has  great  ones."^ 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  127 

A  later  version  ascribes  the  reproof  to  a  brother  Keiv 
tuckian,  also  a  stage  companion,  variation  sufficient  to 
prove  the  happening. 


THE  APPLES  OF  HIS  EYE. 

"Up  in  the  State,  out  my  way,"  says  the  narrator, 
"there  was  a  farmer  in  the  days  when  his  sort  were  not 
called  agriculturists;  he  kep'  an  orchard,  at  the  same 
time,  without  being  called  a  horticulturist.  'He  was  just 
another  kind  of  'Johnny  Appleseed,'  for  he  doted  on 
apples  and  used  to  beg  slips  and  seeds  of  any  new  variety 
until  he  had  one  hundred  and  eighty-two  trees  in  his  big 
orchard.  I  have  counted  them  and  longed  for  them, 
early,  mid,  and  late  harvest — he  fit  off  the  bug  and  the 
blight  and  the  worm  like  a  wizard.  If  there  was  any  one 
thing  save  his  orchard  he  doted  upon  it  was  a  daughter 
o'  his'n,  her  name  being  Rose,  and  all  that  you  can 
cram  of  lush  and  bright-red  and  rosy-posy  nicety  into 
that  name.  An'  yet  he  hankered  much  on  the  latest  addi- 
tion to  his  garden — a  New  York  State  apple  as  he  sent 
for  and  'tended  to  at  great  outlay  of  time,  anyway.  This 
fcere  daughter*  and  'that  there  apple-tree'  were  his  de- 
lights. You  might  say  the  Rose  and  the  Baldwin,  that 
were  the  brand  of  the  fruit,  were  the  apples  of  his  two 
eyes! 

'Well,  there  were  two  men  around  there,  who  cast 
sheep's  eyes,  not  to  say  wolfish  ones,  at  the  fruit  and 
the  girl.  They  Both"  expected  to  have  the  other  by  getting 
the  one.  Well,  one  of  those  days  the  pair  of  young 


128  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

fellers  lounged  along  and  kinder  propped  up  the  old 
man's  fence  around  the  orchard.  They  was  looking  out 
of  the  tail  of  the  eye  more  for  the  Rose  than  the  other 
thing  in  the  garden.  But  they  could  not  help  spying  the 
Baldwin.  It  was  the  off  year,  anyhow,  for  apples,  and 
this  here  one  being  first  in  fruiting  had  been  spared  in 
but  one  blossom,  and  so  the  old  man  cared  for  it  with 
prodigious  love.  As  mostly  comes  to  pass  with  special 
fruit,  this  one  being  petted,  throve — well,  you  have  no 
idea  how  an  apple  tended  to  can  thrive.  It  was  big  and 
red  and  meller!  Well,  one  of  the  fellers,  being  the 
cutest,  he  saw  the  other  had  his  cane  with  him  and  was 
spearing  a  windfall  every  now  and  then,  and  seeing  how 
close  he  could  come  to  flipping  the  ears  of  a  hog  waller- 
ing  down  the  lane,  or  mayhap  a  horse  looking  over  the 
paddock  fence.  Then  a  notion  struck  him. 

"  'Lem,'  said  he,  for  the  rival's  name  was  Lem,  for 
Lemuel;  'Lem,'  he  says,  'I  bet  you  a  dollar  you  can't 
fire  at  that  lone  apple  and  knock  it  off  the  stem — a  dollar 
coin!'  For  they  were  talking  in  coonskins  them  times. 
So  Lem  he  takes  the  bet,  and,  sticking  an  apple  on  the 
switch,  sends  it  kiting  with  such  accuracy  of  aim  that  it 
plumps  the  Baldwin,  ker-chung !  in  the  plum  center,  and 
away  fly  both  apples.  Then,  while  he  grabbed  the  dollar 
— the  girl  and  the  old  soul  come  out,  and  the  old  soul 
see  the  pet  apple  rolling  half-dented  at  his  feet,  and  the 
girl  ran  between  him  and  the  two  men.  But  the  feller 
who  was  such  a  good  shot,  he  sees  a  leetle  too  late  what 
he  had  lost  for  a  dollar  and  he  scooted,  with  the  old 
man  invoking  all  the  cusses  of  Herod  agin'  him. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  129 

"The  other  feller  he  opened  the  gate  as  bold  as  a 
brazen  calf,  and  said,  anticipating  the  old  man: 

"  'Oh,  /  don't  come  for  apples — I  want  to  spark  your 
darter!'" 


THE  WHETSTONE  STORY. 

Abraham  Lincoln  was  not  given  to  boasting,  but  he  did 
pride  himself  on  his  gift  of  memory  of  faces.  It  in- 
cluded all  sorts  of  things.  Among  the  soldiers  calling 
at  the  White  House  was  one  from  his  section.  He 
knew  him  at  sight,  used  his  name,  and  said : 

"You  used  to  live  on  the  Danville  road.  I  took  dinner 
with  you  one  time  I  was  running  for  the  legislature. 
I  recollect  that  we  stood  talking  together  out  at  the  barn  • 
yard  gate  while  I  sharpened  my  jack-knife  on  your  whet- 
stone." 

"So  you  did !"  drawled  the  volunteer,  delighted.  "But, 
say,  whatever  did  you  do  with  that  stone?  I  looked 
for  it  mor'n  a  thousand  times,  but  I  never  could  find  it 
after  the  day  you  used  it!  We  'lowed  that  mebby  you 
took  it  along  with  you." 

"No,"  replied  the  presumed  purloiner  seriously,  "I  sot 
it  on  the  top  of  the  gate-post — the  high  one." 

"Thunder !  likely  enough  you  did !  Nobody  else 
couldn't  have  boosted  it  up  there !  and  we  never  thought 
to  look  there  for  it !" 

When  the  soldier  was  allowed  to  go  home,  the  first 
thing  he  did  was  to  look  up  to  that  stone.  Surely 
enough  it  was  on  the  gate-post  top!  It  had  lain  there 


130  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 


fifteen  years,  since  the  electioneerer  had  stuck  it  there 
as  easily;  as  one  might  place  it  on  a  table. 


41  THE  MONARCH  OF  ALL  HE  SURVEYED." 
Lincoln's  coquetting  with  the  science  of  Gunter,  Jack 
of  all  trades  that  he  was,  empowered  him  to  perpetrate  a 
fine  pun  on  the  United  States  surveyor-general  in  Cali- 
fornia, General  Beall.  This  official  acquired  in  his  course 
so  much  real  estate  of  the  first  quality  that  on  a  refer- 
ence being  made  to  it  in  the  President's  hearing,  he 
observed : 

"Yes,  they  say  Beall  is  'monarch  of  all  he  surveyed."9  • 
£New  .York  Herald.) 


MEN  HAVE  FAULTS  LIKE  HORSES. 

While  riding  between  the  court  towns,  Menard  and 
Fulton  Counties,  Illinois,  Lincoln  rode  knee  to  knee 
frith  an  old  settler  who  admitted  that  he  was  going  to 
L«wiston  to  have  some  "lawing"  out  with  a  neighbor, 
also  an  old-timer.  The  young  practitioner  already 
preached,  as  a  motto,  that  there  would  always  be  litiga- 
tion enough  and  again  exerted  to  throw  oil  on  the  riled 
water. 

"Why,  Uncle  Tommy,  this  neighbor  has  been  a  toler- 
able neighbor  to  you  nigh  onto  fifteen  year  and  you  get 
along  in  hunk  part  of  the  time,  don't  'ee  ?" 

The  rancantankerous  man  admitted  as  much. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  131 

"Well,  now,  you  see  this  nag  of  mine?     He  isn't  as 
good  a  horse  as  I  want  to  straddle  and  I  sometimes  get 
out  of  patience  with  him,  but  I  know  his  faults  as  well 
as  his  p'ints.    He  goes  fairly  well  as  hosses  go,  and  it 
might  take  me  a  long  while  to  git  used  to  another  hoss* 
faults.     For,  like  men,  all  hosses  hev  faults.     You  ami 
Uncle  Jimmy  ought  to  put  up  with  each  other  as  man1 
and  his  steed  put  up  with  one  another;  see?" 
"I  reckon  you  are  about  right,  Abe!" 
And  he  went  on  to  town,  but  not  to  "law." 


LINCOLN'S  PUNS  ON  PROPER  NAMES. 

Though  as  far  back  as  Doctor  Johnson,  punning  was 
regarded  as  obsolete,  it  was  still  prevalent  in  the  United 
States  and  so  up  to  a  late  date.  Mr.  Lincoln  was  ad- 
dicted to  it. 

Mr.  Frank  B.  Carpenter  was  some  six  months  at  the 
presidential  mansion  engaged  on  the  historical  painting 
of  "The  President  and  the  Cabinet  Signing  the  Emanci- 
pation Act,"  when  the  joke  passed  that  he  had  come  in 
there  a  Carpenter  and  would  go  out  a  cabinet-maker. 
An  usher  repeated  it  as  from  the  fountain-head  of  witti- 
cism there. 

At  a  reception,  a  gentleman  addressed  him,  saying:  **1 
presume,  Mr.  President,  you  have  forgotten  me?" 

"No!  your  name  is  Flood.  I  saw  you  last,  twelve 

years  ago,  at .  I  am  glad  to  see  that  the  Flood  still 

goes  on." 

The  Draft  Riots  in  New  York,  mid-July,  1863,  had,, 


132  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

at  the  bottom,  not  reluctance  to  join  the  army,  but  a 
belief  among  the  Democrats,  notably  the  Irish-Ameri- 
cans, that  the  draws  were  manipulated  in  favor  of  letting 
off  the  sons  of  Republicans.  However,  the  Irish  were 
prominent  in  resistance.  The  President  said:  "General 
Kilpatrick  is  going  to  New  York  to  put  down  the  riots — 
but  his  name  has  nothing  to  do  with  it." 

In  1856,  Lincoln  was  prosecuting  one  Spencer  for 
slander.  Spencer  and  a  Portuguese,  Dungee,  had  mar- 
ried sisters  and  were  at  odds.  Spencer  called  the  dark- 
complexioned  foreigner  a  nigger,  and,  further,  said  he 
had  married  a  white  woman — a  crime  in  Illinois  at  that 
era.  On  the  defense  were  Lawrence  Weldon  and  C.  H. 
Moore.  Lincoln  was  teasled  as  the  court  sustained  9 
demurrer  about  his  papers  being  deficient.  So  he  began, 
his  address  to  the  jury: 

"My  client  is  not  a  negro — though  it  is  no  crime  tC 
be  a  negro — no  crime  to  be  born  with  a  black  skin.  But 
my  client  is  not  a  negro.  His  skin  may  not  be  as  white 
as  ours,  but  I  say  he  is  not  a  negro,  though  he  may  be 
a  Moore!"  looking  at  the  hostile  lawyer.  His  speech  was 
so  winning  that  he  recovered  heavy  damages.  But  being 
a  family  quarrel,  this  was  arranged  between  the  two. 
Mr.  Weldon  says  that  he  feared  Mr.  Lincoln  would  win, 
as  he  had  said  with  unusual  vehemence: 

"Now,  by  Jing !  I  will  beat  you,  boys !" 

By  Jing!  (Jingo — St.  Gengulphus),  was  "the  extent  of 
his  expletives."  Byron  found  a  St.  Gingo's  shrine  in  his 
Alpine  travels. 

On  paying  the  costs,  Lincoln  left  his  fee  to  be  fixed 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  133 

'by  the  opposing  pair  of   lawyers,   saying:  "Don't  you 
think  I  have  honestly  earned  twenty-five  dollars?" 

They  expected  a  hundred,  for  he  had  attended  two 
terms,  spent  two  days,  and  the  money  came  out  of  the 
enemy's  coffer. 


NOT  SO  EASY  TO  GET  INTO  PRISON. 

William  Lloyd  Garrison,  the  premier  Abolitionist,  was 
imprisoned  in  Baltimore  for  his  extreme  utterances  when 
a  stronghold  of  the  pro-slavery  party.  After  the  war, 
he  visited  the  regenerated  city,  and,  for  curiosity,  sought 
unavailingly  the  jail  where  he  had  been  confined.  On 
hearing  the  fruitlessness  of  his  quest,  the  President  said : 

"Well,  Mr.  Garrison,  when  you  first  went  to  Balti- 
more, you  could  not  get  out  of  prison — but  this  second 
time  you  could  not  get  in !" 


"THEM  THREE  FELLERS  AGIN  I" 
The  gamut  of  possible  atrocities  in  connection  with 
fulfilment  of  the  threats  of  secession  being  run  through 
the  rumors  became  stale  and  flat.  Lincoln,  receiving 
one  deputation  of  alarmists  with  considerable  calm,  no 
doubt  thought  to  excuse  it  by  saying: 

"That  reminds  me  of  the  story  of  the  schoolboy.  He 
found  great  difficulty  in  pronouncing  the  names  of  the 
three  children  in  the  fiery  furnace.  Yet  his  teacher  had 
drilled  him  thoroughly  in  'Shadrach,  Meshach,  and 
Abednego,'  so  that,  one  day,  he  purposely  took  the  same 


134  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

lesson  in  Bible  reading,  and  managed  to  have  the  boy 
read  the  passages   containing  these  names  again.     As 
the  dull  pupil  came  to  them  he  stopped,  looked  up,  and 
said: 
"'Teacher,  there's  them  three  fellers  ag'inl"* 


LINCOLN  THE   GREAT   AND   LINCOLN  THE  LITTLE, 

In  1856,  the  new  Republican  party  tested  its  strength 
by  offering  a  ticket:  General  Fremont,  popular  through 
his  invasion  of  California  and  Rocky  Mountain  explora- 
tion, was  selected  as  the  presidential  nominee,  with 
Dayton  as  vice.  But  during  the  balloting,  Lincoln  was 
opposed  to  the  latter,  and  received  over  a  hundred  votes. 
This  news  was  despatched  to  Illinois  as  a  compliment 
to  her  "favorite  son." 

But  on  going  to  congratulate  "our  Lincoln,"  the  depu- 
tation found  him  easy  and  incredulous  on  the  felicitation. 

"You  are  barking  up  the  wrong  tree,  neighbors,"  he 
said  gravely;  "that  must  be  the  great  Lincoln — of  Mas- 
sachusetts." 

There  was  a  Levi  Lincoln,  to  whom  he  had  been  intro- 
duced as  a  form  and  as  a  kinsman  of  the  Massachusetts 
Lincolns.  So  the  namesake's  mistake  in  modesty  was 
pardonable  in  one  who  studied  the  train  of  politics  most 
thoroughly  since  he  had  said  he  would  be  President  of 
these  United  States.  It  was  in  his  teens,  but  the  saying 
is  common  property  of  young  America,  and  it  is  more 
notable  that  before  he  left  Indiana,  and  early  in  his  new 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  135 

and  unalterable  one  in  Illinois,  his  astounded  admirers 
prophesied  the  same  goal ;  it  is  a  fact  that  his  own  hand 
proves ;  that  in  1854,  he  says,  "I  have  really  got  it  into 
my  head  to  be  United  States  senator."* — (Letter  to 
Joseph  Gillespie,  preserved  in  Missouri  Historical  Society 
Library.) 


"GO,  THOU,  AND  DO— LIKEWISE." 

Lord  Lyons  was  the  British  ambassador  at  Washing- 
ton when  the  Prince  of  Wales — now  King  Edward — was 
betrothed  to  the  Princess  Alexandra,  of  Denmark,  since 
queen  regent  of  England.  He  used  the  most  stilted, 
ornate,  and  diplomatic  language  to  carry  the  simple  fact 
The  President  replied  offhand  with  trenchant  advice  to 
the  bearer,  who  was  unmarried : 

"  'Go,  thou,  and  do  likewise !'  " 

This  did  not  alter  the  amity  existing  between  the  two, 
for  Lincoln  so  won  upon  the  envoy  that  he  notified  his 
premier,  Lord  Russell,  at  a  critical  instant  when  Eng- 
land and  France  were  expected  to  combine  to  raise  the 
Southern  blockade,  that  it  was  wrong  to  prepare  the 
American  Government  for  recognition  of  the  Confed- 
eracy. As  for  the  Russian  alliance  with  the  powers,  that 
was  a  fable,  since  the  czar  had  sent  a  fleet  to  New  York, 
where  the  admiral  had  sealed  orders  to  report  to  Presi- 
dent Lincoln  in  case  the  European  allies  declared  war. 


*Nevertheless,  a  friend,  Speed  or  Herndon,  says,  a  year  or  two 
later,  that  Lincoln  had  no  more  founded  idea  that  he  would  be 
President  than  Emperor  of  China.  It  may  be  permitted  to  be- 
lieve that  no  man  is  a  confidant  to  his  valet  or  friend. 


136  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

In  consequence  of  Lord  Lyons  opposing  the  English 
move,  he  had  to  resign. — (A  later  account  in  Malet's 
"Shifting  Scenes.") 


"IS  THE  WORLD  GOING  TO  FOLLOW   THAT 
COMET  OFF?" 

Two  gentlemen  going  by  stage-coach  from  Terre 
Haute  to  Indianapolis,  in  1858,  found  one  part  of  the 
vehicle  occupied  fully  by  a  tall,  countrified  person,  in  a 
cheap  hat  and  without  coat  or  vest,  but  a  farm  round- 
about. They  had  to  wake  him  up,  but  he  was  civil  and 
polite  enough  in  his  unkempt  way.  They  thought  he 
would  be  a  good  butt  for  play,  as  educated  folk  were 
uncommon  out  there  in  1847,  anc^  considered  the  un- 
taught as  their  legitimate  prey.  So  they  bombarded  the 
poor  bumpkin  with  "wordy  pyrotechnics,"  at  which  the 
stranger  bewilderingly  added  his  laugh  and  finally  was 
emboldened  to  ask  what  would  be  the  upshot  of  "this 
here  comet  business  ?" 

The  comet  was  the  talk,  especially  in  the  evening,  of 
the  world,  as  it  was  taken  to  forerun  disasters.  If  the 
editor  remembers  aright  it  was  sword-shaped.  That 
portends  war.  The  intelligent  jesters  answered  him  to 
confuse  still  more,  and  left  him  at  Indianapolis.  One  of 
the  two  travelers  was  Judge  Abram  Hammond,  and  his 
companion,  who  tells  the  story,  Thomas  H.  Nelson,  of 
Terre  Haute.  The  latter,  coming  down  after  preening 
tip,  found  a  brilliant  group  of  lights  of  the  law  in  the 
main  room.  They  were  judges  and  luminaries  of  the 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  137 

bar — but  who  should  be  the  center  of  the  galaxy  but  the 
uncouth  fellow  traveler!  All  were  so  interested  in  a 
story  he  was  telling  that  Mr.  Nelson  could,  unnoticed, 
inquire  of  the  laughing  landlord  as  to  the  entertainer  of 
these  wits. 

"Abraham  Lincoln,  of  Sangamonvale,  our  M.  C. !" 

He  was  so  stupefied  that,  on  recovery,  he  hurried  up- 
stairs and  got  Hammond  to  levant  with  him.  But  he 
was  not  to  remain  unpunished.  Years  after,  when 
Hammond  was  governor  of  the  State,  and  he  to  become 
minister  to  Chile,  Nelson,  was  at  the  same  hotel — Brown- 
ing's— at  the  capital,  when  looking  over  the  party  wel- 
coming and  accompanying  the  President-elect  to  Wash- 
ington, he  saw  a  long  arm  reached  out  to  his  shoulder ; 
a  shrill  voice  pierced  his  ear: 

"Hello,  Nelson!  do  you  think,  after  all,  the  whole 
world  is  going  to  follow  that  darned  comet*  off?" 

The  words  were  Nelson's  own  in  reply  to  the  supposed 
Reuben's  question  in  the  stage-coach  twelve  years  before ! 

No  joke  of  a  memory,  that — for  a  joke! 


A  GOOD  LISTENER. 

The  invidious  who  would  themselves  get  a  word  in, 
accused  Lincoln  of  monopolizing  the  conversation  where 
he  wished  to  reign  supreme.  This  is  contradicted  in 
several  instances.  Rather  his  confraternity  describe  their 
meetings  as  "swapping  stories,"  the  flow  circulating. 

*Donati's  comet. 


138  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Mr.  Bowen  pictures  Lincoln  as  getting  up  half-dressed, 
after  a  speech  at  Hartford,  in  his  hotel  bedroom  at  Mr. 
Trumbull,  of  Stonington,  rapping  at  the  door.  Trum- 
bull  had  just  thought  of  "another  story  I  want  to  tell 
you !"  And  the  tired  guest  sat  up  till  three  in  the  morn- 
ing "exchanging  stories."  This  does  not  resemble 
monopoly. 

A  clerk,  Littlefield,  in  the  Lincoln-Herndon  office,  pre- 
pared a  speech,  and  said  to  his  senior  employer : 

"It  is  important  that  I  get  this  speech  correct,  because 
X  think  you  are  going  to  be  the  presidential  candidate. 
I  told  him  I  would  like  to  read  it  to  him.  He  consented, 
Bitting  down  in  one  corner  of  the  room,  with  his  feet  on  a 
chair  in  front  of  him. 

"  'Now/  said  he,  in  his  hearty  way,  'fire  away,  John ! 
I  think  I  can  stand  it.'  As  I  proceeded,  he  became  quite 
enthusiastic,  exclaiming :  'You  are  hitting  the  nail  on  the 
head.'  He  broke  out  several  times  in  this  way,  finally 
saying :  'That  is  going  to  go.'  " 

It  did  go,  as  the  fellow  clerk,  Ellsworth,  of  Chicago 
Zouaves  fame,  borrowed  it,  and  it  disappeared — wads  for 
bis  revolver,  perhaps. 


CARRIED  THE   POST- MATTER  IN  HIS  HAT. 

It  is  to  Abraham  Lincoln  is  fastened  the  joke  that  as 
postmaster  he  carried  the  mail  in  his  hat.  This  was  at 
New  Salem,  postmaster  of  which  he  was  appointed  by 
President  Jackson,  as  he  was  the  best  qualified  of  any 
of  the  burgesses.  Indeed,  he  often  had  to  read  letters 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  139 

to  their  ignorant  receivers,  and  habitually  acted  as  town 
clerk  in  reading  out  newspapers  for  the  general  good,  on 
the  stoop. 


PRESIDENT   LINCOLN  DUBBED  THEM  THE 
"  WIDE-AWAKES." 

In  looking  over  the  illustrated  newspapers  of  the  war, 
one  may  find  drawn  the  processions  anterior  to  election 
of  the  various  political  parties.  Gradually  the  lines,  at 
first  only  uniform  in  certain  organizations,  became  regular 
as  a  body.  The  Republicans  at  rich  Hartford,  having 
funds  for  the  purpose,  formed  a  corps  of  three  or  four 
hundred  young  men.  They  drilled  to  march  creditably, 
assumed  a  kind  of  uniform :  a  cape  to  shed  sparks  and  04! 
from  the  torches,  and  swinging  lamps  carried;  and  a 
hat,  proof  also  to  fire,  water,  and  missiles ! 

In  March,  1860,  Mr.  Lincoln  paid  a  visit  to  the  college 
city  to  speak  at  the  old  City  Hall.  He  was  introduced 
as  one  who  had  "done  yeoman  service  for  the  young 
party  (the  Republican)."  The  word  yeoman  was  under* 
stood  in  the  old  English  sense  of  the  small  independent 
farmers.  Old  Tom  Lincoln's  boy  came  into  this  class. 
He  assented  to  it  and  even  lowered  the  level  by  pre- 
senting himself  as  a  hard  worker  in  the  cause — "a  dirty 
shirt"  of  the  body.  After  the  meeting,  the  marchers  sur- 
rounded the  speaker's  "public  carriage"  to  escort  him  to 
the  mayor's  house.  His  introducer  was  Sill,  later  lieuten- 
ant-governor of  the  State.  To  him  the  guest  observed 
on  the  ride : 


140  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"Those  boys  are  wide-awake!  Suppose  (they  were 
seeking  a  name)  we  call  them  the  Wide-awakes?" 

The  name  was  enthusiastically  adopted.  The  wide  felt 
hat,  with  one  flap  turned  up,  was  called  the  Wide-awake, 
but  the  election  marchers  did  not  wear  them  at  all, 
Lincoln  had  added  a  new  word  to  the  language. 


TRUST  TO  THE  OLD  BLUE  SOCK. 

Several  incidents  in  Lincoln's  early  career  earned  him 
the  title  of  "honest,"  confirmed  by  his  uncommon  conduct 
as  a  lawyer;*  but  a  principal  event  was  in  connection 
with  his  postmastership.  It  was  in  1833.  After  re- 
nouncing the  position,  he  removed  to  Springfield  to  take 
up  the  study  of  the  law.  An  agent  from  the  Post-office 
Department  called  on  him  to  settle  his  accounts ;  through 
some  oversight  he  had  been  left  undisturbed  for  some 
years.  He  was  living  with  a  Mr.  Henry,  who  kept  a 
store,  anterior  to  his  lodging  in  Mr.  Speed's  double- 
bedded  room.  As  he  was  poverty-stricken  and  had 
been  so  since  quitting  home.  Mr.  Henry,  hearing 
that  a  matter  of  fifteen  or  twenty  dollars  was  due  the 

*The  Honest  Lawyer.  It  is  said  that  he  was  amused  by  the 
conjunction,  which  he  observed,  to  an  adviser  who  turned  hint 
into  the  legal  field,  was  rather  a  novelty.  He  thought  of  the 
story  of  the  countryman  who  saw  a  stranger  by  the  God's  acre, 
staring  at  a  gravestone,  without  however  any  emotion  on  his 
face  to  betray  he  was  a  mourner.  On  the  contrary,  the  man 
wore  a  puzzled  smile,  which  piqued  him  to  inquire  the  cause. 

"Relative  of  yours?"  asked  the  native. 

"No,  not  at  all,  except  through  Adam.  But,"  reading  the 
epitaph,  "  'X.,  an  honest  man,  and  a  lawyer.'  Why,  how  did 
they  come  to  bury  those  two  men  in  one  grave?'" 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  141 

government,  was  about  to  loan  it,  when  Lincoln,  not  at 
all  disquieted,  excused  himself  to  the  man  from  head- 
quarters to  go  over  to  his  boarding-house.  Usually 
when  a  debtor  thus  eclipses  himself  the  official  expects 
to  learn  he  is  a  defaulter  and  has  "taken  French  leave," 
as  was  said  on  the  border.  But  the  ex-postmaster  im- 
mediately came  over,  and,  producing  an  old  blue  woolen 
sock,  such  as  field-hands  wore,  poured  out  coin,  copper 
and  silver,  to  the  exact  amount  of  the  debit.  Much  as 
the  poor  adventurer  needed  cash  in  the  interval,  the 
temptation  had  not  even  struck  him  to  use  the  trust — 
the  government  funds.  He  said  to  partner  Herndon  he 
had  promised  his  mother  never  to  use  another's  money. 


IF  ALL  FAILED,  HE  COULD  GO  BACK  TO  THE  OLD 
TRADE  1 

The  Illinois  Republican  State  Convention  of  1860  met 
at  Decatur,  in  a  wigwam  built  for  the  purpose,  a  type  of 
that  noted  in  the  Lincoln  annals  as  at  Chicago.  A  special 
welcome  was  given  to  Abraham  Lincoln  as  a  "distin- 
guished citizen  of  Illinois,  and  one  she  will  ever  be  de- 
lighted to  honor."  The  session  was  suddenly  interrupted 
by  the  chairman  saying :  "There  is  an  old  Democrat  out' 
side  who  has  something  to  present  to  the  convention." 

The  present  was  two  old  fence-rails,  carried  on  the 
shoulder  of  an  elderly  man,  recognized  by  Lincoln  as 
his  cousin  John  Hanks,  and  by  the  Sangamon  folks  as 
an  old  settler  in  the  Bottoms.  The  rails  were  explained 
by  a  banner  reading: 


142  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"Two  rails  from  a  lot  made  by  Abraham  Lincoln  and 
John  Hanks,  in  the  Sangamon  Bottom,  in  the  year  1830." 

Thunderous  cheers  for  "the  rail-splitter"  resounded, 
for  this  slur  on  the  statesman  had  recoiled  on  aspersera 
and  was  used  as  a  title  of  honor.  The  call  for  confirms 
tion  of  the  assertion  led  Lincoln  to  rise,  and  blushing— 
so  recorded — said: 

"Gentlemen:  I  suppose  you  want  to  know  something 
about  those  things.  Well,  the  truth  is,  John  and  I  did 
make  rails  in  the  Sangamon  Bottom."  He  eyed  the  wood 
with  the  knowingness  of  an  authority  on  "stumpage," 
and  added:  "I  don't  know  whether  we  made  those  rails 
or  not;  the  fact  is,  I  don't  think  they  are  a  credit  to  the 
makers !"  It  was  John  Hanks'  turn  to  blush.  "But  I  do 
know  this :  I  made  rails  then,  and,  I  think,  I  could  make 
better  ones  now !" 

Whereupon,  by  acclamation,  Abraham  Lincoln  was 
declared  to  be  "first  choice  of  the  Republican  party  in 
Illinois  for  the  Presidency." 

Riding  a  man  in  on  a  rail  became  of  different  and  hon- 
orable meaning  from  that  out. 

This  incident  was  a  prepared  theatrical  effect.  Gov~ 
ernor  Oglesby  arranged  with  Lincoln's  stepbrother,  John 
D.  Johnston,  to  provide  two  rails,  and,  with  Lincoln's 
mother's  cousin,  Dennis  Hanks,  for  the  latter  to  bring  in 
the  rails  at  the  telling  juncture.  Lincoln's  guarded  man- 
ner about  identifying  the  rails  and  sly  slap  at  his  ability 
to  make  better  ones  show  that  he  was  in  the  scheme 
through  recognizing  that  the  dodge  was  of  value 
politically. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  143 


(Connrmed  by  several  present,  notably  by  Missouri 
Congressman  John  Davis,  who  was  taking  notes,  and  by 
the  present  Speaker,  Joseph  Cannon,  also  "a  gentleman 
from  Illinois."  He  was  at  this  meeting  and  saw  Lincoln 
standing  on  the  platform,  between  the  rails  he  split.  He 
thought  then  that  the  orator's  years  of  hard  work  and 
close  study  told  on  him  and  that  serious  illness  impended. 
It  may  be  added,  as  a  link  with  the  past,  that  on  hearing 
Lincoln  and  Douglas  in  their  debates,  his  courage  and 
hopes  as  to  advance  through  public  speaking  fell;  yet 
he  was  State  attorney.) 


AS  A  LIGHT  PORTER. 

One  morning  when  Lawyer  Lincoln  was  walking  from 
his  house  to  the  state-house,  at  Springfield,  he  spied  a 
child  weeping  at  a  gate.  The  girl  had  been  promised  a 
trip  by  the  railroad-cars  for  the  first  time;  all  was  ar- 
ranged for  her  to  meet  another  little  companion  and 
travel  with  her,  but  she  was  detained  from  getting  out 
for  the  station,  as  no  one  was  about  to  carry  her  trunk. 
She  drew  the  conclusion  that  she  must  lose  her  train,  and 
she  burst  into  fresh  tears. 

The  box  in  question  was  a  toy  casket  proportionate  to 
her  size.  Lincoln  smiled,  and  that  almost  dismissed  her 
tears  if  not  her  fears.  They  were  immediately  dispelled, 
however,  by  his  cheerily  crying  out: 

"Is  that  all?  Pooh-pooh!  Dry  your  eyes  and  step 
out." 

He  reached  over  the  fence  and  lifted  clear  across  to 


144  Tne  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

him  the  trunk.  He  raised  it  on  his  shoulder  with  the 
other  hand,  crossing  as  a  corn-bag  is  carried.  He 
grabbed  her  by  the  hand  just  as  the  tooting  of  the  train 
whistle  was  heard  in  the  mid-distance.  So  half-lugging 
her,  the  pair  hurried  along  to  the  depot,  reaching  it  as 
the  cars  rolled  in  and  pulled  up. 

He  put  her  on  the  car,  kissed  her,  and  cheered  her  off 
with: 

"Now,  have  a  real  good  time  with  your  auntie!" 
Always  wanting  to  relieve  somebody  of  a  burden,  you 
see! 


WHISKERED,  TO  PLEASE  THE  LADIES   AND 
GET  VOTES. 

As  Mr.  Lincoln  was  utterly  unknown  in  the  East,  the 
"engineers"  of  his  campaign  for  President  planned  to 
have  him  make  himself  liked  by  a  tour  of  the  Middle  and 
Northern  States.  To  lessen  the  impression  from  one 
unprepossessing  in  aspect,  "some  fixing  up"  was  com- 
pulsory. The  journalist,  Stephen  Fiske,  recites  that  on 
arriving  at  New  York,  Mrs.  Lincoln,  a  sort  of  valet  for 
the  trip,  had  hand-bag  of  toilet  essentials,  and  that  she 
brushed  his  hair,  and  arranged  that  snaky  black  necktie 
of  his — which  would  twist  up  and  play  the  shoe-string  in 
five  minutes  after  adjustment.  But  it  was  not  she,  as 
thought,  who  coaxed  him  into  making  the  lower  part  of 
his  features  become  cavernous  as  strong  feeling  surged 
upon  him.  He  revealed  the  source  of  the  improvement. 

"Two  young  ladies   in   Buffalo  wrote  me   that  they 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  145 

wanted  their  fathers  and  sweethearts  to  vote  for  me,  but 
I  was  so  homely-looking  that  the  men  refused !  The 
ladies  said  that  if  I  would  only  grow  whiskers  (what 
were  called  "weepers,"  or  the  Lord  Dundreary  mode,  was 
popular)  it  would  improve  my  appearance,  and  I  would 
get  four  more  votes!  I  grew  the  whiskers!" 

(In  the  Lincoln  iconology,  his  pictures  before  and  after 
the  whiskers  is  a  distinction.) 


AFTER  VOTES. 

Lincoln  had  become  the  readiest  of  public  speakers  by 
his  long  experience.  So  it  was  matter  for  surprise  that 
he,  famed  for  rapid  repartee,  should  have  refrained  from 
taking  any  notice  of  an  interrupter  whose  shout  could 
have  been  turned  on  him;  so  thought  a  friend  on  the 
platform. 

"Why  don't  you  answer  him?" 

"I  am  after  votes  and  that  man's  is  as  good  as  any 
other  man's !"  replied  Mr.  Lincoln. 

(The  Honorable  Mr.  Palmer  says  of  above:  "Mr.  Lin- 
coln told  me  this.") 


THE  HIGHWAYMAN'S  NON  SEQUITUR. 
"But  you  will  not  abide  the  election  of  a  Republican 
President?  In  that  supposed  event,  you  say  you  will 
destroy  the  Union;  and  then,  you  say,  the  great  crime 
of  having  destroyed  it  will  be  upon  us!  That  is  cool! 
A  highwayman  holds  a  pistol  to  my  ear,  and  mutters 


146  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

through  his  teeth:  'Stand  and  deliver,  or  I  shall  kill 
you — and  then  you  will  be  a  murderer!'" — (Speech, 
New  York  City,  February  27,  1860.) 


"HOW  TO  GET  MEN  TO  VOTE1" 
"Let  them  go  on  with  their  howling!     (Political  op- 
ponents.) They  will  succeed  when,  by  slandering  women, 
you  get  them  to  love  you,  or  by  slandering  men  you 
get  them  to  vote  for  you  I" 


BEGINNING  AT  THE  HEAD  WITH  CLOTHING. 

Upon  Mr.  Lincoln's  nomination  in  1860,  a  hatter  sent 
him  a  silk  hat  for  the  advertisement  and  send-off.  He 
put  it  on  before  the  glass,  and  said  to  his  wife : 

"Well,  Mary,  we  are  going  to  have  some  new  clothes 
out  of  this  job,  anyway  1" 


"LIKE  A  JUG— THE  HANDLE  ALL  ONE  SIDE." 

Lincoln's  intimates  thought  it  remarkable  that  he 
should  keep  his  finger  on  the  political  pulse  and  show 
himself  as  fully  cognizant  of  the  trend  of  popular  feeling. 
Oddly  enough  the  professional  politicians  themselves 
would  not  own  that  he  was  a  king  among  them,  though 
Douglas  affirmed  him  to  be  in  his  time  the  most  able 
man  in  the  Republican  party.  On  clashing  returns 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  147 

coming  in,  he  humorously  remarked  on  two  reports :  "If 
that  is  the  way  doubtful  districts  are  coining  in,  I  will 
not  stop  to  hear  from  the  certain  ones."  He  observed 
to  Alexander  H.  Rice,  then  up  for  Congress  in  Massa- 
chusetts: "Your  district  is  a  good  deal  like  a  jug — the 
handle  is  all  one  side!" 


"SUCH  A  SUCKER  AS  ME,  PRESIDENT! » 
When  Lincoln's  wife,  at  his  prospect  of  being  United 
States  senator  was  on  the  verge  of  realization,  reminded 
him  of  her  prophecy,  away  back  in  the  fifties,  that  he 
would  attain  the  highest  niche — the  inevitable  feminine 
"I  told  you  so!"  he  clasped  his  knees  in  keen  enjoyment, 
and,  laughing  a  roar,  cried  out: 

"Think  of  such  a  sucker  as  me  as  President !" 
But  presently,  he  said  with  his  dry  smile:  "But  I  do 
not  pretend  I  do  not  want  to  go  to  the  Senate!" — (Henry 
iVillard,  then  newspaper  reporter.) 


ONE  HAPPY   DAY. 

To  his  friend  Bowen,  Lincoln  avowed  during  the  elec- 
tioneering-time that  he  was  sure  "from  the  word  go," 
to  become  President,  though  the  split  of  the  opposition 
into  three  parties  was  materially  helpful:  Douglas,  Bell, 
and  Breckenridge.  He  thought  the  reward  due  him  as 
having  gone  "his  whole  length"  for  the  Republican  party, 
almost  his  creation.  So  he  frankly  said  on  his  success: 


148  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 


"I  cannot  conceal  the  fact  that  I  am  a  very  happy  man. 
Who  could  help  being  so  under  such  circumstances?" — 
(To  H.  C.  Bowen,  of  the  New  York  Independent.) 


OLD  ABE  WILL  LOOK  BETTER  WHEN  HIS  HAIR  IS 
COMBED. 

"Did  I  ever  tell  you  the  joke  the  Chicago  newsboys 
had  on  me?  (To  the  War  Department  telegraph  man- 
ager, A.  B.  Chandler.)  A  short  time  before  my  nomina- 
tion (for  President),  I  was  at  Chicago  attending  to  a 
lawsuit.  A  photographer  asked  me  to  sit  for  a  picture, 
and  I  did  so.  This  coarse,  rough  hair  of  mine  was  in 
particularly  bad  tousle  at  the  time,  and  the  picture  pre- 
sented me  in  all  its  fright.  After  my  nomination,  this 
being  about  the  only  picture  of  me  there  was,  copies  were 
struck  off  to  show  those  who  had  never  seen  me  how  I 
looked.  The  newsboys  carried  them  around  to  sell,  and 
had  for  their  cry : 

"'Here's  your  "Old  Abe"— he  will  look  better  when 
he  gets  his  hair  combed !'  " 

He  laughed  heartily,  says  Mr.  Chandler. 

NOTE. — Mrs.  Lincoln  seems  to  have  perceived  this  bar 
to  her  husband's  facial  beauty.  For  the  journalist,  Fiske, 
relating  the  arrival  of  the  Lincolns  in  New  York  for 
the  Eastern  tour  in  1860,  speaks  thus  of  the  toilet  to  befit 
him  for  the  reception  by  Mayor  Fernando  Wood : 

"The  train  stopped,  and  Mrs.  Lincoln  opened  her  hand- 
bag, and  said : 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  149 

"  'Abraham,  I  must  fix  you  up  a  bit  for  these  city 
folks.' 

"Mr.  Lincoln  gently  lifted  her  upon  the  seat  before 
him.  (She  was  an  undersized,  stout  woman.)  She 
parted,  combed,  and  brushed  his  hair. 

"  'Do  I  look  nice,  now,  mother  ?'  he  affectionately 
asked. 

"  'Well,  you'll  do,  Abraham/  replied  Mrs.  Lincoln 
critically." 


A  CURIOUS  COMBINATION. 

When  the  names  of  Lincoln  and  Hamlin  were  painted 
large  on  the  street  banners,  it  was  immediately  noticed 
that  a  singular  effect  appeared,  as 

ABRAHAM   LINCOLN, 

One  of  the  anagrams  upon  the  President  had,  at  least, 
peculiar  signification : 

Abraham  Lincoln:  O  ba!  an  III.  charm. 
It  was  Hamlin  who  proposed  at  the  Lincoln  Club,  of 
New  York,  that  a  day  should  be  set  aside  as  "the  Lincoln 
Day." 


THE  SNAKE  SIMILE. 

"If  I  saw  a  venomous  snake  crawling  in  the  road,  any 
man  would  say  I  might  seize  the  nearest  stick  and  kill  it. 
But  if  I  found  that  snake  in  bed  with  my  children,  that 
would  be  another  question.  I  might  hurt  the  children 
more  than  the  snake,  and  it  might  bite  them.  Much 


150  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

more  if  I  found  it  abed  with  my  neighbor's  children,  and 
I  had  bound  myself  by  a  solemn  contract  not  to  meddk 
with  his  children  under  any  circumstances,  it  would  be- 
come me  to  let  that  particular  mode  of  getting  rid  of  the 
gentleman  alone.  But — if  there  was  a  bed  newly  made 
up,  to  which  the  children  were  to  be  taken,  and  it  was 
proposed  to  take  a  batch  of  young  snakes  and  put  them 
there  with  them,  I  take  it  no  man  would  say  there  was 
any  question  how  I  ought  to  decide." — (Speech  by  Abra- 
ham Lincoln  at  New  York  Cooper  Institute,  and  re- 
peated through  Connecticut,  1860.) 


WHAT'S  IN  A  NAME? 

The  Reverend  Doctor  Moore,  of  Richmond,  derived 
Lincoln  from  two  words,  meaning:  "On  the  precipice 
verge,"  and  Davis  as  interpretable  as  "God  with  us." 


PAYING  FOR  WHISKY  HE  DID  NOT  DRINK, 
In  1858,  Mr.  Lincoln  was  campaigning  in  Ohio,  and 
staying  in  Cincinnati  at  the  Burnett  House,  it  was  the 
meeting-place  of  the  party  of  which  he  was  the  looming 
light.  Some  of  the  younger  Republicans  (says  Murai 
Halstead,  there  as  a  newspaper  man)  had  refreshments 
in  his  rooms,  and  from  some  stupid  oversight,  allowed 
the  whisky  and  cigars  to  be  included  in  his  bill.  This 
raised  a  hot  correspondence  between  them  and  the  guest, 
ticklish  about  his  lifelong  abstinence  principles.  Mr. 
Halstead  said  that  the  episode  rankled  in  the  blunderers 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  151 

after  they  had  elected  their  pride  President.  He  must 
have  felt  like  the  gentleman  at  the  inn  dining-room  who, 
falling  asleep  at  his  meal,  had  the  fowl  consumed  by  some 
merry  wags;  then  greasing  his  lips  with  the  drumstick, 
they  left  him  before  the  carcass  so  that  the  host  naturally, 
charged  him  with  the  feast. 


".THE  HIGHEST  MERIT  TO  THE  SOLDIER." 

"This  extraordinary  war  in  which  we  are  engaged  falls 
heavily  upon  all  classes  of  people,  but  the  most  heavily 
upon  the  soldier.  For  it  has  been  said,  'All  that  a  man 
hath  he  will  give  for  his  life;'  and,  while  all  contribute 
of  their  substance,  the  soldier  puts  his  life  at  stake,  and 
often  yields  it  up  in  his  country's  cause.  The  highest 
merit,  then,  is  due  to  the  soldier." 


"HOW  SLEEP  THE  BRAVE?" 

If  Lincoln  did  not  possess  a  wide  range  of  reading,  he 
had  the  habit  of  committing  to  memory  entire  pages  of 
the  text  he  delighted  in.  The  consequence  was  his  in- 
variable ability  to  not  only  utter  apt  quotations  at  length, 
but  to  cap  them,  if  need  be.  Joining  a  group  of  visitors 
to  Washington,  at  the  Soldiers'  Home,  during  the  war, 
he  suddenly,  but  in  an  undertone,  murmured : 

How  sleep  the  brave  who  sink  to  rest 
By  all  their  country's  wishes  blest? 

The  women  were  affected  to  tears  by  their  susceptible 


152  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

nature,  the  surroundings  of  the  cemetery  with  its  graves, 
the  evening  dusk,  and  the  touching  voice  with  its  appo- 
site lines.  An  effect  he  redoubled  by  concluding : 

And  women  o'er  the  graves  shall  weep, 
Where  nameless  heroes  calmly  sleep ! 


THE  STOKERS  AS  BRAVE  AS  ANY. 
The  first  troops  arriving  by  way  of  the  Potomac  River 
were  the  volunteers  of  the  first  call,  ninety-day  men ;  the 
steamship  Daylight — name  of  good  omen !  It  was  tor- 
rential rain,  but  the  President  and  Secretary  Seward 
came  out  to  welcome  them  on  the  wharf.  As  he  would 
give  a  reception  then  and  there,  four  sailors  held  a  tar- 
paulin over  his  head  like  a  canopy,  and  he  shook  hands 
all  around,  including  the  firemen  and  stokers  out  of  the 
coal-hole.  Grasping  their  smutty  hands,  he  declared  that 
they  were  as  brave  as  any  one! — (By  General  Viele, 
present.) 


TRY  AND  GO  AS  FAR  AS  YOU  CAN! 

On  the  President,  indefatigable  in  visiting  the  soldiers 
anywhere  to  see  "how  the  boys  are  getting  on,"  telling 
the  head  surgeon  at  City  Point  Hospital  that  he  had  come 
to  shake  hands  with  all  the  inmates,  the  medical  authority 
demurred.  There  were  several  thousands  in  the  wards, 
and  any  man  would  be  tired  before  he  had  gone  the 
grand  rounds. 

"I  think,"  protested  Lincoln,  with  his  set  smile  and 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  153 

dogged  determination  to  have  his  own  way,  "I  am  quite 
equal  to  the  task.  At  any  rate,  I  can  try,  and  go  as  far 
as  I  can !" 

It  was  on  this,  at  another  time — there  were  many  of 
them,  alas ! — that  it  being  found  that  the  patients  in  one 
ward  were  clamoring  because  they  had  been  passed  over, 
he  insisted  on  shaking  off  the  fag  and  going  to  pay  them 
respect  also. 

"The  brave  boys  must  not  be  disappointed  in  their 
'Father  Abraham!'" 


ARGUMENT  OF  "THE  STUB-TAILED  COW 

The  President  had  the  knack  of  illustrating  a  false 
syllogism  by  a  story  from  the  front.  Soldiers  stole  a  cow 
from  a  farmyard.  It  had  but  the  stump  of  a  tail,  and 
foreseeing  that  there  might  be  a  requisition  by  the  owner, 
who  passed  for  a  Union  sympathizer,  they  disguised  the 
creature  by  attaching  a  long  switch  from  a  dead  bovine. 
Sure  enough  the  man  came  to  headquarters,  and  from 
his  patriotic  plea  of  having  lost  much  by  adhering  to  the 
old  cause,  his  demand  was  accorded.  If  he  could  find 
his  lost  animal,  he  was  entitled  to  it  and  the  offenders 
would  be  punished.  It  had  not  been  obtained  by  the 
regular  forage,  that  he  swore.  Well,  he  was  brought 
by  the  officer  seeing  him  round  to  the  pen  where  the 
beeves  were  secured  which  the  commissariat  duly  fur- 
nished. Here  the  rival  suppliers  had  stabled  the  creature, 
and  she  was  lashing  off  the  flies  with  the  substitute  for 
the  detached  tail  with  supreme  felicity  in  the  lost  enjoy- 


154  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

ment.  The  farmer  scanned  her  with  more  than  a  merely 
suspicious  eye,  so  that  the  lookers-on  grew  anxious,  and 
the  sub-officer  with  him,  and  who  thought  of  his  own 
plate  of  beef,  hastened  to  say : 

"Well,  you  don't  see  anything  here  anywheres  like  your 
Eeastie,  do  you,  old  father?" 

"I  dunno.  Thar  suttinly  is  one  cow  the  pictur'  of  mine 
—but  my  Lilywhite  was  a  stump — had  a  stub-tail,  you 
know !" 

"Hum!"  said  the  corporal  firmly,  "but  this  here  cow 
has  a  long  tail ! — ain't  it?" 

"True — and  mine  were  a  stub — let  us  seek  farther,  of- 
ficer!" 


PEGGED  OR  SEVED? 

Shoemaking  machinery  not  having  attained  the  present 
development  which  pastes  imitation-leather  uppers  upon 
paper  soles,  the  soldiers  of  the  first  Union  Army  had  to 
trudge  in  the  boots  made  with  wooden  pegs  to  hold  the 
portions  together;  in  wet  weather  the  pegs  swelled  and 
held  tolerably,  but  in  dryness  the  assimilation  failed  and 
the  upper  crust  yawned  off  the  base  like  a  crab-shell 
divided.  As  for  the  supposed  sewed  ones,  they  went  to 
the  sub-officers,  but  the  thread  was  so  poor  that  parting 
was  as  thorough  as  sudden.  Mr.  Lincoln  wonted,  as 
Walt  Whitman  says,  to  repeat  this  tale  when  the  army 
contractors  were  swarming  in  his  room  for  a  bidding : 

"A  soldier  of  the  Army  of  the  Potomac  was  being 
carried  to  the  rear  among  the  other  wounded,  wfien  he 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  155 

spied  one  of  the  women  following  the  army  to  vend  deli- 
cacies. In  her  basket,  no  doubt,  were  the  cookies  to  his 
fancy— the  tarts  and  pies — open  or  covered.  So  he  hailed 
her :  'Old  lady,  are  them  pies  sewed  or  pegged  ?' " 


SOLDIERING  APART  FROM  POLITICS. 

In  1864,  a  soldier  at  work  on  the  Baltimore  defenses, 
an  outbreak  of  Southern  sympathizers  being  appre- 
hended, attended  a  Democratic  meeting  and  made  a 
speech  there  in  favor  of  its  principles  and  General  Mc- 
Clellan  as  the  standard-bearer.  Secretary  of  War  Stan- 
ton,  fierce  like  all  apostates,  turned  on  this  Democrat,  and 
his  disgrace  as  to  the  army  was  threatened.  Captain 
Andrews  went  to  the  fountain-head  with  his  remon- 
strance. He  was  right,  for  Lincoln  said: 

"Andrews  has  as  good  a  right  to  hold  onto  his  De- 
mocracy, if  he  chooses,  as  Stanton  had  to  throw  his  over- 
board. No;  when  the  military  duties  of  a  soldier  are 
fully  and  faithfully  performed,  he  can  manage  his  politics 
his  own  way!" 


A  TIME  THAT  TRIED  THE  SOUL. 

It  was  the  Pennsylvania  governor,  Curtin,  who  brought 
the  bad  news  from  Fredericksburg  battle-field,  where 
Burnside  was  repulsed  in  December,  1862. 

"It  was  a  terrible  slaughter — the  scene  a  veritable 
slaughter-pen." 

This  blunt  trope  stirred  up  Lincoln,  who  had  been  a 


156  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

pig-slaughterer  in  his  day,  remember.  He  groaned, 
wrung  his  hands,  and  "took  on"  with  terrible  agony  of 
spirit. 

"I  remember  his  saying  over  and  over  again,"  says 
the  governor:  "'What  has  God  put  me  in  this  place  for?"' 


"CABINET"  TALK. 

Like  all  persons  whose  early  life  was  passed  in  seclu- 
sion from  the  exhibitions  common  in  society  eager  for 
anything  to  animate  jaded  nerves,  Mr.  Lincoln  at  Wash- 
ington sought  distractions  in  his  brief  intervals  for  them. 
One  of  the  shows  he  tolerated — he  called  all  sights  so — 
was  the  seances  of  Charles  E.  Shockle — "Phoebus !  what 
a  name !"  This  medium  came  to  the  capital  in  1863,  un- 
der eminent  auspices,  and  the  President  and  his  wife, 
members  of  the  Cabinet,  and  other  first  citizens  were  in- 
duced to  patronize  the  illusions.  The  spirits  were  ir- 
reverent, "pinching  Stanton's  and  plucking  Welles' 
beard."  As  for  the  President,  a  rapping  at  his  feet  an- 
nounced an  Indian  eager  "to  communicate." 

"Well,  sir,"  said  the  President,  "happy  to  hear  what 
his  Indian  majesty  has  to  say.  We  have  recently  had  a 
deputation  of  the  red  Indians,  and  it  was  the  only  depu- 
tation, black,  white,  or  red,  which  did  not  volunteer  ad- 
vice about  the  conduct  of  the  war !" 

The  writing-under-cover  trick  was  played.  A  paper 
covered  with  Mr.  Stanton's  handkerchief  was  found  be- 
fore the  President,  scrawled  with  marks  interpreted  as 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  157 

advice  for  action,  by  Henry  Knox — no  one  knew  him — 
but  the  lecturer  said  he  was  the  first  secretary  of  war  in, 
the  Revolution.  The  recipient  said  it  was  not  Indian 
talk! 

He  transferred  it  to  Mr.  Stanton  as  concerning  his 
province.  He  asked  for  General  Knox's  forecast  as  to 
when  the  rebellion  would  be  put  down.  The  reply  was 
a  jumble  of  wild  truisms  purporting  to  be  from  great 
spirits,  from  Washington  to  Wilberforce. 

"Well,"  exclaimed  the  President,  "opinions  differ  as 
much  among  the  saints  as  among  the — ahem — sinners!" 
He  glanced  at  the  cabinet  whence  the  materialized  spec- 
ters were  to  emerge  if  called  upon,  and  added :  "The  ce- 
lestials' talk  and  advice  sound  very  much  like  the  talk  of 
my  Cabinet!" 

He  called  for  Stephen  A.  Douglas,  as  his  dearest 
friend,*  to  speak,  if  not  appear.  The  reporter  affirms 
that  a  voice  like  the  lamented  "Little  Giant's"  was  heard 
and  if  others  thought  they  recognized  it  the  President 
must  have  been  more  affected  than  he  allowed.  But  the 
eloquent  statesman  also  breathed  platitudes  in  which  the 
illustrious  auditor  said  he  believed,  "whether  it  comes 
from  spirit  or  human." 

Here  Mr.  Shockle  became  prostrated,  and  Mrs.  Lin- 
coln compassionately  suggested  an  adjournment.  The 
Spiritualists  did  not  see  the  sarcasm  in  Mr.  Lincoln's  re- 


*Stephen  Arnold  Douglas  was  so  patriotic  at  the  Rebellion's 
outbreak  that  Lincoln  forgave  htm  all  the  politically  hostile  past. 
Douglas  held  his  new  silk  hat — Lincoln's  abhorrence — at  the  first 
inauguration.  Douglas  left  the  field  for  home,  where  he  assisted 
in  raising  the  first  volunteer  levy  by  his  eloquence. 


158  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

marks,  and  claim  that  he  was  not  only  a  convert,  but 
that  he  was  himself  a  medium.* 


ON  THE  BLISTER-BENCH. 

At  the  taking-  of  Elizabeth  City,  North  Carolina,  1862, 
the  steamer  Valley  City  was  saved  from  blowing  up  by  a 
gunner's-mate.  This  John  Davis  coolly  sat  on  a  powder- 
keg  from  which  the  top  had  been  shot  off,  and  was  so 
found  by  an  officer,  who  hastily  censured  him  for  his 
loafing — "bumming"  during  recess.  But,  on  the  reason 
for  his  taking  his  seat  being  pointed  out,  Davis  was 
recommended  for  promotion.  In  countersigning  the  pa- 
pers entitling  him  to  the  rank  of  gunner,  at  a  thousand 
a  year  for  life,  the  President  mock-solemnly  observed: 

"Metaphorically,  we  occupy  the  same  position ;  we  are 
sitting  on  the  powder  under  fire !" 


"ABE,  A  THUNDERING  OLD  GLORY  1" 

Ex-Registrar  Chittenden  tells  the  following  incident 
ft  was  the  I4th  of  April,  1865.  Captain  Robert  Lincoln, 
On  General  Grant's  staff,  had  brought  the  details  of  the 
Victory  of  Appomattox,  and  the  gratified  chief  had  passed 
the  day  with  the  Cabinet  revolving  those  plans  of  recon- 
struction which  amazed  all  the  world  by  their  exclusion 

There  is  serious  evidence  for  this  fact;  he  was,  at  all  events, 
e  Spiritualist.  See  Was  Lincoln  a  Spiritualist?  By  Mrs.  Nettie 
Colburn  Maynard  (1891). 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book,  159 

of  all  bitterness  and  retaliation.  He  was  coming  down 
the  White  House  stairway  to  take  his  accustomed  ride 
in  the  carriage  when  he  heard  a  soldier  in  the  waiting 
crowd  say : 

"I  would  almost  give  my  other  hand  (he  was  one- 
armed)  if  I  could  shake  Abe  Lincoln's  hand!" 

Lincoln  confronted  him.  "You  shall  do  that,  and  it 
shall  cost  you  nothing!"  interrupted  the  revivified  Presi- 
dent, grasping  the  lone  hand,  and,  while  he  held  it,  he 
asked  the  man's  name,  regiment,  etc. 

The  happy  soldier,  in  telling  of  this  meeting,  would 
end :  "I  tell  you,  boys,  Abe  Lincoln  is  a  thundering  Old 
Glory!" 


PERFECT  RETALIATION. 

The  more  apparent  it  was  that  inconsistency  reigned  in 
the  Lincolnian  Cabinet,  the  more  earnestly  the  marplots 
strove  to  incite  them  individually  against  one  another 
and  their  head.  A  speculator  who  had  induced  the  latter 
to  oblige  him  with  a  permit  to  trade  in  cotton  reported 
with  zest  how  Secretary  Stanton  had  no  sooner  seen  the 
paper  than,  instead  of  countersigning,  he  tore  up  the  leai 
without  respect  even  for  the  august  signature.  Stanton 
was  famous  for  irascibility.  And  he  did  not  forbear  to 
manifest  it  toward  all,  even  to  the  President.  But,  as 
the  latter  observed,  hot  or  cold,  Stanton  is  generally 
right.  This  time  he  was  not  sorry  at  heart  for  the  re- 
proof as  to  his  allowing  a  signal  favor  which  might  work 
harm.  But,  affecting  rage,  he  blurted  out: 


160  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"Oh,  he  tore  my  paper,  did  he?  Go  and  tell  Stanton 
that  I  will  tear  up  a  dozen  of  his  papers  before  Saturday 
night!" 


LET  DOWN  THE  BARS  A  LEETLE. 

One  of  the  mischief-makers  abounding  in  Washington, 
and  doing  more  harm  than  all  the  rebel  calumniators, 
hastened  to  repeat  to  the  President  that  the  secretary  of 
war  had  plainly  called  him  a  "d d  fool !" 

"You  don't  say  so?  This  wants  looking  into.  For,  if 
Stanton  called  me  that,  it  must  be  true ! — for  he  is  nearly 
every  time  right !"  He  took  his  seat,  and  excused  him- 
self, jerking  out  as  he  stalked  forth,  glad  to  be  quit  of 
the  pest: 

"I  will  step  over  and  see  him !" 

He  was  going  to  have  the  bars  let  down  "a  leetle." 


"THE  ADMINISTRATION  CAN  STAND  IT  IF  THE 
TIMES  CAN." 

Mrs.  Hugh  McCulloch  and  Mrs.  Dole  (Indian  Com- 
missioner) went  to  Mrs.  Lincoln's  reception.  The  host 
expressed  constant  gladness  to  see  the  ladies,  as  "they 
asked  no  offices." 

Mrs.  McCulloch  protested  that  she  did  want  some- 
thing. 

"I  want  you  to  suppress  the  Chicago  Times  because  it 
does  nothing  but  abuse  the  Administration." 

McCulloch  was  in  the  treasury. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  161 

"Oh,  tut,  tut!  We  must  not  abridge  the  liberties  of 
the  press  or  the  people  !*  But  never  mind  the  Chicago 
Times!  The  Administration  can  stand  it,  if  the  Times 
can." 


BOTTLING  THAT  WASP. 

It  was  confidently  forethought  by  the  numerous  ad- 
mirers of  Governor  Seward — who  escaped  being  the 
President  by  a  political  combination  and  not  want  of 
supreme  merit — that  he  would  in  the  Cabinet,  whatever 
nominally  his  post,  be  the  ruling  spirit.  Not  a  man  sus- 
pected that  the  plain  man  of  the  prairie  could  develop 
into  the  lord  of  the  manor,  and  put  and  keep  not  only 
the  able  and  cultured  Seward,  but  the  turbulent  Stanton 
and  the  obstreperous  Chase,  in  their  places.  The  petti- 
fogger of  the  West  simply  expanded,  like  its  sunflower, 
in  the  fierce  white  light  around  the  chair,  and  was  the  lion 
among  the  lesser  creatures. 

Seward  raised  his  hand  early.  Within  a  month  he  had 
the  impertinent  fatuity  to  lay  before  his  superior  a  paper 
suggesting  the  policy,  and  moving  that  the  President 
might  commit  to  him,  the  secretary,  the  carrying  out  of 
that  policy !  With  gentle  courtesy — says  General  Viele— 
Lincoln  took  the  paper  from  the  author  and  popped  it 
into  his  portfolio.  He  had  no  policy,  and  did  not  want 

*The  suspension  of  the  Habeas  Corpus  Act,  1863,  was  sorely 
against  the  President's  sentiments,  fond  of  liberty  himself  and 
fixed  on  constitutional  rule — but  he  bowed  to  the  inevitable. 
Nevertheless,  he  softened  the  rod,  and  many  imprisoned  under 
the  edict  were  never  brought  to  trial. 


1 62  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

another's.  He  had  bottled  his  wasp.  Seward  was  obedi- 
ent as  the  spaniel.  His  powers  were  recognized  by  the 
Villains  who  comprised  him  in  the  detestable  plot. 


THAT  KING  LOST  HIS  HEAD. 

In  1865  the  President  and  his  state  secretary  received 
BS  peace  commissioners  Alexander  Stephens,  Hunter,  and 
Campbell.  They  wanted  recognition  of  their  President, 
Davis,  as  head  of  the  Confederated  States — an  entity. 
Without  stultification,  this  was  impossible.  In  the  course 
of  the  discussion,  reference  was  made  to  King  Charles  I. ' 
of  England  and  his  Parliament  negotiating — so  might  the 
established  Washington  government  treat  with  the  rebel 
Davis.  On  Lincoln's  features  stole  that  grim  smile  fore- 
telling his  shaft  ready  to  shoot,  and  he  interjected : 

"Upon  questions  of  history  I  must  refer  you  to  Mr. 
Seward,  for  he  is  posted  on  such  things,  and  I  do  not 
profess  to  be;  but  my  only  distinct  recollection  of  that 
matter  is  that  Charles  I.  lost  his  head  1" 


SWEARING  LIKE  A  CHURCHWARDEN. 
tTo  convey  the  President  from  General  Hooker's  camp 
to  the  review  of  General  Reynolds'  corps,  a  ride  had  to 
be  taken  in  a  six-mule  ambulance.  Either  not  knowing 
the  rank  of  his  passenger,  or  being  a  Jeamster,  which  in 
our  army  replaces  the  French  sapper  for  rudeness,  the 
driver  showered  as  many  oaths  of  the  largest  caliber — 
fire  and  fury  signifying  nothing — as  snaps  of  the  long 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  163 

cowhide.  Lincoln,  who  had  known  the  genus  in  the  clay  of 
the  West,  kept  his  eye  on  him  while  leaning  out  of  the 
window.  In  an  interval  when  the  vociferator  had  to  take 
breath,  he  asked  quietly: 

"Excuse  me,  my  friend,  are  you  an  Episcopalian  ?" 

"N-no,  Mr.  President,"  stammered  the  astonished  jehn, 
"I  am  a  Methodist."  , 

"Well,  I  thought  you  must  be  an  Episcopalian,  for  yott  - 
swear  like  Secretary  Seward,  a  warden  of  that  church." 

(Seward  was  the  great  man  of  the  Republican  party, 
next  to  Lincoln  only  in  some  essentials  for  political  suc- 
cess. While  a  church  member,  he  was  man  of  the  world 
enough  to  give  a  backing  to  this  jest  of  the  President.), 


"MY   SPEECHES   HAVE   ORIGINALITY  AS   THEIR 
MERIT." 

Instead  of  believing  that  Lincoln's  extraordinary  ex- 
periences in  the  multifarious  West  produced  a  factotum, 
his  revilers  asserted  that  he  looked  to  one  minister  for 
financial  instructions,  to  another  for  military  guidance, 
etc.  But  it  is  true  that  by  tradition,  as  the  premier  in 
fact,  the  secretary  of  state  is  supposed  to  write  the  first 
drafts  at  least  of  the  presidential  speeches  to  foreign  min- 
isters, and,  as  the  secretary  was  Seward,  a  man  of  letters 
preeminently,  he  had  Lincoln's  addresses,  even  to  home 
delegations,  fathered  upon  him. 

The  President  was  chatting  in  his  own  study  when  a 
messenger  ran  in  with  a  paper,  explaining  his  haste  with 
the  words : 


164  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"Compliments  of  the  secretary  with  the  speech  your 
excellency  is  to  make  to  the  Swiss  minister." 

Anybody  else  would  have  been  abashed  by  the  seeming 
exposure,  but  the  executive  merely  cried  aloud  as  if  to 
publish  the  facts  to  the  auditory : 

"Oh,  this  is  a  speech  Mr.  Seward  has  written  for  me. 
I  guess  I  will  try  it  before  these  gentlemen,  and  see  how 
it  goes."  He  read  it  in  the  burlesque  manner  with  which 
he  parodied  circuit  preachers  in  his  boyhood  and  public 
speakers  in  his  prime,  and  added  at  the  close : 

"There,  I  like  that.    It  has  the  merit  of  originality !" 


RIGHTING  WRONG  HURTS,  BUT  DOES  GOOD. 
In  May,  1861,  all  looked  with  anxiety  to  the  letter  by 
which  the  United  States  of  America  should  reply  to  Great 
Britain  furnishing  the  Confederated  States  with  its  first 
encouragement,  the  rights  of  belligerents.  Without  them 
their  privateers  were  useless,  as  they  could  have  gone 
into  no  ports  and  sold  their  prizes  nowhere.  Mr.  Seward 
was  in  touch  with  the  New  England  school.  It  clamored 
for  war  with  any  friend  to  the  revolting  States.  But 
Lincoln  corrected  what  was  provocative  in  the  original 
advice  to  our  minister,  Adams,  at  St.  James'.  The  Eng- 
lish were  no  longer  held  to  have  issued  a  proclamation 
without  due  grounds  in  usage  or  the  law  of  nations.  It 
became  by  the  modification  no  more  a  proceeding  about 
which  we  could  warrantably  go  to  war.  For  instance, 
the  President  changed  the  words  "wrongful"  into  "hurt- 
ful." According  to  Webster,  wrongful  means  unjust, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  165 

injurious,  dishonest;  while  hurtful  implies  that  the  course 
will  cause  injury.  The  original  has  vanished  in  that  odd 
but  certain  way  in  which  state  documents  disappear  when 
casting  odium  on  public  men;  they  are  mayhap  "filed 
away" — in  the  stove! 


STANTON'S  SERVICE  WAS  WORTH  HIS  SAUCE. 

Among  the  President's  minor  worries  was  the  assiduity 
with  which  his  generosity  was  cultivated  by  his  relatives 
— not  only  those  by  his  marriage,  but  by  his  father's  sec- 
ond marriage.  He  was  like  the  eldest  son  of  the  family 
to  whom  all  looked  for  sustenance.  There  came  to  the 
seat  of  government  that  Dennis  Hanks,  his  cousin,  who 
stood  to  reach  for  boons  on  the  platform  of  rails  which 
they  had  cut  long  ago  in  cohort.  Dennis  was  seeking  the 
pardon  of  some  "Copperheads" — that  is,  Southern  sym- 
pathizers of  the  North,  veiled  in  their  enmity,  but  dan- 
gerous. The  secretary  of  war  had  pronounced  against 
any  leniency  toward  what  were  dubbed  glaring  traitors. 
All  the  chief  could  do — for  he  bared  his  head  like  Lear 
to  let  the  Stanton  tempest  blow  upon  him  and  so  spare 
others — was  to  say  he  would  look  at  the  cases  the  next 
day.  Hanks  was  muttering. 

"Why,  Dennis,  what  would  you  do  were  you  Presi- 
dent?" he  asked  the  raw  backwoodsman,  turning  badly 
into  suppliant. 

"Do?  Why,  Abe,  if  I  were  as  big  and  'ugly' — ag- 
gressively combative — as  you  are,  I  would  take  your  Mr. 
Stanton  over  my  knee  and  spank  him !" 


i66  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

This  caused  a  laugh,  but  the  other  replied  severely: 
"No.     Stanton  is  an  able  and  valuable  man  for  this 

nation  in  his  station,  and  I  am  glad  to  have  his  service 

In  spite  of  his  sauce.' 


A  SECRET  OF  THE  INTERIOR. 

Lincoln,  the  junior,  "Tad,"  had  the  run  of  the  Ex- 
ecutive Mansion,  and,  like  all  spoiled  children,  abused 
the  license.  He  burst  into  the  heart  of  a  company  listen- 
ing to  his  father's  talk  with  the  exclamation : 

"Ma  says,  come  to  supper  1" 

It  was  impossible  for  the  most  diplomatic  to  pretend 
that  he  had  not  heard,  and  all  looked  from  the  intruder 
to  the  host.  Never  at  a  loss,  Mr.  Lincoln  rose  from  the 
sofa,  and  blandly  said  as  to  "married  folks  together" : 

"You  have  heard,  gentlemen,  the  announcement  con- 
cerning the  seductive  state  of  things  in  the  dining-room. 
I  had  intended  to  train  up  this  young  man  in  his  father's 
footsteps,  but,  if  I  am  elected,  I  must  forego  any  inten- 
tion of  making  him  a  member  of  my  Cabinet,  as  he  mani- 
festly cannot  be  trusted  with  secrets  of  the  interior !" 


ALL  STAFF  AND  NO  ARMY. 

Many  of  the  volunteer  officers  developed  a  liking  for 
the  new  profession,  and  to  secure  a  permanency  obtained 
entrance  into  the  established  army.  Among  these  was 
one  Lieutenant  Ben  Tappan.  Secretary  Stanton  being 
his  uncle,  no  difficulty  offered  but  this  autocrat  ought  to 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  167 

remove,  but  unfortunately  Stanton  was  a  stickler  for 
forms,  and  the  relationship  looked  like  nepotism  to  the 
world.  Tappan  particularly  wished  to  stay  on  the  staff 
on  account  of  the  privileges.  His  stepfather,  Frank 
Wright,  induced  their  congressman,  Judge  Shellabarger, 
to  accompany  him  to  the  presidential  mansion  to  obtain 
the  boon.  Lincoln  was  lukewarm,  and  told  a  story  about 
the  army  being  all  staff  and  no  strength,  saying  that,  if 
one  rolled  a  stone  in  front  of  Willard's  Hotel,  the  mili- 
tary rendezvous  for  those  officers  off  duty  and  on  (dress) 
parade,  it  must  knock  over  a  brigadier  or  two,  but  sud- 
denly wrote  a  paper  to  this  novel  effect : 

"Lieutenant  Ben  Tappan,  of ,  etc.,  desires  transfer 

to  Regiment,  regular  service,  and  is  assigned  to 

staff  duty  with  present  rank.  If  the  only  objection  to 
this  transfer  is  Lieutenant  Tappan's  relationship  to  the 
secretary  of  war,  that  objection  is  hereby  overruled. 

"A.  LINCOLN." 

This  threw  the  responsibility  upon  the  secretary. 


NO  MAN  IS  INDISPENSABLE. 

One  of  the  Cabinet  ministers  disagreed  with  the  ma- 
jority on  a  vital  question,  and  rose  with  a  threat  to  resign, 
One  of  his  friends  advised  the  chairman  to  do  anything 
to  recover  his  aid,  whereupon  he  sagely  said : 

"Our  secretary  a  national  necessity? — how  mistaken 
you  are!  Yet  it  is  not  strange — I  used  to  have  similar 
notions.  No,  if  we  should  all  be  turned  out  to-morrow, 


1 68  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

and  could  come  back  here  in  a  week,  we  should  find  our 
places  filled  by  a  lot  of  fellows  doing  just  as  well  as  we 
did,  and  in  many  instances  better !  It  was  truth  that  the 
Irishman  uttered  when  he  answered  the  speaker:  'Is  not 
one  man  as  good  as  another?'  with  'He  is,  sure,  and  a 
deal  betther !'  No,  sir,  this  government  does  not  depend 
on  the  life  of  any  man !" 


SLEEPING  ON  POST  CANCELS  A  COMMISSION. 

Nobody  who  met  Secretary  Stanton — the  Carnot  of  the 
war — would  give  him  credit  for  joking,  but  Mr.  Lin- 
coln's example  that  way  was  infectious.  The  eldest  son, 
Robert,  was  at  college,  but  a  captaincy  was  awaiting  him 
when  he  could  enter  the  army.  So  the  war  secretary  for 
a  pleasantry  issued  a  mock  commission  to  Tad,  ranking 
him  as  a  regular  lieutenant.  As  long  as  he  confined  his 
supposed  duties  to  arming  the  under  servants  and  drilling 
the  more  or  less  fantastically,  as  well  as  he  remembered, 
evolutions  on  the  parade-grounds,  where  he  accompanied 
his  father,  all  was  amusing.  But  he  terminated  his  first 
steps  in  the  school  of  "Hardee's  Tactics,"  the  standard 
text-book  of  the  period,  by  bringing  his  awkward  squad 
from  the  servants'  hall,  and,  relieving  the  sentries,  re- 
placed the  genuine  with  these  tyros.  For  the  sake  of  the 
vacation  they,  the  regulars,  bowed  to  the  commission 
with  its  potent  Stanton  and  Lincoln,  and  United  States 
Army  seal.  His  brother,  startled,  intervened,  but  the 
cadet  vowed  he  would  put  him  in  "the  black  hole,"  pre- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  169 

sumably  the  coal-shed.  The  President  laughed,  and  when 
he  went  to  check  the  usurpation  he  found  the  little  lieu- 
tenant, overpowered  by  his  brief  authority,  asleep.  So 
he  removed  him  from  the  service,  put  aside  his  commis- 
sion, and,  when  he  woke  to  the  situation,  made  it  plain 
that,  being  a  real  soldier  and  officer,  he  had  forfeited  his 
title  by  falling  asleep  on  post!  He  went  then  and  for- 
mally discharged  the  sham  sentinels  placed  by  the  boy's 
orders  and  replaced  them  by  the  "simon  pures." 


MY  QUESTION! 

A  recent  volume  has  undertaken  the  superfluous  vindi- 
cation of  President  Lincoln  from  being  the  mere  orna- 
mental figurehead  of  the  republic  during  the  Civil  War. 
In  fact,  there  are  many  instances  of  his  incurring  the 
reproach  of  interfering  with  the  chiefs  of  departments, 
but  it  is  testified  to  by  a  leading  minister  that  he  paid 
much  less  attention  to  details  than  was  popularly  sup- 
posed and  invidiously  asserted  in  the  capital.  He 
"brought  up  with  a  round  turn,"  to  use  river  language, 
both  General  Fremont  and  other  military  commanders 
who  tried  to  steal  the  finishing  weapon  he  kept  in  store : 
to  wit,  the  emancipation  of  the  Southern  slaves.  Senator 
Cameron,  as  war  secretary,  advised  in  a  report  that  the 
slaves  should  be  armed  to  enable  them  successfully  to 
rise  against  their  masters.  The  President  scratched  out 
this  recommendation,  which  would  have  spiked  his  gun, 
and  perverted  a  great  statesmanlike  act  into  a  fostered 
insurrection,  saying: 


170  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"This  will  never  do !  Secretory  Cameron  must  take  no 
such  responsibility.  This  question  belongs  exclusively  to 
mel" 


"IF  GOOD,  HE'S  GOT  ITI  IF  TAINT  GOOD,  HE 
AIN'T  GOT  FTl" 

A  revenue  cutter  conveyed  a  presidential  party  from 
Washington  to  Fortress  Monroe,  consisting  of  the  chief, 
his  secretaries  of  war  and  of  the  treasury,  and  General 
Egbert  L.  Viele — who  preserved  this  tale.  On  the  way 
Secretary  Stanton  stated  that  he  had  telegraphed  to  Gen- 
eral Mitchell  in  Alabama  "All  right — go  ahead !"  though 
he  did  not  know  what  emergency  was  thus  to  meet  He 
wished  the  executive  to  take  the  responsibility  in  case  his 
ignorance  erred. 

"I  will  have  to  get  you  to  countermand  the  order."  So 
he  hinted. 

"Well,"  exclaimed  the  good-humored  superior,  "that 
Is  very  much  like  a  certain  horse-sale  in  Kentucky  when 
I  was  a  boy  (Lincoln  was  only  eight  when  leaving  Ken- 
tucky for  Indiana).  A  particularly  fine  horse  was  to  be 
sold,  and  the  people  gathered  together.  They  had  a 
small  boy  to  ride  the  horse  up  and  down  while  the  spec- 
tators examined  it  for  points.  At  last,  one  man  whis- 
pered to  the  boy  as  he  went  by : 

"  'Look  here,  boy,  ain't  that  hoss  got  the  splints  ? 

"The  boy  replied:  'Master,  I  don't  know  what  the 
splints  is ;  but,  if  it  is  good  for  him,  he  has  got  it !  If  it 
ain't  good  for  him,  he  ain't  got  it!'  Now,"  finished  the 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  171 

adviser,  "if  this  was  good  for  Mitchell,  it  was  all  right; 
but,  if  it  was  not,  I  have  to  countermand,  eh?" — (Noted 
by  General  Viele.) 


UNCOLN  GUESSED  THE  FIRST  TIME. 

Postmaster-General  James  reflects  a  dialogue  between 
Lincoln  and  one  of  his  Cabinet  officers,  evincing  how  the 
iron  hand  in  the  velvet  glove  squeezed  persons  into  his 
own  mold. 

"Mr.  President" — Secretary  Stanton  speaking — "I  can- 
not carry  out  that  order  I  It  is  improper,  and  I  don't 
believe  it  is  right." 

"Well,  I  reckon,  Mr.  Secretary" — very  gently — "that 
you  will  hev  to  carry  it  out" 

"But  I  won't  do  it — it's  all  wrong  t" 

"I  guess  you  will  hev  to  do  it !" 

He  guessed  right,  the  first  time. 


A  PHANTOM  CHASE. 

Despite  Chase's  political  enmity  to  him,  President  Lin- 
coln said  of  Salmon  Portland  Chase :  "I  consider  him  one 
of  the  best,  ablest,  and  most  reliable  men  in  the  country." 
But  he  had  to  "let  him  slide"  off  upon  the  Supreme  Court 
bench  to  have  "knee-room"  at  the  council-table.  He  ex- 
plained :  "He  wants  to  be  President,  and,  if  he  does  not 
give  that  up,  it  will  be  a  great  injury  to  him  and  a  great 


172  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

injury  to  me.    He  can  never  be  President." — (Ex-Sec- 
retary Boutwell,  the  authority.) 


THE  WORD  FLIES,  BUT  THE  WRIT  REMAINS. 

Mr.  Chase  bemoaning  that  in  leaving  home  he  had  in 
the  hurry  forgot  to  write  a  letter,  Lincoln  sagely  con- 
soled : 

"Chase,  never  regret  what  you  don't  write — it  is  what 
you  do  write  that  you  are  often  called  upon  to  feel  sorry 
for!" — (Heard  by  General  Viele.) 


THE  WAR-LORD, 

Lincoln  states  that  the  community  among  whom  he 
was  brought  up  would  have  hailed  him  as  a  wizard  who 
spoke  the  dead  tongues;  and,  granting  his  legal  studies 
made  him  familiar  with  Latin  as  lawyers  use  it,  he  care- 
fully avoided  those  hurdles  of  the  classic  orator,  Latin 
quotations.  Nevertheless,  we  have  an  exception  to  what 
would  have  pleased  Lord  Byron — the  poet  thought  we 
have  had  enough  of  the  classics.  The  President,  spying 
Secretary  Stanton,  of  the  War  Department,  inadvertently 
striking  an  imposing  attitude  in  the  doorway  of  the  tele- 
graph-office in  the  Executive  House,  without  knowing 
the  President  was  here,  at  the  desk,  suddenly  was  aroused 
by  hearing  the  jocose  hail : 

"Good    evening,    Mars!"—  (Certified    by    Mr.    A.    B. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  173 

Chandler,  manager  of  the  postal  telegraph,  War  Depart- 
ment.) 


FILE  IT  AWAY! 

Stanton,  as  secretary  of  war,  was  bombarded  with 
complaints  and  bickerings  of  the  officers  under  him ;  they 
seemed  to  revel  in  annoying  one  famed  for  being  of  the 
irritable  genus.  Once  he  showed  his  principal  a  letter 
written  in  answer  to  a  general  who  had  abused  him  and 
accused  him  of  favoritism.  Lincoln  listened  with  his 
quizzing  air,  and  exclaimed  rapturously : 

"That's  first-rate,  Stanton !  You've  scored  him  well ! 
Just  right !" 

As  the  pleased  writer  folded  up  the  paper  for  its  en- 
velope, he  quickly  inquired : 

"Why,  what  are  you  going  to  do  with  it  now?" 

It  was  to  be  despatched. 

"No,  no,  that  would  spoil  all.  File  it  away !  that  is  the 
kind  of  filing  which  keeps  it  sharp — and  don't  wound  the 
other  fellow !  File  it  away." 


"WHAT  WE  HAVE,  WE  WILL  GIVE  YOU." 

It  being  rumored  that  the  paper  notes,  "the  green- 
backs," should  bear  a  motto  as  the  coin  had,  "In  God 
We  Trust,"  it  was  suggested  to  quote  from  the  apostles : 

"Silver  and  gold  we  have  not,  but  what  we  have  we 
will  give." 


174  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

It  was  ascribed  to  Mr.  Lincoln  from  his  familiarity 
the  Scriptures  and  prevalent  quoting  from  them. 


MORE  "SHINPLASTERS"  TO  HEAL  THE  SORE. 

In  1863  President  Lincoln  went  out  to  condole  with  the 
beaten  Unionists,  whom  General  Hooker  had  led  fatally 
against  Lee  at  Chancellorsville.  Lincoln  took  his  little 
son  "Tad"  with  him.  Amid  the  cheering  one  of  the  sol- 
diers plainly  voiced  a  terrible  grievance — just  when  the 
sufferers  were  mostly  in  need  of  necessaries,  the  pay  was 
behindhand.  So  one  cried:  "Send  along  more  'green- 
backs/ Father  Abraham !" 

The  boy  was  puzzled,  but  his  companion  explained  that 
the  soldiers  wanted  their  money  due.  The  hearer  thought 
this  over  for  a  moment,  and  then  pertly  said :  "Why  don't 
'Governor'  Chase  print  some  more?" 


"THERE  IS  MUCH  IN  AN  'IF'  AND  A  'BUT.'" 

Mr.  Tinkler,  telegraph-operator  of  the  cipher  telegrams 
at  Washington,  in  the  Executive  residence,  took  the 
'despatch  announcing  the  nomination  of  Andrew  Jackson, 
of  Tennessee,  to  the  vice-presidency  with  Lincoln  for  the 
second  term.  The  latter  read  it  carefully,  and  thought 
aloud: 

"Well,  I  thought  possibly  that  he  might  be  the  matf; 
but " 

He  passed  out  of  the  office,  leaving  the  hearer  in> 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  175 

pressed.  Indeed,  it  was  a  prophecy  of  the  future — poor, 
inebriate  Andy — not  the  Handy  Andy,  but  the  Merry 
Andrew  of  the  fag-end  of  the  lamentably  sundered  sec- 
ond term.  Charles  A.  Dana,  editing  the  New  York  Sun, 
printed  this  drop-line,  and  said  it  was  a  proof  that  Lin- 
coln had  no  hand  in  his  Vice  being  proposed  or  nom- 
inated. 


DON'T  WASTE  THE  PLUG,  BUT  USE  IT  I 

Treasurer  Chase  conducted  the  financial  course  of  the 
war  on  the  principle  of  each  day  taking  care  of  itself; 
but  still  he  resisted  plans  for  relief  not  of  his  own  con- 
ception. So  he  threw  cold  water  on  the  Walker  sugges- 
tion that  the  currency  should  bear  interest  with  a  view 
that  holders  would  hoard  it.  Walker's  aid,  Taylor,  of 
Ohio,  ran  to  the  President  for  a  higher  hearing.  But, 
though  the  President  now  espoused  the  scheme,  the  sec- 
retary still  was  counter  on  the  ground  that  the  Consti- 
tution was  against  it. 

"Taylor,"  said  Lincoln,  with  his  frankness,  which  re- 
sembled impiety  now,  "go  back  and  tell  Chase  not  to 
bother  about  the  Constitution — I  have  that  sacred  in- 
strument here,  and  am  guarding  it  with  great  care!" 
But  a  personal  discussion  with  Chase  was  compulsory, 
during  which  the  granite  man  stood  on  the  Constitution. 

"Chase,"  finally  said  the  decisive  factor,  "this  reminds 
me  of  a  little  sea  yarn. 

"A  little  coaster  on  the  Mediterranean  was  in  stress  of 
storm.  The  Italian  seamen  have  their  own  ideas  of  be- 


176  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

havior  under  disaster,  and  fell  on  their  knees  to  invoke 
the  interposition  of  the  usual  stronghold — the  Madonna 
— of  which  there  was  a  statue  in  wood.  But,  many  and 
genuine  as  were  the  invocations,  all  were  unanswered. 
The  gale  continued,  and  more  and  more  damage  was 
done  the  upper  works.  Whereupon  in  a  rage  the  skipper 
ordered  the  image  to  be  hurled  overboard.  Strange  to 
say,  almost  instanter  the  tempest  lulled,  and  in  a  short 
time  the  bark  rode  steadily  on  the  pacific  waters.  Come 
to  examine  the  leak  in  the  side,  they  found  the  wooden 
effigy  thrown  over,  sucked  into  it,  and  so  plugged  up  the 
cavity.  The  ship  was  saved  by  the  castaway  notion. 

"Now,  we  are  all  aboard  to  save  the  ship,  by  any  plug* 
that  is  offered,  since  prayers  don't  seem  to  do  it.  Let  us 
try  friend  Amasa  Walker's  proposition." 


THE  RUNNING  FEVER. 

"There  is  a  malady  of  vulnerable  heels — a  species  of 
running  fever — which  operates  on  sound-headed  and 
honest-hearted  creatures  very  much  like  the  cork  leg  in 
the  song  did  on  its  owner.  When  he  had  once  got 
started  on  it,  the  more  he  tried  to  stop  it,  the  more  it 
would  run  away.  A  witty  Irish  soldier  always  boasting 
of  his  bravery  when  no  danger  was  nigh,  but  who  in- 
variably retreated  without  orders  at  the  first  charge  of 

*Plug,  in  Western  speech:  any  substitute,  worthless  other- 
wise ;  an  old  horse ;  a  leaden  counter,  a  makeshift ;  the  plug  hat, 
however,  comes  from  the  shape — a  cylinder  of  tobacco  being  so 
called. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  177 

the  engagement,  being  asked  by  his  captain  why  he  did 
so,  replied: 

"  'Captain,  I  have  as  brave  a  heart  as  Julius  Caesar  ever 
had;  but,  somehow  or  other,  whenever  danger  ap- 
proaches, my  cowardly  legs  will  run  away  with  me.' " — 
(Debate,  Lincoln:  Springfield,  Illinois,  December,  1839.} 


"ONE  AND  A  HALF  TIMES  BIGGER  THAN 
OTHER  MEN  I" 

Most  conspicuous  among  the  host  of  seeming  friends 
consistently  and  constantly  plotting  against  their  chief 
to  replace  him  if  not  actually  displace  him,  was  Salmon 
P.  Chase.  His  whole  career  was  that  of  the  office-seeker 
incarnate.  School-teacher,  lawyer,  governor  of  his  State 
of  adoption,  Ohio — for  he  was  a  New  Hampshire  man — 
he  tried  from  1856  all  parties  to  nominate  him  for  the 
Presidency,  at  all  openings.  His  inability  to  inspire 
trust  forbade  his  having  a  personal  following  of  any 
strength.  Lincoln  easily  saw  through  him,  but  he  had  a 
fellow-feeling  for  an  indubitably  honest  treasurer.  To 
think  of  the  countless  opportunities  he  had  to  enrich  him- 
self out  of  the  public  coffers !  Like  another  incorruptible 
statesman,  he  might  have  said :  "I  wonder  at  my  qualms 
when  I  had  but  to  stretch  out  my  hand  to  pocket  thou- 
sands !"  But  he  truthfully  said,  when  a  hack  impudently 
hinted  that  he  could  have  the  nomination  dearest  to  his 
heart  if  he  would  but  use  to  his  private  ends  the  vast 
patronage  at  his  command : 


178  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"I  should  despise  myself  if  capable  of  appointing  or 
removing  a  man  for  the  sake  of  the  Presidency." 

In  February,  1861,  the  Peace  Congress  (Massachu- 
setts) delegation  called  on  the  President  to  recommend 
Salmon  P.  Chase  for  the  Treasury  Department.  Lincoln 
was  already  favorable,  for  he  said : 

"From  what  I  know  and  hear,  I  think  Mr.  Chase  is 
about  a  hundred  and  fifty  to  any  other  man's  hundred 
for  that  place." 

This  is  why  Lincoln,  when  compelled  to  remove  the 
tmderminer,  solaced  him  with  the  bed  to  fall  upon  of  the 
Supreme  Court  judgeship.  He  said  of  him:  "Chase  is 
about  one  and  a  half  times  bigger  than  any  one  I  ever 


SO  SLOW,  A  HEARSE  RAN  OVER  HIM! 

By  treachery  of  those  in  charge  of  our  navy-yards,  ar- 
senals, and  treasury,  the  South  began  the  bloody  strife 
better  provided  than  the  simple  North.  But  adverse  fate 
seemed  bent  on  keeping  the  disparity  for  long  in  favor  of 
the  weaker  contestant  By  one  of  those  wicked  dispensa- 
tions tripping  up  our  early  march,  the  secretary  of  the 
navy  was  selected  in  Gideon  Welles,  an  estimable  gentle- 
man in  person,  but  wofully  unsuited  to  the  berth,  if  from 
age  alone.  Patriarchal  in  appearance,  with  a  long  face 
and  longer  beard,  white  and  sere,  it  became  proverbial 
without  appearing  much  of  a  far-fetched  joke  that  he  was 
the  naval  constructor  to  Noah  of  Ark-aic  fame.  Unfor- 
tunately his  "set"  were  antiques  as  well.  Yet  Lincoln 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  179 

clung  to  him — or  he  clung  to  the  President  like  the  Old 
Man  of  the  Sea — under  which  aspect  he  was  presented 
by  the  caricaturists.  One  day,  however,  said  the  gossips 
of  the  White  House,  Mr.  Lincoln  dropped  the  newspaper 
in  reading,  and  exclaimed : 

"Listen!"  said  he  to  his  secretary,  "a  man  has  been 
run  over  by  a  hearse!  As  I  saw  Welles  not  so  long  ago* 
ft  must  be  one  of  Gideon's  Band  I" 

A  song  entitled  "Gideon's  Band,"  introduced  by  the 
negro  minstrels  in  New  York,  was  popular  on  the  streets 
and  in  the  camps. 


BLOOD-SHEDDING  REMITS  SINS. 

Judge  Kellogg,  having  an  application  for  condoning  a 
death  sentence  against  a  soldier,  urged  that  he  had  served 
well  hitherto,  having  been  badly  wounded  under  fire. 

"Kellogg,"  remarked  Lincoln  quickly,  "is  there  not 
something  in  the  Bible  about  the  shedding  of  blood  for 
the  remission  of  sins  ?" 

As  the  judge  was  not  familiar  with  ecclesiastical  law, 
he  merely  bowed.  In  fact,  the  blood-offerings  of  the 
ancients  was  of  animals,  and  it  was  deemed  profane  to 
offer  one's  own.  Still,  the  offering  of  blood  is  dedica- 
tion to  a  friend  or  the  country.  Lincoln  had  the  idea  cor- 
rectly. 

"That's  a  good  point,"  he  brightly  said,  "and  there  is 
no  going  behind  it !" 

So  saying,  he  wrote  the  pardon,  which  Kellogg  trans- 
mitted to  the  gladdened  father  of  the  culprit. 


i8o  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Mr.  Lincoln  had  no  need  to  go  back  to  Scripture  for 
his  defense.  It  is  martial  law,  unwritten  but  valid,  that 
if  a  delinquent  soldier,  fugitive  from  justice,  or  breaking 
prison,  reaches  the  battle-field  and  takes  his  place  gal- 
lantly, no  more  would  be  said  about  the  hanging  charge, 
even  though  it  were  literally  a  hanging  one. 


HIS  "LEG  CASES." 

The  judge  advocate-general,  Holt,  as  well  as  the  mili- 
tary chiefs,  were  in  despair  at  their  superior  trifling  with 
the  laws  of  war  by  suspending  mortal  decrees,  and,  in 
short,  in  hunting  up  excuses  for  delaying  the  blow  of 
justice.  Once  the  judge  brought  to  the  President  a  case 
so  flagrant  that  he  did  not  doubt  that,  for  a  rarity,  the 
chief  would  sign  without  any  cavil  and  hesitation.  A 
soldier  had  demoralized  his  regiment  in  the  nick  of  a 
battle  by  dashing  down  his  rifle  and  hiding  behind  a  tree. 
He  had  not  a  friend  or  relative  to  sue  for  him.  Despite 
all  this,  the  Executive  laid  down  the  pen  quivering  be- 
tween his  long  fingers,  and  said  : 

"Holt,  I  think  I  must,  after  all,  file  this  away  with 
my  'Leg  Cases.' "  And  thrust  the  paper  in  one  of  a 
series  of  pigeonholes  already  crammed  with  the  like. 

The  judge  was  taken  off  his  guard  by  the  inconsistent 
levity,  and  demanded  the  meaning  of  the  term  with 
acerbity. 

"Holt,  were  you  ever  in  battle?"  he  counter  queried. 

The  man  of  law  was  a  man  of  peace ;  he  had  seen  lead, 
but  in  seals,  not  bullets. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  181 

Secretary  of  War  Stanton  was  spurring  the  military 
justice  on,  as  often  before. 

"Did  Stanton  ever  march  in  the  first  line,  to  be  shot  at 
like  this  man?" 

Holt  answered  for  his  colleague  in  the  negative. 

"Well,  I  tried  it  in  the  Black  Hawk  War !"  proceeded 
the  Illinoisian,  "and  I  remember  one  time  I  grew  awful 
weak  in  the  legs  when  I  heard  the  bullets  whistle  around 
me  and  saw  the  enemy  in  front  of  me.  How  my  legs 
carried  me  forward  I  cannot  now  tell,  for  I  thought 
every  minute  that  I  should  sink  to  the  ground.  I  am 
opposed  to  having  soldiers  shot  for  not  facing  danger 
when  it  is  not  known  that  their  legs  would  carry  them 
into  danger!  Well,  judge,  you  see  the  papers  crowded 
in  there?  You  call  them  cases  of  'Cowardice  in  the  face 
of  the  enemy/  a  long  title,  but  I  call  them  my  'Leg 
Cases/  for  short! — and  I  put  it  to  you,  Holt,  and  leave 
it  to  you  to  decide  for  yourself,  if  Almighty  God  gives 
a  man  a  cowardly  pair  of  legs,  how  can  he  help  them 
running  away  with  him?" 


HOW  THE  DELINQUENT  SOLDIER  PAID  HIS  DEBT. 

There  is  a  great  similarity  in  the  many  stories  of  Lin- 
coln's leniency  to  soldiers  incurring  the  death-penalty  ac- 
cording to  the  code  of  war,  and  no  wonder,  when  they 
were  so  numerous  that  he  often  had  four-and-twenty  sen- 
tences to  sign  or  ignore  in  a  day. 

A  member  of  a  Vermont  regiment  was  so  sentenced 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 


for  sleeping  at  his  post.  The  more  than  usual  interces- 
sion made  for  him  induced  Lincoln  to  visit  the  culprit 
in  his  cell.  He  found  him  a  simple  country  lad,  in> 
pressing  him  as  a  reminder  of  himself  at  that  age.  In 
the  like  plain  and  rustic  vein  he  discoursed  with  him. 

"I  have  been  put  to  a  deal  of  bother  on  your  account, 
Scott,"  he  said  paternally.  "What  I  want  to  know  is  how 
are  you  going  to  pay  my  bill?" 

From  a  lawyer  turned  sword  of  the  State,  this  was 
reasonable  enough  ;  so  the  young  man  responded  : 

"I  hope  I  am  as  grateful  to  you,  Mr.  Lincoln,  as  any 
man  can  be  for  his  life.  But  this  came  so  sudden  that 
I  did  not  lay  out  for  it.  But  I  have  my  bounty-money 
in  the  savings-bank,  and  I  guess  we  could  raise  some 
money  by  a  mortgage  on  the  farm;  and,  if  we  wait  till 
pay-day  for  the  regiment,  I  guess  the  boys  will  help 
some,  and  we  can  make  it  up  —  if  it  isn't  more  nor  five  or 
six  hundred,  eh?" 

With  the  same  gravity,  the  intermediator  reckoned  the 
cost  would  be  more. 

"My  son,"  said  he,  "the  bill  is  a  large  one.  Your 
friends  cannot  pay  it  —  nor  your  comrades,  nor  the  farm, 
nor  the  pay!  If  from  this  day  William  Scott  does  his 
duty  so  that,  if  I  were  there  when  he  came  to  die,  he 
could  look  me  in  the  face  as  now  and  say:  'I  have  kept 
my  promise  and  have  done  my  duty  as  a  soldier/  then 
my  debt  will  be  paid." 

The  boy  made  the  promise,  and  was  immediately  re- 
stored to  the  regiment.  He  earned  promotion,  but  re- 
fused it.  At  Lee's  Mills,  on  the  Warwick  River,  he  was 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  183 

wounded  while  distinguishing  himself  in  a  grand  as- 
sault. Mortally  wounded  in  saving  three  lives,  he  was 
enabled  with  his  dying  breath  to  send  a  message  to  the 
President  to  the  effect  that  he  had  redeemed  his  pledge. 
On  his  breast  was  found  one  of  the  likenesses  of  Lin- 
coln with  the  motto,  "God  bless  our  President!"  which 
the  Grand  Army  men  were  given.  He  thanked  the  bene- 
factor for  having  let  him  fall  like  a  soldier,  in  battle,  and 
not  like  a  coward,  by  his  comrades'  rifles. 


"THE  SWEARING  HAD  TO  BE  DONE  THEN,  OR 
NOT  AT  ALL  I" 

An  old  man  came  from  Tennessee  to  beg  the  life  of 
his  son,  death-doomed  under  the  military  code.  General 
Fiske  procured  him  admittance  to  the  President,  who  took 
the  petition  and  promised  to  attend  to  the  matter.  But 
the  applicant,  in  anguish,  insisted  that  a  life  was  at 
stake — that  to-morrow  would  not  do,  and  that  the  de- 
cision must  be  made  on  the  instant. 

Lincoln  assumed  his  mollifying  air,  and  in  a  soothing 
tone  brought  out  his  universal  soothing-sirup,  the  little 
story : 

"It  was  General  Fiske,  who  introduced  you,  who  told 
me  this.  The  general  began  his  career  as  a  colonel,  and 
raised  his  regiment  in  Missouri.  Having  good  prin- 
ciples, he  made  the  boys  promise  then  not  to  be  profane, 
hut  let  him  do  all  the  swearing  for  the  regiment.  For 
months  no  violation  of  the  agreement  was  reported.  But 


184  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

one  day  a  teamster,  with  the  foul  tongue  associated  with 
their  calling  and  mule-driving,  as  he  drove  his  team 
through  a  longer  and  deeper  series  of  mud-puddles  than 
ever  before,  unable  to  restrain  himself,  turned  himself 
inside  out  as  a  vocal  Vesuvius.  It  happened,  too,  that 
this  torrent  was  heard  surging  by  the  colonel,  who  called 
him  to  account. 

"  'Well,  yes,  colonel,'  he  acknowledged,  'I  did  vow  to 
let  you  do  all  the  swearing  of  the  regiment ;  but  the  cold 
fact  is,  that  the  swearing  had  to  be  done  thar  and  then, 
or  not  at  all,  to  do  the  'casion  justice — and  you  were  not 
thar !' 

"Now,"  summed  up  Mr.  Lincoln  to  the  engrossed  and 
semiconsoled  parent,  "I  may  not  be  there,  so  do  you  take 
this  and  do  the  swearing  him  off !" 

He  furnished  him  with  the  release  autograph,  and  sent 
another  mourner  on  his  way  rejoicing. 


DISPLACE  THE  THISTLES  BY  FLOWERS. 

Two  ladies  called  upon  the  President  at  the  end  of 
1864,  one  the  wife,  the  other  the  mother  of  western 
Pennsylvanians  imprisoned  for  resisting  the  military 
draft.  A  number  of  other  men  were  fellows  in  their 
durance  on  precisely  the  same  grounds.  Finding  it 
meet  to  grant  this  dual  relief  sought,  Lincoln  directed 
the  whole  to  be  liberated,  and  signed  the  paper  with  one 
signature  to  cover  the  entire  act  of  humanity.  His  old 
friend,  Speed,  was  witness  of  this  scene,  and,  knowing 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  185 

only  too  well  the  sensitive  nature  of  the  President,  he 
spoke  his  wonder  that  such  ordeals  were  not  killing. 

Lincoln  mused,  and  agreed  that  such  scenes  were  not 
to  be  wantonly  undergone. 

"But  they  do  not  hurt  me.  That  is  the  only  thing  to- 
day to  make  me  forget  my  condition,  or  give  me  any 
pleasure" — he  was  unwell,  then ;  his  feet  and  hands  were 
always  cold,  and  often  when  about  he  ought  to  have  been 
abed.  "I  have  in  that  order  made  two  persons  happy, 
and  alleviated  the  distress  of  many  a  poor  soul  whom  I 
never  expect  to  see.  It  is  more  than  one  can  often  say 
that,  in  doing  right,  one  has  made  two  happy  in  one  day. 
Speed,  die  when  I  may,  I  want  it  said  of  me  by  those 
who  know  me  best,  that  I  always  plucked  a  thistle  and 
planted  a  flower  when  I  thought  a  flower  would  grow." 
— (Vouched  for  by  Joshua  R.  Speed,  the  first  to  be 
friend  to  Lincoln'  when  he  set  out  to  become  a  lawyer, 
at  Springfield,  in  1837.) 


"YOU  HAVE  ONE,  AND  I  HAVE  ONE-THAT  IS 
RIGHT  I » 

An  elderly  woman  was  among  the  suitors  of  the  Presi- 
dent, when  the  commander-in-chief  by  virtue  of  office 
was  besought  to  release  her  eldest  son  of  three,  her  hus- 
band and  two  younger  sons  having  been  slain  in  action. 

"Certainly,"  returned  the  chief,  "if  you  have  given  us 
all,  and  your  prop  has  been  taken  away,  you  are  justly 
entitled  to  one  of  your  boys." 


186  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

The  woman  took  the  discharge,  and  gratefully  went 
away.  But  she  was  compelled  to  return  more  grieved 
than  before,  as  she  had  found  the  son  she  sought  dying 
in  a  hospital  at  the  front.  The  surgeon  made  a  note  of 
the  fatality,  with  which,  unable  to  speak,  she  presented 
herself  to  the  President.  He  knew  what  she  wished  this 
time,  and  proceeded  to  write  out  the  release  of  the  second 
son.  On  handing  her  the  paper,  he  said — a  new  judg- 
ment of  a  kinder  judge  than  Solomon: 

"Now,  you  have  one,  and  I  the  other  of  the  two  left; 
that  is  no  more  than  right  1" 


"SHOOTING  A  MAN  DOES  HIM  NO  GOODI" 

Judge  Kellogg,  of  New  York,  begged  off  the  son  of 
a  voter  in  his  district,  condemned  for  military  infraction ; 
in  fact,  the  judge  did  not  know  much  of  the  case,  but  his 
insistence  prevailed  over  the  rectifier  of  the  law  and 
articles  of  war.  Lincoln  dryly  remarked,  as  he  appended 
his  signature  to  the  pardon : 

"I  do  not  believe  that  shooting  a  man  does  him  any 
good!" 


BENEVOLENCE  IS  BEAUTIFUL. 

Thaddeus  Stevens  accompanied  a  lady  of  his  constitu- 
ents to  beg  a  pardon  of  the  President,  her  son  being  un- 
der death  sentence  of  a  court-martial.  The  senator  back- 
ing up  the  petition,  it  was  granted.  The  grateful  woman 
was  choking,  and  was  led  away  by  her  escort,  without 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  187 

speaking  in  thankfulness.    But  at  the  exit  she  found  her 
voice,  and  burst  forth  feelingly : 

"Mr.  Stevens,  they  told  me  that  the  President  was 
homely  looking !  It  is  a  lie !  He  is  the  handsomest  man 
I  ever  saw !" 


14  TT  WAS  THE  BABY  THAT  DID  IT." 

A  young  mother  came  to  Washington  to  sue  for  the 
life  of  her  husband,  a  deserter,  condemned  to  die.  Such 
was  the  crowd  of  besiegers  for  grace,  offices,  and  simple 
greeting  by  the  host  of  the  White  House  that  she  was  kept 
out  in  the  hall.  But  one  day,  the  master  passing  through 
the  corridor  "to  hold  the  show,"  heard  a  baby's  pitiful 
wail.  He  halted,  listened  again  to  make  sure,  and  on 
entering  his  reception-parlor  asked  his  favorite  usher  if 

he  had  not  heard  that  odd  thing — there — an  infant's  cry. 

The  attendant  promptly  related  that  a  woman  with  a 
babe  was  without,  who  had  been  losing  her  time  three 
days. 

"Go  at  once,  and  send  her  to  me,"  he  ordered,  express- 
ing regret  that  she  should  have  been  overlooked. 

As  there  were  several  extenuating  points  in  her  plea, 
or  the  benign  official  leaned  that  way,  he  wrote  his  par- 
don and  gave  it  to  the  woman,  whose  still  plaintive  smile 
shone  through  tears  of  gratitude. 

"Take  that,  my  poor  woman,  and  it  will  bring  you 
back  your  husband,"  he  said,  going  so  far  as  to  direct 
her  to  what  authority  to  apply  for  the  action. 

In  showing  her  forth,  the  old  usher,  who  knew  his 


i88  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

employer's  tender  heart  where  children  were  concerned, 
•whispered : 

"It  was  the  baby  that  did  it !"— (Told  by  "Old  Dan'el," 
the  good-natured  Irish  usher.) 


"IT  RESTS  ME  TO  SAVE  A  LIFEl" 
Schuyler  Colfax,  then  Speaker  of  the  House,  pleaded 
with  Lincoln  for  the  life  of  an  elector's  son,  sentenced 
to  be  shot.  Though  he  intruded  on  the  arbiter  very  late 
after  a  long  spell  of  official  duties,  Lincoln  accorded  the 
boon. 

"Colfax,"  explained  he,  "it  makes  me  rested  after  a 
hard  day's  work,  if  I  can  find  some  good  excuse  for 
eaving  a  man's  life,  and  I  go  to  bed  happy  as  I  think 
how  joyous  the  signing  of  my  name  will  make  him,  and 
his  family,  and  his  friends." 


"A  FAMILY  MAN  WANTS  TO  SEE  HIS  FAMILY." 
Superintendent  Tinker,  of  the  Western  Union  Tele- 
graph Company,  vouches  for  the  following: 

A  woman  came  to  the  Honorable  Francis  Kernan. 
member  of  Congress,  with  a  pitiful  tale,  with  which  he 
went  to  the  President.  Her  husband  was  a  soldier  who 
had  been  away  from  home  a  year.  He  deserted  in  order 
to  have  a  glance  at  the  family,  and  was  captured  on  his 
way  back  to  the  front.  But  the  rules  of  war  are  im- 
perative, and  without  compassion.  The  President  was 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  189 

interested,  as  in  all  such  cases  where  a  deserving  life  and 
a  sorrowing  woman  were  at  stake.  He  said : 

"Of  course,  this  man  wanted  to  see  his  family !  They 
ought  not  to  shoot  him  for  that!"  He  telegraphed  for 
action  in  the  matter  to  cease,  and  finally  pardoned  the 
deserter. 

"A  fellow-feeling" — for  all  his  thoughts  reverted  to 
'his  family  life  at  Springfield. 


A  RULE  WITHOUT  EXCEPTION. 

Lincoln's  Amnesty  Proclamation,  issued  in  December, 
1863,  exemplifies  the  perpetual  attempt  to  infuse  mercy 
into  that  intestine  warfare,  which  always  grows  more 
fierce  by  oil  thrown  on  the  flames,  and  only  once,  in  our 
case,  terminated  in  the  brothers  becoming  brothers  again. 
He  replied  thus  to  a  public  criticizer  of  the  document : 

"When  a  man  is  sincerely  penitent  for  his  misdeeds, 
and  gives  satisfactory  evidence  of  the  same,  he  can  safely 
be  pardoned,  and  there  is  no  exception  to  the  rule." 


EVEN  REBELS  MIGHT  BE  SAVED. 
A  Mr.  Shrigley,  of  Philadelphia,  having  been  ap- 
pointed hospital  chaplain,  the  President  sent  in  his  name 
to  the  Senate,  and  his  confirmation  was  imminent.  A 
deputation  came  on  to  protest  on  the  grounds  that  he  was 
a  Universalist,  a  large-minded  man,  who  did  not  believe 
in  endless  punishment.  Logically,  he  believed  that  "even 


190  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

the  rebels  will  be  saved,"  concluded  the  opposition,  hor- 
rified. 

"Well,  gentlemen,"  determined  the  President  gravely, 
"if  that  be  so,  and  there  is  any  way  under  heaven  where- 
by the  rebels  can  be  saved,  then,  for  God's  sake  and  for 
their  sakes,  let  the  man  be  appointed." 


WHIPPING  AROUND  THE  STUMP. 

On  New-year's  morning,  1864,  President  Lincoln  en- 
tered the  War  Department  building.  His  sensitive  nature, 
more  than  ever  strained  to  the  utmost  tension,  was  irri- 
tated by  hearing  a  woman  wailing  over  a  child  in  her 
arms  at  an  office  door.  Major  Eckert  requested  to 
ascertain  the  cause  of  the  grief  brought  back  the  painful 
but  not  unexampled  explanation.  A  soldier's  wife  had 
come  to  Washington  with  her  babe,  expecting  to  have  no 
difficulty  in  going  on  under  pass  to  the  camp  where  her 
husband  was  under  the  colors.  But  she  learned,  to  her 
dismay,  that,  while  an  officer's  wife  has  few  obstacles  to 
meet  in  communing  with  her  husband  under  like  cir- 
cumstances, the  private's  is  dissimilarly  situated.  This 
poor  soul,  with  little  money  anyway,  was  perplexed  how 
to  wait  in  the  expensive  city  till  her  wish  was  granted. 

"Come,  Eckert,"  blurted  out  the  chief  in  his  frank 
manner,  "let's  send  the  woman  down  there!" 

It  was  recited  that  the  war  office  had  strengthened  the 
orders  against  women  in  camp. 

"H'm !"  coughed  the  other  in  his  dry  way,  ominous  of 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  191 

an  alternative,  "let  us  whip  the  devil  around  the  stump 
since  he  will  not  step  right  over!  Send  the  woman's 
husband  leave  of  absence  to  report  here — to  see  his  wife 
and  baby!" 

So  the  officer  on  duty  wrote  the  order,  and  the  couple 
were  happily  reunited. — (By  A.  B.  Chandler,  manager  of 
postal  telegraphs,  attached  to  the  War  Department  in  the 
war.) 


"LIFE  TOO  PRECIOUS  TO  BE  LOST." 

Benjamin  Owen,  a  young  Vermont  volunteer,  was  sen- 
tenced to  the  extremity  for  being  asleep  on  post.  Lin- 
coln was  especially  lenient  in  these  cases,  as  he  held  that 
a  farm-boy,  used  to  going  to  bed  early,  was  apt  to  main- 
tain the  habit  in  later  life.  It  came  out  that  the  youth 
had  taken  the  place  of  a  comrade  the  night  before,  as 
extra  duty,  and  this  overwork  had  fatigued  him  so  that 
his  succumbing  was  at  least  explicable.  This  clue  being 
in  a  letter  he  wrote  home,  his  sister  journeyed  to  the 
capital  with  it  and  showed  it  to  the  President. 

"Oh,  that  fatal  sleep!"  he  exclaimed,  "thousands  of 
lives  might  have  been  lost  through  that  fatal  sleep !" 

He  wrote  out  the  pardon,  and  said  to  the  girl : 

"Go  home,  my  child,  and  tell  that  father  of  yours,  who 
could  approve  his  country's  sentence,  even  when  it  took 
the  life  of  a  youth  like  that,  that  Abraham  Lincoln  thinks 
the  life  too  precious  to  be  lost." 

He  went  in  his  carriage  to  deliver  the  pardon  to  the 
proper  authorities  for  its  execution — and  not  the  sol- 


192  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

dier's.  Then,  making  out  a  furlough  for  the  released 
volunteer,  he  saw  him  and  the  sister  off  on  the  homeward 
journey,  pinning  a  badge  on  the  former's  arm  with  the 
words : 

"The  shoulder  which  should  bear  a  comrade's  burden, 
and  die  for  it  so  uncomplainingly,  must  wear  that  strap !" 


MERCY  HAS  PRECEDENCE  OVER  THE  RIGID. 

On  the  pth  of  April,  1865,  Lee  accepted  Grant's  easy 
conditions,  and  practically  everything  was  completed  but 
the  formal  signing  of  the  capitulation.  The  wide  re- 
joicing covered  the  earth,  the  eye-witnesses  may  say,  with 
one  smile  of  relief  and  gladness.  Washington  looked 
gay  with  bunting,  like  New  York  City  on  the  day  of 
"Show  your  flag!"  Above  all,  the  President,  whose 
words  at  Springfield,  in  1860,  to  the  Illinois  school  super- 
intendent, Newton  Bateman,  were  justified :  "I  may  not 
see  the  end,  but  it  will  come,  and  I  shall  be  vindicated 
(in  condemning  slavery)." 

It  was,  therefore,  in  a  receptive  mood  that  he  was 
found  by  Senator  J.  B.  Henderson,  of  Missouri.  This 
gentleman  came  for  the  third  time  on  an  errand  of  pity. 

At  the  close  of  the  war,  one  Colonel  Green,  brother 
to  United  States  Senator  James  S.  Green,  crossed  into 
Mississippi  with  his  friend  and  brother  in  arms,  George 
E.  Vaughan.  He  gave  Vaughan  letters  for  home  and 
started  him  to  carry  news  to  his  family.  Captured  within 
the  Federal  lines,  he  was  held  as  a  spy.  Mr.  Henderson 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  193 

succeeded  in  getting  a  retrial,  and  even  a  third  hearing, 
but  still  the  man  was  under  sentence  of  death.  On  thq 
afternoon  of  April  14,  he  called  at  the  White  House,  and 
insisted  that  the  pardon  should  be  granted  now  if  ever, 
"in  the  interest  of  peace  and  consideration." 

The  gladsome  chief  agreed  with  him,  and  directed  him 
to  go  to  Secretary  Stanton  and  have  the  prisoner  re- 
leased. But  the  inflexible  official,  on  whom  the  general 
glee  had  no  softening,  refused,  and  the  man  had  but  two 
days  to  live.  When  the  intermediary  hurried  back  to 
the  Executive  Mansion,  the  President  was  dressed  to  go 
to  Ford's  Theater,  with  his  wife,  his  son,  and  a  young 
couple  of  friends. 

Nevertheless,  he  stopped,  went  into  the  study,  and 
wrote  an  unconditional  release  and  pardon  for  Vaughan, 
saying : 

"I  think  this  will  have  precedence  over  Stanton  I" 

It  was  his  last  official  act — one  of  mercy  and  forgive- 
ness. 


TAKEN  FROM  REBELLION  AND  GIVEN  TO  LOYALTY. 

A  lady  out  of  Tennessee,  which  was  early  to  join 
secession,  came  to  Washington  in  search  of  her  son,  a 
youth  enlisted  in  the  Confederate  Army.  She  found 
him  in  the  Fort  Henry  hospital,  where,  allowed  to  see 
him,  as  she  was  loyal,  in  spite  of  regulations  about  pris- 
oners of  war,  she  learned  that  he  would  recover.  She 
induced  him  to  recant  and  offer  his  parole  if  he  were 
allowed  freedom.  She  called  on  Secretary  Stanton,  but 


194  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

he  was  in  one  of  his  boorish  moods — was  he  ever  out  of 
them? — and  repulsed  her  with  rudeness.  She  finally  ap- 
pealed to  the  President,  who  seemed  very  often  balm  to 
Stanton,  "a  fretful  corrosive  applied  to  a  deathly  wound," 
and  he  gave  her  an  order  to  receive  the  young  man  if  he 
swore  off  his  pledge  to  the  wrong  side. 

"To  take  the  young  man  from  the  ranks  of  the  rebel- 
lion," he  said  to  her,  "and  give  him  to  a  loyal  mother 
is  a  better  investment  to  this  government  than  to  give 
him  up  to  its  deadly  enemies." 

The  young  man  was  enabled  to  resume  his  studies,  but 
in  a  Northern  college! 


SUSPENSION  IS  NOT  EXECUTION. 

Among  those  generals — amateurs,  like  the  President, 
themselves — who  disapproved  of  any  leniency  in  disci- 
pline, was  Major-general  Benjamin  F.  Butler.  He  wrote 
to  his  commander-in-chief  so  impudent  an  epistle  as  the 
annexed : 

"MR.  PRESIDENT:  I  pray  you  not  to  interfere  with  the 
court-martial  of  this  army.  (His,  of  course — his  skill 
was  discoursed  upon  by  General  Grant,  who  said  that 
Butler  had  "corked  himself  up.")  You  will  destroy  all 
discipline  among  the  soldiers." 

But  in  the  teeth  of  this  embargo,  moved  by  the  en- 
treaties of  an  old  father  whose  son  was  under  death 
sentence  by  this  despot,  he  said: 

"Butler  or  no  Butler,   here  goes!"  and,   seizing  his 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  195 

pen,  wrote  that  the  soldier  in  prison  was  not  to  be  shot 
until  further  orders. 

The  affected  parent  eagerly  took  the  precious  paper, 
but  his  jaw  fell  on  seeing  the  text:  he  had  looked  for 
a  full  pardon.  But  the  comforter  hastened  to  explain : 

"Well,  my  old  friend,  I  see  that  you  are  not  very  well 
acquainted  with  me.  If  your  son  never  looks  upon  death 
till  further  orders  from  me  to  shoot  him,  he  will  live  to  be 
a  great  deal  older  than  Methuselah." 


"THE  DISCONTENTED    .    .    .    ABOUT  FOUR 

HUNDRED " 

In  1856,  Mr.  Lincoln  had  figured  prominently  in  the 
Fremont-Dayton  presidential  campaign,  and  ever  since 
he  had  been  partial  to  the  "Pathfinder,"  though  he  clearly 
saw  that  he  would  be  a  rival  for  the  chair  at  Washington 
— his  long-cherished  ambition.  He  gave,  at  the  outset 
of  the  war,  the  most  important  military  command,  that 
of  the  Mountain,  or  Western  Department,  to  Fremont. 
The  latter  attempted  to  "steal  his  thunder"  by  issuing 
a  forerunner  of  the  Emancipation  Act,  and  was  removed ; 
but  Lincoln  reinstated  him  till  he  had  to  repeat  the 
removal.  He  was  repaid  by  the  incorrigible  marplot  set- 
ting up  as  candidate  for  the  chief  magistracy  after  it 
was  settled  that  the  retiring  officer  should  be  reelected. 
Nevertheless,  the  competitor's  party  was  so  small  that, 
in  allusion  to  it,  Lincoln  read  from  "Samuel,"  Book  I : 

"And  every  one  who  was  in  distress,  and  every  one 


196  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

that  was  in  debt,  and  every  one  who  was  discontented, 
gathered  themselves  unto  him,  and  he  became  captain 
over  them,  and  there  were  with  him  about  four  hundred 
men!" 


"NOT  MUCH  OF  A  HEAD,  BUT  HIS  ONLY  ONE1" 

Although  the  life  of  a  soldier  sleeping  on  post  was  at 
stake,  the  pleader  wished  to  forbear  on  finding  that  the 
supreme  decider,  the  President,  meant  to  make  a  per- 
sonal matter  of  it.  He  suspended  the  execution  while 
looking  into  it.  But  it  was  objected  that  this  was  a 
burden  not  intended  to  impose. 

"Never  mind,"  Lincoln  answered.  "This  soldier's  life 
is  as  valuable  to  him  as  any  person's  in  the  land.  It 
reminds  me  of  the  old  Scotch  woman's  saying  about  her 
laird  going  to  be  beheaded  for  participation  in  a  Jacobite 
rebellion : 

"  'It  waur  na  mickle  of  a  head,  but  it  is  the  only  head 
the  puir  body  ha'  got.' " — (Assured,  in  substance,  by 
L.  E.  Chittenden.) 


"GFE  US  A  GOOD  CONCEIT!" 

A  place-hunter  hastened  to  his  old  acquaintance,  Lin- 
coln, when  he  was  seated,  of  course,  to  secure  a  trough. 
But  he  aimed  high — in  contrast  to  Lincoln's  adage  that 
a  novice  should  aim  low !  The  least  he  named  was  the 
berth  of  master  of  the  mint. 

"Good  gracious!"  ejaculated  the  chief.     "Why  did  he 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  197 

not  ask  to  be  secretary  of  the  treasury  and  have  done 
with  it  ?"  Reflecting,  he  observed :  "Well,  now,  I  never 
thought  that  \sfnk  had  anything  more  than  average  ability 
when  we  were  youngsters  together.  But,  then,  I  suppose, 
he  thought  the  same  thing  about  me,  and  yet — here  I 
am!" 


THEY  WENT  AWAY  SICKER  STILL. 

A  party  were  pressing  the  claims  of  a  solicitor  for  a 
consulship;  his  particular  plea  that  his  health  would  be 
benefited  by  residence  on  these  Fortunate  Islands.  The 
Lord  Bountiful  terminated  the  interview  by  lightly 
saying : 

"Gentlemen,  I  am  sorry  to  say  that  there  are  eight 
other  applicants  for  the  place — and  all  of  them  are  sicker 
than  your  client !" 


OF  TWENTY  APPLICANTS,  NINETEEN  ARE 
MADE  ENEMIES. 

Hampered,  harassed,  and  hounded  by  office-seekers^ 
the  President  once  opened  his  confidence  on  this  irri- 
tating point  to  a  conscientious  public  officer.  He  wished 
the  senators  and  others  would  start  and  stimulate  public 
sentiment  toward  changes  in  public  offices  being  made 
on  good  and  sufficient  cause — that  is,  plainly,  never  on 
party  considerations.  The  ideal  civil  service,  in  a  word. 
Nine-tenths  of  his  vexations  were  due  to  seekers  ol 
sinecures. 


198  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"It  seems  to  me  that  such  visitors  dart  at  me  and, 
with  finger  and  thumb,  carry  off  a  portion  of  my  vital- 
ity," was  his  saying. 

His  hearer  laughed  at  the  image,  but  the  other  pur- 
sued earnestly: 

"I  have  made  up  my  mind  to  make  very  few  changes 
in  the  offices  in  my  gift  for  my  second  term,  I  think, 
now,  that  I  shall  not  move  a  single  man,  except  for  de- 
linquency. To  remove  a  man  is  very  easy,  but  when  I 
go  to  fill  his  place,  there  are  twenty  applicants,  and  of 
these  I  must  make  nineteen  enemies." — (Authenticated 
by  Senator  Qark,  of  New  Hampshire,  to  whom  the  con- 
fidence was  imparted.) 


RID  OF  AN  OFFIC&SEEKER. 

"There  was  an  ignorant  man,"  said  a  senator,  "who 
once  applied  to  Lincoln  for  the  post  of  doorkeeper  to 
the  House.  This  man  had  no  right  to  ask  Lincoln  for 
anything.  It  was  necessary  to  repulse  him.  But  Lin- 
coln repulsed  him  gently  and  whimsically  without  hurting 
his  feelings,  in  this  way : 

"  'So  you  want  to  be  doorkeeper  to  the  House,  eh  ?* 

"'Yes,  Mr.  President/ 

"  'Well,  have  you  ever  been  a  doorkeeper  ?  Have  you 
ever  had  any  experience  of  doorkeeping  ?' 

*Secretary  Elaine,  out  of  his  similar  experience,  reiterated  the 
sentiment  thus:  "When  I  choose  one  out  of  ten  applicants  to  fill 
an  office,  I  find  that  nine  have  become  my  enemies  and  one  is 
an  ingrate." 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  199 

"  'Well,  no — no  actual  experience,  sir.' 

"  'Any  theoretical  experience  ?  Any  instructions  in  the 
duties  and  ethics  of  doorkeeping  ?' 

"  'Umh— no/ 

"'Have  you  ever  attended  lectures  on  doorkeeping?' 

"  'No,  sir.' 

"'Have  you  read  any  text-book  on  the  subject?' 

"'No/ 

"  'Have  you  conversed  with  any  one  who  has  read  such 
a  book?' 

"  'No,  sir.    I'm  afraid  not,  sir/ 

"  'Well,  then,  my  friend,  don't  you  see  that  you  haven't 
a  single  qualification  for  this  important  post?'  said  Lin- 
coln, in  a  reproachful  tone. 

"  'Yes,  I  do/  said  the  applicant,  and  he  took  leave 
humbly,  almost  gratefully." — (Chicago  Record-Herald.) 


NOT  GOOD  OFFICES,  BUT  A  GOOD  STORY. 

When  Washington  and  its  chief  guardians  were 
more  sorely  besieged  by  office-seekers  than  by  the  Con- 
federates, a  politician  locally  important  and  generally 
importunate  was  sent  as  a  "committee  of  one"  to  head- 
quarters to  secure  the  loaves  and  fishes  for  his  congeries. 
But  in  about  a  fortnight  this  forager  came  home,  full  of 
emptiness.  Asked  if  he  had  not  seen  the  President — 
accounted  commonly  as  only  too  accessible — and  why 
he  did  not  get  the  places,  he  replied  glumly,  yet  with  a 
tinge  of  brightening : 


2oo  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"Yes,  I  saw  the  old  man.  He  heard  me  state  my 
errand,  the  President  did.  He  heard  me  patiently  all 
right  enough ;  and  then  he  said :  'I  am  sorry  not  to  have 
any  good  offices  for  you,  but — I  can  give  you  something 
— a  good  story!' 

"And  he  went  on  with — 

"  'Once  there  was  a  certain  king  who  kept  an  astrolo- 
ger to  forewarn  him  of  coming  events,  and  especially  to 
tell  him  whether  it  was  going  to  rain  when  he  wished  to 
go  on  hunting  expeditions.  One  day  he  had  started  for 
the  forest  with  his  train  of  lords  and  ladies,  when  he 
met  a  farmer. 

" '  "Good  morning,  farmer,"  said  the  king. 

" '  "Good  morning,  king,"  said  the  farmer ;  "where  are 
you  folks  going?" 

"  '  "Hunting,"  said  the  king. 

" '  "Hunting !    You'll  all  get  wet,"  said  the  farmer. 

'  'The  king  trusted  his  astrologer  and  kept  on,  but  at 
midday  there  came  up  a  tremendous  rain  that  drenched 
the  king  and  all  his  party. 

"  'On  getting  back  to  the  palace  the  king  had  the 
astrologer  decapitated,  and  sent  for  the  farmer  to  take 
his  place. 

" '  "Law's  sakes !"  said  the  farmer,  when  he  arrived, 
"it  ain't  me  that  knows  when  it's  going  to  rain,  it's  my 
donkey.  When  it's  going  to  be  fair  weather,  he  always 
carries  his  ears  forward,  so.  When  it's  going  to  rain, 
he  puts  'em  backward,  so." 

" '  "Make  the  donkey  the  court  astrologer !"  shouted 
the  king. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  201 

"  'It  was  done ;  but  the  king  always  declared  that  that 
appointment  was  the  greatest  mistake  he  ever  made  in 
his  life.' 

"Mr.   Lincoln  stopped  there,"   said  the  office-seeker. 

"  'Why  did  he  call  it  a  mistake  ?"  we  asked  him. 
'Dfdn't  the  donkey  do  his  duty?' 

"  'Yes,'  said  the  President,  'but  after  that  every  donkey 
in  the  country  wanted  an  office.'  " 


ENCOURAGE  LONGING  FOR  WORK. 

In  1 86 1,  the  badgered  President  had  so  novel  an  appli- 
cation that  he  wrote  the  annexed  note  to  facilitate  its 
harvest : 

"To  MAJOR  RAMSEY  :  The  lady — bearer  of  this — says 
she  has  two  sons  who  want  to  work.  Set  them  at  it,  if 
possible.  Wanting  to  work  is  so  rare  a  merit  that  it 
should  be  encouraged." 


"BUT  AARON  GOT  HIS  COMMISSION  I" 

To  animadversion  on  the  President  appointing  to  a 
post  one  who  had  •  zealously  opposed  his  reelection,  he 
replied : 

"Well,  I  allow  that  Judge  E ,  having  been  disap- 
pointed before,  did  behave  pretty  'ugly/  but  that  would 
not  make  him  any  less  fit  for  the  place;  and  I  think 
I  have  scriptural  authority  for  appointing  him.  You 
remember  when  the  Lord  was  on  Mount  Sinai  getting  out 


202  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

a  commission  for  Aaron,  said  Aaron  was  at  the  foot  of 
the  mountain,  making  a  false  god  for  the  people  to 
worship  ?  Yet  Aaron  got  his  commission,  you  know." 


SOMETHING  LINCOLNIAN  ALL  COULD  TAKE. 

When  the  President  had  an  attack  of  spotted  fever, 
and  was  told  he  must  be  immured,  as  it  was  catching, 
he  smiled  and  said : 

"It  is  a  pity  to  shut  the  public  of! — as  while  every  act 
of  mine  is  not  taken  to,  now  I  have  something  everybody 
might  take  1" 


"NOT  MANY  SUCH  BOYS  OUTSIDE  OF  SUNDAY- 
SCHOOLS  I " 

A  Boston  business  house  was  deceived  in  an  errand  boy. 
Fresh  from  the  country  he  succumbed  to  temptation 
and  robbed  the  mails.  His  father  tried  to  get  him  off 
the  penalty — as  the  United  States  Government  took  up 
the  case.  He  went  to  Washington  and  prevailed  on  his 
representative,  Alexander  H.  Rice,  to  intercede  for  him. 
Rice  and  the  President  were  on  familiar  terms.  As  soon 
as  the  pleader  presented  himself,  Mr.  Lincoln  assumed 
an  easy  attitude,  legs  stretched,  leaning-  back,  and  read 
the  petition. 

"Well,"  said  he,  "did  you  meet  a  man  going  out  as 
you  came  in?  His  errand  was  to  get  a  man  out  of 
the  penitentiary,  and  now  you  come  to  get  a  boy  out  of 
jail.  I  am  bothered  to  death  about  these  pardon  cases; 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  203 

but  I  am  a  little  encouraged  by  your  visit.  They  are 
after  me  on  the  men,  but  appear  to  be  roping  you  in  on 
the  boys.  What  shall  we  do?  The  trouble  appears  to 
come  from  the  courts.  Let  us  abolish  the  courts,  and  I 
think  that  will  end  the  difficulty.  And  it  seems  to  me 
that  the  courts  ought  to  be  abolished,  anyway,  for  they 
appear  to  pick  out  the  very  best  men  in  the  community 
and  send  them  to  the  penitentiary,  and  now  they  are 
after  the  same  kind  of  boys.  I  don't  know  much  about 
boys  in  Massachusetts,  but  according  to  this  petition, 
there  are  not  many  such  boys  as  this  one  outside  the 
Sunday-schools  in  other  parts !" 

It  was  settled  that  if  a  majority  of  the  Massachusetts 
delegates  signed  the  paper,  a  pardon  would  be  given. — 
(Testified  to  by  Honorable  Alexander  H.  Rice,  former 
governor  of  Massachusetts.) 


THE  GOOD  BOY  GETS  ON. 

According  to  White  House  etiquette,  as  a  congress- 
man and  a  senator,  Wilson  and  Rice,  called  together 
on  the  President,  they  were  admitted  in  company.  As 
they  were  readmitted  from  the  anteroom  a  boy  of  about 
twelve,  on  the  lookout,  slipped  in  with  them.  After  the 
salutations  the  host  became  absorbed  in  the  intruder,  as 
he  was  always  interested  in  the  young. 

But  the  two  gentlemen  were  unable  to  answer  the 
natural  question: 

"Who  is  this  little  boy?" 


204  The  Lincoln  Story  Book, 

But  the  boy  could  speak  for  himself,  and  instantly 
said  that  he  was  "a  good  boy,"  come  to  Washington  in 
the  hope  of  becoming  a  page  in  the  House  of  Representa- 
tives. The  President  began  to  say  that  Captain  Goode- 
now,  head  doorkeeper  there,  was  the  proper  person  to 
make  that  application  to,  as  he  had  nothing  to  do  with 
such  appointments.  But  the  good  little  boy  pulled  out  his 
credentials,  from  his  folks,  the  squire,  and  the  parson 
and  schoolmaster,  and  they  stated  not  only  that  he  was 
good,  but  good  to  his  widow  mother,  and  wanted  to  help 
the  needy  family.  The  President  called  the  boy  up  to 
him,  studied  him,  and  wrote  on  his  petition : 

"If  Captain  Goodenow  can  give  this  good  boy  a  place, 
it  will  oblige  A.  LINCOLN." 

(Vouched  for  by  Alexander  H.  Rice,  member  of  Con- 
gress, and  ex-governor  of  Massachusetts.) 


HOW  McCULLOCH  WAS  CONSTRAINED  TO  SERVE. 

For  two  arduous  years  Hugh  McCulloch,  banker  of 
Indianapolis,  served  in  organizing  the  Currency  Control. 
He  was  looking  forward  to  release  and  repose  at  the 
second  Administration,  when  the  renewed  incumbent 
begged  him  to  become  secretary  of  the  treasury.  He 
remonstrated. 

"But  I  could  not  help  myself,"  he  confessed  to  Janet 
Jennings.  "Mr.  Lincoln  looked  at  me  with  his  sad, 
weary  eyes,  and  throwing  his  arm  over  my  shoulder, 
said: 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  205 

"  'You  must ;  the  country  needs  you !'  " 
That  was  a  gesture  worth  all  the  elegant  tones  in  the 
elocution-books. 


ALL  MOUTH  AND  NO  HANDS'  CLASS. 
"I  hold  if  the  Almighty  had  ever  made  a  set  of  men 
that  should  do  all  the  eating,  and  none  of  the  work,  He 
would  have  made  them  with  mouths  only  and  no  hands, 
and  if  He  had  ever  made  another  class  that  He  had  in- 
tended should  do  all  the  work  and  none  of  the  eating, 
He  would  have  made  them  without  mouths  and  with  all 
hands." — (A.  Lincoln.) 


HOT  AND  COLD  THE  SAME  BREATH. 

Underlaying  the  innate  frankness,  there  was  a  deep 
shrewdness  in  President  Lincoln,  which  fitted  him  to 
cope  with  the  most  expert  politicians,  albeit  their  vanity 
would  not  let  them  always  or  promptly  acknowledge  it. 
When  Chief  Justice  Taney  died,  the  President  had 
already  planned  to  fill  up  the  vacancy  and  at  the  same 
time  shelve  that  thorn  in  his  side,  Salmon  P.  Chase.  But 
always  keeping  his  own  counsel,  he  was  mute  on  that 
head,  when  an  important  deputation  attended  to  recom- 
mend Chase.  After  hearing  the  address,  the  President 
asked  for  the  engrossed  memorial  to  be  left  with  him. 

"I  want  it,  in  order,  if  I  appoint  Mr.  Chase,  I  may 
show  the  friends  of  the  other  persons  for  whom  the 
office  is  solicited,  by  how  powerful  an  influence  and 


2o6  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

what  strong  recommendations  I  was  obliged  to  disregard 
in  appointing  him." 

This  was  heard  with  great  satisfaction,  and  the  com- 
mittee were  about  to  depart,  thinking  their  man  sure 
of  the  mark,  when  they  perceived  that  the  chief  had  not 
finished  all  he  had  to  say. 

"And,"  he  continued,  "I  want  the  paper,  also,  in  order 
that,  if  I  should  appoint  any  other  person,  I  may  show 
his  friends  how  powerful  an  influence  and  what  strong 
recommendations  I  was  obliged  to  disregard  in  appoint- 
ing him." 

The  committee  departed  mystified. 


VANTED  THE  JAIL  EARNINGS. 

A  Western  senator  bothered  the  President  about  a 
client  of  his  for  back  pay  of  a  dubious  nature.  Lincoln 
responded  with  one  of  his  evasive  answers — that  is,  "a 
little  story"  : 

"Years  ago,  when  imprisonment  for  debt  was  legal, 
a  poor  fellow  was  sent  to  jail  by  his  creditor,  and  com- 
pelled to  serve  out  his  debt  at  the  rate  of  a  dollar  and 
a  half  a  day. 

"When  the  sentence  had  expired,  he  informed  the 
jailer  of  the  fact  and  asked  to  be  released.  The  jailer 
insisted  on  keeping  him  four  days  longer.  Upon  making 
up  his  statement,  however,  he  found  that  the  man  was 
right.  The  prisoner  then  demanded  not  only  a  receipt 
in  full  for  his  debt,  but  also  payment  for  four  days' 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book,  207 

extra  service,  amounting  to  six  dollars,  which  he  de- 
clared the  county  owed  him.  Now,"  concluded  Lin- 
coln, "I  think  that  county  would  be  about  as  likely 
to  pay  this  man's  claim  as  this  government  will  be  to 
pay  your  friend's  claim  for  back  pay." — (Told  before 
Colonel  Noteware,  of  Colorado,  a  Western  senator,  and 
a  congressman.) 


A  TITLE  NO  HINDRANCE. 

A  German  noble  and  military  officer  wished  to  serve 
as  volunteer  under  our  colors.  After  being  welcome, 
he  thought  it  expedient  to  unfold  his  family  roll,  so 
to  say,  but  the  ultra-democratic  ruler  gently  interpolated 
as  if  he  saw  an  apology  in  the  recital,  and  soothingly 
observed : 

"Oh,  never  mind  that!  You  will  find  that  no  hin- 
drance to  your  advance.  You  will  be  treated  as  fairly  in 
spite  of  that!" 


A  TALKER  TOTH  NOTHING  TO  SAY. 

A  reverend  gentleman  of  prominence,  M.  F.,  of , 

was  presented  to  the  President,  who  resignedly  had  a 
chair  placed  for  him,  and  with  patient  awaiting  said : 

"My  dear  sir,  I  am  now  ready  to  hear  what  you  have 
to  say." 

"Why,  bless  you,  Mr.  President,"  stammered  the  other, 
with  more  apprehension  than  his  host,  "I  ha^re  nothing 
to  say.  I  only  came  to  pay  my  respects." 


208  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"Is  that  all?"  exclaimed  the  escaped  victim,  springing 
Up  to  take  the  minister's  two  hands  with  gladness.  "It 
is  a  relief  to  find  a  clergyman — or  any  other  man,*  for 
that  matter — who  has  nothing  to  say.  I  thought  you 
had  come  to  preach  to  me." 


STICK  TO  YOUR  BUSINESS. 

Among  the  bores  who  assailed  the  President  was  a 
Western  stranger  who  had  another  plan  to  end  the  war. 
Lincoln  listened  to  him  all  the  way,  and  then  obliged 
him  and  the  crowd  with  a  story : 

"You  may  have  heard  of  Mr.  Bounce,  of  Chicago? 
No;  well,  he  was  a  gentleman  of  so  much  leisure  that 
he  had  no  time  to  do  anything!     This   superb  loafer 
•went  to  a  capitalist  at  the  time  of  a  wheat  flurry,  when 
speculators  reckoned  to  make  fortunes,  and  he  informed 
Mr.   Blank  Check  how  his   project  would  make  them 
both  terribly  rich.    The  reply  came  sharp  as  a  bear-trap : 
'My  advice  is  that  you  stick  to  your  business !' 
"  'But  I  have  no  business — I  am  a  gentleman/ 
"  'Whatever  that  is,  I  advise  you  to  stick  to  that !' 
"And  now,  my  friend,"  proceeded  the  President,  "I 


*Any  other  man.  From  this  frequent  expression  of  Mr.  Lin- 
coln's, a  true  comedian,  the  "negro  entertainer,"  Unsworth,  con- 
ceived a  burlesque  lecture,  "Or  Any  Other  Man,"  with  which  he 
went  around  the  world.  The  editor,  passing  through  London, 
remembers  his  attention  being  called  to  Mr.  Gladstone  and  other 
cabinet  ministers,  who  came  to  the  Oxford  Music-hall  nightly 
between  Parliament  business,  to  hear  Unsworth,  who,  on  such 
chances,  introduced  personal  and  pat  allusions  to  the  subjects 
debated  that  night 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  209 

mean  nothing  offensive,  for  I  know  you  mean  well — 
but  I  think  you  had  better  stick  to  your  business  and 
leave  the  war-threshing  to  those  who  have  the  respon- 
sibility." 


MARRYING  A  MAN  WITHOUT  HIS  CONSENT. 

Major  Hoxsey,  Excelsior  (N.  Y.)  Brigade,  wounded 
in  the  Fighting  Joe  Hooker  division,  could  not  accept 
a  commission  in  the  army,  but  wished  to  be  put  upon 
the  staff  of  the  volunteers,  as  he  could  not  walk.  He 
was  upheld  in  his  desire  by  Adjutant-general  Hamlin, 
who  accompanied  him  to  the  President.  They  were  both 
asked  to  sit  while  the  authority  consulted  the  Congres- 
sional laws.  Staff  appointments  could  not  be  heard  by 
the  President  unless  the  general  commanding  the  desired 
rank  was  approving. 

"I  have  no  more  power  to  appoint  you  without  that 
request,"  said  the  President,  "than  I  would  have  to 
marry  a  woman  to  any  man  she  might  desire  for  a  hus- 
band without  his  consent!" — (By  General  Charles  Ham- 
lin.) 


"A  LUXURY  TO  SEE  ONE  WHO  WANTS  NOTHING." 

Senator  Depew  was  secretary  of  New  York  State  in 
1864,  under  Governor  Seymour.  He  had  to  wait  upon 
President  Lincoln,  reelected,  to  harmonize  the  calls  for 
men,  as  his  State  was  split  on  the  accusation  that  the 
draft  favored  one  party  above  the  other.  His  official 


2io  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

business  finished,  Secretary  Depew  called  to  bid  fare- 
well. Lincoln  was  not  holding  a  reception,  but  sitting 
in  that  study  accessible  to  the  public,  that  never  was  a 
public  man's  sanctum  before — or  after.  He  was  in- 
truded upon  all  the  time,  as  he  let  the  door  remain  wide 
open.  (Old  New  Yorkers  may  recall  P.  T.  Barnum, 
the  showman's,  similar  habit.)  Every  now  and  then 
some  petitioners  would  make  a  desperate  rush  in  and, 
on  seeing  they  were  not  repelled  by  order  or  by  the 
ushers'  own  initiative,  others  would  be  emboldened  to 
do  the  same.  The  New  Yorker  no  sooner  took  this  cue 
than  the  besieged  man  perceived  him. 

"Hello,  Depew!  what  do  you  want?"  was  his  hail. 

"Nothing,  Mr.  President,  save  to  pay  my  respects 
to  you,  as  I  am  going  home." 

"Stay!  it  is  such  a  luxury  to  see  any  one  who  does 
not  want  anything!" 

He  had  the  room  cleared  and  discussed  the  war,  in- 
terspersing the  dialogue  with  apposite  stories. — (Told  by 
Senator  C.  M.  Depew.) 


44  ACCUSE  NOT  A  SERVANT » 

As  the  possibilities  of  rapid  advancement  were  re- 
doubled during  the  war,  the  President,  in  his  first  term 
of  office,  was  stormed  by  the  office-seekers,  who  thought 
it  the  best  plan  to  have  occupiers  of  posts  ousted  to  give 
them  an  opening;  so  they  maligned  and  even  accused 
chief  officials  with  a  freedom  unknown  in  other  coun- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  211 

tries  where  the  bureaucracy  is  a  sacred  institution — as 
within  a  generation  it  has  become  here.  Lincoln  re- 
buked one  of  these  covetous  vexers  by  saying  gravely 
to  him: 

"Friend,   go   home   and   attentively   read   'Proverbs/ 
chapter  thirteen,  verse  ten." 

The  rebuffed  applicant  found  at  that  page  in  the  book : 
"Accuse  not  a  servant  to  his  master,  lest  he  curse 
thee,  and  thou  be  found  guilty!" — (Attested  by  Schuyler 
Colfax.) 


A  VOLF  IN  A  TRAP  MUST  SACRIFICE  HIS  "TAIL* 
TO  BE  FREE. 

The  presidential  private  secretary,  Stoddard,  main- 
tains that  his  chief  sorely  astonished  and  baffled  the  tribe 
of  acquaintances  who  flocked  in  upon  him  as  soon  as  he 
was  elevated  and  went  back  home,  with  empty  haver- 
sacks, wondering  that  he  ignored  them  with  heartless 
ingratitude.  "He  did  not  make  even  his  own  father  a 
brigadier  nor  invite  cousin  Dennis  Hanks  to  a  seat  in 
his  Cabinet!" 


SOMEWHAT  OF  A  NEWSMAN. 

Innately  attached  to  letters,  and  precocious,  Abraham 
Lincoln  soon  learned  his  letters  and  drank  in  all  the 
learning  that  his  few  books  could  supply.  Hence  at  an 
early  age  he  became  the  oracle  on  the  rude  frontier, 
where  even  a  smattering  made  him  handy  and  valuable 


212  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

to  the  illiterate  backwoodsmen.  Besides,  as  working  at 
any  place  and  at  any  work,  he  rarely  abided  long  in 
any  one  spot,  and  had  not  what  might  be  called  a  home 
in  his  teens. 

Dennis  Hanks,  his  cousin,  said  of  Abraham,  at  four- 
teen to  eighteen :  "Abe  was  a  good  talker,  a  good  reader, 
and  a  kind  of  newsboy."  Hence  he  was  a  sort  of  vol- 
unteer colporteur  distributing  gossip,  as  a  notion  pedler, 
before  he  was  a  store  clerk  where  centered  all  the  local 
news.  It  was  on  this  experience  that  he  would  mingle 
with  the  newspaper  reporters  and  telegraph  men  frater- 
nally, saying  with  his  winning  smile  and  undeniable 
"push": 

"Let  me  in,  boys,  for  I  am  somewhat  of  a  news- 
gatherer  myself." 

And  then  he  would  fix  his  footing  by  one  of  his  stories, 
always — well,  often — uttered  with  a  view  to  publication. 


"A  LITTLE  MORE  LIGHT  AND  A  LITTLE  LESS 
NOISE." 

As  the  President  was  a  diligent  devourer  of  the  news- 
paper in  the  vexatious  times  (as  at  all  others),  he  met 
many  a  torrent  of  criticism,  incitement,  and  counsels 
which  left  him  stunned  rather  than  alleviated.  To  a 
special  correspondent  who  hampered  him,  he  said : 

"Your  papers  remind  me  of  a  little  story.  There  was 
a  gentleman  traveling  on  horseback  in  the  West  where 
the  roads  were  few  and  bad  and  no  settlements.  He 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  213 

lost  his  way.  To  make  matters  worse,  as  night  came 
on,  a  terrible  thunder-storm  arose;  lightning  dazzled  the 
eye  or  thunder  shook  the  earth.  Frightened,  he  got  off 
and  led  his  horse,  seeking  to  guide  himself  by  the  spas- 
modic and  flickering  electric  light.  All  of  a  sudden,  a 
tremendous  crash  brought  the  man  in  terror  to  his  knees, 
when  he  stammered: 

"  'Oh,  Lord !  if  it  be  the  same  to  Thee,  give  us  a  little 
more  light  and  a  little  less  noise !' " 


"MY  PART  OF  THE  SHIP  IS  ANCHORED." 

Among  the  first  men  called  out  was  a  young  Massa- 
chusetts man,  Burrage,  who  went  as  a  private.  Griev- 
ously wounded,  he  was  sent  into  the  hospital  and  then 
to  his  home.  Recuperated,  he  joined  his  old  regiment 
at  the  front.  He  was  unaware  that  strict  orders  were 
out  against  the  soldiers  exchanging  newspapers,  and  so 
performed  the  daily  courtesy  of  giving  a  paper  to  the 
rebels;  they  had  two,  and  he  promised  to  give  them  the 
one  due  next  time.  This  was  held  as  keeping  up  cor- 
respondence with  the  Johnnies,  and  the  authorities  re- 
duced him  to  the  ranks,  as  he  was  then  a  captain.  Worse 
and  worse,  the  enemy  seized  him  when  he  went  out  to 
redeem  his  promise  about  the  news,  and  he  was  impris- 
oned on  their  side.  This  regalled  his  wounds  and  he 
was  a  great  sufferer.  The  Massachusetts  member  of 
Congress,  Alexander  Rice,  pleaded  with  the  President 
for  his  native  citizen.  The  complication  was  that  Bur- 


214  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

rage  was  a  captain  when  captured,  but  a  private  again 
soon  after,  and  the  rebels  would  probably  hold  him  at 
the  higher  rate  if  an  exchange  was  allowed,  while  the 
Union  War  Department  stood  for  his  being  but  a  com- 
mon soldier. 

"If  General  Wadsworth  raises  that  point,"  replied 
the  President,  who  had  allowed  this  pathetic  case  to 
break  his  rule  to  deal  with  classes  and  not  individual 
offenses,  "tell  him  if  he  could  take  care  of  the  exchange 
part,  I  guess  I  can  take  care  of  the  rank  part !" 

It  is  clear  that  the  President  saw  in  this  punctilio 
about  a  humane  act,  whose  "offense  was  ranker." 

It  reminded  one  of  the  story  of  the  New  England 
skipper  who,  with  his  mate — and  crew  of  a  small  fisher — 
owned  the  vessel.  They  having  quarreled  and  the  cap- 
tain bidding  the  other  mind  his  part  of  the  ship,  the 
latter  did  so,  and  presently  came  to  the  stern  to  report : 

"Captain,  I, have  anchored  my  part  of  the  ship!  Take 
care  of  your  own." 


ANGELS  SWEARING  MAKE  NO  DIFFERENCE. 

On  the  President  being  urged  to  answer  some  virulent 
newspaper  assault,  his  reply  was : 

"Oh,  no;  if  I  were  to  try  to  read,  much  less  answer, 
all  the  attacks  made  on  me,  'this  shop  might  as  well  be 
closed  for  any  other  business,  I  do  the  very  best  I  know 
how — the  very  best  I  can ;  and  I  mean  to  keep  doing  so, 
until  the  end.  If  the  end  brings  me  out  all  right,  what 
is  said  against  me  won't  amount  to  anything;  if  the  end 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  215 

brings  me  out  wrong,  ten  angels  swearing  I  was  right 
would  make  no  difference." 


WASHINGTON'S  DIFFICULT  TASK. 

Shortly  after  Lincoln's  inauguration,  a  senator  said 
to  him: 

"You  have  as  difficult  a  task  as  Washington's,  when 
he  took  command  of  the  American  Army,  and  as  little  to 
do  it  with." 

"That  is  true,  but  I  have  larger  resources." 

(The  three  thousand  millions  spent  on  the  war  vividly 
contrasts  with  the  Colonies  fighting  rich  England  with 
an  empty  treasury  and  barefoot,  ragged  soldiers.) 


STEEL  AND  STEAL. 

President  Lincoln  asked  a  friend,  a  senator,  imme- 
diately on  his  taking  office,  upon  an  embarrassed  con- 
dition of  affairs : 

"Have  you  seen  that  prophecy  about  my  administra- 
tion in  the  papers?  A  prophet  foretells  that  my  rule 
will  be  one  of  steel!  To  which  the  wags  retort:  'Well, 
Buchanan's  was  one  of  steal' " 

The  Georgian  slave-holder,  late  secretary  of  the  treas- 
ury, was  accused  of  "diverting"  some  millions  to  the 
South,  as  that  for  the  war  office  similarly  "diverted" 
ordnance  and  munitions  to  the  same  quarter ;  the  head  of 
the  navy,  with  what  "looked"  like  collusion,  had  scat- 


2i6  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

tered  the  war-vessels  so  as  to  be  long  delayed  in  con- 
centrating. 


« THAT'S  WHAT'S  THE  MATTER." 

In  a  Spiritualist  performance  at  the  White  House,' 
which  seemed  to  have  been  "edited"  by  the  President 
himself — as  often  royalty  revises  plays — for  his  special 
entertainment,  the  Cabinet  being  invited,  after  a  rigma- 
role of  stilted  phrases  purporting  to  be  by  Washington, 
•Franklin,  Napoleon,  and  other  past  celebrities,  Mr. 
Welles,  secretary  of  the  navy,  remarked:  "I  will  think 
this  matter  over,  and  see  what  conclusion  to  arrive  at!" 
(His  set  phrase.) 

There  was  a  smile  at  this,  as  the  aged  minister's  pnx 
longed  meditations  were  the  laughing-stock  of  the  coun- 
try, he  being  the  clog  on  the  wheels  of  the  car  of  state. 
Instantly  raps  were  heard  in  the  spirit-cabinet,  and,  the 
alphabet  being  consulted,  the  result  was  spelled  out  as: 

"That's  what's  the  matter!" 

This  hit  at  Mr.  Welles'  stereotyped  fault  aroused  more 
mirth,  and  the  crowd  at  the  back  of  the  room,  domestics, 
petty  officials,  and  sub-officers,  laughed  prodigiously, 
while  the  secretary  stroked  his  long  white  beard  musingly. 

To  this  cant  term  hangs  a  tale  apropos  of  the  Presi- 
dent. Its  origin  was  low,  but  humorous.  A  benevolent 
gentleman  pierced  a  crowd  to  its  center  to  see  there,  on 
the  pavement  under  a  lamp-post,  a  poor  woman,  curled  in 
a  heap,  with  a  satisfied  grin  on  her  flushed  face,  breath- 
ing brokenly.  "What's  the  matter?"  eagerly  inquired 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  217 

the  compassionate  man.  A  bystander  removed  his  pipe 
from  his  mouth,  and  with  it  pointed  to  a  flattened  pocket- 
flask!  sticking  out  of  her  smashed  reticule,  half-under  her, 
and  sententiously  explained : 

"That's  what's  the  matter  with  Hannah!"  The  sen- 
tence took  growth  and  spread  all  over  the  Union.  It  has 
settled  down,  as  we  know,  to  a  fixed  form  at  political 
meetings,  where  the  audience  beguile  the  waiting  time 
with  demanding  "What  is  the  matter?"  with  this  or 
that  favorite  demagogue.  In  the  sixties,  it  patly  an- 
swered any  problem.  At  the  presidential  election-time  of 
Lincoln's  success,  a  negro  minstrel,  Unsworth,  was  a 
"star"  at  "444"  Broadway,  dressing  up  the  daily  news 
drolly  under  this  title — that  is,  ending  each  paragraph 
with  that  line. 

On  the  22d  of  February,  1861,  Abraham  Lincoln, 
scheduled  to  pass  on  from  Harrisburg,  where  he  made 
a  speech  as  arranged,  instead  of  waiting  to  depart  by 
the  morning  train,  sped  to  Philadelphia  and  thence  by  a 
special  train  detained  for  "a  military  messenger  with  a 
parcel,"  to  Washington,  by  the  regular  midnight  train. 
The  news  of  his  arrival  at  the  capital  by  this  unexpected 
and  clandestine  route,  and  in  disguise — this  was  denied — 
of  a  Scotch  cap  and  plaid  shawl,  startled  everybody. 
Rumors  of  an  attempt  to  make  mischief,  as  he  called  it, 
were  rife.  But  the  public  still  took  things  as  quake- 
proof,  and  Mr.  Lincoln  assured  his  audiences,  as  he  spoke 
at  every  city  on  his  way,  that  "the  crisis  was  artificial." 
On  the  evening  of  the  twenty-third,  the  writer  dropped 
into  the  Broadway  negro  minstrel  hall.  Newspaper  men 


218  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

knew  that  Unsworth  introduced  the  latest  skimming  of 
the  press  into  his  burlesque  lecture  and  liked  to  hear  his 
funny  versions  and  perversions.  The  comic  sheet  of 
the  metropolis,  Vanity  Fair,  enframing  the  witty  scin- 
tillations of  "Artemus  Ward,"  George  Arnold,  and  a 
brilliant  band,  complained  that  this  "nigger  comedian" 
used  or  anticipated  their  best  effusions.  On  the  whole 
the  public  saw  in  the  surreptitious  flight  of  the  ruler  into 
his  due  seat  only  a  farce,  in  keeping  with  his  jesting 
humor — he  was  regarded  as  a  Don  Quixote  in  figure,  but 
a  Sancho  Panza,  for  his  philosophic  proverbs,  widely  re- 
tailed and  considered  opportune.  So  the  indignation 
proper  toward  the  forced  escapade  was  absent ;  everybody 
still  mocked  at  the  "terrible  plots,"  as  so  much  stale 
quail,  and  when  the  blackened-face  orator,  coming  to  a 
pause  after  enunciation  of  his  "That's  what's  the  matter !" 
looked  around  wistfully,  the  audience  were  agog.  Sud- 
denly out  of  the  wing  an  attendant  darted  with  alarmed 
manner  and  face.  He  carried  on  his  arm  a  shawl,  gray 
and  travel-stained,  and  in  one  shaking  hand  a  Scotch 
bonnet.  Unsworth  snatched  them  in  hot  haste  and  fright, 
clapped  on  the  cap,  and,  draping  himself  in  the  plaid, 
rushed  off  at  the  side,  forgetting  his  own  high  silk  hat. 
This,  with  the  black  suit,  the  orthodox  lecturer's,  now, 
gave  him  a  resemblance  to  Mr.  Lincoln,  not  previously 
perceived,  for  they  were  men  of  opposite  shapes.  The 
eclipse  brought  home  to  the  spectators  the  ludicrousness 
of  the  President  entering  his  capital  in  secret,  but,  I 
repeat,  no  one  felt  any  shame,  and  the  audience  went  forth 
to  relate  the  excellent  finish  to  the  parody,  at  home  or  in 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  219 

the  saloons,  to  hearers  as  obtuse  as  themselves,  to  the 
seriousness  of  the  episode.  Somehow,  so  far,  the  elect 
from  Illinois  was  ever  the  Western  buffoon.  But  when, 
in  his  inaugural  address,  Lincoln  thundered  the  new 
keynote,  the  veil  fell: 

"In  your  hands,  my  dissatisfied  fellow  countrymen,  is 
the  momentous  issue  of  the  Civil  War." 

War!  The  crisis  was  no  longer  "artificial" — he  ad- 
mitted that!  What  impended,  what  had  fallen?  Jest 
and  earnest  were  still  coupled,  but  earnest  took  the  lead 
from  that  hour.  Said  the  Chief  Magistrate,  in  his  first 
official  speech:  "Physically  speaking,  we  cannot  sepa- 
rate— that's  what's  the  matter." 


"THE  SHIP  OF  STATE "  SIMILE. 

On  the  morning  of  Lincoln's  arrival  in  Washington, 
General  Logan  and  Mr.  Lovejoy  called  on  him  at  Wil- 
lard's  Hotel,  to  urge  a  firm  and  vigorous  policy.  He 
replied : 

"As  the  country  has  placed  me  at  the  helm  of  the 
ship,  I'll  try  to  steer  her  through."  The  Sangamon 
River  pilot  spoke  there. 

"I  understand  the  ship  to  be  made  for  the  carrying 
and  the  preservation  of  the  cargo,  and  so  long  as  the 
ship  can  be  saved  with  the  cargo,  it  should  never  be 
abandoned,  unless  it  fails  in  the  probability  of  its  preser- 
vation, and  shall  cease  to  exist,  except  at  the  risk  of 
throwing  overboard  both  freight  and  passengers." — 
(Speech,  New  York  reception,  1861.) 


22O  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"I  trust  that  I  may  have  the  assistance  of  the  members 
of  this  legislature  in  piloting  the  ship  of  state  through 
this  voyage,  surrounded  by  perils  as  it  is ;  for,  if  it  should 
suffer  shipwreck  now,  there  will  be  no  pilot  ever  needed 
for  another  voyage." — (Speech,  Trenton,  New  Jersey, 
1861.) 


fA  PILL  FOR  THE  PUBLIC  PRINTER. 

In  Lincoln's  first  message  to  Congress,  special  session, 
July  4,  1861,  is  seen  this  passage: 

"With  rebellion  thus  sugar-coated,  they  have  been 
drugging  the  public  mind,"  etc. 

Mr.  Defrees,  public  printer,  with  the  proofreader's 
sublime  spurning  of  plain  speech,  objected  to  this  sweet 
word,  and  said:  "Mr.  President,  you  are  using  an  un- 
dignified expression!  I  would  alter  the  construction  if 
I  were  you!" 

"Defrees,"  was  the  crushing  reply,  "that  word  ex- 
presses precisely  my  idea,  and  I  am  not  going  to  change 
it  The  time  will  never  come  in  this  country  when  the 
people  won't  know  exactly  what  'sugar-coated'  means!" 


"1  JINKS1  I  CAN  BEAT  YOU  BOTH1" 

One  day  the  public  printer  wanted  to  correct  a  Lin- 
colnism  in  one  of  the  presidential  documents. 

"Go  home,  Defrees,  and  see  if  you  can  better  it."  The 
next  day,  Defrees  took  him  his  amendment.  It  hap- 
pened that  Secretary  Seward  had  spied  the  same  fault  as 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  221 

the  printer,  and  Lincoln  confronted  the  two  improve- 
ments. 

"  'I  jinks!  (by  Jingo!)  Seward  has  been  rewriting  the 
same  paragraph.  I  believe  you  have  beat  Seward,  but  I 
think  I  can  beat  you  both !" 

And  he  wrote  with  his  firm  hand  "Stet!  so  let  it 
stand!"  on  the  proof-sheet. 


"LET  THE  GRASS  GROW  WHERE  IT  MAY  I" 

Up  to  the  dread  day  when  the  news  of  the  flag  of  our 
Union  being  fired  upon,  in  Charleston  harbor,  the  country 
resembled  the  sea  in  one  of  those  calms  preceding  a 
storm.  When  the  placidity  betrays  hidden  and  mighty 
currents,  and  overhead,  in  the  clear  sky,  one  divines  the 
coursers  of  the  tempest  gathering  to  race  in  strife  like 
that  beneath.  Up  to  Lincoln's  arrival  in  Washington, 
the  nest  of  sedition,  the  pro-slavery,  peace-at-any-price 
party  slackened  in  no  efforts  to  retain  the  statu  quo,  or 
worse,  a  new  State  of  the  Southern  States  branching  off 
as  suckers  strike  from  the  main  stem.  William  E.  Dodge 
had  the  courage  to  face  the  wrought-up  Chief  Magis- 
trate, chafed  with  his  narrow  escape  from  the  assassins 
of  the  railroad  journey  from  Baltimore.  Said  Mr. 
Dodge : 

"It  is  for  you,  Mr.  President,  to  say  whether  the 
whole  nation  shall  be  plunged  into  bankruptcy  (the 
slaves  were  valued  as  property  at  two  thousand  million 
dollars!)  ;  whether  the  grass  shall  grow  in  the  streets  of 


222  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

our  commercial  cities."  (The  balance  of  trade  against 
the  South  to  the  manufacturing  and  supplying  North  was 
stupendous.) 

"Then,  I  say,  it  shall  not,"  replied  Lincoln;  "if  it  de- 
pends upon  me,  the  grass  will  not  grow  anywhere,  save 
in  the  fields  and  meadows." 

Mr.  Dodge  persisted  in  his  sordid  and  businesslike 
errand. 

"Then  you  will  not  go  to  war  on  account  of  slavery  ?" 

"I  do  not  know  what  my  acts  may  be  in  the  future, 
beyond  this :  The  Constitution  will  not  be  preserved  and 
defended  until  it  is  enforced  and  obeyed  in  every  part 
of  every  one  of  the  United  States.  It  must  be  so  re- 
spected, obeyed,  enforced,  and  defended — let  the  grass 
grow  where  it  will !" 


THE  PEACE-AT-ANY-PRICE  PARTY. 

"If  there  were  a  class  of  men  who,  having  no  choice  of 
sides  in  the  contest,  were  anxious  to  have  only  quiet 
and  comfort  for  themselves  while  it  rages,  and  to  fall  in 
with  the  victorious  side  at  the  end  of  it,  without  loss 
to  themselves,  their  advice  as  to  the  mode  of  conducting 
the  contest  would  be  precisely  such  as  his." — (His — Mr. 
Thomas  Durant,  who,  in  1862,  wrote  a  letter  on  behalf 
of  the  conservatives,  asking  to  be  let  alone.) 

"He  speaks  of  no  duty — apparently  thinks  of  none — 
resting  upon  Union  men.  He  even  thinks  it  injurious 
to  the  Union  cause  that  they  should  be  restrained  in 
trade  and  passage  without  taking  sides.  They  are  to 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  223 

touch  neither  a  sail  nor  a  pump — live  merely  as  passen- 
gers (deadheads,  at  that!) — to  be  carried  snug  and  dry 
through  the  storm,  and  safely  landed  right  side  up! 
Nay,  more — even  a  mutineer  is  to  go  untouched  lest  these 
sacred  passengers  receive  an  accidental  wound." — (Let- 
ter to  C.  Bullitt,  July  28,  1862.) 


THINGS  WERE  TOPSY-TURVY  ALOFT,  TOO. 

One  evening,  when  Mr.  Hall,  astronomer,  was  work- 
ing in  the  Naval  Observatory,  Washington,  on  the  great 
equatorial  telescope,  he  was  startled  to  have  his  sanctum 
invaded  by  the  gaunt,  extenuated  figure  of  the  President. 
He  was  made  welcome,  of  course,  and  the  varied  mech- 
anism explained  to  him.  As  the  crowning  "treat,"  he 
was  given  a  peer  through  the  celebrated  instrument.  It 
was  leveled  at  the  moon,  or,  rather,  arranged  to  have 
that  orb  in  its  focus  at  the  time.  The  visitor  was  ap- 
palled, as  well  as  wondering  at  the  view,  and  slowly 
withdrew  by  the  trap-door.  But  when  the  astronomer 
resumed  his  observations  and  calculations  he  was  inter- 
rupted by  the  same  sedate  and  absorbed  caller.  He  re- 
turned, perplexed,  as,  on  glancing  up  at  the  moon  with 
unhindered  vision,  he  saw  it  in  another  position  to  that 
presented  in  the  spy-glass. 

Mr.  Hall  made  it  clear  to  him  that,  as  the  telescope 
was  pointed,  not  at  the  satellite  but  at  its  image  in  a 
mirror,  he  saw  its  reflection  and  consequently  the  re- 
verse of  the  face  we  observe.  The  President  went  away 


234  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

with  the  satisfaction  of  a  man  wanting  every  novelty 
demonstrated. 


HITCHING  TO  THE  MOON. 
Lincoln  came  to  Washington, 

To  view  the  situation; 
And  found  the  world  all  upside  down, 
A  rumpus  in  the  nation. 

(Topical  song,  1860.)! 


A  RED  FLAG  TO  HIM. 

A  most  remarkable  prelude  to  the  war  was  the  per- 
formance through  the  Northern  States  of  the  Chicago 
Zouaves.  The  name  came  from  the  irregular  regiment 
in  the  French  Algerian  service,  composed  of  men  worthy 
of  being  drummed  out  of  the  regular  corps ;  they  dressed 
like  the  Arabs  in  the  small  bolero  jacket  and  baggy  red 
trousers  familiar  since.  They  drilled  gymnastically,  not 
to  say  theatrically.  Ellsworth,  a  clerk  in  the  Lincoln  & 
Herndon  law  office,  had  a  martial  turn,  and  hearing  daily 
in  that  quasi-political  vortex  of  the  impending  crisis,  de- 
termined to  be  forearmed  in  case  of  the  differences 
coming  to  blows.  He  raised,  uniformed  a  la  Zou-zow, 
a  score  of  young  men  like  himself  and  proceeded  to  give 
exhibitions  at  home  and  then  in  the  East.  The  writer 
retains  a  vivid  memory  of  the  odd  and  fantastic  show, 
which,  however,  was  regarded  as  "not  war,  though  mag- 
nificent." But  Captain  Ellsworth  was  in  earnest.  Mus- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  325 

tered  in  with  his  company,  he  started  the  Zouave  move- 
ment which  led  to  two  or  more  regiments  being  formed. 
His  being  the  first  volunteers  at  the  fore,  he  claimed  the 
right  of  the  reconnoitering  force  sent  out  in  May,  against 
Alexandria,  to  break  up  railroads  held  by  the  rebels. 
Seeing  a  rebel  flag  on  a  hotel  top,  he  entered  the  build- 
ing, and  was  shot  by  the  landlord  in  coming  down  from 
cutting  it  away.  He  was  slain  instantly,  and  the  like  fate 
befell  the  murderer,  the  host,  from  Ellsworth's  guard. 
Apart  from  four  men  killed  at  Sumter  and  two  in  the 
Baltimore  riots,  the  Chicago  Zouave  was  the  first  victim 
of  the  rebellion.  But  the  position  was  regained  by  the 
secessionists,  and  the  rebel  flag  replaced  the  removed  one, 
to  the  grief  of  President  Lincoln.  He  could  see  it  from 
his  residence,  and  Murat  Halstead,  without  knowing  the 
melancholy  association  of  the  young  officer,  being  a 
familiar  in  his  office,  reports  seeing  him  dwell  with  spy- 
glass bent  on  the  flag,  for  hours. 

Elmer  Ellsworth,  in  his  last  speech,  made  to  the  men 
he  was  leading  out  to  the  front,  proves  that  he  imbibed 
Lincoln's  humanity  with  legal  precepts  in  the  office: 
"Show  the  enemy  that  I  want  to  kill  them  with  kindness/* 


"FLY  AWAY,  JACK  I" 

At  the  end  of  1860,  South  Carolina  took"  the  lead  in 
seceding,  and  in  the  opening  of  the  next  year  six  other 
Southern  States  allied  themselves  with  her.  The  timid 
feared  hasty  acting  would  precipitate  the  marshaling  of 
the  waverers  under  the  same  flag.  To  a  committee 


226  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

urging  a  pause  to  see  "how  the  cats  would  jump,"  the 
President  observed : 

"If  there  be  three  pigeons  on  the  fence,  and  you  fire 
and  kill  one,  how  many  will  there  be  left?" 

The  voices  said :  "Two." 

"Oh,  no,"  he  corrected;  "there  would  be  none  left; 
for  the  other  two,  frightened  by  the  shot,  would  have 
flown  away." 

As  a  truth,  the  firing  on  Fort  Sumter  welded  the 
seceders  into  their  Union ;  at  the  same  time  as  it  likewise 
fused  the  Northerners  into  consistency. 

The  President  said  to  General  Viele:  "We  want  to 
keep  all  that  we  have  of  the  Border  States — those  that 
have  not  seceded  and  the  portions  we  have  occupied." 


HIS  PEN  WANTED  TO  KEEP  THEIR  HOGS  SAFE. 

Just  after  the  call  for  seventy-five  thousand  ninety-day 
men  to  subdue  the  outbreak  after  Sumter  was  cannon- 
aded, a  deputation  of  loyal  Virginians  waited  upon  the 
President.  They  expounded  on  this  levy  that  the  fair 
fields  of  the  South  would  be  overrun  by  the  ragamuffins 
of  the  Northern  cities,  and  the  hen-roosts  and  pig-houses 
ravished,  etc. 

"But  what  would  you  have  me  do?"  asked  Lincoln, 
who  did  not  then  foresee  his  having  to  conduct  the  mili- 
tary movements. 

"Mr.  President,  if  you  would  only  lend  us  your  pen  a 

moment "  meaning,  of  course,  that  he  should  write  a 

line  to  calm  the  rising  storm. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  227 

But  the  other  pretended  to  misunderstand  him,  saying : 
"Lend  my  pen !  my  pen?    What  would  you  do  with 
that? — keep  your  hogs  safe  with  that?" 


"HURRAH  FOR  YOU  I" 

At  the  Chicago  reception,  a  little  boy  came  into  the 
room,  with  his  father.  No  doubt  he  had  been  instructed 
to  behave  with  decorum  in  the  august  presence;  but  he 
no  sooner  saw  the  tall,  prominent  figure  than  he  shouted : 
"Hurrah  for  Mist'  Lincoln!" 

The  crowd  laughed,  and  still  the  more  as  the  object  of 
the  ovation  caught  up  the  little  fellow,  gave  him  a  toss 
to  the  ceiling,  and,  while  he  was  in  the  air,  shouted  out 
lustily : 

"Hurrah  for  Mister  You!"  and,  catching  him,  low- 
ered him,  red  and  panting,  to  the  floor. 


"PUT  YOUR  FEET  RIGHT  AND  STAND  FIRM!" 

Giving  a  lift  in  his  carriage  to  two  ladies,  to  the  Sol- 
diers' Home,  the  horses  were  splashing  and  sliding  after 
a  shower  in  the  mire,  when  Mr.  Lincoln  assisted  the 
frightened  women  to  alight.  He  set  three  stones  for 
stepping-stones  in  the  mud,  and  assisted  them  to  firm 
ground.  He  had  cautioned  them  in  making  the  passage : 

"All  through  life  be  sure  you  put  your  feet  in  the 
right  place,  and  then  stand  firm !" 

Looking  down  on  his  muddy  boots  (Lincoln  as  a  West- 


228  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

erner  always  stuck  to  leg-boots,  and  was  never  seen  in 
the  effeminate  "Congress  gaiters,"  by  the  bye),  he  added : 
"I  have  always  heard  of  'Washington  mud,'  and  now 
I  shall  take  home  some  as  a  sample!" 


GET  THEIR  GRAVES  READY1 

In  April,  1861,  a  deputation  of  sympathizers  with 
secession  had  the  boldness  to  call  on  President  Lincoln 
and  demand  a  cessation  of  hostilities  until  convening  of 
Congress,  threatening  that  seventy-five  thousand  Mary- 
landers  would  contest  the  passage  of  troops  over  their 
soil. 

"I  presume,"  quietly  replied  Mr.  Lincoln,  "that  there 
is  room  enough  in  her  soil  for  seventy-five  thousand 
graves?" — (Peterson's  "Life  of  Lincoln.") 


MR.  LINCOLN'S  OPINION  OF  GENERAL   McCLELLAN. 

In  the  first  stage  of  the  war,  when  the  President  was 
commander-in-chief  of  the  forces  by  virtue  of  his  office, 
he  played  the  part  of  the  elevated  boy  in  "The  King  of 
the  Castle."  Every  one  of  his  colleagues,  who  ought  to 
have  been  his  loyal  supporters,  until  some  firm  stand  was 
attained  under  the  batteries  of  Richmond,  civil  and  mili- 
tary, warred  against  him,  underhandedly  and  haply 
openly.  All  aimed,  in  Cabinet  and  on  the  staff,  to  be 
ruler.  The  understrappers  of  aged  General  Scott  upheld 
all  that  concurred  with  warfare,  set  and  obsolete,  of  the 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  229 

European  strategists,  overthrown  by  the  great  Napoleon. 
The  principal  practiser  of  these  tactics,  the  summum 
bonum,  or  "good  thing,"  of  the  "West  Pointers"  was 
General  McClellan,  "the  Little  Mac"  of  his  worshipers 
and  "the  Little  Napoleon"  of  the  dazzled  crowd.  He 
was,  like  Cassio,  "a  great  arithmetician,  who  had  never 
set  a  squadron  in  the  field  or  the  division  of  a  battle 
knew,"  etc.  Seeming  utterly  to  ignore  that  the  enemy 
was  composed  of  men  trained  by  their  life  and  "genteel" 
occupations  to  shoot  true,  to  ride  like  Comanches  or 
Revolutionary  Harry  Lee's  Light-horse,  used  to  lying  out- 
doors under  skies  genial  to  them,  and  subsisting  on 
game  and  corn-cake  as  Marion  on  sweet  potatoes,  he 
expected  to  foil  such  guerrillas  as  "Jeb"  Stuart,  Mosby, 
and  Quantrell  by  earthworks,  which  they  probably  would 
have  leaped  their  horse  over  if  they  wanted  to  reach 
their  spoil  in  that  way.  It  was  in  allusion  to  this  ad- 
herence to  Vauban  that  the  President,  who  eyed  the 
aspiring  Hotspur  as  Henry  V.  his  heir,  the  sixth  Henry, 
trying  on  his  crown,  observed  shrewdly,  when  the  general 
kept  silence : 

"He  is  entrenching." 


A  "STATIONARY"  ENGINE. 

Lincoln  said  of  the  much-promising  General  McQel- 
lan :  "He  is  an  admirable  engineer,  but  he  seems  to  have 
a  special  talent  for  a  stationary  engine." 

He  also  cited  him  as  a  scholar  and  a  gentleman. 

Nevertheless,  as  the  education  lavished  on  the  Army 


230  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

of  the  Potomac  to  make  it  earn  foreign  military  critics' 
praise  at  reviews,  was  not  thrown  away,  but  made  sound 
soldiers  which  in  time  were  invaluable  to  General  Grant, 
Lincoln  did  him  justice  by  quaintly,  but  earnestly,  say- 
ing: 

"I  would  like  to  borrow  his  arm  if  he  has  no  further 
use  for  it." 

(General  Franklin  heard  this.) 

But  "Little  Mac"  had  no  design  on  the  dictatorship, 
being  surely  a  lover  of  the  Union,  too. 


SHOVELING  FLEAS. 

On  account  of  the  looseness  and  corruption  attending 
the  raising  of  soldiers  at  the  first,  the  President,  noting 
the  difference  between  the  number  of  men  forwarded  to 
General  McClellan  for  the  Army  of  the  Potomac,  and 
the  number  reported  arrived,  said: 

"Sending  men  to  that  army  is  like  shoveling  fleas 
across  a  barn-yard — half  of  them  never  get  there." 


THE  GEORGIA  COLONEL'S  COSTUME. 

"On  account  of  this  sectional  warfare,"  Senator  Mason, 
of  Virginia,  announced  his  resolve  to  wear  homespun, 
and  dispense  with  Yankee  manufactures  altogether.  That 
made  Lincoln  laugh,  and  say:  "To  carry  out  his  idea, 
he  ought  to  go  barefoot.  If  that's  the  plan,  they  should 
begin  at  the  foundation,  and  adopt  the  well-known  Geor- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  231 

gian   colonel's    uniform — a    shirt-collar  and    a   pair   of 
spurs!" — (In  speech,  New  England  tour,  1860.) 


COARSE  FEED  FIRST  1 

Secretary  Whitney  wrote:  "In  July,  1861,  I  was  in 
Washington,  where  I  merely  said  to  President  Lincoln: 
'Everything  is  drifting  into  the  war,  and  I  guess  you 
will  have  to  put  me  in  the  army.'  (He  was  in  the  Indian 
service  at  the  time.) 

"The  President  looked  up  from  his  work,  and  said 
good-humoredly : 

"  Tm  making  generals  now!  In  a  few  days  I  will  be 
making  quartermasters,  and  then  I'll  fix  you/  " 


" AIN'T  I  GLAD  TO  GIT  OUT  O'  DE  WILDERNESS \" 

In  the  summer  of  1862,  just  when  the  North  was 
lulled  to  repose  by  the  note  from  General  McClellan's 
newsmongers,  that  the  people  would  have  a  great  sur- 
prise on  the  Fourth  of  July,  Colonel  J.  E.  B.  Stuart, 
Confederate  cavalrist,  took  about  two  thousand  picked 
riders  and  performed  a  dash  within  the  hostile  lines, 
which  achieved  a  world-wide  admiration.  It  is  necessary 
to  premise  that  the  country  was  inimical  to  the  defenders 
of  Washington,  and  the  farmers  kept  the  secessionists 
clearly  informed  on  the  Federal  movements.  Besides, 
the  first  duty  of  keeping  Washington  engrossed  all  the 
Union  commanders.  If,  by  any  unexpected  movement, 


232  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

the  rebels  occupied  the  capital  long  enough  to  set  up 
their  government,  Europe  would  have  recognized  the 
stars  and  bars,  and  raised  the  blockade  on  the  cotton 
ports.  Washington  was  stupefied  and  terror-stricken 
when  the  news  came  in  from  the  North  that  rebel  cavalry 
were  "cavortin"  within  McClellan's  lines.  Communica- 
tion was  cut  off  with  him,  and  the  President  was  heard 
to  say  in  the  general  dumbness  of  consternation: 

"There  is  no  news  from  the  Army  of  the  Potomac.  I 
do  not  even  know  that  we  have  an  army  1" 

He  was  himself  filled  with  the  universal  alarm.  His 
hope  was  that  a  bright  morning  would  follow  the  dark 
hour,  but  his  faith  and  belief  that  God  would  safely  lead 
them  "out  of  the  wilderness"  was  not  widely  shared. 

The  allusion  was  to  the  popular  army  song,  taken 
from  the  negro  camp-meeting  repertoire:  "Ain't  I  glad 
to  git  out  o'  de  Wilderness,"  which  a  clergyman  had  en- 
couragingly chanted  awhile  before.  This  wilderness  was 
metaphorically  spiritual,  but  all  applied  the  figure  to  the 
[Wilderness  of  Virginia,  where  the  battles  were  fought 


WITH  TWO  GUNS,  HOLD  OFF  AN  ARMY. 

One  Irish  artilleryman  was  left  behind,  with  one  gun 
of  his  battery,  on  the  wrong  bank  of  the  Potomac,  when 
the  Union  Army  retreated  before  Lee.  This  gunner 
actually  telegraphed  direct  to  the  President  as  his  com- 
mander-in-chief  that: 

"I  have  the  whole  rebel  army  in  my  front.     Send  me 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  233 

another  gun,  and  I  assure  your  honor  that  they  shall  not 
come  over!" 

This  pleased  the  President  greatly,  who  answered  that 
the  new  Horatius  was  to  take  counsel  with  his  officer—- 
if he  could  find  him! 


BREAKING  UP  THE  LITTLE  GAME. 

In  1862,  Washington  was  full  of  talk  "and  no  hard 
cider."  There  was  the  laugh  talk  of  the  gossips,  who 
would  chatter  under  fire,  the  chaff  talk  of  the  press  men 
taking  things  farcically,  and  the  staff  talk  of  the  officers 
envying  one  another  and  scheming  for  places.  Too 
many  were  still  "carrying  water  on  both  shoulders,"  and 
would  have  welcomed  a  speedy  reconciliation.  The 
President  heard  that  some  of  the  latter  voiced  the  petu- 
lant complaint  of  those  weary  of  the  gainless  military 
movements,  that  the  intention  was  to  shift  the  two  armies 
about  till  both  were  exhausted,  and,  like  the  peace-at- 
any-price  men,  and  the  still  sympathizing  pro-slavery; 
"tail,"  a  compromise  could  be  effected  and  slavery  saved. 
He  summoned  the  parties  in  this  public  unbosoming  be- 
fore him.  Major  Turner  said  that  Major  John  J.  Key, 
staff-officer  to  General  McClellan,  was  asked  why  the 
Unionists  had  not  bagged  the  rebel  army  soon  after  the 
battle  of  Sharpsburg,  whereupon  he  replied : 

"That  was  not  the  game!  We  should  tire  ourselves 
and  the  rebels  out ;  that  was  the  only  way  that  the  Union 
could  be  preserved;  then  we  would  come  together  fra- 
ternally, and  slavery  will  be  saved." 


234  The  Lincoln  Story  Book, 

Major  Key  did  not  deny  the  words,  but  stoutly  main- 
tained his  loyalty.  As  McClellan's  staff-officer,  he  must 
have  known  his  leader's  policy — no  confiscation,  and  no 
Emancipation  Act — for  McClellan  hoped,  like  thousands 
of  conservatives,  to  bring  about  reaction  in  the  South. 

But  the  President  sharply  said  with  some  of  his  sem- 
piternal humor: 

"Gentlemen,  if  there  is  a  game  even  among  Union 
men,  to  have  our  army  not  take  any  advantage  of  the 
enemy  it  can,  it  is  my  object  to  break  up  that  game !" 


"THE  BOTTOM  WILL  FALL  OUT." 

General  McClellan's  delayed  advance  being,  in  1862, 
not  upon  Manassas,  but  on  Yorktown,  filled  the  less 
enthusiastic  of  his  henchmen  with  consternation.  To 
the  general  eye  he  seemed  to  have  pitched  on  the  very 
point  where  the  enemy  wanted  to  meet  with  all  the  gain 
in  their  favor.  This  direct  route  to  Richmond  they  had 
tried  to  make  impregnable.  The  President,  whom  Mc- 
Clellan openly  thwarted  with  unconcealed  scorn  for  the 
"civilian,"  was  in  profound  distress.  He  called  General 
Franklin  into  his  counsel  and  inquired  his  opinion  of  the 
slowness  of  movements. 

"If  something  is  not  soon  done  in  this  dry  rot,  the 
bottom  will  fall  out  of  the  whole  affair!"  This  was  his 
very  saying. 

The  Confederates  evacuated  Yorktown,  but  a  series  of 
actions  ensued,  culminating  in  the  massacre  at  Fair  Oaks, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  235 

where  both  sides  claimed  the  victory.  Soon  after,  Lin- 
coln took  matters  in  hand,  relegating  McClellan  to  one 
army,  and,  as  commander-in-chief,  ordering  a  general  ad- 
vance. The  bottom  had  fallen  out  with  a  vengeance! 


"MASTER  OF  THEM  BOTH." 

"General  McClellan's  attitude  is  such  that  in  the  very 
selfishness  of  his  nature  he  cannot  but  wish  to  be  suc- 
cessful, and  I  hope  he  will!  And  the  secretary  of  war 
(Stanton)  is  in  precisely  the  same  situation.  If  the  mili- 
tary commanders  in  the  field  cannot  be  successful,  not 
only  the  secretary  of  war,  but  myself,  for  the  time  being 
master  of  both,  cannot  but  be  failures." — (Speech, 
August  6,  1862,  at  Washington.) 


"THE  SKEERED  VIRGINIAN." 

A  reviewing-party,  of  which  the  President  was  the 
center,  was  stopped  at  a  railroad  by  Harper's  Ferry,  to 
let  a  locomotive  pass,  and  look  at  the  old  engine-house 
where  John  Brown,  the  raider,  was  penned  in  and  cap- 
tured. The  little  switching-engine  ran  past  with  much 
noise  and  bustle,  the  engineer  blowing  the  ludicrous 
whistle  in  salute  to  the  distinguished  visitors.  Lincoln 
referred  to  the  recollections  of  the  scene,  where  old 
"Pottowatomie"  thrilled  the  natives  with  panic  lest  he 
raised  the  negroes  to  revolt,  and  remarked,  as  the  engine 
flew  away: 


236  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"You  call  that  'The  Flying  Dutchman/  do  you  ?  They 
ought  to  call  that  thing  "The  Skeered  Virginian!'"— 
'(By  General  O.  O.  Howard,  a  hearer.) 


"HE  WHO  FIGHTS  AND  RUNS  AWAY " 

Shortly  after  the  scandalous  rout  of  Bull  Run,  the 
participants  in  the  panic  began  to  try  to  palliate  the  dis- 
grace. The  President,  listening  with  revived  sarcasm  to 
the  new  perversion,  remarked: 

"So  it  is  your  notion  now  that  we  licked  the  rebels 
and  then  ran  away!" 


NO  SUNDAY  FIGHTING. 

As  the  first  Battle  of  Bull  Run,  a  sanguinary  defeat 
to  the  Unionists,  was  fought  on  the  Sabbath  day,  the 
President  forbade  in  the  future  important  movements  on 
the  day  desecrated.  But  with  singular  inconsistency  in 
a  sage  so  clear-headed,  he  did  not  see  that  the  Southern' 
ers  chuckled,  "The  better  the  day,  the  better  the  deed/' 
in  their  victory. 


LET  A  GOOD  MAN  ALONE! 

General  Howard,  in  taking  command  before  Washing- 
ton, incurred  the  hostility  of  certain  officers  of  the  con- 
vivial, plundering,  swashbuckling  order,  who  objected 
to  his  piety  and  orderliness.  They  tramped  off  to  badger 
the  President  with  their  censure.  But  he  who  had 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  237 

appreciated  the  new  leader  in  a  glance,  reproved  them, 
saying : 

"Howard  is  a  good  man.  Let  him  alone;  in  time  he 
will  bring  things  straight." 

That  was  what  caused  the  general  to  reverence  him  and 
love  him. 


THE  "BLONDIN"  SIMILE. 

One  of  the  universal  topics  of  the  early  sixties  was  the 
feats  of  the  acrobat  Blondin.  This  daring  rope-walker 
crossed  the  waters  by  Niagara  Falls  oif  a  slack  wire. 
On  one  occasion  he  carried  a  man  on  his  back,  to  whom 
he  imparted  the  caution,  "grappling  as  with  hooks  of 
steel": 

"If  you  upset  me  with  trembling,  I  shall  drop  you! 
I  shall  catch  the  rope  and  be  safe!  As  fof  you,  inex- 
perienced one — pfitt!" 

The  chain  of  defeats  and  "flashes  in  the  pan"  attend- 
ing the  opening  of  the  campaign  beginning  as  a  march 
upon  Richmond,*  but  eventuating  in  a  defense  of  Wash- 
ington, humiliating  as  was  this  reverse,  promoted  al? 
sorts  and  conditions  of  men,  moneyed,  well-grounded, 
and  investing  in  the  new  government  securities,  fluctu- 
ating like  wildcat  stock,  to  pester  the  President  with 
Jeremiads  and  counsel.  To  one  deputation  from  his 
home  parts  he  administered  this  caustic  rebuke  in  such 
illustration  as  was  habitual  to  him : 


*Some  Northern  newspapers  kept  a  standing  head:  "On,  to 
Richmond  1" 


238  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"Gentlemen,  suppose  all  the  property  you  were  worth 
was  in  gold,  and  you  had  put  it  in  the  hands  of  Blondin, 
to  carry  across  the  Niagara  River  on  a  rope,  would  you 
shake  the  cable,  or  keep  shouting  out  to  him : 

"  'Blondin,  stand  up  straighter !  Blondin,  stoop  a  little 
more!  go  a  little  faster!  lean  a  little  more  to  the  North! 
to  the  South?' 

"No;  you  would  hold  your  breath  as  well  as  your 
tongue,  and  keep  your  hands  off  all,  until  he  was  safe 
over. 

"The  government*  are  carrying  an  immense  weight. 
Untold  treasures  are  in  their  hands.  They  are  doing 
the  very  best  they  can.  Don't  pester  them!  Keep 
silence,  and  we  will  get  you  safe  across." 


THE  PIONEER'S  LAND-TITLE. 

Judge  Weldon  was  appointed  United  States  attorney, 
acting  in  Illinois.  Being  at  Washington,  some  specula- 
tors, knowing  he  was  an  old  friend  of  the  President,  en- 
gaged him  for  their  side.  They  wanted  to  get  cotton 
permits  from  the  treasury,  which  was  feasible,  but  made 
sure  that  the  military  would  recognize  these  passes — 
no  doubt,  if  the  President  would  countersign  them. 
Otherwise  the  army  officers  acted  often  without  regard 
to  trade  desires.  On  broaching  the  subject  to  the  poten- 
tate on  whose  lips  so  much  hung  at  the  epoch,  the 


*Lincoln   always   used   "Government"  and   "U.    S."   as   nouns 
carrying  a  plural  verb. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  239 

latter  brightened  up  and,  in  his  branching-off  manner, 
said: 

"By  the  way,  what  has  become  of  your  friend  Robert 
Lewis?" 

Lewis  was  the  clerk  of  the  court  in  Illinois,  and  at 
home,  well  and  thrifty. 

"Do  you  remember,"  continued  the  President,  "his 
story  about  his  going  to  Missouri  to  look  up  some  Mor- 
mon lands  belonging  to  his  father?" 

Whereupon,  as  Weldon  said  that  he  had  forgot  some 
details,  the  story-teller  related  with  unction: 

"This  Robert  Lewis,  on  coming  of  age,  found  papers 
in  his  father's  muniments,  entitling  him  as  heir  to  lands 
in  northeastern  Missouri,  where  the  Mormons  had  at- 
tempted settling  before  their  enforced  exodus.  There 
was  no  railroad,  so  Lewis  rode  out  to  that  part  and 
thought  he  had  located  the  land.  For  the  night  he 
stopped  at  a  solitary  log  house.  A  gruff  voice  bade  him 
come  in,  not  very  hospitably.  The  owner  was  a  long, 
lanky  man  about  eleven  feet  high,  'Bob'  thought.  He 
had  a  rifle  hanging  on  its  hooks  over  the  fireplace,  also 
about  eleven  feet  long,  Bob  also  reckoned.  He  was 
interrupted  in  'necking'  bullets,  for  they  were  cast  in  a 
mold  and  left  a  little  protuberance  where  the  run  left  off. 

"This  first  comer  had  been  there  some  time  and  seemed 
to  know  the  section,  but  was  rather  indifferent  to  the 
stranger's  inquiries  about  the  site  of  his  lands.  Teased 
at  this  unconcern,  so  opposite  to  the  usual  feeling  of 
settlers  who  like  a  neighbor  in  the  lonesomeness,  Lewis 
hastened  to  lay  down  the  law: 


240  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"  'He  was  looking  up  the  paternal  purchase.  Here 
were  the  titles,'  spreading  out  the  papers.  'That  is  my 
title  to  this  section.  You  are  on  it.  What  is  yours? 

"The  other  had  shown  some  slight  interest  in  the  topic 
by  this  time.  He  paused  in  his  occupation  and  pointed 
with  his  long  arm  to  the  long  rifle,  saying: 

"  'Young  man,  do  you  see  that  gun  ?  That  is  my  title, 
and  if  you  do  not  git  out  o'  hyar  pretty  quick,  you  will 
feel  the  force  of  it!' 

"Lewis  crammed  his  papers  into  his  saddle-bags  and 
rushed  out  to  bestride  his  pony — but  said  that  the  man 
snapped  his  gun  at  him  twice  before  he  was  out  of  range. 

"Now,"  resumed  Mr.  Lincoln,  "the  military  authorities 
have  the  same  title  against  the  civil  ones — the  gunsl 
The  gentlemen  themselves  may  judge  what  the  result  is 
likely  to  be !" 

Mr.  Weldon  reported  to  his  employers,  at  Willard's 
Hotel,  and  they  laughed  heartily  at  the  illustration,  but 
they  did  not  proceed  with  the  cotton  speck,  understanding 
what  would  be  the  Administration's  policy  as  well  as  if  a 
proclamation  were  issued. — (By  Judge  Weldon.) 


"CHEERS  NOT  MILITARY— BUT  I  LIKE  THEM1" 
After  the  disarray  of  the  first  Bull  Run  battle,  the 
President  drove  out  to  the  camps  to  rally  the  "boys  m 
the  blues"  General  Sherman  was  only  a  colonel,  and 
he  had  the  rudeness  of  a  military  man  to  hint  to  the 
visitor  that  he  hoped  the  orator  would  not  speak  so  as 
to  encourage  cheering  and  confusion.  The  President 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  241 

stood  up  in  his  carriage  and  prefaced  his  speech  with 
this  exordium: 

"Don't  cheer,  boys;  I  confess  that  I  rather  like  it, 
myself;  but  Colonel  Sherman,  here,  says  it  isn't  mili- 
tary, and  I  guess  we  had  better  defer  to  his  opinion." 
With  his  inimitable  wink,  which  would  have  been  an 
independent  fortune  to  a  stage  comedian. 


NUMBERING  THE  HAIRS  OF  HIS— TAIL! 

A  Congressional  committee  selected  to  examine  and 
report  upon  a  new  cannon,  produced  so  voluminous  a 
tome  that  Lincoln,  reviewing  it,  dropped  it  in  disgust 
and  commented : 

• 

"I  should  want  a  new  lease  of  life  to  read  this  through ! 
Why  can't  a  committee  of  this  kind  occasionally  exhibit 
a  grain  of  common  sense?  If  I  send  a  man  to  buy  a 
horse  for  me,  I  expect  him  to  tell  me  his  points,  not  how 
many  hairs  there  are  in  his  tail!" — (Authenticated  by 
Mr.  Hubbard,  member  of  Congress  of  Connecticut,  to 
whom  the  remark  was  addressed.) 


AN  UNCONVENTIONAL  ORDER. 
On  going  over  the  minor  orders,  riders,  and  correc- 
tions of  the  President,  it  will  be  seen  that  he  never  suc- 
cumbed to  conforming  with  the  stale  and  set  phrases  of 
the  civil-service  documents.  For  an  instance  of  his 
unquenchable  humor  read  the  following  discharge: 


242  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Two  brothers,  Smiths,  of  Boston,  had  been  arrested, 
held,  and  persecuted  for  a  long  period  by  a  military 
tribunal.  The  charge  was  defrauding  the  government. 
The  hue  and  cry  about  the  cheating  contractors  called 
for  a  victim.  But  the  Chief  Executive  on  perusing  the 
testimony  concluded  that  the  defendants  were  guiltless. 
He  wrote  the  subsequent  release: 

"Whereas,  Franklin  W.  and  J.  C.  Smith  had  transac- 
tions with  the  Navy  Department  to  the  amount  of  one 
and  a  quarter  millions  of  dollars ;  and,  whereas,  they  had 
the  chance  to  steal  a  million,  and  were  charged  with  steal- 
ing twenty-two  hundred  dollars — and  the  question  now 
is  stealing  a  hundred — I  don't  believe  they  stole  anything 
at  all !  Therefore,  the  record  and  findings  are  disap- 
proved— declared  null  and  void — and  the  defendants  are 
fully  discharged." 


"IT  OCCURS  TO  ME  THAT  I  AM  COMMANDER!" 

To  the  prairie  man  the  climate  of  Washington  would 
be  almost  tropical.  Nevertheless,  it  participates  of 
American  meteorological  variability,  as  "Old  Probabil- 
ity" would  admit. 

One  night,  Lincoln,  coming  out  of  his  rooms  at  the 
Executive  Mansion  to  make  his  nocturnal  round,  finish- 
ing with  the  call  for  the  latest  despatches  at  garrison 
headquarters,  noticed  as  the  fierce  gale  shook  him  and 
scourged  him  with  sleet,  that  a  soldier  was  contending 
with  the  storm  just  outside  the  outer  door. 

"Young  man,"  said  he,  turning  sharply  to  him,  "you 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  243 

have  got  a  cold  job  to-night.  Step  inside  and  guard 
there." 

The  soldier  stoutly  contended — for  the  colloquy  became 
an  argument  by  Lincoln's  delight  in  debate.  He  per- 
sisted that  he  was  posted  there  by  orders  and  must 
not  budge  save  by  a  superior  countermand. 

"Hold  on,  there !"  cried  Lincoln,  pleased  at  the  arguer 
supplying  him  with  a  decisive  weapon ;  "it  occurs  to  me 
that  I  am  commander-in-chief !  and  so,  I  order  you  to  go 
inside !" 


COMPLIMENTS  IS  ALL  THEY  DO  PAY  I 

A  paymaster  introduced  to  the  President  by  the  United 
States  district  marshal,  remarked  with  independence 
noticeable  in  the  sect:  "I  have  no  official  business  with 
you,  sir — I  only  called  to  pay  my  compliments !" 

"I  understand,"  was  the  retort ;  "and  from  the  soldiers' 
complaints,  I  think  that  is  all  you  gentlemen  do  pay !" 


BAIL  THE  POTOMAC  WITH  A  SPOON. 

There  is  as  pathetic  a  picture  as  the  old  sated  Marquis 
of  Queensberry  (Thackeray's  Steyne  and  history's  "Old 
Q.")  murmuring  as  he  gazed  from  his  castle  window  on 
the  unsurpassed  view  of  the  Thames  Valley,  "Oh,  this 
cursed  river  running  on  all  the  day!"  in  President  Lin- 
coln watching  the  broad  Potomac  where  all  was  so  quiet, 
and  yet  the  hidden  and  watchful  enemy  lined  the  other 
bank.  A  petitioner  hemmed  him  in  a  corner  of  the  room 


244  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

with  this  sight,  and  poured  on  him  the  bucket  of  his 
woes.  The  at  last  irritated  worm  turned  on  him,  and 
cried : 

"My  poor  man !  go  away !  do  go  away !  I  cannot  med- 
dle in  your  case.  I  could  as  easily  bail  the  Potomac 
with  a  teaspoon  as  attend  to  all  the  details  of  the  army !" 


"WE  SHALL  BEAT  THEM,  MY  SON1" 
George  W.  Curtis,  New  York  editor,  called  on  the 
President  in  the  first  winter  of  the  war,  with  the  Illinois- 
fan's  friend,  Judge  Arnold.  He  said  that  the  official 
wore  a  sad,  weary,  and  anxious  look,  and  spoke  with  a 
softened,  touching  voice.  But  he  added  to  his  good-by 
at  the  door  in  shaking  hands,  with  paternal  kindness 
and  profound  conviction: 

".We  shall  beat  them,  my  son !  we  shall  beat  them !" 


« LITTLE  FOR  SO  BIG  A  BUSINESS." 
Before  the  war  the  museums  of  the  Eastern  States 
were  regaled  by  an  "Infant  Drummer."  This  lad,  Harry 
W.  Stowman,  at  the  age  of  seven  or  eight,  was  a  pro- 
ficient on  the  drum.  He  was  seen  by  this  editor,  exe- 
cuting solos  of  great  difficulty,  and  accompanying  the 
orchestra  with  variations  on  his  unpromising  instrument, 
which  musicians  praised  and  in  which  he  avoided  mo- 
notony with  precocious  talent.  Grown  up,  still  a  rare 
drummer,  he  was  attached  to  the  Germantown  Hospital 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  245 

as  post  drummer.  At  the  first  inauguration  he  was  with 
the  band  and  noticed  by  the  President.  With  his  habit 
of  applauding  the  young,  the  latter  spoke  to  him,  com- 
mended his  playing,  and  remarked : 

"You  are  a  very  little  man  to  be  in  this  big  business !" 
He  took  him  up,  kissed  him,  and  paternally  set  him 
down,  drum  and  all. 

Mr.  Stowman  lived  to  the  age  of  forty  with  this  pretty 
memory. 


NOT  "SHOULDER-STRAPS,"  BUT  HARDTACK. 

At  a  military  function  when  Lincoln  presented  a  new 
commander  to  a  legion,  one  of  the  soldiers  burst  out 
with  that  irreverence  distinguishing  the  American  vol- 
unteer : 

"It  is  not  shoulder-straps  (the  officers'  insignia),  but 
hardtack  that  we  want !" 

Hardtack  was  the  nickname  for  the  disused  ship  bread 
turned  over  to  the  army  by  remorseless  contractors. 


44 MARYLAND  A  GOOD  STATE  TO  MOVE  FROM!" 

Thurlow  Weed,  prominent  "wire-puller,"  presented  as 
a  preferable  puppet  to  Montgomery  Blair  his  choice, 
Henry  Winter  Davis,  upon  which  the  President  said : 

"Davis?  Judge  David  Davis  put  you  up  to  this.  He 
has  Davis  on  the  brain.  A  Maryland  man  who  wants  to 
get  -out !  Maryland  must  be  a  good  State  to  move  from. 
Weed,  did  you  ever  hear,  in  this  connection,  of  the 


246  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

witness  in  court  asked  to  state  his  age?    He  said  sixty. 

As  he  was  on  the  face  of  it  much  older,  but  persisted, 

the  court  admonished  him,  saying: 

"  'The  court  knows  you  to  be  older  than  sixty !' 

"  'Oh,  I  understand  now/  owned  up  the  old  fellow. 

'You  are  thinking  of  the  ten  years  I  spent  in  Maryland ; 

that  was  so  much  time  lost  and  did  not  count !'  " 


DON'T  SWAP  HORSES  CROSSING  A  STREAM. 

The  setting  up  and  the  bowling  over  of  the  generals 
commanding  the  army  defending  Washington  from  Mc- 
Dowell at  Bull  Run  to  Meade  at  Gettysburg,  resembles 
a  grim  game  at  tenpins.  The  President,  who  tried  to 
find  a  professional  captain  to  relieve  him  of  his  respon- 
sibility as  nominally  war-chief  of  the  national  forces, 
therefore  smiled  sarcastically  when  the  ninety-ninth 
deputation  came  to  suggest  still  another  aspirant  to  be 
the  new  Napoleon,  and  said  to  it: 

"Gentlemen,  your  request  and  proposition  remind  me 
of  two  gentlemen  in  Kentucky. 

"The  flat  lands  there  bordering  on  the  rivers  are  sub- 
ject to  inundations,  so  the  fordable  creek  becomes  in  an 
instant  a  broad  lake,  deep  and  rapidly  running.  These 
two  riders  were  talking  the  common  topic — in  that 
famous  Blue  Grass  region  where  fillies  and  fill-es,  as  the 
voyageur  from  Canada  said  in  his  broken  English,  are 
unsurpassable  for  grace  and  beauty.  Each  fell  to  ex- 
patiating upon  the  good  qualities  of  his  steed,  and  this 
dialogue  was  so  animated  and  engrossing  they  ap- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  247 

preached  a  ford  without  being  conscious  of  outer  matters. 
There  was  heavy  rain  in  the  highlands  and  an  ominous 
sound  in  the  dampening  air.  They  entered  the  water 
still  arguing.  Then,  at  midway,  while  they  came  ta 
the  agreement  to  exchange  horses,  with  no  'boot,'  since 
each  conceded  the  value  of  the  animals,  the  river  rose. 
In  a  twinkling  the  two  horses  were  floundering,  and 
the  riders,  taken  for  once  off  their  balance,  lost  stirrup 
and  seat,  and  the  four  creatures,  separated,  were  strug- 
gling for  a  footing  in  the  boiling  stream.  Away  streaked 
the  horses,  buried  in  foam,  three  or  four  miles  down, 
while  the  men  scrambled  out  upon  the  new  edge. 

"Gentlemen,"  concluded  the  President,  drawing  his 
moral  with  his  provoking  imperturbability,  "those  men 
looked  at  each  other,  as  they  dripped,  and  said  with  the 
one  voice :  'Ain't  this  a  lesson  ?  Don't  swap  horses  cross- 
ing a  stream  !'  " — (Heard  by  Superintendent  Tinker,  war 
telegrapher.) 


"NO  PLACING  THORNS  IN  THE  SIDE  OF  MY 
WORST  ENEMY!" 

The  Free  Constitution  of  Maryland  was  the  work  of 
Lincoln.  His  and  its  supporters  made  a  party  to  go 
to  Washington  and  congratulate  the  President  on  the 
victory.  They  had  a  band  and  serenaded  him  in  the 
White  House  until  he  came  forth.  But  he  said,  to  the 
dampening  of  their  ardor,  when  the  cheering  had  sub- 
sided : 

"My  friends,  I  appreciate  this  honor  very  highly,  but  I 


248  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

am  very  sorry  to  see  you  rejoice  over  the  defeat  of  those 
opposed  to  us.  It  is  furthest  from  my  desire  to  place 
a  thorn  in  any  one's  side,  though  he  be  my  worst  ene- 
my."— (Recited  by  Mr.  Hy.  G.  Willis,  Baltimore,  in  the 
Sun  of  that  city.) 


THE  LINCOLN  PLAN  OF  CAMPAIGN. 

This  historical  document  promised  at  one  time  to  be  a 
problem  like  the  Sibilline  Leaves  or  Czar  Peter's  will. 
But  Secretary  H.  C.  Whitney  declares  that  it  existed  as 
he  had  it  laid  before  him  by  the  strategist. 

"Running  his  long  forefinger  down  the  map  of  Vir- 
ginia, he  said :  'We  must  drive  them  away  from  here 
(Manassas  Gap,  where  indeed  were  fights  over  the  key- 
stone), and  clear  them  out  of  this  part  of  the  State,  so 
that  they  cannot  threaten  them  here  (Washington)  and 
get  into  Maryland.'  (Unfortunately,  the  rebels  did 
threaten  Washington  right  on  and  entered  Maryland  and 
Pennsylvania,  as  late  as  July,  1863,  and  by  a  cavalry 
raid,  a  year  later.) 

"  'We  must  keep  up  a  good  and  thorough  blockade 
of  their  ports.  We  must  march  an  army  into  East  Ten- 
nessee and  liberate  the  Union  sentiment  there.  (This 
was  not  finally  done  till  the  end  of  1864.) 

"'Finally,  we  must  rely  on  the  (Southern)  people 
growing  tired,  and  saying  to  their  leaders:  "We  have 
had  enough  of  this  thing,  and  will  bear  it  no  longer."  J 

In  1862,  a  year  after,  Lincoln  says  to  McClellan :  "We 
have  distinct  and  different  plans  for  a  movement  of  the 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  249 

Army  of  the  Potomac:  yours  to  be  down  the  Chesa- 
peake, etc.;  mine,  to  move  directly  to  the  point  on  the 
railroads  southwest  of  Manassas.  (He  hugs  his  original 
idea.)  ...  In  case  of  disaster,  would  not  a  retreat 
be  more  difficult  by  your  plan  than  mine?"  You  see 
the  prudence  in  him  esteemed  ignorant  and  consequently 
blindly  rash.  All  this  amounted  to  nothing  when  the 
President  trusted  fully  to  Grant  as  his  lieutenant 


THE  COMMANDER  SHOULD  OBEY  ORDERS. 

The  President  at  Fort  Stevens  was  the  mark  for  a  rebel 
battery.  A  colonel  in  command  was  diffident  about 
ordering  the  superior  about,  but  he  was  averse  to  letting 
the  "dare"  bring  on  a  fatality,  as  the  sharpshooters  had 
an  easy  butt  in  the  Lincoln  exceptional  figure.  So  he 
took  the  advice  of  Mr.  Registrar  Chittenden,  on  the 
staff,  and  bade  the  President  retire,  or  he  would  move 
him  -by  a  file  of  men. 

"And  you  would  do  quite  right,  my  boy !"  acquiesced 
the  chief.  "I  should  be  the  last  man  to  set  an  example 
of  disobedience." 


THE  IDLERS  EQUALED  THE  EFFECTIVES. 

During  a  review  of  General  Howard's  corps  on  the 
Rappahannock,  in  April,  1863,  President  Lincoln  noticed, 
whether  his  eyes  were  "unmilitary  or  not,"  that  a  very 
numerous  mass  of  men  were  spectators,  though  wearing 


250  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

a  semisoldierly  look  and  clothes.  They  were,  in  fact, 
the  inevitable  hangers-on  of  an  army,  the  more  in  num- 
ber, as  the  escaped  slaves  were  welcomed  by  the  soldiers, 
as  they  made  them  do  their  dirty  work.  The  command- 
ing general  explained  that  they  were  "the  cooks,  the 
bottle-washers,  and  the  nigger  waiters."  They  had' come 
out  to  see  the  President. 

"That  review  yonder,"  returned  Lincoln  gently,  as  he 
smiled,  "is  about  as  big  as  ours!" — (By  General  O.  O. 
Howard.) 


REST! 

Sitting  before  his  desk  in  his  office,  at  the  White 
House,  Lincoln  quaintly  uttered :  "I  wish  George  Wash- 
ington or  some  of  those  old  patriots  were  here  in  my 
place  so  that  I  could  have  a  little  rest." — (Heard  by 
General  Viele.) 


44 1  CAN  BEAR  CENSURE,  BUT  NOT  INSULT  1" 

An  army  officer  appeared  before  the  President  with  a 
statement  of  his  defense  against  a  sentence  of  cashiering. 
He  was  told  that  his  own  paper  did  not  warrant  the 
superior  interference.  But  he  showed  up  twice  more, 
repeating  the  plea  and  the  version  of  his  own  preparation. 

At  the  continued  repulse  he  blurted  out : 

"I  see,  Mr.  President,  that  you  are  not  disposed  to  do 
me  justice!" 

If  Lincoln  was  the  embodiment  of  any  one  virtue  it 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  251 

was  justice  to  all.     At  this  slur  he  sprang  up  and  put 
the  fellow  out  of  the  door  by  a  lift  of  his  collar,  saying: 
"Never  show  yourself  in  this  room  again !    I  can  bear 
censure,  but  not  insult !" 


A  BATTLE   OF   ROSES. 

At  every  reverse  to  the  Unionists,  the  more  or  less 
secret  sympathizers  with  the  seceders  reiterated  the  cry 
that  gentler  measures  should  be  used  against  "our  erring 
brothers."  To  one  such  pleader,  the  President  severely, 
but  humorously,  responded,  in  writing: 

"Would  you  have  me  drop  the  war  where  it  is,  or 
would  you  prosecute  it  in  future  with  elder-stalk  squirts 
charged  with  rose-water?" 

Mr.  Lincoln  may  or  may  not  have  said  this  and  thus — 
but  he  certainly  wrote  it,  for  which  see  his  letter  to 
C.  Bullitt,  July  28,  1862.  Guns  of  elder  squirts  are  men- 
tioned by  his  dear  Shakespeare. 


"HELP  ME  LET  GO  I" 

The  year  1862  had  its  gold  in  the  victories  of  Mur- 
freesboro  and  Perryville  in  the  West,  but  in  the  neigh- 
borhood of  the  capital  General  Burnside's  defeat  at 
Fredericksburg,  while  his  supporters  counted  on  his  jus- 
tifying his  superseding  McClellan,  clouded  all  Washing- 
ton. The  staff-officer*  who  brought  the  painful  news 


*An  account  says  it  was  Governor  Curtin  in  person. 


252  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

saw  that  the  President  was  so  saddened  that  he  faltered 
an  apology  for  the  nature  of  his  mission. 

"I  wish,  Mr.  President,  that  I  might  be  the  bearer 
of  good  instead  of  bad  news — I  wish  I  brought  the  intel- 
ligence by  which  you  could  conquer  or  get  rid  of  these 
rebellious  States!" 

His  hearer  smiled  at  the  essay  to  cheer  him,  who  be- 
lieved he  would  "never  sleep  again,"  and  related,  with  a 
view  to  enliven  him  also,  the  story  of  "Help  me  let  go." 

The  version,  circulating  viva  voce,  ran  as  follows: 

"That  reminds  me  of  the  camp  where  a  bear  suddenly 
made  his  appearance  and  scattered  the  party.  All  save 
one  shinned  up  trees,  or  got  behind  rocks,  and  that  one 
meeting  the  animal  head  on,  before  he  could  turn,  seized 
bruin  by  the  ears  and  held  on  'like  grim  death  to  a  dead 
nigger.' 

"Recovering  from  their  fright  the  hunters  came  out 
of  ambush  and  were  unable  to  do  anything  but  laugh 
at  the  fix  their  friend  was  in. 

"  'You  ain't  mastered,  are  you  ?'  asked  they. 

"  'Not  licked,  but  I  want  you  to  help  me  let  go !' " 

Mr.  Lincoln  expressed  himself  when  he  said  he  was 
slow  to  learn  and  slow  to  forget;  the  two  qualities  are 
redeemed  by  his  wonderful  ease  and  quickness  in  re- 
membering. To  quote  well  is  good,  but  to  quote  fitly 
is  better.  His  intimates  noticed  that  he  would  reecho  a 
story — a  simile  or  a  tag — and  so  neatly  apply  it  that  it 
seemed  fresh  on  the  second  use.  He  was  an  admirable 
actor,  though  not  appreciated  in  that  light;  for  he  could 
reappear  in  the  same  part  without  palling.  Hence  one 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  253 

often  meets  his  stories,  as,  for  instance,  this  one.  His 
life  law  partner,  Herndon,  tells  it  as  used  toward  a  petty 
judge,  in  Illinois,  of  inferior  ability  to  Lincoln's.  It  was 
a  murder  case,  and  this  bully  on  the  bench  kept  ruling 
against  Herndon  and  Lincoln.  A  material  point  was 
ruled  adversely  just  at  the  refreshment  recess.  Lincoln 
withdrew  sore,  as  he  believed  that  the  judge  was  per- 
sonally controverting  his  positions.  He  avowed  his  own 
feelings,  and  announced: 

"I  have  determined  to  crowd  the  court  to  the  wall  and 
regain  my  position  before  night." 

As  Judge  Herndon  was  a  bystander,  his  account  of 
the  further  proceedings  must  be  as  faithful  as  veracious : 

"At  the  reassembling  of  court,  Mr.  Lincoln  rose  to 
read  a  few  authorities  in  support  of  his  position,  keep- 
ing within  the  bounds  of  propriety  just  far  enough  to 
avoid  a  reprimand.  He  characterized  the  continuous 
rulings  against  him  as  not  only  unjust  but  foolish,  and, 
figuratively  speaking,  peeled  the  court  from  head  to 
foot.  .  .  .  Lincoln  was  alternately  furious  and  elo- 
quent, and  after  pursuing  the  court  with  broad  facts  and 
pointed  inquiries  in  rapid  succession,  he  made  use  of 
this  homely  incident  to  clinch  his  argument." 

(The  tale  is  given  as  about  a  wild  boar.  In  either 
phrase,  the  point  is  that  the  judge  was  attached  to  his 
Tartar  and  wanted  to  be  let  go!) 

"The  prosecution  tried  in  vain  to  break  Lincoln  down," 
concludes  Mr.  Herndon,  "and  the  judge,  badgered  effect- 
ually by  Lincoln's  masterly  arraignment  of  law  and 
fact,  pretended  to  see  the  error  of  his  former  position, 


254  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

and  finally  reversed  his  decision  in  his  tormentor's  favor. 
Lincoln  saw  his  triumph  and  surveyed  a  situation  of 
which  he  was  master." 


SPLITTING  THE  DIFFERENCE. 

Upon  the  Western  Virginia  Stateship  Bill  passing  in 
Congress,  an  opponent,  Mr.  Carlisle,  ran  to  the  President. 
He  urged  him  to  veto  the  bill. 

"Well,  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do:  I'll  split  the  difference 
and  say  nothing  about  it!" — (Frank  Moore.) 


IN  THE  BMCA'S  POSITION. 

Long  after  the  President  reconsidered  his  hasty  sur- 
mise that  the  impending  war  was  "artificial  crisis,"  Con- 
gress continued  to  waver,  and  no  one  put  forward  a 
definite  and  working  policy  for  the  head  who  avowed 
that  he  never  had  one.  In  his  despondency  and  lone- 
someness,  he  welcomed  an  old  friend  from  his  State, 
who,  however,  like  the  rest,  had  his  frets  and  rubs  to 
seek  solace  for. 

"You  know  better  than  any  man  living  that,  from  my 
boyhood  up,  my  ambition  was  to  be  President.  I  am,  at 
least,  President  of  one  part  of  the  divided  country;  but 
look  at  me!  With  a  fire  in  my  front  and  one  in  my 
rear  to  contend  with,  and  not  receiving  that  cordial  co- 
operative support  from  Congress,  reasonably  expected, 
with  an  active  and  formidable  enemy  in  the  field  threat- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  255 

ening  the  very  life-blood  of  the  government,  my  position 
is  anything  but  on  a  bed  of  roses." 


« BLIND"  FORTUNE. 

A  soldier  shot  in  the  head  so  as  to  be  deprived  of 
sight  in  both  eyes  left  the  Carver  Hospital,  Washington, 
and  blundered  in  crossing  the  avenue.  At  that  very  mo- 
ment the  President's  carriage  was  coming  along  to  the 
Soldiers'  Home  from  the  mansion.  The  coach  alone 
would  probably  have  not  brought  any  casualty  upon  the 
unfortunate  young  invalid,  but  it  was  again  surrounded 
by  one  of  the  cavalry  detachments,  which  Lincoln  in- 
sisted on  being  withdrawn,  but  it  was  replaced,  for  the 
time. 

The  soldier  hearing  this  double  clatter  of  hoofs  be- 
came bewildered,  and  stood  still  in  the  midroad,  or.  if 
anything,  inclined  toward  the  thundering  danger.  The 
cavalry  chargers,  trained  to  avoid  hurting  men — for  a 
rider  might  be  thrown — eluded  contact,  and  the  coach- 
man neatly  pulled  aside.  In  the  next  moment,  in  a  cloud 
of  dust,  the  President,  leaning  out  of  the  window,  to 
ascertain  the  cause  of  the  abrupt  stop,  saw  the  poor 
young  soldier  by  his  side.  Lincoln  threw  out  a  hand  to 
seize  him  by  the  arm,  and  reassure  him  of  safety  by  the 
vibrating  clutch.  Then,  perceiving  the  nature  of  the 
affair,  he  asked  in  a  voice  trembling  with  emotion  about 
the  man's  regiment  and  disablement.  The  man  was  from 
the  Northwest — Michigan.  Lumbermen — and  they  are 


256  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

of  the  woods  woody  out  there — and  Lincoln  believed  in 
"the  ax  as  the  enlarger  of  our  borders" — are  brotherly. 
The  next  day  the  soldier  was  commissioned  lieutenant 
with  peipetual  leave,  but  full  pay. — (By  the  veteran  re- 
servist, H.  W.  Knight,  of  the  escort.) 


LITTLE  DAVID  AND  THE  STONE  FOR  GOLIATH. 

In  the  spring,  1862,  spies  and  foreign  officers  who 
had  seen  the  rebel  ram  Merrimac  being  built  at  Norfolk, 
reported  her  as  formidable.  The  United  States  Galena, 
our  first  ironclad,  was  a  failure.  There  was  no  vessel  of 
the  kind  to  deal  with  the  monster  save  Ericsson's  float- 
ing battery,  ready  for  sea  in  March,  called  the  Monitor, 
as  a  warning  to  Great  Britain,  expected  to  interfere  on 
behalf  of  the  South  and  raise  the  blockade  over  the  cot- 
ton ports.  This  craft  with  a  revolving  turret  was  just  as 
much  of  a  new  idea  as  its  prototype. 

On  March  8,  the  Merrimac  came  out  of  Norfolk 
and  ran  down  the  Cumberland  sloop  of  war;  blew  the 
Congress  to  splinters,  and  compelled  her  being  blown 
up  to  save  her  from  the  enemy ;  the  Minnesota  was  run 
aground  to  prevent  being  rammed.  The  victor  returned 
to  her  dock  to  make  ready  for  a  fresh  onslaught.  The 
effect  was  profound ;  it  seemed  no  exaggeration  to  sup- 
pose that  the  irresistible  conqueror  would  pass  through 
the  United  States  fleet  at  Hampton  Roads  and,  speed- 
ing along  the  coast,  reduce  New  York  to  the  most  oner- 
ous terms  or  to  ashes. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  257 

On  Sunday,  the  ninth,  the  Monitor  arrived  after  a  sea 
passage,  showing  she  rode  too  low  for  ocean  navigation. 
Though  in  no  fit  state  for  battle,  no  time  was  allowed 
her,  as  the  Merrimac  ran  out  to  exult  over  the  ruins  of 
the  encounter.  The  Monitor  threw  herself  in  her  way, 
bore  her  broadside  without  injury,  and  her  shock  with 
impunity,  but  on  the  other  hand  hurled  her  extremely 
heavy  ball  in,  under  her  water-line.  The  ram  backed  out, 
and,  wheeling  and  putting  on  full  steam,  returned  to  her 
haven.  She  was,  it  appears,  too  low  to  cross  the  bar 
to  go  up  to  Richmond,  and  was  not  ocean-going;  she 
was  blown  up  when  Yorktown  was  evacuated  by  the  Con- 
federates in  May,  1862. 

The  President  had  said  of  her  defeater,  to  some  naval 
officers :  "I  think  she  will  be  the  veritable  sling  with 
the  stone  to  smite  the  Philistine  Merrimac." 


LINCOLN'S  CHEESE-BOX  ON  A  RAFT. 

There  is  a  chapter  yet  to  be  published  upon  iron-clad 
war-ships,  as  introduced  practically  in  the  Civil  War. 
To  the  Southerners  is  due  the  innovation  on  a  fair  scale, 
though  the  experiments  were  not  at  all  profitably  demon- 
strative. Upon  rumors  that  the  enemy  were  building  the 
novelties  of  iron-cased  vessels,  the  Federal  government 
responded  by  voting  money — and  throwing  it  away  upon 
a  fiasco.  Meanwhile,  the  others  had  razeed  a  frigate,  the 
Merrimac,  and  upon  an  angular  roof  laid  railroad-iron 
to  make  her  shot-proof.  Stories  of  her  likelihood  to  be 


258  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

a  terror,  especially  as  she  was  stated  by  spies  to  be  sea- 
worthy, inspired  the  Americanized  Swedish  naval  engi- 
neer, Ericsson,  to  build  a  turret-ship.  The  Naval  Con- 
struction Board  unanimously  rebuffed  the  innovator. 
Luckily,  President  Lincoln  became  interested  as  a  flat- 
boat  builder,  in  his  youth.  He  took  up  the  inventor  and 
the  design.  He  scoffed  at  the  idea  that  the  man  had 
not  planned  thoroughly,  saying,  as  to  the  weight  of  th« 
armor  sinking  the  hull : 

"Out  West,  in  boat-building,  we  figured  out  the  carry- 
ing power  to  a  nicety." 

His  championship  earned  the  Monitor  the  name  of 
Lincoln's  "cheese-box  on  a  raft." 

The  assistant  secretary  of  the  navy,  knowing  all  the 
facts,  observes: 

"I  withhold  no  credit  from  Captain  John  Ericsson,  her 
inventor,  but  /  know  the  country  is  principally  indebted 
to  President  Lincoln  for  the  construction  of  this  vessel, 
and  for  the  success  of  the  trial  to  Captain  Worden." — 
(Captain  Fox,  Ericsson's  adviser,  confirms  this  credit.) 


NO  "DUTCH  COURAGE." 

After  the  miraculous  intervention  of  the  Ericsson 
Monitor,  the  President  took  a  party  aboard  to  inspect  the 
little  champion  which  had  saved  the  fleet  and,  perhaps, 
the  capital,  where  the  captain  received  them.  He  apolo- 
gized for  the  limited  accommodation,  and  for  the  lack 
of  the  traditional  lemon  and  necessary  attributes  for  a 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  259 

presidential  visit.     But  the  teetotaler  chief  merrily  re- 
plied : 

"Some  uncharitable  persons  say  that  old  Bourbon 
valor  inspires  our  generals  in  the  field,  but  it  is  plain 
that  Dutch  courage  was  not  needed  on  board  of  the 
Monitor!" 


"IF  I  HAD  AS  MUCH  MONEY  AND  WAS  AS 
BADLY  SKEERED " 

In  March,  1862,  after  her  terrifying  exploits,  the 
Merrimac  ram  was  reported  to  have  escaped  to  sea  and 
was  seeking  fresh  prey  to  devour.  The  Eastern  seaports 
were  in  a  panic.  A  deputation  of  New  York's  merchant 
princes,  bullion  barons,  and  plutocrats  generally,  repre- 
senting "a  hundred  millions,"  was  the  rumor  heralding 
their  "rush"  visit  to  the  capital,  arrived  at  the  White 
House. 

The  spokesman  faltered  that  the  great  metropolis  was 
in  peril,  that  treasures  were  involved  by  the  apprehension, 
and  that,  in  brief,  the  government  ought  to  take  measures 
to  defend  the  Empire  City  from  the  spite  of  this  irre- 
sistible ocean-terror. 

At  the  conclusion,  the  patient  hearer  responded: 

"Well,  gentlemen,  the  government  has  at  present  no 
vessel  which  can  sink  this  Merrimac.  (They  were  not, 
for  state  reasons,  to  know  what  the  sly  fox  had  up  his 
sleeve.)  The  government  is  pretty  poor;  its  credit  is  not 
good;  its  legal-tender  notes  are  worth  only  forty  cents 
on  your  Wall  Street;  and  we  have  to  pay  you  a  high 


260  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

rate  of  interest  on  our  loans.  Now,  if  I  were  in  your 
place,  and  had  as  much  money  as  you  represent,  and  was 
as  badly  skeered  as  you  say  you  are — I'd  go  right  back 
to  New  York  and  build  some  war-vessels  and  present 
them  to  the  government." — (Authenticated  by  Schuyler 
Colfax,  afterward  vice-president  under  General  Grant; 
and  by  Judge  Davis,  who  presented  the  delegation.) 


"IT  PLEASES  HER,  AND  IT  DONT  HURT  ME." 

April,  1862,  closed  brilliantly  for  the  Union,  as  New 
Orleans  was  captured.  General  Porter  Phelps  issued  a 
proclamation  which  freed  the  slaves.  As  on  previous 
occasions,  when  this  bomb  was  brought  out,  the  Presi- 
dent had  directed  its  being  stifled  and  reserved  for  his 
occasion,  there  was  wonder  that  he  took  no  official  notice 
of  the  premature  flash.  Taken  to  task  by  a  friendly  critic 
for  his  odd  omission,  he  deigned  to  reply : 

"Well,  I  feel  about  it  a  good  deal  like  that  big,  burly, 
good-natured  canal  laborer  who  had  a  little  waspy  bit  of 
a  wife,  in  the  habit  of  beating  him.  One  day  she  put 
him  out  of  the  house  and  switched  him  up  and  down  the 
street.  A  friend  met  him  a  day  or  two  after,  and  re- 
buked him  with  the  words: 

"  'Tom,  as  you  know,  I  have  always  stood  up  for  you, 
but  I  am  not  going  to  do  so  any  longer.  Any  man 
may  stand  for  a  bullyragging  by  his  wife,  but  when 
he  takes  a  switching  from  her  right  out  on  the  public 
highway,  he  deserves  to  be  horsewhipped/ 

"Tom  looked  up  with  a  wink  on  his  broad  face,  and, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  261 

slapping  the  interferer  on  the  back  with  a  leg-of-mutton 
fist,  rejoined: 

"  'Why,  drop  it !    It  pleases  her  and  it  don't  hurt  me !'  " 


"LET  HIM  SQUEAL  IF  HE  WORKS." 

One  of  the  Northern  war  governors  was  admirably 
loyal  and  devoted  to  the  reunion,  but  he  was  set  on  doing 
things  his  own  way,  and  protested  every  time  he  was 
called  on  for  men  or  material.  Lincoln  saw  that  he 
was  willing,  and  was  only  like  the  lady  who  "methinks 
protests  too  much."  So  he  told  Secretary  Stanton,  who 
laid  before  him  the  objections : 

"Never  mind !  These  despatches  do  not  mean  any- 
thing. Go  right  ahead.  The  governor  reminds  me  of  a 
boy  I  knew  at  a  launching.  He  was  a  small  boy,  chosen 
to  fit  the  hollow  in  the  midst  of  the  ways  where  he  should 
lie  down,  after  knocking  out  the  king-dog,  which  holds 
the  ship  on  the  stocks,  when  all  other  checks  are  removed. 
The  boy  did  everything  right,  but  yelled  as  if  he  was 
being  murdered  every  time  the  keel  rushed  over  him 
in  the  channel.  I  thought  the  hide  was  being  peeled 
from  his  back,  but  he  wasn't  hurt  a  mite. 

"The  shipyard-master  told  me  that  the  boy  was  always 
chosen  for  the  job,  doing  his  work  well  and  never  being 
hurt,  but  that  he  always  squealed  in  that  way. 

"Now,  that's  the  way  with  our  governor;  make  up 
your  mind  that  he  is  not  hurt  and  that  he  is  doing  the 
work  all  right,  and  pay  no  attention  to  his  squealing." 

To  his  confidant,  General  Viele,  the  President  said: 


262  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"We  cannot  afford  to  quarrel  with  the  governors  of  the 
loyal  States  about  collateral  issues.  We  want  their 
soldiers." 


BRIGADIERS  CHEAP— CHARGERS  COSTLY. 

The  news  was  transmitted  to  the  Executive  that  a 
brigadier-general  and  his  escort  of  cavalry  had  been 
"gobbled  up,"  the  current  and  expressive  term,  by  rebel 
raiders,  near  Fairfax  Court-house,  close  enough  to  re- 
sound the  echoes  of  the  affray. 

"I  am  sorry  of  the  loss  of  the  horses,"  deplored  the 
President  "I  mean  that  I  can  make  a  brigadier-general 
any  day — but  those  horses  cost  the  government  a  hun- 
dred and  twenty-five  to  fifty  dollars  a  head!" 


TO  CURE  SINGING  IN  THE  HEAD. 
The  key  to  the  trammels  which  bore  upon  the  several 
generals  of  the  Army  of  the  Potomac  is  found  in  the 
fears  of  the  inhabitants  of  the  capital  that  at  the  least 
weakness  in  its  defenders,  there  would  be  a  shifting  of 
the  two  governments,  and  the  Richmond  one  would  re- 
place that  at  Washington.*  But  the  navy  was  not  con- 
sidered in  this  relation.  Hence,  there  was  a  proposition 
to  draw  the  rebel  forces  from  the  North,  by  threatening 

*This  seems  unlikely  now,  but  General  Lee  and  many  com- 
petent judges  clung  to  the  belief  that,  had  his  General  Early  held 
his  position  at  Gettysburg,  Jefferson  Davis,  and  not  Abraham 
Lincoln,  would  have  occupied  Washington's  seat — for  a  time, 
anyway!  But  IF — the  story  of  the  Civil  War  is  studded  with 
"Ifs." 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  263 

the  Southern  seaports  with  naval  attacks,  and  descents 
of  the  tars  and  marines.  A  deputation  visited  the  Presi- 
dent with  this  project.  He  listened  to  its  unfolding  with 
his  proverbial  patient  attention,  and  rejoined : 

"This  reminds  me  of  the  case  of  a  girl  out  our  way, 
troubled  with  a  singing  in  the  head.  All  the  remedies 
having  been  uselessly  tried,  a  plain,  common  horse-sense 
sort  of  a  fellow  (he  bowed  tc  the  deputation)  was 
called  in. 

"  'The  cure  is  simple,'  he  said ;  'what  is  called  by  sym- 
pathy— make  a  plaster  of  psalm  tunes  and  apply  to  the 
feet;  it  will  draw  the  singing  down  and  out!'" — (Re- 
peated by  Frank  Carpenter's  "Recollections.") 


BOWING  TO  THE  BOY  OF  BATTLES. 

Congressman  W.  D.  Kelley  wished  to  procure  the  ad- 
mittance of  a  youth  into  the  Naval  School.  Though  a 
lad  he  had  "shown  the  mettle  of  a  man"  on  two  serious 
occasions,  while  belonging  to  the  gunboat  Ottawa.  The 
President  has  the  right  to  send  three  candidates  to  the 
school  yearly,  who  have  served  a  year  in  the  naval  service. 
Thrilled  by  the  recital  of  the  youth's  heroic  conduct,  the 
President  wrote  to  the  secretary  of  the  navy  to  have 
the  boy  put  on  the  list  of  his  appointees.  But  the  subject 
was  found  short  of  the  age  required.  He  would  not  be 
fourteen  until  September  of  that  year,  and  it  was  but 
July. 

Lincoln  had  the  hero  appear  before  him.    He  admired 


264  The  Lincoln  Story  Book, 

him  frankly  and  altered  the  order  so  as  to  suit  the  later 
date.  He  bade  the  boy  go  home  and  have  "a  good  time" 
during  the  two  months,  as  about  the  last  holiday  he 
would  get.  The  President  had  reconsidered  his  first  im- 
pression that  the  "disturbance"  was  but  "an  artificial  ex- 
citement." 

"And  that's  the  boy  who  did  so  gallantly  in  those  two 
great  battles !"  he  mused ;  "why,  I  feel  that  I  should  bow 
to  him,  and  not  he  to  me." — (Authority:  Congressman 
W.  D.  Kelley;  the  person  was  Willie  Bladen,  U.  S.  N.) 


WHEN  WASHINGTON  WAS  ALL  ONE  TAVERN. 
As  men  wining  with  Mars  expect  to  sup  with  Pluto, 
the  drinking  at  the  capital  during  the  war  was  horrify- 
ing. The  bars  were  overflowing  with  officers,  and  while, 
as  "Orpheus  C.  Kerr"  was  saying  of  the  civil-service 
corps,  that  spilling  red  ink  was  very  different  from  spill- 
ing red  blood,  the  novices  in  uniform  were  staining  their 
new  coats  with  port.  Coming  out  of  the  West  with  the 
unique  recommendation,  "This  gentleman  from  Kentucky 
never  drinks,"  President  Lincoln  had  only  the  Ameri- 
can standby,  the  ice-water  pitcher,  on  his  sideboard.  And 
up  to  the  last,  even  when  the  jubilation  upon  the  war's 
close  made  many  a  stopper  fly  out  of  the  tabooed  bottle, 
he  could  say:  "My  example  never  belied  the  position  I 
took  when  I  was  a  young  man."  So  he  could  reply  to 
a  New  England  women's  temperance  deputation,  proba- 
bly believing  the  caricaturists  who  pictured  "Old  Abe" 
mint-juleping  with  the  eagle. 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  265 

"They  would  be  rejoiced  if  they  only  knew  how  much 
I  have  tried  to  remedy  this  great  evil."  Indeed,  he  was 
still  "meddling"  when  he  wrote  and  spoke  against 
drunken  habits  in  the  army,  especially  among  the  officers. 


44 BREAK  THE  CRITTER  WHERE  SLIM  I" 
Lincoln's  letters  to  his  generals  would  be  a  revelation 
of  character  if  it  were  not  already  famed.  He  warns 
"Fighting  Joe"  Hooker,  in  June,  1863,  "not  to  get  en- 
tangled on  the  Rappahannock,  like  an  ox  jumped  half 
over  a  fence  and  liable  to  be  torn  by  dogs,  front  and 
rear,  without  a  fair  chance  to  give  one  way  or  kick  the 
other."  Later :  "Fight  Lee,  too,  when  opportunity  offers. 
If  he  stays  where  he  is,  fret  him — and  fret  him!" 
Finally:  "If  the  head  of  Lee's  army  is  at  Martinsburg, 
and  the  tail  on  the  plank  road  between  Fredericksburg 
and  Chancellorsville,  the  critter  must  be  slim  somewhere; 
could  you  not  break  him  there?" 


HOW  GET  HIM  OUT? 

During  the  avalanche  of  plans  to  conduct  the  suppres« 
sion  of  the  rebellion,  a  genius  proposed  what  afterward 
seemed  a  forecast  for  Sherman's  march  to  the  sea.  But 
at  the  time,  Lincoln  saw  in  it  merely  a  desperate  venture 
which  would  detail  a  rescue-party  much  more  important. 

"That  reminds  me,"  he  said,  with  his  whimsical  smile, 
"of  a  cooper  out  my  way,  new  at  the  trade  and  much 


266  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

annoyed  by  the  head  falling  in  as  he  was  hooping  in  the 
staves  around  it.  But  the  bright  idea  occurred  to  him  to 
put  his  boy  in  to  hold  up  the  cover.  Only  when  the  job 
was  completed  by  this  inner  support,  the  new  problem 
rose :  how  to  get  the  boy  out  ? 

"Your  plan  is  feasible,  sir ;  but  how  are  you  to  get  the 
boy  out?" 

(The  story  was  originally  credited  to  a  Chinese  cooper, 
to  whom  modern  caskmaking  was  a  mystery.) 


"A  PLEASURE  TO  PRESIDE,  AT  LAST!" 

On  the  4th  of  March,  1863,  when  Congress  was 
closing  the  session,  President  Lincoln  gave  away  the 
bride  at  a  marriage  ceremony  held — by  his  invitation — 
in  the  House  of  Representatives'  chamber.  This  seems 
a  singular  and  high  honor  to  the  couple.  Their  pre- 
eminence and  the  function  being  acclaimed  by  all  the 
notables  connected  with  the  field  and  the  forum  in  the 
capital,  was  a  characteristic  testimonial  to  the  comforters 
whose  service  to  the  soldier  was  inestimable.  The  pair 
were  John  A.  Fowle  and  Elida  Rumsey,  the  man  from 
Boston,  the  lady  from  New  York.  They  were  both  at- 
tendants on  the  hospitals  at  the  front,  when  their  ac- 
quaintance verged  into  community,  and  this  eventful 
matrimony.  Lincoln  had  met  both,  in  his  continuous 
calls  at  the  hospitals,  and  offered  the  west  wing  of  the 
Capitol  building  for  the  wedding.  He  gave  away  the 
bride,  and  in  the  records  figure  his  name  and  those  of 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  267 

the  illustrious  witnesses.  He  gave  a  huge  basket  of  the 
finest  flowers  from  the  White  House  conservatory.  He 
stayed  to  witness  the  dedication  of  the  Soldier's  Library, 
founded  by  Mr.  Fowle,  who  had  seen  the  arrant  want 
of  reading-matter  by  our  soldiers — so  few  being  illiterate. 
At  the  President's  hint,  Congress  granted  the  ground  for 
the  library,  but  the  Pension  Office  now  occupies  the  site. 
Sixty-three  was  a  dark  year,  and  the  President  might 
well  say  on  this  typical  incident,  during  a  time  there 
was  little  marrying,  it  is  for  once  a  pleasure  to  preside. 


ON  THE  LORD'S  SIDE. 

On  a  pastor  assuring  the  President  that  "the  Lord  is 
on  our  side !"  he  replied : 

"I  am  not  at  all  concerned  about  that,  for  I  know 
that  the  Lord  is  always  on  the  side  of  the  right.  But  it 
is  my  constant  anxiety  and  prayer  that  I  and  this  nation 
should  be  on  the  Lord's  side." 


"TO  CANAANI" 

This  hymn  plays  quite  a  part  in  the  music  of  the  Civil 
War.  There  is  a  negro  variation — "Canaan's  fair  and 
happy  land,"  given  to  the  old  hymn,  "Canaan's  happy 
shore,"  which,  better  known  by  its  chorus:  "Say,  broth- 
ers, will  you  meet  us  ?"  and  turned  by  the  soldiers  into 
the  grand  "John  Brown's  body's  moldering  in  the  grave, 
but  his  soul  is  marching  on,"  was  paraphrased  by  Julia 


268  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Ward  Howe  into  a  "battle  hymn."  And  Holmes  wrote 
"To  Canaan,"  relative  to  the  first  levy.  And  to  top 
these,  the  Southerners  had  a  parody  on  the  "Old  John 
Brown,"  also  called  "Lincoln  Going  to  Canaan." 


"  GOING  TO  CANAAN  1" 

Although  the  South  is  a  poetic  country,  no  bard  wrote 
any  "Marseillaise  Hymn"  on  that  side.  One  of  the  few 
effusions  bidding  tolerably  for  publicity  was  "Lincoln 
Going  to  Canaan,"  a  parody  on  the  numerous  negro 
camp-meeting  lays  in  which  Lincoln  was  hailed  as  the 
coming  Moses.  This  burlesque  was  laid  before  Mr.  Lin- 
coln, he  taking  the  grim  relish  in  hits  at  him,  carica- 
tures and  sallies,  which  great  men  never  spurn. 

"Going  to  Canaan,"  he  (is  reported  to  have)  said. 
"Going  to  cane  'em,  I  expect!" 


THE  FOX  APPOINTED  PAYMASTER. 
The  President  came  into  the  telegraph-office  of  the 
White  House,  laughing.  He  had  picked  up  a  child's 
book  in  his  son  "Tad's"  room  and  looked  at  it.  It  was  a 
story  of  a  motherly  hen,  struggling  to  raise  her  brood 
to  lead  honest  and  useful  lives;  but  in  her  efforts  she 
was  greatly  annoyed  by  a  mischievous  fox.  She  had 
given  him  many  lectures  on  his  wicked  ways,  and— 
said  the  President :  "I  thought  I  would  turn  over  to  the 
finis,  and  see  how  they  came  out.  This  is  what  it  said : 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  269 

"  'And  the  fox  became  a  good  fox,  and  was  appointed 
paymaster  in  the  army.'  I  think  it  very  funny  that  I 
should  have  appointed  him  a  paymaster.  I  wonder  who 
he  is?" 

Such  inability  to  distinguish  one  officer  as  "good" 
does  not  speak  highly  for  the  eradication  of  the  soldiers' 
prejudice  for  the  gentry. — (Superintendent  Tinker.) 


RISKING  THE  DICTATORSHIP. 

Every  one  of  the  generals  leading  the  Army  of  the 
Potomac  was  accused  of  the  "longing  for  the  Presi- 
dency," which  placed  the  occupant  in  a  peculiar  predica- 
ment. Of  General  "Joe"  Hooker,  it  was  said  in  the 
press  and  in  the  Washington  hotels  that  he  was  the 
"Man  on  Horseback,"  and  would,  at  the  final  success 
of  clearing  out  the  rebel  beleaguers,  set  up  as  dictator. 
Hence  the  letter  which  Lincoln  wrote  to  him : 

"I  have  heard  in  such  a  way  as  to  believe  it,  of  your 
recently  saying  that  both  the  army  and  the  government 
needed  a  dictator.  Of  course,  it  was  not  for  this,  but  in 
spite  of  it,  that  I  have  given  you  the  command  of  the 
Army  of  the  Potomac.  What  I  now  ask  of  you  is  mili- 
tary success,  and  I  will  risk  the  dictatorship !" 

It  was  April,  1863,  Hooker  issued  the  stereotyped  ad- 
dress full  of  confidence  on  taking  command,  advanced, 
and  withdrew  his  army  after  the  repulse  by  Lee.  All 
he  scored  was  the  death  of  "Stonewall"  Jackson,  Lee's 
right  hand,  and  that  was  an  accident.  As  Lee  invaded 


270  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Maryland,  all  hopes  of  Hooker's  dictatorship  were  dis- 
persed in  the  battle  smoke  penetrating  too  far  North  to 
be  pleasant  incense  to  fallen  heroes. 


A  STAGE  IN  THE  CEASELESS  MARCH  ONVARD 
TO  VICTORY. 

Veterans  will  remember  the  peculiar  effect,  on  a  forced 
march,  of  the  younger  or  less-enduring  comrade  falling 
asleep  as  to  all  but  his  eyes  and  the  muscles  employed, 
but  stepping  out  and  apparently  sustained  only  by  the 
touching  of  elbows  in  the  lurching  from  the  ruts  in  the 
obliterated  road.  On  the  night  of  the  stunning  news  of 
the  last  conflict  at  Chancellorsville,  Lincoln  could  derive 
no  comfort  from  later  intelligence.  Late  at  night  Gen- 
eral Halleck,  commanding  the  capital,  and  Secretary 
Stanton  left  him  unconsoled.  Then  his  secretary,  as  long 
as  he  stayed,  heard  the  man  on  whom  rested  the  national 
hopes — her  very  future — pace  his  room  without  pause 
save  to  turn.  It  was  like  the  fisher  on  the  banks  who 
must  keep  awake  for  a  chance  at  a  grab  at  the  chains  of 
the  ship  that  may  burst  through  the  fog  and  crush  his 
smack  like  a  coconut-shell.  At  midnight  the  chief  may 
have  stopped  to  write,  for  there  was  a  pause — but  a 
breathing-spell.  Then  the  pacing  again  till  the  attache 
left  at  3  A.  M.  When  he  came  in  the  morning,  not 
unanxious  himself,  he  found  his  chief  eating  breakfast 
alone  in  the  unquitted  room.  On  the  table  lay  a  sheet 
of  written  paper :  instructions  for  General  Hooker  to 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  271 

renew  fighting  although  it  only  brought  the  slap  on  the 
other  cheek — at  Winchester — and  still  Lee  pressed  on 
into  Pennsylvania  till  Harrisburg  was  menaced !  But 
Meade  supplanted  "Fighting  Joe,"  and  Gettysburg  wiped 
out  the  shame  of  the  later  repulses. 

(The  private  secretary  was  W.  O.  Stoddard.) 


WORKING  FOR  A  LIVING  MAKES  ONE  PRACTICAL. 

The  year  1863  was  black-lettered  in  the  North  by 
disaster.  General  Hooker  had  been  badly  beaten  by 
General  Lee.  The  Confederate  advance  into  Pennsylva- 
nia shook  the  strongest  faith  in  the  triumph  of  the 
Federal  arms,  and  the  victory  of  Gettysburg  was  attained 
at  a  bloody  cost.  The  draft  riots  in  New  York  excited 
a  fear  that  the  discontent  with  the  colossal  strife  was 
deep-rooted.  General  Thomas,  at  Chickamauga,  saved 
the  Union  Army  from  destruction,  but  the  call  for 
300,000  three-years'  men  denoted  that  the  end  was  not 
even  glimpsed.  Nevertheless,  this  latter  feat  of  arms 
gladdened  tremulous  Washington,  and  among  the  ex- 
ploits was  cited  to  the  President  the  desperate  victualing 
of  General  Thomas'  exhausted  troops  by  General  Gar- 
field.  He  performed  a  dangerous  ride  from  Rosencrantz 
to  the  beleagured  victor  and  brought  him  craved-for 
provisions. 

"How  is  it,"  inquired  President  Lincoln  of  an  officer, 
courier  of  the  details,  "that  Garfield  did  in  two  weeks 
what  would  have  taken  one  of  your  West  Pointers  two 
months  to  accomplish?" 


272  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

The  recollection  was  perfectly  well  understood  by  the 
regular,  who  thought  the  amateur  commander  "meddled 
too  much"  with  the  operations  of  the  field. 

"Because  he  was  not  educated  at  West  Point,"  was  the 
reply,  but  half  in  jest. 

"No,  that  was  not  the  reason,"  corrected  the  ques- 
tioner; "it  was  because,  when  a  boy,  he  had  to  work  for 
a  living." 

He  rewarded  "the  purveyor-general"  with  the  rank  of 
major-general. 


"HOLD  ON  AND  CHAW!" 

While  in  July,  1863,  General  Grant  was  held  at  Vicks- 
burg  by  the  siege  which  he  successfully  prosecuted,  the 
New  York  draft  riots  broke  out.  Without  knowing 
from  experience  that  a  riot,  however  portentous,  must 
cease  when  the  mob  are  drunk  or  spent,  the  inevitable 
contingencies,  in  his  alarm  General  Halleck,  at  Wash- 
ington, begged  General  Grant  to  send  reenforcements, 
that  he  might  not  weaken  the  capital  defenses  to  any 
extent.  The  commander  of  the  West  declined  and  re- 
ferred to  the  President.  General  Horace  Porter  was  on 
Grant's  staff  and  saw  his  smiles  as  he  read  the  despatch 
from  headquarters. 

"The  President  has  more  nerve  than  any  of  his  ad- 
visers," observed  he  to  his  officers,  for  Lincoln  did  not 
agree  with  his  Cabinet,  as  to  the  revolution  in  the  rear; 
and  the  message  was  sent  by  the  staff: 

"1  hare  seen  your  despatch,  expressing  your  unwill- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  273 

ingness  to  break  your  hold.  Neither  am  I  willing.  Hold 
on  with  a  bulldog  grip,  and  chaw  and  choke  as  much  as 
possible !" 


THE  GREAT  NATIONAL  JOB. 

"The  signs  look  better.  The  Father  of  Waters  again 
goes  unvexed  to  the  sea.  .  .  .  The  job  was  a  great 
national  one,  and  let  none  be  banned  who  bore  an  hon- 
orable part  in  it.  And  while  those  who  cleared  the  great 
river  may  well  be  proud,  even  that  is  not  all.  It  is  hard 
to  say  that  anything  has  been  more  bravely  and  well  done 
than  at  Antietam,  Murfreesboro,  Gettysburg,  and  on 
many  fields  of  lesser  note.  Nor  must  Uncle  Sam's  web- 
feet  be  forgotten.  Not  only  on  the  deep  sea,  the  broad  bay, 
and  the  rapid  river,  but  also  up  the  narrow,  muddy  bay, 
and  wherever  the  ground  was  a  little  damp,  they  have 
been,  and  made  their  tracks!  Thanks  to  all — for  the 
great  republic!" — (Letter  by  President  Lincoln,  regret- 
ting inability  to  attend  a  meeting  of  unconditional  Union 
men  at  Springfield,  Illinois;  dated  August  26,  1863,  to 
J.  C.  Conkling.) 


FOR  FLAYING  A  MAN  ALIVE. 

A  representative  of  Ohio,  Alexander  Long,  proposed 
in  the  House  a  recognition  of  the  Southern  Confederacy. 
It  must  be  borne  in  mind  that,  before  the  firing  on  the 
supply-steamer  at  Charleston,  which  was  despatched 
surreptitiously  not  "to  offend  the  sympathizers'  susceptt- 


274  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

bilities,"  many  good  citizens,  dwelling  on  the  silence  of 
the  Constitution  as  to  secession,  said  openly  that  they 
did  not  see  why  the  States  chafing  under  the  partnership 
all  the  original  thirteen  made,  should  not  withdraw  peace- 
fully. Long  was  not  solitary  in  his  unseemly  proposition, 
which,  however,  could  never  have  been  otherwise  than 
untimely  after  the  first  shot. 

General  Garfield  met  the  issue  with  indignation.  He 
called  the  act  "treason!"  and  denounced  the  author  as  a 
second  Benedict  Arnold.  He  entreated  loyal  represent- 
atives : 

"Do  not  believe  that  another  such  growth  on  the  soil 
of  Ohio  deformed  the  face  of  nature  and  darkened  the 
light  of  God's  day !" 

When  this  speech  met  the  President's  eye,  he  hastened 
to  thank  General  Garfield  for  having  "flayed  Long  alive." 


"ONE  ON  'EM  NOT  DEAD  YET!" 

As  communications  were  cut  off  with  the  North,  in- 
tense anxiety  was  occasioned  there  by  the  situation  in 
November,  1863,  of  General  Burnside,  packed  in  Knox- 
ville,  Tennessee,  by  Longstreet's  dreaded  veterans.  At 
last  a  telegram  reached  the  War  Department,  vaguely 
telling  of  "Firing  heard  in  the  direction  of  Knoxville." 
The  President  reading,  expressed  gladness,  in  spite  of  the 
remaining  uncertainty. 

"Why,"  said  he  to  the  group  of  officers  and  officials, 
"it  reminds  me  of  a  neighbor  of  ours,  in  Indiana,  in  the 
brush,  who  had  a  numerous  family  of  young  ones.  They 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  275 

were  all  the  time  wandering  off  into  the  scrub,  but  she 
was  relieved  as  to  their  being  lost  by  a  squall  every  now 
and  then.  She  would  say :  'Thank  the  laws,  there  is  one 
still  alive !'  That  is,  I  hope  one  of  our  generals  is  in  the 
thicket,  but  still  alive  and  kicking!" 

Indeed,  Burnside  resisted  a  night  storming-party,  and 
Longstreet  was  not  "a  lane  that  knew  no  turning,"  but 
turned  and  retreated ! 


THE  SOUTH  LIKE  AN  ASH-CAKE. 

At  the  end  of  1864,  the  Confederacy  was  scotched  if 
not  quite  killed.  Sherman  had  halved  it  by  striking  into 
Savannah.  East  Tennessee  and  southwest  Virginia  were 
cut  by  Stoneman.  Alabama  and  Mississippi  were  trav- 
ersed by  Grierson  and  Wilson.  In  sum,  the  new  map 
resembled  that  of  a  territory  charted  off  into  sections. 

President  Lincoln  said  that  its  face  put  him  in  mind 
of  a  weary  traveler  in  the  West,  who  came  at  night  to 
a  small  log  cabin.  The  homesteader  and  his  wife  said 
they  would  put  him  up,  but  had  not  a  bite  of  victuals 
to  offer  him.  He  accepted  the  truss  of  litter  and  was 
soon  asleep.  But  he  was  awakened  by  whispers  letting 
out  that  in  the  fire  ashes  a  hoe-cake  was  baking.  The 
woman  and  her  mate  were  merry  over  how  they  had 
defrauded  the  stranger  of  the  food.  Feeling  mad  at 
having  been  sent  to  bed  supperless — uncommon  mean  in 
that  part — he  pretended  to  wake  up  and  came  forth  to 
sit  at  the  dying  fire.  He  pretended,  too,  that  he  was  ill 
from  worry. 


276  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"The  fact  is,  my  father,  when  he  died,  left  me  a  large 
farm.  But  I  had  no  sooner  taken  possession  of  it  than 
mortgages  began  to  appear.  My  farm  was  situated  like 
this "  He  took  up  the  loggerhead  poker  to  illus- 
trate, drawing  lines  in  the  ashes  so  as  to  enclose  the  ash- 
cake.  "First  one  man  got  so  much  of  it  one  side,"  he 
cut  off  a  side  of  the  hidden  dough.  "Then  another 
brought  in  a  mortgage  and  took  off  another  piece  there. 
Then  another  here,  and  another  there !  and  here  and 
there" — drawing  the  poker  through  the  ashes  to  make 
the  figure  plain — "until,"  he  said,  "there  was  nothing  of 
the  farm  left  for  anybody — which,  I  presume  is  the  case 
with  your  cake !" 

"And,  I  reckon,"  concluded  Mr.  Lincoln,  "that  the 
prospect  is  now  very  good  of  the  South  being  as  cut  up 
as  the  ash-cake!" — (Telegraph  Manager  A.  Chandler.) 


"I  COUNT  FOR  SOMETHING  I " 
The  true  lovers  of  the  South  were  sorely  wrung  in 
1864  by  the  Emperor  Napoleon  taking  advantage  of  the 
"lockup"  of  the  United  States,  to  set  a  puppet  in  the 
Austrian  Archduke  Maximilian  on  the  imperial  throne — 
so  called — of  Mexico.  It  was  said  that  the  Cabinet  of 
Lincoln  were  divided  on  the  subject;  whereon  the  Mar- 
quis of  Chambrun,  having  the  ear  of  the  Executive,  called 
on  him,  and  inquired  on  the  real  state — would  the  United 
States  intervene,  if  only  by  winking  at  a  filibustering 
expedition  from  the  South,  with  Northern  volunteers 
accessory,  to  assist  the  natives  against  the  usurper? 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  277 

"There  has  been  war  enough,"  was  his  rejoinder,  with 
that  sadness  which  Secretary  Boutwell  declares  insepara- 
ble from  him,  but  not  due  to  the  depression  of  public 
affairs.  "I  know  what  the  American  people  want;  but, 
thank  God!  I  count  for  something,  and  during  my  sec- 
ond term  there  will  be  no  more  fighting!" 

It  was  left  for  his  successor,  with  the  two  armies 
disbanded,  but  still  whetted  for  slaughter,  to  expel  the 
French  by  the  mere  threat  of  their  union  to  restore  the 
republic. 


PASSES  NO  GOOD  FOR  RICHMOND. 

A  person  solicited  the  President  for  a  pass  to  Rich- 
mond. But  the  other  replied  caustically: 

"I  should  be  happy  to  oblige  you  if  my  passes  thither 
were  respected ;  but  I  have  issued  two  hundred  and  fifty 
thousand  to  go  to  Richmond,  and  not  one  man  has  got 
there  yet!" 


THE  MAYOR  IS  THE  BETTER  HORSE. 

The  Lowell  Citizen  editor  participated  in  a  presiden- 
tial reception  in  1864,  just  before  the  fall  of  Richmond. 
The  usher  giving  intimation  that  the  President  would 
see  his  audience  at  once,  all  were  ushered  into  the  inner 
room.  "Abraham  Lincoln's  countenance  bore  that  open, 
benignant  outline  expected ;  but  what  struck  us  especially 
was  its  cheerful,  wide-awake  expressiveness,  never  met 
with  in  the  pictures  of  our  beloved  chief.  The  secret 


278  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

may  have  been  that  Secretary  Stanton — middle-aged, 
well-built,  stern-visaged  man— had  brought  in  his  budget 
good  news  from  Grant."  After  saluting  his  little  circle 
of  callers,  they  were  seated  and  attended  to  in  turn. 

First  in  order  was  a  citizen  of  Washington,  praying 
for  pardon  in  the  case  of  a  deserter. 

"Well,"  said  the  President,  after  carefully  reading  the 
petition,  "it  is  only  natural  for  one  to  want  pardon;  but 
I  must  in  that  case  have  a  responsible  name  that  I  know* 
I  don't  know  you.  Do  you  live  in  the  city?" 

"Yes." 

"Do  you  know — h'm  !  the  mayor  ?" 

"Yes." 

"Well,  the  mayor  is  the  better  horse.  Bring  me  his 
name  and  I  will  let  the  boy  off." 

The  soldier  was  pardoned. 


THE  REAL  THING  SUPERIOR  TO  THE  SHAM 
BATTLE. 

On  the  25th  of  March,  1864,  in  honor  of  the  Presi- 
dent's renewal  of  office,  a  grand  review  had  been  fixed  at 
City  Point,  outside  the  capital. 

Whatever  the  opinion  of  the  old  military,  the  volun- 
teers gave  the  civilian  commander  "the  soldiers'  vote." 
In  imitation  of  the  French  soldiers  dubbing  Bonaparte 
"the  Little  Corporal,"  after  his  Italian  victories,  the 
Americans  promoted  Lincoln  to  be  their  "captain,"  as 
Walt  Whitman  worded  it,  after  his  repeated  reinstate- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  279 


ment.  He  was  rapturously  greeted  by  "his  boys  in  blue." 
But  the  arrangements  made  at  Washington  in  the  undis- 
turbed council  were  upset  by  General  Lee.  On  that 
very  morning  he  had  attacked  and  taken  Fort  Stedman. 
To  drive  him  out  required  a  veritable  action  not  ter- 
minating for  several  hours.  Lincoln  visited  the  scene  of 
restoration  after  the  carnage,  and,  on  hearing  regrets 
that  the  review — the  chief  recreation  of  the  Washington- 
ians — he  checked  the  light-souled  attendants  with: 
"This  victory  is  better  than  any  review." 


THE  TOOL  TURNED  ON  THE  HANDLE. 

The  scales  having  fallen  from  our  sight  and  the  figure 
of  the  greatest  American  standing  out  colossal  and  clean- 
cut  for  posterity  to  worship  as  without  a  blemish,  it  is 
hard  to  measure  the  conceit  of  the  clique  of  politicians, 
pettifoggers,  and  office-seekers  certainly  assisting  in  the 
advancement  of  Abraham  Lincoln  from  confined  ob- 
scurity in  the  West  to  the  choice  of  the  Northern  nation. 
That  was  not  enough,  but  still  gaging  him  with  their 
tape  they  withheld  justice  from  him,  after  he  displayed 
his  worth  in  meeting  the  impending  crisis. 

When  on  the  heels  of  the  call  for  300,000  men  in 
1863,  came  in  spring,  1864,  another  for  500,000,  to  fortify 
General  Grant  in  his  finishing  maneuvers,  a  murmur  was 
heard.  Chicago,  gallantly  having  done  her  part,  thought 
it  was  pumping  at  a  void.  A  deputation  from  Cook 
County,  headed  by  Lincolnites,  departed  for  the  capital 


280  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

to  object  to  the  summons.  It  was  thought  by  his  friends 
and  long  supporters  that  "their  own  elect"  could  not 
resist  their  plea,  or  turn  it  off  with  a  joke.  This  deputa- 
tion fined  down  to  three  persons,  as  it  was  not  a  patriotic 
quest.  One  of  them  also  wished  to  balk,  being  Joseph 
Medill,  editor  of  the  Chicago  Tribune.  As  a  matter  of 
course,  Secretary  of  War  Stanton  refused  the  indulgence, 
obdurate  as  he  was.  The  President  was  likewise  averse, 
but  he  did  consent  to  go  over  the  matter  with  Stanton. 
The  result  was  the  same.  All  was  left  solely  to  Lincoln, 
since  the  personal  argument  was  implied  by  the  mediums 
selected. 

"I"— said  Medill  to  Miss  Tarbell— "I  shall  never  for- 
get how  Mr.  Lincoln  suddenly  lifted  his  head  and  turned 
on  us  a  black  and  frowning  face. 

"  'Gentlemen,'  said  he,  in  a  voice  full  of  bitterness, 
'after  Boston,  Chicago  has  been  the  chief  instrument  in 
bringing  this  war  on  the  country.  The  Northwest  has 
opposed  the  South  as  New  England  opposed  the  South. 
It  was  you  who  were  largely  responsible  for  causing  the 
blood  to  flow  as  it  has.  You  called  for  war  until  we  had 
it.  You  called  for  emancipation,  and  I  have  given  it  to 
you.  Whatever  you  have  asked,  you  have  "had. 

"  'Now  you  come  here,  begging  to  be  let  off  from  the 
call  for  men  which  I  have  made  to  carry  out  the  war  you 
demanded.  You  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourselves.  I 
have  a  right  to  expect  better  things  of  you ! 

"  'Go  home  and  raise  your  six  thousand  extra  men — the 
Cook  County  rate.  And  you,  Medill,  you  are  acting  like 
a  coward  I  You  and  your  Tribune  have  had  more  influ- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  281 

cnce  than  any  paper  in  the  Northwest  in  making  this  war. 
Go  home  and  send  us  those  men !' " 
They  went  home,  and  they  raised  and  sent  those  men  t 


"SOONER  THE  FOWL  BY  HATCHING  THE  EGG 
THAN  SMASHING  IT." 

"Still  the  question  is  not  whether  the  Louisiana  Gov- 
ernment, as  it  stands,  is  quite  all  that  is  desirable.  The 
question  is,  Will  it  be  wiser  to  take  it  as  it  is,  and  help 
to  improve  it,  or  to  reject  and  disperse?  .  .  .  Con- 
cede that  the  new  government  is  to  what  it  should  be  as 
the  egg  to  the  fowl,  we  shall  sooner  have  the  fowl  by 
hatching  the  egg  than  by  smashing  it.  (Laughter.)" — 
( Speech  by  A.  Lincoln,  his  last !  in  answer  to  a  serenade 
at  the  White  House,  nth  April,  1865,  amid  illuminations 
for  the  victories.) 


TOO  BUSY  TO  GO  INTO  ANOTHER  BUSINESS. 

There  came  into  the  presidential  hearing  a  man  of 
French  accent  from  New  Orleans.  He  was  evidently  a 
diffident  person,  not  knowing  how  precisely  to  state  his 
case.  But  the  burden  of  it  was  that  he  was  a  real-estate 
holder  in  New  Orleans,  and,  since  the  advent  of  military 
rulers  there,  he  could  not  collect  his  rents,  his  living. 

"Your  case,  my  friend,"  said  the  President,  "may  be  a 
hard  one,  but  it  might  be  worse.  If,  with  your  musket, 
you  had  taken  your  chances  with  the  boys  before  Rich- 


282  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

mond,  you  might  have  found  your  bed  and  board  before 
now !  But  the  point  is,  what  would  you  have  me  do  for 
you?  I  have  much  to  do,  and  the  courts  have  been 
opened  to  relieve  me  in  this  regard." 

The  applicant,  still  embarrassed,  said :  "I  am  not  in  the 
habit  of  appearing  before  big  men." 

"And  for  that  matter,"  it  was  quickly  responded,  "you 
have  no  need  to  change  your  habit,  for  you  are  not  before 
very  big  men  now;"  playfully  adding:  "I  am  too  busy 
to  go  into  the  rent-collection  business." 


THE  SCALE  OF  REBELS. 

When,  at  the  finale,  Lincoln  reproved  his  own  wife 
for  using  the  hackneyed  expression  of  rebels,  suggesting 
Confederates,  as  officially  accepted  on  both  sides,  a  wit 
commented : 

"The  Southerners  will  be  like  the  Jews.  As  a  poor 
one  is  simply  a  Jew,  a  rich  one  a  Hebrew,  and  a  Roths- 
child an  Israelite,  so  it  will  be  rebels,  Confederates,  and 
our  Southern  brothers  anew !" 


ONE  WAR  AT  A  TIME. 

When  the  Austrian  archduke,  Maximilian,  was  foisted 
upon  Mexico  as  its  emperor  by  Napoleon  III.,  the  South- 
erners, who  did  not  have  their  "bellyful  of  fighting"  by 
1864,  more  than  hinted  that  they  would  range  shoulder 
to  shoulder  with  the  Federals  to  try  to  expel  him  and  the 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  283 

mercenary  Marshal  Bazaine.  But  the  President  returned 
sagaciously : 

"One  war  at  a  time !" 

It  was  under  his  successor,  Johnson,  that  the  expulsion 
was  effected  and  the  upstart  executed  by  the  exasperated 
Mexicans  themselves. 

(NOTE. — This  was  undoubtedly  said,  but  Mr.  Henry 
Watterson,  in  his  lecture  on  Lincoln,  dates  it  as  at  the 
commencement  of  the  war,  when  Secretary  Seward,  to 
forestall  possible  European  alliances  in  favor  of  the  Con- 
federate States,  proposed  waging  war  against  France 
and  Spain,  already  allied,  and  challenging  Russia  and 
England  to  follow.) 


«AGIN'  THE  GOVERNMENT." 

In  the  summer  of  1864,  the  governor-general  of  Canada 
paid  the  President  a  visit,  with  a  numerous  escort. 
During  the  late  unpleasantness,  as  much  comfort  as  pos- 
sible under  the  Neutrality  Act  was  believed  to  have  been 
given  the  raiders  into  the  border  towns,  as  witness  the 
St.  Alban's  Bank  steal  and  the  outfitting  of  blockade-run- 
ners. But  they  were  treated  at  Washington  with  perfect 
courtesy.  The  head  of  the  British  party,  at  the  conclu- 
sion, said  with  some  sarcasm  in  his  genial  tone : 

"I  understand,  Mr.  President,  that  everybody  is  en- 
titled to  a  vote  in  this  country.  If  we  remain  until 
November,  can  we  vote  ?" 

"You  would  have  to  make  a  longer  residence,  which  I 
could  desire,"  politely  replied  the  host;  "only,  I  fear  we 


284  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

should  not  gain  much  by  that — for  there  was  a  country- 
man of  your  excellency,  from  the  sister  kingdom  of  Ire- 
land, though,  who  came  here,  and  on  landing  wanted  to 
exercise  the  privilege  you  seek — to  vote  early  and  often ! 
But  the  officials  at  Castle  Garden  landing-stage  laughed 
at  him,  saying  that  he  knew  nothing  about  parties,  to 
which  he  replied : 

"  'Bother  the  parties !  It  is  the  same  here  with  me  as 
in  the  old  country — I  am  agin'  the  government!'  You 
see,  he  wanted  to  vote  on  the  side  of  the  Rebellion !  Your 
excellency  would  then  be  no  more  at  a  loss  to  decide  on 
which  side!" 


PLOWING  AROUND  A  LOG. 

A  State  governor  came  to  Washington,  furious  at  the 
number  of  troops  headquarters  commanded  of  him  and 
the  mode  of  collecting  them.  Irate  as  he  was,  General 
Fry  saw  him  bidding  good-by  to  the  Capitol  with  a  placid, 
even  pleased,  mien.  The  general  inquired  of  Lincoln 
himself  how  he  had  been  so  miraculously  mollified. 

"I  suppose  you  had  to  make  large  concessions  to  him, 
as  he  returns  from  you  entirely  satisfied  ?"  suggested  the 
general. 

"Oh,  no,"  replied  the  President,  "I  did  not  concede 
anything. 

"You  know  how  that  Illinois  farmer  managed  the  big 
log  that  lay  in  the  middle  of  his  field  ?  To  the  inquiries 
of  his  neighbors,  he  announced  he  had  gotten  rid  of  it. 

"  'How  did  you  do  it  ?'  they  asked.     'It  was  too  big  to 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  285 

haul  away,  too  knotty  to  split,  too  wet  and  soggy  to 
burn.  Whatever  did  you  do?' 

"  'Well,  now,  boys,  if  you  won't  tell  the  secret,  I'll  tell 
you  how.  I  just  plowed  'round  it!' 

"Now,  Fry,  don't  tell  anybody,  but  I  just  plowed 
around  the  governor!" — (On  the  authority  of  General 
James  B.  Fry.) 


NOT  THE  RIGHT  "CLAY"  TO  CEMENT  A  UNION. 

In  1864,  Horace  Greeley,  editor  of  the  New  York 
Tribune,  and  a  great  authority  among  the  farming  class 
and  the  extremists,  consented  to  attend  an  abortive  peace 
consultation  with  Southern  representatives,  George  N. 
Sanders,  Beverly  Tucker,  and  Clement  C.  Clay,  at  Ni- 
agara Falls.  Clay  was  so  set  upon  Jefferson  Davis  be- 
ing still  left  as  a  ruler  in  some  high  degree  which  would 
condone  his  action  as  President  of  the  seceded  States, 
the  project,  like  others,  was  a  "fizzle,"  as  Lincoln  would 
have  said.  To  our  President,  Henry  Clay  was  the  "beau- 
ideal  of  a  statesman" ;  but  it  was  clear  that  his  namesake 
•was  not  of  the  Clay  to  cement  a  new  Union ! 


"THE  MAN  DOWN  SOUTH." 

In  August,  1864,  a  painful  absorption  was  noticed  in 
the  President's  manner,  growing  more  and  more  strained 
and  depressed.  The  ancient  smile  was  fainter  when  it 
flitted  over  the  long-drawn  features,  and  the  eyes  seemed 
to  bury  themselves  out  of  sight  in  the  cavernous  sockets,  / 


286  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

too  dry  for  tears.  These  withdrawing  fits  were  not  un- 
common, but  they  had  become  frequent  this  summer,  and 
at  the  reception  he  had  mechanically  passed  the  welcome 
and  given  the  hand-shake.  But  then  the  abstraction  be- 
came so  dense  that  he  let  an  old  friend  stand  before  him 
without  a  glance,  much  less  the  usual  hearty  greeting 
expected.  The  newcomer,  alarmed,  ventured  to  arouse 
him.  He  shook  off  his  absence  of  mind,  seized  the  hand 
proffered  him,  and,  while  grasping  it,  exclaimed  as  though 
no  others  were  by,  also  staring  and  pained : 

"Excuse  me!  I  was  thinking — thinking  of  a  man- 
down  South!" 

He  was  thinking  of  Sherman — that  military  genius  who 
"burned  his  ships  and  penetrated  a  hostile  country,"  like 
Cortez,  and  from  whom  no  reliable  news  had  been  re- 
ceived while  he  was  investing  Savannah.  Lincoln  had  in 
his  mind  been  accompanying  his  captain  on  that  forlorn 
march — "smashing  things" — to  the  sea. 


THE  DISMEMBERED  "YALLER"  DOG. 

Toward  the  end  of  December,  1864,  the  news  trickled 
in  of  the  utter  discomfiture  of  Confederate  General 
Hood's  army  at  Nashville,  by  General  Thomas.  An  en- 
thusiastic friend  of  the  President  said  to  him : 

"There  is  not  enough  left  of  Hood  to  make  a  dish-rag, 
is  there?" 

"Well,  no,  Medill ;  I  think  Hood's  army  is  in  about  the 
identical  fix  of  Bill  Sykes'  dog  (the  application  from 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  287 

Dickens  is  noticeable  as  showing  Lincoln's  eclectic  read- 
ing) down  in  Sangamon  County.  Did  you  never  hear 
it?" 

As  a  Chicago  man  Mr.  Medill  might  be  allowed  to  be 
ignorant  of  Sangamon  Valley  incidents. 

"Well,  this  Bill  Sykes  had  a  long,  hungry  yaller  dog, 
forever  getting  into  the  neighbors'  meat  smokehouses, 
and  chicken-coops,  and  the  like.  They  had  tried  to  kill 
it  a  hundred-odd  times,  but  the  dog  was  always  too 
smart  for  them.  Finally,  one  of  them  got  a  coon's  in- 
nards, and  filled  it  up  with  gunpowder,  and  tied  a  piece 
of  punk  in  the  nozle.  When  he  see  this  dog  a-coming 
'round,  he  fired  this  punk,  split  open  a  corn-cake  and 
squose  the  intestine  inside,  all  nice  and  slab,  and  threw 
out  the  lot.  The  dog  was  always  ravenous,  and  swallered 
the  heap — kerchunk ! 

"Pretty  soon  along  come  an  explosion — so  the  man 
said.  The  head  of  the  animal  lit  on  the  stoop;  the  fore 
legs  caught  a-straddle  of  the  fence ;  the  hind  legs  kicked 
in  the  ditch,  and  the  rest  of  the  critter  lay  around  loose. 
Pretty  soon  who  should  come  along  but  Bill,  and  he  was 
looking  for  his  dog  when  he  heard  the  supposed  gun  go 
off.  The  neighbor  said,  innocentlike :  'William,  I  guess 
that  there  is  not  much  of  that  dog  left  to  catch  anybody's 
fowls?' 

"  'Well,  no/  admitted  Sykes ;  'I  see  plenty  of  pieces, 
but  I  guess  that  dog  as  a  dog,  ain't  of  much  account.' 

"Just  so,  Medill,  there  may  be  fragments  of  Hood's 
army  around,  but  I  guess  that  army,  as  an  army,  ain't  of 
much  more  account!" 


288  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

(Joseph  Medill  was  editor  of  the  Chicago  Tribune;  he 
was  one  of  the  coterie  who  claimed  to  have  "discovered" 
Abraham  Lincoln,  and  surely  added  propulsion  to  the 
wave  carrying  him  to  Washington.  Another  version  of 
this  anecdote  is  applied  to  the  breaking  up  of  General 
Early's  rashly  advanced  army  in  July ;  but  it  would  seem, 
by  Mr.  Medill's  name,  that  this  is  the  genuine;  the  other 
is  not  told  in  the  Western  vernacular  of  Mr.  William 
Sykes.) 


THE  METEOROLOGICAL  OMEN. 

The  second  inauguration  day  was  amid  the  usual 
March  weather  in  the  District  of  Columbia,  like  the  fickle 
April  in  unkinder  latitudes :  smile  and  scowl.  But  as  the 
President  kissed  the  book  there  was  a  sudden  parting  of 
the  clouds,  and  a  sunburst  broke  in  all  its  splendor.  This 
is  testified  to  by  the  newspaper  correspondents,  Frank 
Moore,  Noah  Brooks,  and  others.  The  President  said 
next  day: 

"Did  you  notice  the  sun  burst?    It  made  me  jump!" 


DID  SHE  TAKE  THE  WINK  TO  HERSELF? 
Miss  Anna  Dickinson,  lecturing  by  invitation  in  the 
House  of  Representatives'  Hall,  alluded  to  the  sunburst 
which  came  upon  the  President  on  inauguration  day,  just 
as  he  took  the  oath  of  office.  The  illustrious  auditor  sat 
directly  in  front  of  the  lady,  so  that  he  also  faced  the 
reporters'  gallery  behind  her.  Lincoln  amiably  glanced 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  289 

over  her  head,  caught  sight  of  an  acquaintance  among 
the  newspaper  men,  and  winked  to  him  as  she  made  the 
reference  to  the  so-esteemed  omen.  Next  day  he  said  to 
this  gentleman — Noah  Brooks  : 

"I  wonder  if  Miss  Dickinson  saw  me  wink  at  you?" 


GOING  DOWN  WITH  COLORS  FLYING. 

All  the  wire-pulling  of  the  many  contestants  for  the 
presidential  chair  failed  to  get  a  prize  upon  it.  It  was 
held  that  there  must  be  in  excelsis  no  "swapping  of 
horses  in  crossing  the  stream,"  still  turbid  and  danger- 
ous. So  the  National  Convention,  held  at  Baltimore, 
purged  by  this  time  of  its  former  treasonable  activity, 
at  the  Soldiers'  Fair,  held  there,  the  President  had  al- 
luded to  the  time  when  he  had  to  be  whisked  through 
as  past  a  bed  of  vipers,  and  said : 

"Blessings  on  the  men  who  have  wrought  these 
changes !" 

All  the  States  voted  for  the  incumbent  save  Missouri, 
which  stood  for  General  Grant,  but  the  votes  transferred 
to  Lincoln,  the  opinion  was  unanimous.  Within  two 
months  he  was  driven  by  circumstances  to  call  out  five 
hundred  thousand  men.  His  partizans  regretted  the 
necessity,  and  on  the  old  story  that  the  people  were  tired 
of  the  war  declared  it  would  prove  injurious  to  his  re- 
election. But  it  is  undisputed  that  about  half  the  levies 
never  reached  their  mustering-point.  The  arts  and  wiles 
of  the  marplots  were  equaled  only  by  the  prodigality  and 
persistency  of  the  parents  to  save  their  sons  from  "the 


290  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

evils  of  camp  life."  It  is  but  fair  to  the  Puritans  to 
accept  their  plea  that  the  loss  of  them  fighting  the  coun- 
try's battles  did  not  so  distress  them.  Lincoln  replied  to 
the  political  argument  nobly : 

"Gentlemen,  it  is  not  necessary  that  I  should  be  re- 
elected,  but  it  is  necessary  that  our  brave  boys  in  the 
front  should  be  supported,  and  the  country  saved."  (The 
hackneyed  phrase  had  led  to  his  party  being  nicknamed 
"the  Union-savers.")  "I  shall  call  out  the  five  hundred 
thousand  more  men,  and  if  I  go  down  under  the  measure 
I  will  go  down  like  the  Cumberland,  with  my  colors 
flying!" 

(On  the  8th  of  March,  1862,  the  Confederate  iron-clad 
ram,  Merrimac,  ran  into  and  sank  the  Union  sloop  of 
war,  Cumberland,  nearly  all  of  the  latter's  company  per- 
ishing. Acting-captain  Morris  refused  to  strike  his  flag.) 


THERE  MUST  BE  THE  BELL-MULE. 

President  Lincoln  formally  disavowed  the  desire  er- 
roneously attributed  to  him  by  military  critics  that  he 
wished  to  die  "with  soldiers'  harness  on  his  back."  To 
quote  General  Grant,  to  whom  he  said  in  their  first  in- 
terview when  the  victor  of  the  West  was  summoned  to 
Washington  to  be  made  lieutenant-general,  and  given  full 
command  over  all  the  national  forces : 

"Mr.  Lincoln  stated  to  me  that  he  had  never  professed 
to  be  a  military  man,  or  to  know  how  campaigns  should 
be  conducted,  and  never  wanted  to  interfere  with  them; 
but  that  procrastination  on  the  part  of  his  commanders, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  291 

and  the  pressure  of  people  at  the  North,  and  of  Congress, 
had  forced  him  into  issuing  the  'executive  orders.'  He 
did  not  know  but  that  they  were  all  wrong,  and  did  not 
know  that  some  of  them  were." 


"ROOT,  HOG,  OR  DIE  I" 

In  February,  1865,  permission  was  requested  from  the 
National  Government  for  three  appointees  on  a  peace 
commission  to  confer  with  the  Executive.  It  was  granted, 
but  the  parties  were  not  allowed  to  enter  Washington, 
as  they  wanted  to  do,  to  give  more  luster  to  the  course. 
The  interview  of  the  President,  Mr.  Seward  the  "bottle- 
holder" — as  it  was  facetiously  said  about  this  sparring- 
match  for  breath — was  with  Alexander  Stephens,  Hunter, 
and  Campbell,  of  Alabama,  on  board  of  the  River  Queen, 
off  Fort  Monroe.  The  discussion  lasted  four  hours,  but, 
though  on  friendly  terms,  as  "between  gentlemen,"  re- 
sulted in  nothing.  For  the  President  held  that  the  first 
step  which  must  be  taken  was  the  recognition  of  the 
Union.  As  was  his  habit,  he  rounded  off  the  parley  with 
one  of  his  stories  apropos. 

Mr.  Hunter,  a  Virginian,  had  assumed  that,  if  the 
South  consented  to  peace  on  the  basis  of  the  Emancipa- 
tion Proclamation,  the  slaves  would  precipitate  ruin  on 
not  only  themselves,  but  the  entire  Southern  society. 

Mr.  Lincoln  said  to  Henry  J.  Raymond,  of  the  Times, 
New  York,  that: 

"I  waited  for  Seward  to  answer  that  argument,  but, 


292  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

as  he  was  silent,  I  at  length  said :  'Mr.  Hunter,  you  ought 
to  know  a  great  deal  better  about  that  than  I,  for  you 
have  always  lived  under  the  slave  system.  I  can  only 
say  in  reply  to  your  statement  of  the  case  that  it  reminds 
me  of  a  man  out  in  Illinois,  by  the  name  of  Case,  who 
undertook  to  raise  a  very  large  herd  of  hogs.  It  was  a 
great  trouble  to  feed  them,  and  how  to  get  around  this 
was  a  puzzle  to  him.  At  length  he  hit  upon  a  plan  of 
planting  a  great  field  of  potatoes,  and,  when  they  were 
sufficiently  grown,  turned  the  whole  herd  into  the  field 
and  let  them  have  full  swing,  thus  saving  not  only  the 
labor  of  feeding  the  hogs,  but  also  that  of  digging  the 
potatoes.  Charmed  with  his  sagacity,  he  stood  one  day 
leaning  against  the  fence,  counting  his  hogs,  when  a 
neighbor  came  along. 

"  'Well,  well,'  said  he ;  'this  is  all  very  fine,  Mr.  Case. 
Your  hogs  are  doing  very  well  just  now,  but,  you  know, 
out  here  in  Illinois  the  frost  comes  early,  and  the  ground 
freezes  for  a  foot  deep.  Then,  what  are  you  going  to 
do?' 

"This  was  a  view  of  the  matter  Mr.  Case  had  not  taken 
into  account.  Butchering  time  for  hogs  was  'way  on  in 
December  or  January!  He  scratched  his  head,  and  at 
length  stammered: 

"  'Well,  it  may  come  pretty  hard  on  their  snouts,  but 
I  don't  see  but  it  will  be  "Root,  hog,  or  die !"  ' " 

The  speaker  had  no  need  to  draw  this  moral  as  to 
the  fate  of  the  South  after  the  war,  for  black  or  white, 
from  a  Case  in  Illinois ;  the  negro  minstrel  song  was  cur- 
rent then  which  supplied  the  apt  allusion,  and  was  called 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  293 

"Root,  Hog,  or  Die."  It  may  well  be  that  the  sailors 
conveying  the  baffled  commissioners  to  Richmond,  or  the 
soldiers  about  the  "other  government,"  were  chanting  the 
instructive  and  prophetic  chorus :  "It  doan'  make  a  bit  of 
difference  to  either  you  or  I,  but  Big  Pig  or  Little  Pig, 
it  is  Root,  Hog,  or  Die." 

Mr.  Raymond,  in  chronicling  this  anecdote,  tells  of  the 
New  York  Herald  giving  the  story  in  a  mangled  and 
pointless  copy.  But  it  was  current  in  conversation.  Mr. 
Lincoln  was  in  hopes  that  "it  would  not  leak  out  lest 
some  oversensitive  people  should  imagine  there  was  a 
degree  of  levity  in  the  intercourse  between  us." 

Quite  otherwise,  for  the  majority  thought  the  illustra- 
tion as  good  as  any  argument,  and  would  have  deemed 
the  speaker  prophet  if  they  could  have  foreseen  that  the 
South  would  have  to  buckle  down  to  hard  work  to  re- 
deem the  losses. 


THE  GRANT  BRAND  OF  WHISKY. 

Although  a  Kentuckian — orthodox  jest — Lincoln  was 
so  known  for  his  rare  temperance  convictions  that  no  one 
carped  at  the  buffet  at  his  official  house  being  clear  of  the 
decanters  characterizing  it  in  previous  administrations. 
The  total  abstinence  societies  therefore  hailed  him  as  an 
apostle  of  their  creed.  Consequently,  they  had  been 
pleased,  on  certain  occasions,  at  his  espousing  and  cheer- 
ing their  counsel.  When  General  Grant  was  elevating 
himself  by  his  string  of  solid  victories  in  the  West,  it  was 
object  of  caviling,  by  the  adherents  of  the  generals 


294  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

eclipsed  and  foreseeing  his  becoming  lieutenant-general, 
and  the  slander  circulated  that  "Philip  sober"  got  the 
credit  of  "Philip  drunk,"  perpetrating  his  plans  with  the 
dram-bottle  at  his  elbow. 

Lincoln  heard  out  this  spiteful  diatribe  with  his 
habitual  patience,  when,  calmly  looking  at  the  chairman, 
he  responded: 

"Gentlemen,  since  you  are  so  familiar  with  the  gen- 
eral's habits,  would  you  oblige  me  with  the  name  of  Gen- 
eral Grant's  favorite  brand  of  whisky.  I  want  so  to  send 
some  barrels  of  it  to  my  other  generals !" 

The  deputation  withdrew  in  poor  order. 

Major  Eckert  says  that  Mr.  Lincoln  told  him  he  had 
heard  this  story.  It  was  good,  and  would  be  very  good 
if  he  had  told  it — but  he  did  not.  He  supposed  it  was 
"charged  to  him  to  give  it  currency."  He  went  on  to 
say: 

"The  original  is  back  in  King  George's  time.  Bitter 
complaints  were  made  against  General  Wolfe  that  he  was 
mad.  The  king,  who  could  be  more  justly  accused  of 
that,  replied:  'I  wish  he  would  bite  some  of  my  other 
generals.' " 


"A  GENERAL,  AT  LAST!** 

Without  disparaging  the  Lincoln  generals,  it  may  be 
said  that  they  will  never  occupy  a  niche  in  Walhalla  be- 
side Napoleon's  marshals  and  Washington's  commanders. 
But  Washington  society  liked  them  one  with  another  for 
affording  opportunities  of  outings  to  the  grand  reviews 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  295 

and  parades.  One — that  to  Bull  Run — turned  out  a 
failure,  and  the  Southerners  chasing  the  fugitives  had 
the  pickings  of  the  iced  wines,  game  pies,  and  cold 
chicken  which  "Brick"  Pomeroy  saw  strewing  the  road 
back.  Grant's  negligent  and  war-worn  uniform  did  not 
remind  any  one  of  the  gay  and  brilliant  period  of  "Old 
Fuss  and  Feathers,"  the  veteran  Scott.  But  Grant  and 
the  other  Westerner,  Lincoln,  mutually  pleased  at  their 
first  meeting,  the  latter  emerged  from  the  interview  ex- 
claiming with  joy: 

"At  last,  we  have  a  general!" 


A  FIZZLE  ANYHOV! 

American  dash  was,  in  military  matters  as  in  others, 
opposed  to  the  engineering  schemes  dear  to  the  scientific 
officers  fresh  from  West  Point  Academy.  Among  their 
projects  was  the  Dutch  Gap  Canal  at  City  Point.  When 
Grant,  as  his  lieutenant-general,  was  conducted  by  the 
President  to  see  the  forces  and  their  positions,  the  guide 
made  known  his  opinion  of  the  undertaking  in  his  frank 
manner,  consonant  with  the  new  commander's  bluntness. 

"Grant,  do  you  know  what  this  reminds  me  of?  In 
the  outskirts  of  our  Springfield,  there  was  a  blacksmith 
of  an  ingenious  turn,  who  could  make  something  of 
pretty  nigh  anything  in  his  line.  But  he  got  hold  of  a  bit 
of  iron  one  day  that  he  attempted  to  make  into  a  corn- 
knife,  but  the  stuff  would  not  hold  an  edge,  so  he  rea- 
soned it  would  be  a  claw-hammer;  but  that  would  be  a 


296  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

loss  of  overplus,  and  he  tried  to  make  an  ax-head.  That 
did  not  come  out  to  a  five-pounder;  and,  getting  dis- 
gusted, he  blew  up  the  fire  to  a  white  heat  around  the 
metal  mass,  when,  yanking  it  out  with  his  tongs,  he 
flung  it  into  the  water-tub  hard  by,  and  cried  out : 

"  'Well,  if  I  can't  make  anything  of  you,  I'll  make  a 
fizzle  anyhow!' 

"Well,  general,  I  am  a  feared  that  that's  what  we'll 
make  of  the  Dutch  Gap  Canal." 


"FORGET  OVER  A  GRAVE  1" 

When  the  Chronicle,  of  Washington,  had  the  noble 
courage  to  speak  well  of  "Stonewall"  Jackson,  acci- 
dentally shot,  as  a  brave  soldier,  however  mistaken  as  an 
American,  Lincoln  wrote  to  the  editor : 

"I  honor  you  for  your  generosity  to  one  who,  though 
contending  against  us  in  a  guilty7 cause,  was  nevertheless 
a  gallant  man.  Let  us  forget  his  sins  over  a  fresh-made 
grave." 


IF  HE  FELT  THAT  WAY-START! 
Although  Colonel  Dana,  of  the  private  branch  of  the 
War  Office  Intelligence  Department,  might  have  claimed 
exemption  from  active  service,  he  never  spared  himself, 
though  such  a  messenger  ran  not  only  the  common  mili- 
tary dangers,  but  of  the  Johnnies  treating  him  as  a  spy. 
During  the  battles  of  the  Wilderness,  acute  was  the 
trepidation  in  Washington,  where  no  news  had  come 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  297 

since  a  couple  of  days — Grant  having  "cut  loose"  and 
buried  himself  in  the  midst  of  the  foes.  Nevertheless, 
Dana  had  a  train  at  Maryland  Avenue  to  take  him  to  the 
front,  and  a  horse  and  escort  to  see  him  farther ;  he  came 
to  take  the  President's  last  orders.  But  the  other  had 
been  reflecting  on  the  perils  into  which  he  would  be  send- 
ing his  favorite  despatch-bearer. 

"You  can't  tell  where  Lee  is,  or  what  he  is  doing ;  Jeb 
Stuart  is  on  the  rampage  pretty  lively  between  the  Rap- 
pahannock  and  the  Rapidan.  It  is  considerable  risk,  and 
I  do  not  like  to  expose  you  to  it." 

"But  I  am  all  ready ;  and  we  are  equipped,  if  it  comes 
to  the  worst,  to  run !" 

"Well,  now,  if  you  feel  that  way— start!"— (E.  P. 
Mitchell,  from  Dana.) 


FIGURES  WILL  PROVE  ANYTHING. 

Toward  the  finish  of  the  Rebellion,  Lincoln  was  asked 
to  what  number  the  enemy  might  amount.  He  replied 
with  singular  readiness: 

"The  Confederates  have  one  million  two  hundred  thou- 
sand men  in  the  field." 

Astonishment  being  manifested  at  the  precision,  he 
went  on,  smiling: 

"Every  time  a  Union  commander  gets  licked,  he  says 
the  enemy  outnumbered  him  three  or  four  times.  We 
have  three  or  four  hundred  thousand,  so — logic  is  logic ! 
they  are  three  times  that;  say,  one  million  two  hundred 
thousand." 


298  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

As  a  fact,  at  the  grand  review  before  the  President 
(Johnson)  the  two  armies  of  Grant  and  Sherman,  May, 
1865,  two  hundred  thousand  veterans  filed  past.  Lincoln 
should  have  lived  to  see  that  glorious  march  past. 


"I  DON'T  WANT  TO-BUT  THAT'S  IT  IF  I  MUST 
DffiJ" 

In  the  ferment,  as  the  term  of  Lincoln's  first  office- 
holding  was  terminating,  the  old  war  fever  returned  by 
which  "Little  Mac  (McClellan),  Idol  of  the  Army"  was 
hailed  as  "the  hope  of  the  country."  Only  this  time  the 
presage  was  that  General  Grant  had  only  to  secure  that 
phantasm,  the  capture  of  Richmond,  to  be  nominated  and 
elected.  This  reached  the  President's  ears  through  the 
"hanged  good-natured  friend,"  as  Sheridan — the  wit,  not 
the  general — calls  the  stinging  tongue. 

"Well,"  drawled  Mr.  Lincoln,  "I  feel  very  much  like 
the  man  who  said  he  did  not  particularly  want  to  die,  but, 
if  he  had  got  to  die,  that  was  precisely  the  disease  he 
wanted  to  die  of!" 


BEST  LET  AN  ELEPHANT  GO! 

A  rebel  emissary,  the  notorious  Jacob  Thompson,  was 
reported  by  the  secret  service  as  slipping  through  the 
North  and  trying  to  get  passage  to  Europe  on  the  Allan 
steamship  out  of  Portland,  Maine,  or  Canada.  Brevet- 
general  Dana,  confidential  officer  to  the  War  Department 
and  the  President,  inquired  if  the  fugitive  was  to  be  de- 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  299 

tained  at  Portland,  where  the  provost-marshal  thought  he 
could  capture  him.  Secretary  Stanton  wanted  him  ap- 
prehended. 

"H'm,"  said  Lincoln,  who  was  being  shaved,  "I  don't 
know  as  I  have  any  apprehension  in  that  quarter.  When 
you  have  an  elephant  on  your  hands,  and  he  wants  to 
run  away,  better  let  him  run!" 

(NOTE. — The  "Unbeknownst"  story  has  been  applied 
to  this  tolerated  "escape.") 


HISTORY  REPEATS. 

There  is  a  double  echo  in  the  Lincolnian  saying,  "No 
surrender,  though  at  the  end  of  one  or  a  hundred  de- 
feats," from  General-President  Taylor's  reply  at  Buena 
Vista:  "General  Taylor  never  surrenders,"  to  its  an- 
tecedent, not  so  well  authenticated,  of  General  Cam- 
bronne  at  Waterloo:  "The  Old  Guard  dies,  but  does  not 
surrender." 


"NOT  THE  PRESIDENT,  BUT  THE  OLD  FRIEND." 
In  February,  1865,  General  Grant's  plans  were  so  well 
shaped  that,  with  the  reenforcement  of  General  Sherman 
returned  from  his  march  to  Savannah,  he  could  count  on 
crushing  up  Richmond,  as  an  egg  under  trip-hammers. 
Before  this  the  doom  was  registered,  for  the  Southerners 
were  at  the  end  of  their  men,  as  before  they  had  been 
at  that  of  their  means.  Bridges  burned  or  blown  up,  the 
rebel  army  was  pouring  out  of  their  capital  with  the  fear 


3OO  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

that  their  one  or  two  ways  of  flight  were  already  blocked 
by  Sheridan  or  Sherman.  The  desperate  attempt  to  arm 
the  slaves  against  their  coming  deliverer  was  the  "last 
kick."  Lee  clung  to  Richmond  in  hope  that  his  lieuten- 
ant, Johnston,  would  check  the  oncomer,  but  he  was  com- 
pelled to  notify  his  President  and  colleagues  that  flight 
was  their  only  resource  when  he  could  no  longer  fight. 

Lincoln  was  at  Petersburg  at  Grant's  headquarters 
when,  a  few  miles  off,  Davis  received  the  fatal  intelli- 
gence that  Lee  was  being  deserted  so  freely  that  there 
would  not  be  a  body-guard  left  him.  He  fled,  to  be  ig- 
nominiously  captured  in  female  disguise.  His  lair  was 
hot  when  Lincoln  entered  it,  and  made  it  his  closet, 
whence  he  issued  his  orders. 

Soon  after  this  occupation  the  victor  heard  the  name 
of  Pickett  announced  to  him.  The  Southern  general, 
George  Pickett,  was  a  protege  of  his,  as  he  smoothed 
his  entry  upon  the  West  Point  Military  Academy  book 
when  he  was  a  congressman.  Without  either  knowing  it, 
the  hero  was  lying  dead  on  a  hard-fought  field  close  by. 
But  Lincoln  ordered  her  admittance.  She  was  accom- 
panied by  her  little  son.  This  alone  would  have  prevailed 
over  the  President,  but,  as  she  formally  addressed  him 
as  the  authority,  he  interrupted : 

"Not  the  President,  but  George's  old  friend !" 

And  beckoning  the  wondering  boy  to  him  with  the 
irresistible  attraction  of  men  who  love  the  young,  and 
are  intuitively  loved  by  them,  he  said : 

"Tell  your  father,  rascal,  that  I  forgive  him  for  the 
sake  of  your  mother's  smile,  and  your  own  bright  eyes." 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  301 

This  reconciliation  on  the  fall  of  the  sword  was  a  token 
of  the  forgivingness  of  the  North  toward  the  chastened 
foes. 


u  CLOSE  YOUR  EYES  I " 

The  Marquis  of  Chambrun,  a  French  volunteer,  who 
entered  the  Lincoln  circle,  relates  in  a  more  elegant  strain 
the  above  incident.  He  states  that  Thompson  and  San- 
ders were  informed  upon,  and  Stanton  repeated  the  in- 
formation to  the  President  with  a  view  of  having  them 
intercepted.  But  the  other  in  his  tender  voice  responded : 

"Let  us  close  our  eyes,  and  leave  them  pass  unnoticed." 


DON'T  JUDGE  BY  APPEARANCES. 

The  President's  recklessness  seems  incredible  as  to 
going  about  the  capital,  as  far  as  he  knew  and  wished, 
without  escort,  but  his  "browsing,"  to  use  his  word,  about 
the  perilous  front  while  the  concluding  actions  were  en- 
veloping Petersburg  preliminarily  to  the  rush  at  Rich- 
mond, partake  of  the  nature  of  a  fanatic's  daring.  This 
is  the  support  to  the  otherwise  taxing  story  told  by  Doc- 
tor J.  E.  Burriss,  of  New  York,  then  a  volunteer  soldier 
at  the  place.  He  states  that  Lincoln,  so  shabbily  dressed 
as  to  be  taken  for  a  farmer  or  planter,  was  so  treated  by 
soldiery  before  a  tobacco-warehouse  under  guard.  They 
wanted  tobacco,  and  begged  him  to  allow  some  to  be 
turned  out.  He  approached  a  young  lieutenant  com- 
manding the  post,  but  the  latter  was  insolent  to  the  "old 


302  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

Southerner."  The  latter  sent  a  soldier  to  General  Grant, 
who  himself  rode  up,  post-haste,  at  the  summons.  The 
soldiers  were  given  some  of  the  Indian  weed,  and  the 
donor,  turning  to  the  impertinent  officer,  who  had  thought 
him  a  converted  reb,  said : 

"Young  sir,  do  not  judge  by  appearances ;  and  for  the 
future  treat  your  elders  with  more  respect." 


"  NOTHING  CAN  TOUCH  HIM  FURTHER." 
Returning    to  Washington    from    Richmond,    Lincoln 
read  twice  to  friends  on  the  journey,  from  his  pocket 
Shakespeare : 

Treason  has  done  his  worst ;  nor  steel  nor  poison, 
Malice  domestic,  foreign  levy,  nothing, 
Can  touch  him  further. 


"WENT  AND  RETURNED!" 

The  last  days  of  March,  1865,  contained  the  three  bat- 
tles, closing  with  that  of  Five  Forks,  signalizing  the  col- 
lapse of  the  Confederacy  at  Richmond.  The  President, 
at  the  front,  sent  the  news  of  victories  to  the  Cabinet  at 
home.  After  the  battles,  the  advance  of  the  triumphing 
Unionists.  On  Monday  morning  Lincoln  was  enabled  to 
telegraph  the  talismanic  words  so  often  dreamed  of  in 
the  last  agonizing  years  of  fluctuating  hope : 
"Richmond  has  fallen!  I  am  about  to  enter!" 
Secretary  Stanton,  of  the  war  office,  immediately  im- 
plored :  "Do  not  peril  your  life !" 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  303 

But  in  the  morning  he  received  this  line  from  the  most 
independent  President  known  since  Jackson: 

"Received  your  despatch;  went  to  Richmond,  and  re- 
turned this  morning!" 

Expostulated  with  by  Speaker  Colfax  on  the  apparent 
rashness,  for  he  had  completed  "the  foolhardy  act"  by 
occupying  President  Jefferson  Davis'  vacated  house,  he 
replied  with  the  calm  of  a  man  of  destiny : 

"I  should  have  been  alarmed  myself  if  any  other  per- 
son had  been  President  and  gone  there;  but  /  did  not 
feel  in  any  danger  whatever." 

(NOTE. — Mark  the  analogy  in  great  men.  General 
Grant  says  of  his  first  emotions  in  war — the  Mexican — 
"If  some  one  else  had  been  colonel,  and  I  had  been  lieu- 
tenant-colonel, I  do  not  think  I  would  have  felt  any 
trepidation.") 


THE  CLEAR  FORESIGHT. 

On  the  2d  of  April,  1865,  the  President  was  at 
City  Point,  Grant's  headquarters,  until  he  started  forth 
for  the  culminating  series  of  ceaseless  strokes.  That 
morning,  attack  along  the  whole  line  had  been  com- 
manded, and  the  President  telegraphed  to  his  wife,  at 
the  capital,  during  the  raging  battle.  He  knew  that  al- 
ready the  hostile  lines  had  been  pierced  in  one  or  more 
places,  and  that  Sheridan's  cavalry  rush  was  supported 
by  a  division  of  infantry.  He  concludes  foreseeing  that 
at  length  "pegging  away"  was  over  and  slugging  begun : 

"All  is  now  favorable!" 


304  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

In  truth,  on  that  same  day,  the  rebel  government  at 
Richmond  faded  thence  like  a  mirage,  and,  within  one 
week,  General  Lee  surrendered  his  enfeebled  relic  of  a 
grand  army. 


DO  IT  u  UNBEKNOWNST." 

On  April  7,  1865,  General  Grant  had  enveloped  the 
enemy  so  that  he  could  be  assured  that  the  rebel  govern- 
ment, if  it  remained  in  Richmond  as  the  "last  ditch," 
would  be  trapped.  He  notified  the  President  close  by,  at 
Petersburg,  and  asked  what  should  be  done  in  the  event 
of  the  game  being  bagged.  The  plan  was,  it  seems,  to 
have  slain  the  ex-President  and  his  Cabinet  officers  in  a 
rout,  and  the  charge  would  have  been  described  as  mas- 
sacre abroad.  The  arbiter  on  this  point  of  anguish  re- 
plied in  his  characteristic  manner: 

"I  will  tell  you  a  story.  There  was  once  an  Irishman, 
who  signed  the  Father  Mathew's  temperance  pledge. 
But  a  few  days  afterward  he  became  terribly  thirsty,  and 
finally  went  into  a  familiar  resort,  where  the  barkeeper 
was,  at  first,  startled  to  hear  him  call  for  a  'straight' 
soda.  He  related  that  he  had  taken  the  pledge,  so  he 
hinted,  with  an  Irishman's  broadness  of  hint,  'you  might 
put  in  some  spirits  unbeknownst  to  me !'  " 

(NOTE. — Another  and  later  version — for  the  above  was 
limitedly  repeated  at  the  time  with  gusto  and  apprecia- 
tion of  the  sublety — makes  the  hero  a  temperance  lec- 
turer at  Lincoln's  father's  house.  This  is  stupid,  for 
Lincoln,  a  fervent  temperance  advocate,  would  not  have 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  305 

decried  the  apostles  of  the  doctrine  for  which  he  was 
also  a  sufferer.) 

In  course  of  time  doubt  has  been  cast  on  this  anecdote 
by  reason  that  the  President  would  not  have  jested  at 
such  a  juncture.  But  abundant  confirmation  was  forth- 
coming at  the  time.  Besides,  we  have  so  grave  a  general 
as  Sherman  alluding  to  the  "Unbeknownst"  in  an  official 
document. 


ONE  CANNOT  DIE  TWICE. 

In  Lincoln's  last  interview  with  his  rustic  friends,  Mrs. 
Armstrong  repeated  the  fears  many  apprehended  of  evil 
being  visited  on  the  President-elect  on  his  way  to  be  in- 
augurated. 

"Hannah,  if  they  do  kill  me,  I  shall  never  die  another 
death!"  and  laughed  at  her. 


NO  MORE  INVIDIOUS  NAME-CALLING. 

On  returning  from  a  carriage-drive  into  Washington, 
Mrs.  Lincoln — who  was  not  the  Southern  sympathizer 
the  scandalous  hinted — glanced  at  the  city,  and  said  aloud 
with  bitterness : 

"That  city  is  full  of  our  enemies!" 

Had  she  a  premonition  on  the  fatal  eve? 

Right  before  the  Marquis  of  Chambrun,  their  com- 
panion, the  President  serenely  said : 

"Enemies,  Mary !   Never  speak  of  that !" 


306  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

No  wonder,  when  the  dastardly  taking  off  was  bruited 
through  the  beaten  but  ever  gallant  South,  they  knew 
that  they  had  lost  "their  best  friend !"  as  General  Pickett 
styled  Lincoln. — (By  the  Marquis  of  Chambrun.) 


44  THE  UNITED  STATES  OF  AMERICA  THE  TREASURY 
OF  THE  WORLD." 

As  Schuyler  Colfax  was  going  West,  Lincoln,  in  bid- 
ding him  the  last  farewell,  said  foresightedly : 

"I  have  very  large  ideas  of  the  mineral  wealth  of  our 
nation.  Now  that  the  Rebellion  is  overthrown,  and  we 
know  pretty  nearly  the  amount  of  our  national  debt,  the 
more  gold  and  silver  we  mine,  we  make  the  payment  of 
that  debt  the  easier.  Tell  the  miners  from  me  that  I 
shall  promote  their  interests  to  the  best  of  my  ability 
because  their  prosperity  is  the  prosperity  of  the  nation; 
and  we  shall  prove  in  a  few  years  that  we  are  the 
treasury  of  the  world." 


" HANG  ON— NOT  HANOI" 

On  April  II,  1865,  Mr.  Lincoln  spoke  out  of  his  study 
window  to  an  immense  and  joyous  crowd.  There  were 
rockets,  and  portfire,  and  a  huge  bonfire,  while  the  Presi- 
dent was  serenaded.  The  finish  of  the  Rebellion  de- 
lighted all  persons.  His  offhand  speech  was  full  of 
compassion  and  brotherly  love.  Louisiana  was  already 
being  "reconstructed."  Mr.  Harlan,  who  followed  the 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  307 

chief,  touched  the  major  key:  "What  shall  we  do  with 
the  rebels  ?"  To  which  the  mob  responded  hoarsely : 

"Hang  them !" 

Lincoln's  little  son,  Tad,  was  in  the  room,  playing  with 
the  quills  on  the  table  where  his  father  made  his  notes. 
He  looked  at  his  father,  and  said,  as  one  whose  intimacy 
made  him  familiar  with  his  inmost  thoughts : 

"No,  papa ;  not  hang  them — but  hang  on  to  them !" 

The  President  triumphantly  repeated : 

"We  must  hang  on  to  them!  Tad's  got  it!"— (By 
Mrs.  H.  McCulloch,  present.) 


LINCOLN'S  LAST  WISH. 

"Springfield!  how  happy  four  years  hence  will  I  be, 
to  return  there  in  peace  and  tranquillity!" — (To  the  Mar- 
quis of  Chambrun,  April,  1865.) 


ASSASSINATION. 

At  Springfield,  immediately  upon  the  election  for 
President,  Lincoln  began  to  receive  letters  with  lethal 
menaces.  His  friends  took  them  as  serious,  and  two  or 
more  carried  weapons,  and  escorted  him  closely  that  no 
one  with  a  dagger  might  reach  his  side.  Calling  on  his 
stepmother  for  the  farewell,  she  reiterated  the  general, 
and  rising,  fears.  At  Philadelphia,  detectives  and  others 
whispered  of  a  plot  matured  at  Baltimore,  and  in  his 


308  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

speech  at  raising  the  flag  over  Independence  Hall  he 
said  pointedly: 

"If  this  country  cannot  be  saved  without  giving  up 
this  principle — liberty  to  the  world — I  was  about  to  say 
I  would  rather  be  assassinated  on  the  spot  than  surrender 
it.  ...  I  have  said  nothing  but  what  I  am  willing 
to  live  by,  and,  if  it  be  the  pleasure  of  Almighty  God, 
to  die  by." — (Speech,  Philadelphia,  February,  1861.) 


A  PRESIDENT,  NOT  AN  EMPEROR. 

The  President  said  to  Colonel  Halpine  as  respected  the 
life-guards,  which  he  soon  dispensed  with  around  his 
person,  often  going  out  unawares  so  as  to  "dodge"  the 
escort  in  waiting: 

"It  will  never  do  for  the  President  of  a  republic  to 
have  guards  with  drawn  swords  at  his  door,  as  if  he 
fancied  he  were,  or  were  trying  to  be,  or  were  assuming 
to  be,  an  emperor." 


THE  PLOT  TO  VAYLAY  THE  PRESIDENT  (1860). 

The  dispute  as  to  whether  there  was  a  foundation  to 
the  supposed  plot  to  waylay  and  sequester  President- 
elect Lincoln  between  Philadelphia  and  Washington  is 
notable.  From  the  later  light  and  the  letter  from  Wilkes 
Booth  to  his  brother-in-law,  Sleeper  Clarke,  the 
comedian,  no  doubt  is  left  that  to  kidnap  him  was  a  plot 
dated  very  early  when  the  foresighted  slave-holders  were 
certain  that  he  was  a  greater  enemy  from  consistency 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  309 

than  the  louder-voiced  and  openly  violent  Abolitionists. 
While  Colonel  Lamon  doubted,  and  wished  he  had 
not  been  beguiled  into  aiding  in  the  ignominious 
flight  in  disguise  and  secretly  by  train,  Secretary 
Seward  and  General  Scott  gave  it  credence.  The  fore- 
boding had  touched  Lincoln  before  he  left  his  Illinois 
home.  At  Springfield  his  farewell  speech  is  tinged  with 
shade.  At  Philadelphia  and  Harrisburg  he  spoke  of 
blood-spilling,  and  used  the  word  "assassination"  at  the 
former.  He  took  up  the  matter  like  a  reasoner.  Already 
the  detective  brothers,  Pinkerton,  had  an  inkling  of  the 
doings  of  the  Knights  of  the  Golden  Circle,  or  some  such 
secret  society,  designing  regicide.  So,  as  the  Concord- 
ance is  held  as  a  proof  from  the  variance  of  the  wit- 
nesses to  scenes,  he  argued  that  the  story  was  founded. 
Otherwise  he  would  not  have  heard  of  the  criminal  at- 
tempt from  all  sides.  That  was  what  made  him  yield 
his  dignity  to  the  safety  of  a  person  whom  he  felt  was 
chosen  for  the  crisis.  The  next  morning  he  had  con- 
cluded to  pass  through  Baltimore  at  another  than  the 
arranged  hour  to  foil  the  plot. 


"I  DON'T  BELIEVE  THERE  IS  ANY  DANGER  1" 
One  night  the  President  had  been  very  late  with  the 
secretary  of  war  at  the  latter's  department.  But,  just 
the  same,  he  insisted  on  his  getting  home  by  the  short  cut 
• — a  foot-path,  lined  and  embowered  by  trees,  then  lead- 
ing from  the  war  office  to  the  White  House.  But 
Stanton  stopped  him. 


310  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

"You  ought  not  to  go  that  way;  it  is  dangerous  for 
you  in  the  daytime" — it  did  lend  itself  to  an  ambuscade, 
and  persons  who  knew  Wilkes  Booth  assert  having  seen 
him  prowling  around — "it  is  worse  at  night!" 

"I  do  not  believe  there  is  any  danger  there,  night  or 
day !"  responded  the  President,  with  Malcolm's  confi- 
dence that  he  stood  "in  the  great  hand  of  God." 

"Well,  Mr.  President,"  continued  Stanton,  a  stubborn 
man  himself,  "you  shall  not  be  killed  returning  from  my 
department  by  that  dark  way  while  I  am  in  it !" 

And  he  forced  him  to  enter  his  carriage  to  return  by 
the  well-lighted  avenue. 

Lincoln  had  previously  consented  to  carry  a  cane. 
(By  Schuyler  Coif  ax.) 


WORRY  TILL  YOU  GET  RID  OF  THINGS. 

On  Colonel  Halpine  trying  to  make  the  chief  see  that 
even  indoors  there  was  danger,  he  debated  about  the 
two  menaces — violence  of  "cranks"  and  of  a  political 
fanatic.  He  thought  too  well  of  the  sense  of  the  "people 
at  Richmond,"  some  of  whom  had  been  colleagues  of  his 
in  his  first  stay  in  Washington  as  congressman. 

"Do  you  think  that  they  would  like  to  have  Hannibal 
Hamlin — his  first  vice-president — here  any  better  than 
myself?" 

The  story  is  repeated  with  his  second  Vice  substituted 
for  the  first,  with  the  more  justification,  as  "Andy"  John- 
son was  impeached  for  his  incompetency.  Detective 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  311 

Baker  put  it  this  way:  "As  to  the  crazy  folks,  I  must 
take  my  chances.  The  most  crazy  people  being,  I  fear, 
some  of  my  own  too  zealous  adherents." 

(He  had  the  same  idea  as  in  an  ancient  Chinese 
proverb:  "You  may  steal  the  captain  out  of  his  castle, 
but  you  cannot  steal  the  castle.") 

"I  am  but  a  single  individual,  and  it  would  not  help 
their  cause,  or  make  the  least  difference  in  the  progress 
of  the  war."* — (Cited  by  F.  B.  Carpenter.) 


THE  FEARLESSNESS  OF  THE  GOD-FEARING. 

Lincoln  said  that  by  the  death  of  his  son  Willie  he  was 
touched;  by  the  victory  of  Gettysburg  made  a  believer. 
It  is  plain  that,  after  this,  a  fortitude  replaced  the 
despondency  stamping  him.  It  may  be  due  to  this 
conviction  of  being  one  of  the  chosen,  like  Cromwell 
and  Gordon,  soldiers  of  Christ,  that  he  met  all  adjura- 
tions for  him  to  take  care  of  his  precious  life  with  fanati- 
cal unconcern.  He  communicated  to  the  Cabinet,  at  the 
close  of  the  conflict,  how  he  had  appointed  to  confer 
alone  and  without  guards  to  terrify  the  emissary,  a 
noted  Confederate.  They  were  to  discuss  peace — and  by 
that  word,  Lincoln  was  drawn  to  any  one.  He  answered 
the  cautions  with  the  simple  saying: 

"I  am  but  an  individual,  and  my  removal  will  not  in 
any  way  advance  the  other  folks  in  their  endeavors." 


*He  might  have  said,  as  truly  as  his  predecessor,  John  Tyler, 
reproached  also  for  going  about  unguarded :  "My  body-guard  is 
the  people  who  elected  me." 


312  The  Lincoln  Story  Book* 

In  fact,  it  was  so — the  misdeed  was  a  double-edged 
blade  which  cut  both  ways.  It  will  never  be  known, 
probably,  how  near  a  massacre  followed  the  explosion  of 
indignation  at  that  maniac's  murder  of  the  Emancipator. 
Fortunately  for  the  unsullied  robe  of  Columbia,  a  hun- 
dred advocates  of  leaving  retribution  to  Heaven  echoed 
Garfield's  appeasing  address. 

Lincoln  met  the  intermediator,  but  the  ultimate  nego- 
tiation fell  through,  like  the  others  all.  He  came  home 
from  City  Point  with  sadness,  but  from  his  seed  has  out- 
come the  Universal  Peace  Tribunal  of  The  Hague.  Pro- 
fessor Martens  based  his  original  plea  of  the  czar's  on 
the  Lincolnian  guide  for  the  soldiers  in  our  war. 


THE  POISONING  PLOT. 

A  servant  at  the  White  House  testifies  that  he  was 
approached  by  emissaries  who  offered  him  a  sum  almost 
preposterously  large  to  put  a  powder  in  the  milk  for  the 
Lincoln  family's  table.  The  agents  knew  that  they 
were  temperance  followers,  milk  being  as  common  as 
wine  at  previous  tenants'  table.  This  was  laughed  at 
before  the  shadow  of  Booth's  patricide  was  cast  ahead. 
But  the  Reverend  Henry  Ward  Beecher  publicly  de- 
clares— and  he  was  in  the  state  secrets  as  deeply  as  any 
layman — that  President-General  Harrison,  "Tippecanoe," 
was  poisoned  that  Tyler  might  fulfil  the  plan  to  annex 
Texas  as  a  slave  State.  "With  even  stronger  convictions 
is  it  affirmed  that  President-General  Taylor  was  poisoned, 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  313 

that  a  less  stern  successor  might  give  a  suppler  instru- 
ment to  manage.  Who  doubts  now  that  it  was  attempted 
Breckenridge  in  his  room?" 


NOTHING  LIKE  GETTING  USED  TO  THINGS! 

The  more  evident  it  grew  that  the  President,  at  whom 
the  stupid  jeers  persisted  through  incurable  density  of 
his  enemies,  was  the  vital  motor  of  the  Union  cause,  than 
threats  of  violently  removing  him  were  continually  sent 
him.  So  many  such  letters  accumulated  that  he  grimly 
packeted  them  together  and  labeled  the  mass:  "Assas- 
sination Papers."  It  was  a  Damoclesian  dagger  of  which 
he  spoke  lightly,  because  fear  of  death  never  awed  him. 
When  a  man  walks  in  the  manifest  path  traced  out  for 
him  by  Heaven,  he  does  not  tremble.  But  friends,  more 
concerned  by  the  strain  in  watching  over  his  safety,  ex- 
pressing surprise  at  his  indifference,  he  tried  to  reassure 
them: 

"Oh,  there  is  nothing  like  getting  used  to  things  1" 


MOST  AFRAID  OF  A  FRIENDLY  SHOT. 

General  Wadsworth,  in  his  anxiety  about  the  Presi- 
dent's safety  in  Washington,  swarming  with  insurgent 
agents,  set  a  cavalry  guard  over  the  President's  carriage. 
He  went  and  complained  to  General  Halleck,  in  charge 
of  the  capital,  saying  only  partly  facetiously: 

"Why,  Mrs.  Lincoln  and  I  cannot  hear  ourselves  talk 


314  The  Lincoln  Story  Book. 

for  the  clatter  of  their  sabers  and  spurs ;  and  some  of 
them  appear  to  be  new  hands  and  very  awkward,  so  that 
I  am  more  afraid  of  being  shot  by  the  accidental  dis- 
charge of  a  carbine  or  revolver  than  of  any  attempt  upon 
my  life  by  a  roving  squad  of  'Jeb'  Stuart's  cavalry." 

(Since  Stuart  came  twenty  miles   within  the   Union 
lines,  he  was  the  criterion  of  rebel  raiders'  possibilities.) 


THE  ONE  WORD  HE  HAD  LEARNED. 

A  tale-bearer  came  to  the  President  with  a  plot  against 
him  and  the  government,  which  was  a  cock-and-bull 
without  any  adherence,  and  all  superficial.  Lincoln 
heard  him  out,  but  then  sharply  returned: 

"There  is  one  thing  that  I  have  learned,  and  that  you 
have  not.  It  is  only  one  word :  'Thorough  !'  "  Then 
bringing  his  huge  hand  down  on  the  table-desk,  to  em- 
phasize his  meaning,  he  repeated :  "Thorough !" 


NOT  TO  DISAPPOINT  THE  PEOPLE. 
The  strictly  religious  went  so  far  as  to  call  the  Lin- 
coln assassination  a  judgment (!),  as  it  happened  in  a 
playhouse  on  a  Good  Friday !  It  appears  that  the  Presi- 
dent had  compunctions,  and  at  the  last  moment  was  dis- 
inclined to  go,  though  a  party  had  been  made  up  to 
oblige  a  young  espoused  couple ;  but  General  Grant,  who 
was  to  be  a  feature  of  the  commanded  performance,  was 
called  away — no  doubt  escaping  the  knife  the  murderer 


The  Lincoln  Story  Book.  315 

had  in  reserve  to  his  pistol.  The  President  said  that 
he  must  go,  not  to  disappoint  the  people  on  this  gala 
night,  as  the  rejoicing  was  wide  over  the  dissolution  of 
the  Confederacy. 


NOTHING  LIKE  PRAYER— BUT  PRAISE. 

In  1862,  the  President  suffered  "an  affliction  harder  to 
bear  than  the  war!"  His  son  Willie  (William,  next  to 
one  that  died  in  infancy)  was  carried  off  by  typhoid 
fever,  under  the  presidential  roof;  and  another,  "Tad," 
(Thomas,  who  actually  lived  to  be  twenty  and  passed 
away  in  Illinois)  was  given  up  by  the  physicians.  At 
this  crisis  Miss  Dix,  daughter  of  the  general  famous  for 
his  order :  "If  any  one  offers  to  pull  down  the  American 
flag,  shoot  him  on  the  spot,"  recommended  an  army 
nurse,  Mrs.  Rebecca  R.  Pomeroy.  She  was  a  born  suc- 
corer,  pious  and  fortifying.  She  came  reluctantly  to  the 
important  errand,  as  she  had  to  leave  a  wardful  of 
wounded  soldiers.  She  had  lost  many  of  her  family,  and 
was  able  to  comfort  from  gaging  the  affectionate 
father's  grief.  She  led  him  to  pray  in  his  double  racking 
of  bad  war  news  and  the  domestic  distress. 

On  next  seeing  him  and  that  he  was  less  grieved,  for 
news  of  the  Fort  Donaldson  surrender  to  General  Grant 
arrived  in  the  meantime,  she  hastened  to  say: 

"There  is  nothing^like  prayer,  Mr.  President!" 

"Yes,  there  is:  Praise!  Prayer  and  praise  must  go 
together !" 

THE   END. 


YOUR  FORTUNE  TOLD 

*  UNDER  YOUR  A 
LUCKY  STAR  * 


Explaining  characteristics,  tendencies,  and  possibilities;  choice  of  part- 
ners and  employees;  suggestions  on  marriage,  and  government  of  children. 

By  CHARLOTTE  ABELL  WALKER 

THIS  is  a  new  book  on  a  very  ancient  subject.  Its  purpose  is 
not  to  foster  superstitious  ideas,  but  to  give  real  help  to  those 
who  seek  to  unravel  the  mysteries  of  life.  No  such  direct  and 
practical  exposition  of  the  influence  of  planetary  forces  on  human  life 
has  heretofore  been  given.  The  most  striking  feature  of  the  book  is 
the  practical,  sensible  way  with  which  it  deals  with  a  subject  which 
has  usually  been  enveloped  in  obscure  language  and  strange  sym- 
bols. It  is  designed  to  meet  the  imperious  need  of  the  present  age 
which  demands  to  know  the  "why  and  wherefore"  of  everything, 
and  to  throw  a  flood  of  light  on  the  nature  and  destiny  of  each 
individual. 

The  title  of  the  book  is  somewhat  misleading,  for  to  be  born  under 
a  lucky  star,  according  to  this  writer,  does  not  mean  that  some  are 
predestined  to  a  life  of  fortune  or  misfortune,  but  that  a  star  is  lucky 
or  unlucky  according  to  one's  ability  to  control  its  good  or  evil 
influence. 

The  subject  of  affinities  and  marriage  is  handled  rather  warily,  and 
the  element  of  love  in  the  choice  of  life-partners  is  not  considered  of 
so  much  importance  as  the  mutual  understanding  and  blending  of 
individual  characteristics. 

Individual  liberty,  vocation  and  the  government  of  children  are  the 
central  ideas  on  which  all  the  others  seem  to  revolve. 

To  tell  what  occupation  to  adopt,  and  what  line  of  life  to  follow, 
what  associates  and  partners  to  choose,  how  to  recognize  the  pos- 
sibilities and  limitations  of  our  friends  and  ourselves,  is  the  purpose 
of  this  book. 

•  UNDER  A  LUCKY  STAR  should  be  in  the  hands  of  every  progressive  teacher  or 
parent  who  is  fully  alive  to  the  responsibility  entailed  upon  those  who  have  under- 
taken the  mental  and  moral  guidance  of  the  young;  it  will  help  the  business  man  in 
his  choice  of  employees,  and  to  fit  the  work  to  the  worker.  Blank  pages  are  provided 
on  which  the  names  of  relatives  and  friends  may  be  enrolled  by  those  who  wish  to 
study  and  compare  by  personal  observation  the  truth  of  this  ancient  wisdom.  The 
names  of  many  successful  men  have  been  placed  under  their  appropriate  signs,  and 
those  who  regard  planetary  influence  as  _  something  to  be  sneered  at,  may  find  some 
amusement  in  ascertaining  how  nearly  right  the  author  comes  to  fitting  the  charac- 
teristics to  the  man,  or  the  man  is  fitted  to  the  characteristics. 

12mo.      Contains  over  200  pages.      Bound  in  Cloth.      50  cents  net 

G.  W.   DILLINGHAM   COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS  NEW  YORK 


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